


Freshman and Senior

by Lalinka



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bottom Sam, Bullying, Dean Winchester in Denial, First Time, Fluff, Getting high, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Dean Winchester, Jealous Sam Winchester, Little Bit of Everything, M/M, Marijuana, Possessive Sam Winchester, Smut, Top Dean, past emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-28
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 20:32:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 87,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/983293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalinka/pseuds/Lalinka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam Campbell arrives to Stanford college, but thanks to a mistake in administration, he is put in one room with a senior, a popular and notorious party-boy, Dean Winchester. Dean despises having a freshman as a roommate, but there is something about Sam, that he just can't ignore. They start to fool around when Dean becomes Sam's guide in gay sex and loving, but then Dean's past comes back to bite him and Sam will have to find a way to help his friend and win his heart. Which may be a bigger challenge than he expected. Can Sam break through the walls protecting Dean? Will he even like what he finds?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I posted anything, so I've decided to try a multichapter College-AU to keep me busy. I hope you'll like it :) Let me know what you think!  
> Special thanks to my friend Tracey, who volunteered to do the beta work.

Sam stood in the dorm in front of his new room. He'd gotten accepted to college at the very last minute, because the guy who'd gotten the scholarship first, decided not to go and Sam was second on their list. Why would anyone decline a full ride at the Stanford University, Sam had no idea. When he'd been given the offer, he didn't hesitate for a second.

He would miss his parents, but he was more than happy to get out of Lawrence. His high school had been Hell. Sam was smart, smarter than all of his classmates and they never passed the opportunity to rub his nose in it. He remembered the fear of walking down the hall for his next class and the skipping lunches only too well. And it hadn't gotten worse only because Sam wisely chose not to come out and admit he was gay. His classmates figured, his lack of girlfriends was a result of his rather unpopular social status, and frankly, Sam didn't have the time for that anyway.

He was hoping with his heart that college would be different. He knew he wouldn't be overly popular, because he wouldn't be wasting his time on parties instead of studying, but if everybody just left him in peace, it would be enough.

He took a deep breath and knocked. There was no answer and he couldn't help but feel a little relieved.

In the haste of his acceptance, the information about his arrival somewhat got lost, the dorm room he was supposed to get instead of the other guy was taken and he spent a couple long hours sitting on his luggage in the dean’s office, waiting to get a room.

To make matters even worse, his roommate was a senior and not even from the same major. While Sam's major was law, this guy - Winchester was his name? - was studying to be a journalist. Sam wasn't getting his hopes up, a senior happy to share a room with a freshman was about as common as unicorns.

Sam used his own key to get inside. He looked around his room.  _His_  room. He liked the sound of that. The door was somewhat separating the room in two identical halves. On both sides, there was a simple bed by the wall, a nightstand, two shelves and a small closet. On the opposite side from the door was a window and by that two desks. Both covered in Senior's (as Sam called his roommate in his mind) stuff. Behind the Senior's wall was a small bathroom, too.

Sam sighed, when he noticed the state the room was in. Apparently, nobody warned his roommate about his arrival.

Senior had obviously already unpacked at least half of his bags, if you call throwing your clothes around the room unpacking. Sam's bed was turned into a changing room, judging by the various shirts and jeans on it. When he opened his closet, he found all kinds of shoes, including in-line skates, and the rest of the space was filled with paper boxes with God knows what. Sure enough, after an inspection of the bathroom, he found the shelves hopelessly filled, as well.

Sam dragged his bags through the door and made his way to his bed. He carefully folded each piece of clothing and laid them down on Senior's pillow. He ran a hand through his hair. He seriously didn't want to start off with a fight, but he needed his roommate to give Sam his half of the room back. Or at least a quarter.

The door opened and when Sam turned around, there was a guy, a few years older and about the same high as him. He gaped at him for a moment and then slammed the door behind him.

"Who the fuck are you?" he yelled angrily. "And what are you doing in my room?"

Sam flinched and instinctively took a step back.

"I guess they didn't tell you," he said with a nervous smile. "I'm your new roommate. There was a problem with my room, so they put me here. I'm Sam," he held out his hand.

"You touched my things," said Senior, completely ignoring the offered hand.

"Y-yeah I, I mean, it was on my bed and I-," Sam stuttered, his self-consciousness making him afraid of what would come next.

He just wanted his roommate to not hate him. Somewhere deep inside his heart, he was even hoping they would become friends. But that was off the table now. Sam must have the worst people skills ever.

"Don't ever touch my stuff again," Senior hissed as he moved closer to Sam. He was a few inches shorter, yet he managed to look more intimidating.

"I'm sorry," Sam mumbled quietly as he bowed his head.

What a great start of what was supposed to be the best years of his life.

"A freshman," Senior scowled. "They put a fucking freshman in my room. What did I do to anyone?"

And with that, he disappeared in the bathroom. Not too long after that, Sam heard the shower start running.

He fished out a book out of his backpack and sat down on the bed, which seemed like the only place he'd been allowed to use. He stared at the page, but wasn't really reading it. He was going over the last couple of minutes to figure out what had he done wrong.

It was completely unfair! It was not Sam's fault they messed up his admission and it wasn't like he requested to be put in the room with this guy. And Sam had a right to get rid of his clothes on his bed. Plus he folded them and returned in even better shape than they were before.

Senior emerged from the bathroom in a towel and though Sam did not even look his way, he was hyperaware of his every move. He pulled his knees to his chin and slouched to take up as little space as possible. He was tall and that usually brought unwanted attention. He had enough sanity to turn the pages in his book to pretend to be reading.

When his roommate finished changing and styling his hair in front of a mirror on his closet door, he made his way to Sam's bed and hovered there for a minute.

Sam's hands started trembling slightly and he was worrying his lower lip between his teeth. He didn't know what to expect. Another outburst? A blow in the face? Maybe he'd laugh at his clothes or the book he was pretending to be reading. The nerves were killing him.

"Hey," a hand dropped on his shoulder. The smell of Senior's aftershave washed over Sam. He smelled good. "Sam, was it?"

Sam blinked up at him, the surprise taking away the ability to speak from him, so he just nodded.

"I think we started off on the wrong foot," Senior smiled and held out his hand toward Sam. "Name's Dean," he shook it, when Sam took his hand. "Sorry about earlier, I wasn't mad at you, I was just mad. They told me I'd have the room all to myself and no offence, but you are a freshman."

"It's not like I asked to live with a senior," Sam muttered.

"Now you hurt my feelings," Dean smirked. "Anyway, I'm going out tonight, a friend from my class is throwing this welcome party. So make yourself at home," he winked at Sam.

As the senior - Dean - was gathering his stuff and making last adjustments in front of his mirror, Sam had the chance to take a better look at him.

Dean was quite good-looking with his muscular body, tanned skin and golden crown of short-cropped hair. Those were the things that made him look manly. But then there were his lips, freckles, and especially his impossibly green eyes that couldn't be described as anything else but pretty. Not that Sam would ever say this out loud.

He looked up to see Dean's reflection smirking down at him. Sam blushed heavily and ducked his head quickly, embarrassed over getting caught staring.

"I know, what you're thinking about," Dean said.

"You do?" Sam asked, praying to God that Dean didn't.

"You want me to ask you to come," Dean continued. "Sorry buddy, it's a Senior and Junior's party only."

Sam let out a deep breath.

"Too bad, then," he said. Like he cared about any parties.

When Dean was finally satisfied with his I just spent two hours trying to look like I don't care at all hair, he grabbed his cell, wallet and keys and headed out of the door.

Sam sighed and shook his head. Well, this could have gone much worse, he figured. He fished out his toiletries from his bag and went to take a shower himself.

He was very surprised to find one shelf cleared off Dean's stuff. Sure, there were still two shelves, a sink and a shower covered in things that belonged to the senior, but it was still a nice gesture. Sam had to smile to himself. Maybe this whole thing started off badly, so it could improve in time.

He took a shower, brushed his teeth and lay back down on his bed to read for a bit. It was close to midnight, when his eyes started to close on their own will. He turned his bedside lamp off and closed his eyes. Dean was still gone, when sleep finally overtook him.

\- - -

Sam's alarm clock went off at 7 AM. He turned it off and padded into the bathroom, careful not to wake Dean who was sleeping face down on his bed in the same clothes he wore, when he went out yesterday.

When he finished with the morning bathroom procedures, he walked back to his bags to find something decent to wear. He and the other freshmen were supposed to meet with the director, deputy and their counsellor in the University's main hall at 8:30. Sam was worried he might oversleep, so he set his alarm for a bit earlier.

"What the fuck are you doing awake?" he heard the muffled muttering from his roommate's bed.

Sam scowled. Dean was probably a light sleeper and definitely not a morning person. Waking him up definitively didn’t help Sam score any points with him.

"It's my first day, don't wanna be late," he answered.

"It's early," Dean whined. "I swear, wake me up like this one more time, and I'll make your life a living hell," he promised.

The whole time he was talking, he never opened his eyes. Now, he just turned his head away and started snoring softly almost immediately.

Yeah, Senior definitely wasn't a morning person. He probably wouldn't even remember their conversation once he'd truly woken up, but Sam knew better than to take such threats lightly. He would be more careful and quiet next time.

The meeting went just as he expected. People who lived together in the dorm or had their rooms close to each other were already on their way to become friends. The pretty girls were flirting with the hot boys and the rest of the students was just yawning and looking generally annoyed. It felt too much like High school for Sam’s liking, but at least nobody paid him any attention.

When they finished the tour around the Campus, they were handed out their timetables along with the list of required literature. The counsellor told Sam that since he had the full scholarship, he wasn’t obligated to pay. She said it loud enough for the students around them to hear and Sam saw the Nerd, Trash and Beggar written all over their faces. He quickly looked down and didn’t dare to look at either of his classmates.

The meeting was finally dismissed and everyone started to disappear into their rooms in small groups. Sam’s room was the only one in a different building than everyone else’s and he was the only one to leave alone, too. He wasn’t sure if he was even bothered by it.

There was no sign of Dean, when he returned to the room. The clothes he went out and then slept in laid discarded on the bathroom floor and his unmade bed was covered in shirts and jeans again. This guy was such a girl when it came to getting dressed, Sam chuckled.

Carefully, he picked up Dean’s clothes from the bathroom, and folded it on his pillow, again. He didn’t even know why. He remembered that Dean told him not to touch his stuff, but he believed he’d be much happier this way, than have Sam step on his clothes while taking a piss.

He took a shower and sighed, when he went through his bag to find something to wear. He could really use his closet, but he didn’t want to annoy Dean any more than necessary. Their peace was fragile enough as it was.

He glanced at his closet and was surprised to find it opened and – empty.

Slowly, he walked over and peeked inside. He blinked to be sure, but this wasn’t a trick. Dean really cleared out his closet. Without Sam even asking for it.

Quickly, Sam unpacked what clothes and shoes he brought with him and put it in his closet, so that Dean couldn’t come back and change his mind. Even his desk was free of Dean’s stuff. Maybe his roommate wasn’t such an asshole after all.

-xXx-

Dean was really pissed at whoever decided it would be fun to put a freshman in his dorm room. He felt like it was a violation of his rights as a senior and also disrespectful to the memory of Ash, his previous roommate. Granted, the school probably didn’t have a reason to honour his memory, since they were the ones who kicked him out, but still. It shouldn’t be this easy to replace him. With a fucking freshman, no less.

He hated Sam the first second he saw him and he intended for it to stay that way, but when he saw the way the kid just took blame for every shit Dean threw at him and then sort of just crumpled on himself, he felt bad about it. He decided to file a complaint and ask for a new room just for himself or something. He wrote Ash a complaining text too, but it was just like the bastard not to answer him.

His new roommate was strange. And that, coming from someone whose roommate used to be Ash, meant something. Sam never demanded things from Dean, like to clean after himself, to leave his stuff in his side of the room, to be quiet, when Sam was reading, nothing. And whenever Dean out of the goodness of his heart decided to give Sam some room that was supposed to be his anyway, all he got in return were quiet thanks and shy smiles. The guy hardly ever even met his eyes.

He actually reminded Dean of his own freshman self, when he was insecure, shy and nervous. But Dean was lucky to be put in one room together with Ash. Even though at first, it seemed more like a curse.

Ash was weird. Like super weird. So weird it would be crazy if it wasn’t so awesome, as it turned out. He dragged Dean into the madness that was college life and Dean would never thank him enough. He missed his stupid jokes, gross food manners and the ever-present humming of his laptop. But Ash didn’t even seem upset about being kicked out. He was more likely to become a person the journalists write about than a journalist himself. He had already had a job offer in some pc company, before he even packed his bags. And Dean was happy for him, but it still sucked. If it wasn’t for Ash, Dean might have become just as awkward and anti-social as his current roommate.

But if he had to be perfectly honest with himself, he’d admit, that the thing that was pissing him off the most about this was that he didn’t have an empty room where he could take the girls and occasional boys. He already bragged to his friends about how it was going to rock this year and now it was ruined.

Not like he suddenly stopped enjoying the wild life, but it really sucked to ask the girls if their room was available. And not that many guys had a roommate happy with two men going at it in theirs. Gays and bisexuals had to be careful. When you were popular enough, people just didn’t talk about it. If you weren’t that popular, you just had to make sure that nobody knew.

He figured he’d give it a week or two until the kid came around and started hanging out and partying. Maybe they could take turns in taking the girls in. Or they could share. He was sure it had to suck to live in another building than all of his classmates, because looking at his books, the guy was definitely aspiring to be the next Perry Mason and lawyers were in the building next door. Posh, stock bunch of people, who thought they were better than the rest of them. One more reason not to like Sam.

\---

A month went by and the freaking freshman didn’t start going anywhere. Actually, it seemed more like he spent every freaking second that he wasn’t in class sitting on his bed and either reading or studying.

It was driving Dean mad. After a month of quickies in the bathroom and sneaking around the dorm, he decided he’d had enough. When the last girl he had sex with laughed and asked him if he needed a room, he knew he had to do something before he turned into a public joke.

"Hey Sam," he said to his roommate, who was sitting on his bed and reading. "I'm heading out."

"Okay," Sam said without raising his eyes.

"And I'll be back later," he tried going for subtle.

"Okay?" the kid blinked at his reflection in the mirror.

"And I'm not going to be alone. The whole night," Dean sighed. Subtle obviously wasn't going to work.

"Okay," Sam nodded and returned his attention to his book.

"Okay?" Dean repeated incredulously and turned around. "That's all you have to say?"

His roommate jumped slightly at the tone of his voice.

"N-no, I-," he stuttered. "Have fun?"

It was almost a question, like he was trying to find out what Dean wanted from him and Dean would have felt sorry for him if he wasn't so damn mad at him.

He just rolled his eyes and slammed the door behind himself. He needed a drink and fast. His fucking idiot of a roommate was really getting on his nerves. It was some twisted game of fate that he, Dean Winchester of all people, had to end up with the biggest dork in the world. The kid better be gone, when he came back tonight.

\---

It was a great party. Dean's head was pleasantly buzzing on the verge of drunkenness and he was ready to take the chick on his arm to his room. He leaned to her and whispered in her ear if she wanted to make the party a little more private.

She was already drunk, so she just giggled and nodded.

"Just let me say bye to my friends," he winked at her and joined his buddies Jim and Ben.

"There you are, Chester!" Jim slapped him on the back. "Haven't seen you all night, been stuck in the bathroom again?" he mocked.

"Shut up and look at the hottie by the door. Guess who's taking her home tonight?" Dean grinned.

"You sure your roommate won't mind?" Ben laughed, but eyed Dean's soon-to-be conquer with an obvious envy.

"Don't care no more," Dean shrugged. "I warned him. You better hook up too, I don't wanna be the only one bragging tomorrow...again." Dean dodged the punch in his shoulder Jim tried to give him and walked back to Melinda...Melissa...whatever her name was.

He took her hand and led her through the corridors, stopping only for occasional make out sessions. She was hot with her tanned skin, slim waist and long, dark hair that spilled over her shoulders. She might have had a bigger ass and a little too much make up on, but Dean wasn't that picky. Besides, it wasn't like she was going to be there the morning after.

When they reached his door, she leaned in to kiss him and wrapped her arms around his lower back. Dean did the same and slid his hands down to give a squeeze her ass, barely covered in the tiny shorts she wore, just as he felt her hand go inside his back pocket and fish out the key to his room.

"Oops," she blinked up at him innocently with her chestnut-like eyes as she let the key fall inside her cleavage.

Dean grinned at her mischievously, before he dipped his head down. She was playful. He liked games.

He nuzzled her neck, while he snuck his hands under her top to feel the soft, smooth skin under it. Then he lowered his head even lower, pushing his nose between her breasts, only to straighten back up victoriously, holding the key by its chain between his teeth.

"Treasure hunter," she giggled.

Dean unlocked the door to the dark room, then he pulled Mathylda...Marica...or something close and rolled his hips into hers.

"And the most precious treasure I found, is you," he whispered into her ear. Girls seemed to like hearing stuff like that.

She blushed and Dean had to admit, it made her even more attractive. He walked backwards through the door, pulling her with him. He felt for the switch and turned the lights on.

All the colour from her face was suddenly gone and she grasped his arm almost painfully.

"There-there's someone in the bed,'" she pointed with a shaky finger in the direction her eyes were looking.

Dean looked the way and sure enough, there was Sam, sleeping peacefully in his bed. Anger boiled inside Dean and it was all he could do not to wake his roommate up with a punch in the face.

What the fuck was Sam's problem, anyway? Dean had told him he was going to have a company over. Hell, the kid even seemed to understand it. Was a little time and space for Dean's social life too much to ask? After all, he went out of his way to give the guy as much room as he could need.

But if Sam wanted to be an asshole, then so would Dean.

"That's my roommate," he grinned at Melanie, or was it Mandy? "He's a little kinky," he whispered, as though he was sharing a secret."He likes to listen. Don't pay him any attention, he won't bother us."

She pursed her lips as she was contemplating the idea and Dean prayed that she was drunk enough to go for it.

"Okay," she said finally. "But turn off the lights. I don't want him to watch."

"Sure thing, baby," Dean let out an audible breath and switched the lights back off.

He pulled the girl closer and pressed her against the wall, sneaking his hands under her top, feeling the smooth, flat belly.

They lost most of their clothes on their way to the bed and fell down on it only in their underwear.

She crawled on the top of him and trailed teasingly light kisses down his throat. Dean was suddenly irritated by the teasing, even though just moments ago he was looking forward to it. But Sam's presence just ruined the mood for him.

He ran his hands up the girl's sides and stopped on her back to unhook her bra. No, he won't let some freshman spoil this for him. No way.

He threw Monica's bra away and drew her head down to kiss her mouth, exploring it with his tongue, while playing with her breasts. He preferred dick to vagina to be honest, but he loved boobs. If he were a girl, he'd never stop touching them.

She did a thing with her teeth, when she scraped them along his tongue gently, before letting go of his mouth and it sent shivers down Dean's spine. He quickly sucked one of her nipples in his mouth to prevent himself from moaning, because that would have been embarrassing.

She moaned loudly as he lavished one of her nipples with his tongue, while using his fingers on the other. She pressed her ass down on Dean's groin, causing him to groan.

"Okay," she laughed softly. "I'm in the bed with the mighty Dean Winchester," she said as she hooked her fingers under the waistband of Dean's boxers. "Let's see what the fuss is all about."

She pulled his boxers down and hummed appraisingly.

"Mighty enough for you?" Dean raised his eyebrow.

She licked along his shaft, causing it to harden and swell even more. Dean's hips tried to buck upward, but her weight was enough to keep him grounded.

"Jesus, Mary," Dean threw his head back.

"Mariah," she corrected him, but she didn't sound overly concerned.

"Yeah, right, sorry," Dean grinned sheepishly.

“Do you think,” she murmured against his skin as she left a wet trail on her way up his stomach, “that we could skip the blowjob?” She was lying atop him now and he let his hands roam around her body freely as he angled his head to suck on her neck. “Can’t you tell how hot and wet I am for you?” She whined, took one of his hands and guided it down to her crotch. Dean felt her through her panties. They were soaked.

Dean kissed her fiercely, trying to focus solely on the kiss, because his cock was really aching now.

“I can’t wait to ride the mighty dick of yours,” Mariah whispered against his mouth, when they broke off and he had to bite on his bottom lip, hard. She was  _good_.

“There’s a condom in my nightstand,” he panted.

She reached for it, pulled it on Dean’s cock and guided him inside her. She moaned loudly at the feeling, and then she grinned sort of impishly, right before she started to ride him.

Dean kept bucking his hips up to meet her halfway, sliding in and out of her tight wetness, feeling the orgasm build in his gut.

She was screaming his name on the top of her lungs as she neared her own orgasm and Dean was groaning with pleasure. At one point, he looked to the other bed. Sam didn’t seem to move an inch. Dean was positive that what he and Mariah were doing would have woken up a Sleeping beauty, let alone a stupid freshman. So maybe he wasn’t all that wrong about his kink.

He didn’t have much time to process that train of thoughts though, because his body arched off the bed as he came, shooting his load to the condom inside the girl that was riding him. He tried not to dwell too much on the fact, that he’d just came thinking of a certain tall and shaggy haired guy.

She kept her pace, milking him off and chasing her own orgasm. When she finally came with a scream so loud, it actually made Dean’s ears ring, she stood up, rolled the condom off Dean and asked him, where the trash bin was.

“You can throw it away in the bathroom. Under the sink,” Dean said and yawned.

“You mind if I take a shower too?” she asked him.

“Sure, go ahead.”

As he heard the shower start running, he thought about the night. Mariah was definitely a good lay; he just hoped she wouldn’t get too clingy. God knew he’d had enough of those. He didn’t like being a heartbreaker. That was, why he always chose to sleep only with the people that figured that it would be just a one-night-stand for Dean.

He made sure with Mariah too, but then again, she was drunk.

By the time the shower stopped running, he was drifting to sleep.

“Hey,” Mariah shook his shoulder a little. “I’m going.”

“Mmkay.”

“Just wanted to say thanks for the night. Maybe we can repeat it sometime? There are a lot of parties, I’m sure we’ll meet at one.”

“Sure,” Dean smiled at her when she bent down to kiss his cheek. He was  _definitely_  hooking up with this girl again.

“Maybe next time, you’ll do all the work,” she grinned.

Scratch that, he was never going to see her again.

She tossed a wink over her shoulder and then she was gone. Dean rolled on his side, contemplating calling Sam on his act, but before he made up his mind, he was asleep.

-xXx-

Things were going fine, or so Sam thought. After the first night Dean brought a girl back to their room, he was worried things might get a little awkward, but his roommate seemed to buy his faked sleeping. The only downside of this for Sam was that now he had to deal with Dean bringing girls over at least three nights a week.

But really, what was he supposed to do? Go out? Where? He didn’t know anyone in this building and honestly, he didn’t really know his classmates either. He wasn’t invited to any parties, hell, he didn’t even have friends. The only time people actually talked to him was when there was a group assignment involved. Then he would suddenly become everyone’s best friend, because they all expected him to do most if not all the work. And he always did, because he didn’t need any more people hating him.

It was bad enough that Gary Huffman, the rich and spoiled son of a famous law-office director, decided that he didn’t like Sam and felt obligated to let him know all the time.

“Watch your step, Campbell,” Gary laughed as he shoved Sam out of his way, causing him to drop everything he’d been carrying.

From his high-school experience, Sam knew that it was best to just not say anything, gather his things and get out of Gary’s sight as fast as possible. At least Gary and his loyal companions were the only ones giving him a hard time, the rest of the students didn’t seem to care. And if that was something positive for him, it only showed how miserable Sam’s life was.

He made his way to the classroom, where his next class was and sat down to the front row.

“Put the papers that were due today on my desk, please,” said the professor, when the class started.

There were some sounds of protest and a few horrified gasps “Was it really due  _today_?” Sam was going through the pile of things he’d been carrying earlier, because the homework was there, somewhere. Except it wasn’t. He went through his backpack, too, but he couldn’t find it anywhere.

So he had to add his name to the list of people, who claimed to have forgotten their papers in their room.

Professor Green just shook his head and let out a disappointed sigh. Sam ducked his head down and felt his ears burn with shame. It didn’t help that Gary and his stupid friends were pointing at him and laughing.

Everyone was given the chance to deliver their papers until 5 PM to professor Green’s office. Sam all but ran to his dorm room, partly to find his paper and partly to escape Gary’s wannabe funny comments.

He was already used to finding his room empty, no matter the time he walked in. He had no idea of his roommate’s schedule, but he was sure that even if he didn’t have class, he’d be probably spending his time with his friends. Because unlike Sam, everyone had friends. And Dean had more than plenty. Not that Sam was jealous, not at all. No, he wasn’t. Okay, maybe a little. So what.

The only logical place for his homework to be was his desk. But when he didn’t find it there, Sam searched everywhere. Twice, for good measure. There was only one good explanation. Gary fucking Huffman.

Sam’s fists clenched at his sides and he forced back the tears of the unfairness of this situation back. He must have lost the paper, when Gary made him drop his things. Or maybe Gary even took it himself.

He sat dejectedly down and put a blank sheet of paper on his desk. He had about three hours to re-do the paper he spent two good evenings working on. He sighed and looked over to his roommate’s bed. At times like these, he wished that Dean were his friend. Nobody would dare to push Dean Winchester’s friend around.

Right at that moment their phone beeped. It was connected to the other rooms and to the administrator of the dorm rooms. Sam never had a reason to use it and neither did he see Dean using it, but before he decided whether to pick up or not, it had already gone into voicemail.

“Dear Mr. Winchester, this is the administrator’s office. We have to deny your request to be moved into a different room. There are no rooms available at this moment. Have a nice day,” and with a final beep the message ended.

Sam just stared at the phone. He frantically searched his mind to find what had he done so wrong, that Dean couldn’t stand it to be in one room with him anymore. Apparently, Sam was some kind of a human repellent that chased everyone away. There was no other explanation since he hadn’t done anything to offend his senior roommate, not that he could remember at least.

He heard the door open and almost kicked the chair down as he jumped at the sound. He raised his eyes to meet Dean’s and his roommate smiled at him.

“Hey, I didn’t think you’d be here,” he sounded honestly surprised.

“Well, it’s my room too, you know,” Sam hissed through gritted teeth and bowed his head down again.

“Yeah, how could I forget that,” Dean sighed.

Sam was so pissed and hurt at the same time that he was sure he’d start crying if he didn’t get out in like five seconds.

“You’ve got a message,” he muttered, grabbed his notepad and pencil case and brushed past Dean. He’d do the homework in the library.

-xXx-

When the class was finally over, Dean stood up, stretched his back and yawned. His back popped as his spine went back to its place. He gathered his bag and started moving toward his room.

“Hey, Chester!” he heard Jim yelling at him, so he turned around to see his friend with some chick Dean had never seen before. At least he hoped he hadn’t. That would have been awkward. “Don’t forget about the party tonight! It’s going to be huge!”

“I’ll be there,” Dean waved his friend off tiredly.

According to Jim,  _every_  party was huge and couldn’t be missed. Dean wasn’t one to stay at home, when he didn’t have to, but it was going to be third night in a row without much or even any sleep and it started to wear him out. So he decided to skip his last class, the professor only talked about The Times anyway, and take a nice nap, before going to the party.

As he neared his door, he thought of Sam. He wasn’t sure if he wanted the kid to be there right now. Even though Dean planned to sleep, he didn’t like the silence that was between them, whenever they both ended up in the room together. Those times were, when he missed Ash the most.

At first, he was pissed at the freshman for staying in the room, even though Dean had made it clear he wanted the room for himself (and the girls of course). But the more it happened, the less angry Dean was and the more he pitied the kid. Nobody in their right mind would put up with such crap from their roommate if they had a choice. They would either tell them to bring their girls elsewhere and fight about it, or they would start going out. Sam did neither.

Dean started to think that maybe the kid never went out simply because he didn’t have anywhere to go. Or anyone to go with. And as much as Dean despised to be anyone’s babysitter, Sam was still his roommate and maybe Dean could help him out instead of ignoring him.

But that could wait until tomorrow. Right now, Dean needed his beauty sleep and Sam was probably in class anyway.

He wasn’t all that surprised to find Sam in their room, when he opened the door, though. What did surprise him was how the kid almost jumped out of his skin, when he heard him coming.

“Hey, I didn’t think you’d be here,” Dean said instead of greeting, so he smiled to make it sound friendlier.

“Well, it’s my room too, you know,” the kid said with his head bowed down again and Dean felt like a complete asshole.

“Yeah, how could I forget that,” he sighed.

 “You’ve got a message,” Sam muttered and then he was gone. Dean could have sworn he’d seen tears in his eyes.

Dean blinked a few times and then noticed the red blinking control on the room’s phone. When he listened to the message, he understood what had upset his roommate so much and if possible, he felt even worse.

He completely forgot he’d ever asked for a different room, it must have been like a month ago, when he’d just found that he had a roommate. Fuck the administrator for just answering now, anyway.

Well, when Sam came back, he would explain to him that it was never about him, Dean thought as he plopped down on his bed. Even as sleep pulled him under, he was thinking about the miserable look on his roommate’s face, right before he took off.

\---

He was still blissfully sleeping, when he heard rough voices yelling, “Wake up, Dean!” and “You fucking moron, you’re sleeping!”

Very carefully, he opened one eye to see Ben’s face right in front of his.

“He’s alive!” Ben yelled a little too loudly.

“What are you fuckers doing in my room?” he asked his friends, when he noticed a bunch of them standing around his bed.

“The party, dude?” Jim looked at him as though he was completely retarded. “If we hadn’t come to rescue you, sleeping beauty, you’d sleep right through it.”

“Well maybe I wanted to sleep,” Dean huffed, but got out of his bed anyway.

“You can sleep when you’re dead,” Jim retorted.

As quickly as possible, Dean changed into something not sleep-crumpled and kicked his friends out before following them suit. He noticed that it was almost 9 PM and Sam wasn’t back yet.

Even when he came back a later that night, alone because he didn’t feel like hooking up, Sam’s bed was still empty.


	2. Chapter 2

It was late, when Sam finally slipped through the door to his room quietly. He couldn’t remember ever staying out this late. It wasn’t even his first intention. When he’d finally finished with the homework and delivered it to Professor Green, he walked around the campus and sat down in a coffee shop to read until it was dark outside. But when he came back, hoping that Dean would be already gone to some party, he saw a bunch of guys – Dean’s friends probably – entering their room, so he changed his direction.

At first, he was angry at Dean, his friends, this whole situation, so he decided that if they couldn’t get to a party, he definitely would. He couldn’t stomach the thought of going in the room and them laughing at him for being a nerd. He even took it so far that he was standing in front of a room where a party was held, but before he could talk himself into knocking, he’d heard Gary’s voice from inside and he ran. Literally ran. He found a bench, sat and cried a little. He was a lost cause, wherever he’d go, he wouldn’t be welcome there. By that time there was no one on the street, and even if there was, Sam was sure they wouldn’t be interested in helping him.

He was seriously considering spending the night outside, but the night grew colder and he started to shiver. He went back to his room one last time, hoping that Dean and his friends were gone, but even if they weren’t, dealing with them seemed more pleasant than freezing to death.

He opened the door carefully, not really surprised to find it dark and quiet. What  _did_ surprise him, though, was that it wasn’t empty. His roommate was lying and sleeping peacefully in his bed, and judging by the state the room was in, he hadn’t even had a girl over. Sam would know; he’d been there when he had. He had to admit that it was nice though, not to have to wait for Dean’s girl of the night to leave the room to get some sleep.

He picked his pyjamas off his bed and as quietly as possible padded to the bathroom.

“Sam?” Dean raised his head and Sam scowled.  He forgot that Dean was often a light sleeper and he definitely didn’t want to face his roommate just yet. “You just came back?” Then his eyes fell at the clock on his nightstand. “It’s  _late_ ,” he said and it sounded almost like an accusation. “Where have you been?”

“None of your business,” Sam hissed and grit his teeth to stop them from clattering. He was  _really_  cold. What was the guy’s deal anyway? Sam stayed in the room; Dean was pissed. Sam went out; Dean had a problem with that, too. He hoped the senior would just go back to sleep and let Sam have a hot shower in peace.

“I know, sorry,” the older boy mumbled and Sam was so taken aback that by that, he had to stop and look at him. The senior was looking down and playing with his blanket. “I was just worried,” he added quietly.

Sam blinked.

“Worried? About me?” He was sure he was misunderstanding this, or Dean was still asleep and didn’t even know whom was he talking to.

“Yeah, you’re never out this late. I fell asleep, otherwise I would have – you’re shaking!” Again, almost an accusation.

“It’s cold outside,” Sam said. His brain wasn’t really processing what was just happening. “I wanted to take a shower if that’s okay?”

“It’s my fault, right?” Dean looked up at him with his bottom lip between his teeth. ”Look, about the voicemail-,”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Sam interrupted him and closed the bathroom door behind himself.

He heard Dean calling after him, but he ignored it. He certainly wasn’t up for a discussion about what made him such a crappy roommate and why Dean wanted to get away from him. Or that Dean felt guilty about it and that made him fake the caring.

He took a hot shower that warmed him up nicely and if it lasted a little longer than usual, it was because Sam had been freezing. Then he brushed his teeth, took a deep breath and walked out.

Dean was still sitting on his bed and Sam expected him to start talking about the voicemail again. When he didn’t, Sam took a closer look. Dean was propped up against a wall, his eyes were shut and his lips parted as he was breathing evenly.

Sam forgot about his annoyance when the moonlight washed over his sleeping roommate’s face and he noticed the dark circles under his eyes. If he was this tired, Sam almost felt bad about waking him up in the first place.

He walked up to him and pushed him down gently but firmly, hushing him softly when Dean started stirring. He didn’t wake up this time, though and Sam was glad. Without Dean awake to remind him of the voicemail, he could pretend they were getting along just fine.

He tucked Dean’s comforter under his chin and felt a strange urge to run his fingers through Dean’s short light hair, so he pulled away before it could overcome him. He shook his head to get rid of the weird sensation settling down in his stomach and laid down on his own bed. At first, he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to sleep, but eventually the darkness pulled him under.

\---

It started out innocent, really. Professor Darwell asked the class a question, Gary answered and she shook her head no. So Sam raised his hand and corrected Gary’s answer and the professor smiled, said he was very bright and continued with her lecture.

Gary’s eyes narrowed with hatred, but that was something Sam was fairly used to. So it really surprised him, when he was walking between classrooms one second and then the next he was on the ground. He fell face down and to protect his head he stuck his hands out and one of his fists hit him in his right eye. It hurt like a bitch. Sam just gave himself a black eye and he was sure he was the first person to ever accomplish that.

“Are you alright, Sam?” Gary hovered above him with a fake-concerned voice. “It must suck to be as tall as you are and still trip over yourself,” his mouth twisted in something very close to disgust and his faithful crew laughed at the joke.

Sam felt his cheeks burn red and when Gary bent down to him, he tried to back away, but Huffman’s hand gripped his arm painfully hard.

“On the other hand, maybe it will teach you to keep your fucking mouth shut,” he hissed. “No one cares that you’ve memorized all the books. It’s gonna be no good to a nobody like you.”

He stepped over him, making a point of stepping on Sam’s books and walked away, followed by his friends who were still laughing at Sam’s expense.

Sam looked around. The shame was burning inside him and he was more relieved than sad that nobody seemed to notice this little episode. But he was a little sad, too.

He picked up his things and dragged himself into the lecture room for his last class. With his head bowed, he slid down into a seat as far away from Gary and his companions as possible.

He really tried to focus on the lesson, but it was hard. His eye hurt whenever he blinked and he was sure that there was a bruise forming on his upper arm.

“Does anyone know why Mr. Smith would be found non-guilty of all charges, even though all the evidence clearly said otherwise?” the professor asked.

Everybody was quiet. Sam guessed it had something to do with the method the police got their evidence, but he wasn’t sure.

“Really, nobody? Not even you, Samuel?” he looked at him expectantly.

Sam almost suffocated with the weight of everyone’s stares. He was sure Gary was watching him too, even though he didn’t dare to check that.

“I’m sorry, sir,” he mumbled apologetically and shook his head.

The professor looked very disappointed. Sam slumped as far into his chair as it was possible with the way his body was built. His hair fell down into his eyes and only then did he dare to peer at Gary from under them. The stupid brat was smirking at his friends and getting a high five.

When the class was finally dismissed, he rushed out, because he’d had his share of dealing with Gary for today and he just wanted a bit of peace and quiet in the safety of his room.

The star constellation must have been terrible for Sam today, because when he opened the door, Dean was in the room. Okay, it was  _his_  room as well, but around this time he was usually either already gone or not back yet and Sam just assumed that would be the case today too. But not only was Dean here, he was also on the phone. And apparently, talking about him.

“Yeah, a fucking freshman, would you believe that?” Dean said exasperated and waved his free arm in the air to empathize his point. “And here I thought it couldn’t get worse than you.”

For a few seconds, Sam seriously considered backing out and running away. Dean hadn’t noticed him yet, he wouldn’t know. The thing was he had nowhere to go. Nowhere safe from Gary, at least. So he’d decided to suck it up and very quietly, he tiptoed to his bed.

“He’s always in the room,” Dean whined, his back still turned on Sam. “I mean, always. He doesn’t go out or do anything, except for studying his ass off. I bet the guy doesn’t even have friends.”

Tears prickled in Sam’s eyes and he wrapped his arms around his knees, looking straight ahead of him, but not really seeing anything.

“You know what the worst part is? He’s here all the time and by that I mean  _all_  of it. Even when I bring girls over. How sick is that?”

Sam’s fingers curled into fists and he begged his own tears not to fall. Right now, he wished more than anything that he was invisible. It would be so much easier; besides, he was mostly already treated as such.

“No, I didn’t. I don’t think I want to know his reaction to that. He’d probably just stay and listen anyway.”

Sam squeezed his eyes shut and put his head on his knees. He wished the floor would open and swallow him whole. There was a surprised gasp and then Dean stuttered.

“H-holy shit! He’s here. This is creepy. Look, I’m gonna have to call you back...yeah, alright. Was good to hear you too. Bye, Ash.” And then there was a click as Dean snapped his cell phone shut.

“Sam?” he asked and the said heard steps heading toward him.

He took a deep breath and braced himself. There was no point in stopping the tears now; it didn’t matter anyway. Dean was probably going to yell at him for listening to his call. Or laugh at him for being this pathetic. Their peace, however delicate, was over now, that was for sure. Sam would probably start coming to his room to find his things scattered all over the room, ruined or even missing. Maybe his roommate would invite friends over and laugh at him falling for their pranks.

This wasn’t fair! He’d never hurt anyone or did anything to deserve this. Or high school. And this was  _just_  like high school and Sam had no idea why.

And the worst part was he would have to put up with anything Dean would throw his way, because he had nowhere to run. Because  _out there_ , that was Gary’s field and who knew? Maybe they’d team up and torture the hell out of Sam until he dropped out of school or killed himself or-

“Are you alright?” he heard Dean’s soft voice above his head.

Sam froze. He wasn’t even breathing. He wanted Dean to just leave him  _alone_. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Sorry, stupid question,” the older boy chuckled above him nervously. His voice was much nearer Sam’s ear than before. “I’m really sorry about the phone call, I didn’t- Hey, would you look at me? This feels really weird.”

Very slowly, Sam raised his head and turned it to face his roommate. He knew there were tears and probably snot all over his face. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting Dean to do, but seeing the surprise, then worry and then guilt flicker across his face wasn’t it.

“Oh god, did I do this to you? Come here,” there were arms on his back, pushing him into Dean’s chest. He was too stunned to fight or reciprocate the hug. “I’m really sorry, Sam. What I said about you, it wasn’t nice,” Dean said quietly. Sam’s arms sneaked around Dean’s form and tightened on their own accord.

He held onto Dean and tried to understand what was happening. Maybe he fell asleep at some point and was dreaming this? When they finally pulled away, he wanted to ask Dean to explain him what on earth had just happened, but the other boy beat him to it.

“Who gave you this?” he frowned, looking at Sam’s eye. Or rather the bruise surrounding it.

He put a hand on Sam’s cheek and wiped away his tears with his thumb tenderly. Sam blinked up at him and felt a blush creep up his neck. Didn’t Dean know this wasn’t how two guys were supposed to touch each other?

“That’s actually really stupid, because I gave it to myself,” Sam choked out a laugh, but Dean didn’t even smile.

Instead, he noticed the bruise on Sam’s arm. He pierced Sam with a serious look without letting go of his face.

“Sam, are you being bullied?”

Sam averted his eyes. He wasn’t sure if it wasn’t too late, but he didn’t want Dean to add ‘loser’ to the list of things he already thought of him.

“It’s nothing, really, I just-“

“Sam,” Dean stopped him with what could be only described as a mommy-voice.

Sam closed his mouth and bore his gaze into Dean’s. The impossibly green eyes stared back at him expectantly. He searched them for any sign of cruelty or menace, but couldn’t find any. He allowed himself to believe that maybe this was really happening and the wave of relief that washed over him made his head a little dizzy.

“What do I do wrong?” he asked and blinked at the words. They weren’t what he meant to say at all.

“What do you mean?” Dean’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“I can’t make friends. No one ever likes me. What makes me so repulsive?” Sam kept looking at his roommate, as though the other boy had all the answers. “Why do you hate me so much?”

“I don’t,” Dean said a little too quickly for it to be entirely the truth. Sam smiled sadly and looked down. “I really don’t,” the senior used the hand he still had on Sam’s face to force him to look at him again. “I didn’t like you simply because you were in my room and I wanted it all to myself. It wasn’t about you.”

“And now it is?” Sam asked. There wasn’t bitterness or hurt in his voice. He just wanted to know.

“Now I think I was an arrogant, stupid bastard and I’m sorry for that. Forgive me?” Dean gave him a small smile.

Sam thought it was a rhetorical question, but Dean was patiently waiting for an answer.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing to forgive,” the younger boy shrugged.

“Right,” Dean sighed. “But I’d still like to make it up to you. So, the next time anyone tries to bother you, you find me, okay? If it’s lunch time, or here in our room, hell, even if it was in front of my classroom, I’ll always have your back, okay?”

Sam’s eyes widened and he had to go over it one more time in his head to make sure he got it right.

“Give me your cell,” Dean sighed again and Sam blushed a little. He didn’t want Dean to think of him as stupid on top of everything else. He handed his phone over with slightly shaking hands.  Dean pressed some buttons and gave it back to him. Sam missed his hand on his cheek the instant it was gone. “That’s my number. If you need my help, you just call me.”

“B-but,” Sam resisted the urge to pinch himself. This couldn’t be real. “Why?”

“Because someone gave you a black eye, you came here crying and I was an ass. I feel bad about it. You’re a nice kid, Sam. You should be treated as such.”

Sam was so perplexed he didn’t even correct Dean. His roommate seemed very convinced of his words. Or maybe he was just that convinc _ing_. But Sam was more than willing to take whatever he was offering. It was more than anyone else had offered him in...well...ever.

Dean smiled at him and patted his knee as he stood up. He didn’t say anything more, but Sam felt the change. It was refreshing. Maybe the universe didn’t hate him after all.

-xXx-

Dean was sitting on his bed with headphones in his ears and he was reading a textbook on the importance of source protection. The exam time wasn’t near, but there weren’t nearly as many parties as at the beginning of the year. Plus he needed to pass his exams if he wanted to graduate and Legal journalism was one of the hardest subjects.

Sam was on his bed with his own textbook spread over his chest, napping. Dean imagined the kid didn’t get much sleep last night. He had a girl over and things lasted...a little longer than usual, to say the least.

He took a better look at Sam’s face. The black eye had darkened and Dean remembered how low he felt, when he’d seen Sam’s face soaked in tears. He wished he’d never said those things about him to Ash. It was just exaggerated complaining anyway. But the kid had been absolutely wrecked and resigned to take whatever Dean was going to do to him. He’d probably thought Dean would start bullying him too; it wasn’t like he had given the freshman a reason to think otherwise.

Dean found himself really wanting to be there the next time somebody was trying to pick on his roommate. There was something about the younger boy that made him feel protective. Or maybe possessive, since he was  _Dean’s_  roommate, so technically  _his_  to pick on, but no one else’s. Plus he really wanted to earn Sam’s trust and show him that there was more to Dean Winchester than a man-whore and a jerk.

He wondered what the kid would do if he’d told him he was bi and that he wanted to bring over a guy from time to time. For a second he contemplated the chances of Sam being into guys as well, but there was no point really, because Dean had never seen the kid talk to  _anyone_ , male or female.

He was pretty engrossed in his thoughts - instead of the textbook he was supposed to be reading - so he didn’t notice Sam’s stirring or opening his eyes.

“What is it?” he asked in a sleep-croaked voice. Dean blinked and returned into reality.

“What?”

“You’re staring,” Sam narrowed his eyes at him.

“Well, you listen to me having sex, so I guess that makes us even?” Dean smirked.

Sam blushed and looked away sheepishly.

“I’m really sorry about that. It’s just...I have nowhere else to go at night and I thought you really believed that I was asleep. I can start leaving now if you want.”

“No, man. It’s cool, really,” Dean shrugged. Sam raised his eyebrow questioningly. “I don’t have to give up my sex life; you get to sleep in your bed. I think it’s fair,” Dean added.

Sam kept his gaze downwards and fidgeted with his sheets. Okay, maybe it wasn’t  _really_  fair. But it was the best Dean could offer.

Eventually, they went back to their textbooks, but Dean couldn’t help the way his eyes darted toward the other bed. There was  _something_  about Sam’s naivety, innocence and shyness, but Dean couldn’t figure out what it was. At first, he thought it was what made him this awkward, but now that he’d given Sam a chance, he just couldn’t place it.

He was rescued from his thoughts by the ringing of his cell phone. It was Jim telling him that he and Ben were going out for dinner and commanding him to join them. Jim never really asked. But then again, Dean didn’t ask either and he loved the friendship they had.

He got up and told Sam where he was going. The freshman gave him a sad smile and told him to enjoy his dinner. For a briefest moment, Dean stood in the bathroom door and considered asking Sam to join them. But then he decided against it, because it might get too awkward. There was a huge difference between offering a hand with bullies and actually becoming someone’s friend. He would have to introduce him to his friends and Dean didn’t need someone like Sam as friend in his life anyway. He decided to talk to Jim and Ben about this.

He left the room thinking that maybe there wasn’t much more to Dean Winchester than a man-whore and a complete asshole after all.

-xXx-

Sam had the chance to test Dean’s word shortly after the weekend ended, right on Monday morning. He was just getting a coffee in their cafeteria, minding his own business, when he’d noticed Gary and his friends across the hall. He ducked his head and quickly ordered, hoping they wouldn’t notice him. But he just wasn’t that lucky. One of Gary’s mates nodded in Sam’s direction and they all started walking toward him. Sam pretended not to notice them and as fast as he could, he started walking the other way. The coffee was hot in his hand and he didn’t want to know what would happen to it if they caught up to him.

He was heading back to his room, but when he passed a student’s lounge, he recognized a familiar figure. Dean was in the lounge, surrounded by his friends and they were all laughing. He stopped and thought about his options.

He could either try to get back into his room and risk that he might not make it and then face the humiliation by Huffman, or he could work up the courage to join Dean at his table. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place here. But with Dean, there was the slightest chance that maybe he wouldn’t be a dick to Sam. Even though Sam was convinced that the senior didn’t mean to acknowledge his roommate in front of so many of his friends, when he’d said he’d help him.

He heard Gary around the corner, so he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and walked in. The closer he got to the table where Dean was sitting, the more his steps faltered. Exactly the moment Gary and his friends entered the lounge, Dean turned his head and his eyes widened in surprise, when they fell upon Sam.

Sam didn’t have the luxury to stop and search Dean’s face to figure out whether it was a pleasant surprise or not. He begged the older guy with his eyes to understand and help him.

Oddly enough, Dean seemed to do exactly that. He glanced somewhere behind Sam’s shoulder and his face darkened with anger.

“Hey Sam!” he called and waved him over.

All Dean’s friends turned around and stared at him. Sam looked at the ground and felt his ears burn with embarrassment under the scrutiny, but he made his way over to them. He noticed his followers backed out of the lounge.

“Everyone, this is Sam. My roommate,” Dean introduced him to his friends.

“Oh, finally we’re getting to meet you!” a guy slightly shorter than Dean, with short dark hair and soft brown eyes smiled at him and stuck out his hand. “I’m Jim,” he beamed at Sam.

“Sam,” he shook the offered hand, a little thrown off. If he hadn’t expected something, it was a warm welcome.

He got introduced to Ben, Matt, Tess, Julie and a few others, whose names he had no chance to remember. It was not like he was going to see them again anytime soon.

All of them actually seemed pretty curious about him. Sam would be content just sitting by the table long enough for Gary’s group to give up and leave and then disappear to leave this bunch of journalist-seniors alone.

But Dean would have none of it. He included Sam in the conversation and it seemed as though he hadn’t told them only the worst about him. Sam was grateful for that. They asked him about his classes, professors, all kinds of stuff and they all seemed genuinely interested. Sam felt a little like some exchange student from an exotic country, but he had to admit the attention was nice.

“Politics! You must have politics, right?” Julie asked, her eyes sparkling when Sam nodded.

“Yeah, Elephant teaches that one,” Sam answered. They all seemed confused and Sam realized he didn’t know his professor’s real name anymore.

“What, Elephant?” Jim laughed. “Is that what the kids call him nowadays? Are we talking a short, fat guy, who thinks the USA government is a lie and Obama is an alien?”

Sam actually laughed at that. Elephant was a mean son of a bitch; he deserved the insults. He was the reason why Sam had to have perfect A’s in all his other subjects, so that he wouldn’t lose his scholarship.

“Yep, that would be him,” he agreed.

“No way,” Dean slapped his thighs and started laughing too. “Our Hippo is your Elephant?”

Everybody burst in laughter and Sam’s cheeks were hurting from grinning so widely. There was a bunch of cool, older students, who were laughing  _with_ him and not  _at_  him.

“Hey,” Jim gave Dean’s shoulder a friendly punch. “Your roommate is kinda cool. For a lawyer, I mean.”

Sam’s eyes flicked to Dean. He blushed, when the older boy just grinned and nodded.

“Maybe you could do our Legal homework,” Ben added.

Sam blinked. If doing their homework was his payment for them being nice to him, then yeah, he could do it.

He opened his mouth to say yes, but Dean’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“Hey, it’s my roommate, so the only homework he’ll do is mine. Go find your own,” he told Ben off and squeezed Sam’s shoulder as though he knew exactly, what he’d been thinking.

“That’s not fair,” Ben whined. “Why do you always get the smart roommates and I’m stuck with this moron?”

“Fuck you, too, Harley,” Jim pretended to be offended.

“Guys, I don’t really want to ruin this moment, but...,” Tess said and pointed at a big clock on the lounge’s wall.

“Oh, crap,” Matt gruffed. “Class.”

Sam had no idea how he did it, but Dean managed to convince everyone to take the longer route to their class, so they pretty much walked Sam to his lecture hall. Then everybody said goodbye to him, the girls hugged him and the guys slapped his back. Sam secretly pinched himself, because it seemed surreal.

“Hey, Dean,” he called after his roommate, before he disappeared behind the corner. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Dean winked and then he was gone.

Sam readjusted his bag on his shoulder and went to the class, before it was too late.

\---

He should have known Gary wouldn’t just let him off the hook that easily. He should have, but he was too busy daydreaming about this morning to notice a group of his classmates surrounding his lunch table until it was too late.

“Campbell,” Gary spit his name out like it was poison. “You done running?”

The bite of his sandwich Sam was just about to swallow got stuck in his throat. He was well and truly trapped with nowhere to run to. The more desperate he felt, the more pleased Gary seemed to be. He sat down across him and opened his mouth to speak, when a familiar voice yelled Sam’s name and Dean plopped down on the seat next to him.

“There you are man, I’ve been looking for you,” Dean slapped his back playfully and grabbed Sam’s apple without asking. Not that Sam cared; he just stared at Dean with wide eyes. He could see Gary and his companions do the same.

“H-hi,” Sam cleared his throat. “What’s up?” He was the king of lameness, but if anything, Dean only smiled that much warmer at him.

“I just got off the phone with Hank. You know, Deacon,” the senior continued, as though Sam had any idea what he was talking about.

Who the hell was Hank Deacon? But he heard a few girls that gathered around them gasp, so he didn’t let on that he’d just heard the name for the first time.

“The party tomorrow? You remember, right?” Dean looked at him pointedly and all Sam could do was nod. “He said he doesn’t like lawyers, sorry,” Dean grimaced.

Sam blinked. He still had no idea what Dean was talking about. A party? Hank? Doesn’t like lawyers? What?

“I mean, not you obviously,” Dean went on, completely oblivious to Sam’s confusion. “He likes you. But you can’t take your friends with you,” then he turned to Sam’s classmates, who were now openly staring and shrugged apologetically. “Sorry folks, maybe next time.” Then he returned his attention to Sam and patted his shoulder before getting up. “See ya later.”

Sam’s brain wasn’t processing things fast enough to answer him. As soon as Dean was two steps from the table, one of the girls dropped at the seat next to Sam.

“Was that Dean Winchester?” she asked and opened her mouth in shock, when Sam nodded. “How do you know him?”

“He’s my roommate,” Sam shrugged.

“You’re living in a room with  _Dean Winchester_?” another girl squealed. “And you’re going to Hank Deacon’s party? Wow, Sam, you’re so cool!” she sat down on the other side of him.

Gary retreated when everyone – including his faithful followers - started shouting questions at Sam and Sam looked up just in time to see Dean grinning at him, as though he knew exactly that this would happen. It wasn’t even that hard to imagine the shining armour on him. He’d saved Sam once again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my fellow readers. Your continuous support is amazing and I wanted to thank you all so much! But life’s a bitch and I kinda got dumped this week, plus college started full force and I’m not having as much time to write as I’d like, plus finding the mood had been hard lately. But I will pull through, because I love you that much. Don’t worry; I’m NOT planning to abandon this story anytime soon.  
> I’m just asking for patience with the upcoming updates. They WILL arrive, I’m just not sure how quickly. Also, if there’s some unnecessary description of a bad mood, broken heart or dumping, at least you know where I’m coming from. But I’ll try my best to stay clear of my personal life bleeding into that story. Thanks for understanding :)  
> And as always, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious thanks to Tracey, who has been an amazing help and support, even though she’s got a lot to deal with and everyone should have a friend like her. I love you, babe <3  
> Okay, enough with the boring note! Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you:

Sam returned that evening to his room, still feeling a bit dazed. Ever since Dean saved him and his classmates found out he was Sam’s roommate, everyone wanted to be Sam’s friend. He knew it was only because they were trying to get to Dean or to Hank Deacon – who, as Sam found out, was throwing the best parties on campus - through him but still, he had  _friends_. He got invited for a coffee and people wanted his cell number.

And all thanks to the guy that was currently sitting on his bed in their room and chewing on a pencil. Sam was beyond grateful and when he noticed that Dean was frowning over a paper for his Legal journalism class, he decided he could repay him some.

“Need some help with that?” he asked.

“You think you’re smarter than me now, huh?” Dean retorted without raising his eyes.

Sam’s heart sank and he returned to the real world. Of course, Dean was only doing him a favour back there. He still didn’t like him; he didn’t want anything to do with him. Sam didn’t know why he thought they were friends now, or why it hurt that they weren’t.

“S-sorry,” he muttered. “I-I...of course not.”

Dean finally raised his eyes and he seemed surprised by Sam’s reaction.

“Hey, it was just a joke, okay? We both  _know_  you are smarter than me,” he grinned.

Sam blinked at him in confusion.

“And the thing I said this morning about you doing my homework was a joke too. You don’t have to do anything. I was glad I could help you,” Dean added.

“Why?” Sam didn’t want to get his hopes up again; he wanted to know where he stood with Dean. But at the same time, he feared that he wouldn’t like the answer. “Why would you want to help me?”

“I already told you that,” Dean sighed impatiently. “I feel like an ass, because I’ve never even given you a chance and you seem like a nice guy. And I definitely don’t like you being bullied for any reason. But that doesn’t mean you have to do me any favours,” he gestured toward his homework.

“But I want to help,” Sam insisted. “And about today, I really don’t know how to thank you enough.”

Sam sat down on his bed and told Dean what happened after he disappeared and left Sam alone to deal with his classmates. They both laughed when Sam described Gary Huffman’s face.

The bad feeling about Dean faking it was gone, because Dean had no reason to pretend here and he was still nice to Sam, listening to him and laughing with him. Sam had to fight the urge to just cross the distance between them and hug the older boy, because he was certain he’d just saved Sam’s education, if not his life.

When they finished talking, Dean went back to his homework. Sam watched him for a moment. Something about the older boy’s presence made him feel good and safe. Today morning at the student lounge was the closest Sam ever got to being a part of a group and it felt nice. He wasn’t really ready to lose it, but at the same time, he still didn’t know what was real and what was just for show.

“Are you my friend, Dean?” Sam blurted out and immediately wished he could take those words back. He sounded like a whiny ten-year-old.

Dean’s green eyes bore into his and the senior seemed to assess him. Sam could almost see the gears grind in Dean’s brain and the longer his roommate took to answer, the more Sam feared the outcome. Finally, Dean smiled and it reached his eyes. It struck Sam how beautiful his roommate was. If he wasn’t as straight as an arrow, Sam might have just fallen in love with him.

“Yeah, Sam. I am,” Dean nodded.

Sam beamed and he honestly thought the bottom half of his head would fall down if he stretched the smile any wider.

“Okay, scoot then.”

He sat next to Dean on his bed and together they worked on his homework. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, except Sam was excited about every minute of it. His roommate was his friend and he was helping him with homework because he wanted to, not because he had to. It was like a dream come true.

“Thanks, Sam,” Dean said when they were finally done. “No really, I appreciate the help,” he added, when Sam just shrugged noncommittally.

“It’s fine, really,” Sam blushed slightly and he got up quickly, so that Dean wouldn’t see.

“By the way, I was serious about the party,” Dean said, getting up as well and clearing his bed.

“Huh?” Sam said unintelligibly.

“Hank Deacon? Tomorrow? The party is real and you’re invited. More than that, you’re coming,” Dean said with a finality to his voice.

“I thought you said he didn’t like lawyers?” Sam asked carefully. He definitely didn’t count with going to any parties. He wasn’t a party material.

“Please,” Dean scoffed. “He doesn’t care as long as you know him or the right people. And  _I_ ,” he pointed at his chest smugly, “am definitely the right people.”

“But I have nothing to wear,” Sam tried weakly. From being invisible to being invited to some VIP party, that was a huge jump on a social ladder and Sam felt like things were going a little too fast for him.

“It’s not a prom, Sam, your clothes will be fine,” Dean chuckled.

“I just-, I don’t-,“ Sam stuttered and sat on his bed dejectedly.

“You’re gonna be fine,” Dean said reassuringly. He was just about to walk into their bathroom, when he turned around and added. “Besides, I’ll be there with you.”

-xXx-

Dean was sitting on his bed, watching Sam trying to figure out what to wear to his first party ever. He should have brought a camera; it was too hilarious.

“How about this one?” Sam pointed at the grey shirt he was currently wearing.

“Doesn’t matter what I say, you’ll just throw it away like the rest of them,” Dean retorted.

“You’re right, it looks awful,” Sam took the t-shirt off.

Dean rolled his eyes. It had been going like this for over an hour.

“I never said that,” he countered. “But if it’ll make you feel any better, I can lend you one of my shirts.”

“You would?” Sam’s head whipped up. “Really?”

Dean laughed, but nodded. It wasn’t so much that his shirts were better than Sam’s, Sam looked good in most of them, but if it made him feel better, Dean was more than happy to share.

It was actually ridiculous how good looking his roommate was. With his self-confidence, you’d expect a short nerd with pimples and greasy hair. But Sam was taller than Dean, had incredibly long legs, slim waist, but well-build body and a little too long hair that would look ridiculous on anyone, but looked perfect on him. He wore light blue jeans in which his ass looked good and that hung low on his hips. And he had really pretty eyes. Dean could spend hours just looking into them.

He blinked and put a stop to his thoughts.

Pretty eyes? Well-build body? Nice ass? Dean was supposed to be the friend with the upper hand here, not developing a crush. Plus he didn’t even know which way Sam swung.

 “There, the girls are gonna love you in this one,” he grinned as he tossed him one of his shirts.

Sam just blushed and looked away, but didn’t oppose.

 _There you go,_  Dean told himself.  _He likes girls._

And with that, he forgot all about that topic.

\---

A whole bunch of them was standing outside Hank Deacon’s door, waiting for him to open. Dean could see that even though Sam tried to laugh with others, he’d been growing more nervous with every step that brought them closer to the party. He threw an arm around his new friend.

“Excited?” he asked him with a broad grin.

Sam tried to smile and nodded.

“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?” Dean laughed, but squeezed Sam’s shoulder reassuringly. “Relax; it’s not an exam you have to pass. No one’s gonna judge your performance or anything.”

Before Sam had the chance to answer, the door finally opened and Hank Deacon stood in the door, his gaze sweeping over everyone. His face broke into a huge grin.

“Hey guys! It’s good to see you,” he let them in.

Dean was right behind Sam and almost collided with his back, when the other suddenly stopped. Dean looked over his shoulder to see what the problem was. Hank’s arm was in the way so that Sam couldn’t walk through the door and he was frowning upon the freshman.

“And who’re you?”

Dean completely understood Hank, people were trying to crash into his parties all the time, but he still wished the guy was a little friendlier with Sam.

“This is Sam Campbell, my roommate,” he answered, because Sam seemed to be ready to bolt any second, but definitely not ready to speak.

“So he’s here with you?” Hank looked at him. The question was loaded. Hank was actually asking Dean to take responsibility for Sam. If he broke anything or caused any trouble, Dean would get his ass kicked.

“Yeah, he is,” Dean grinned at Sam who looked at him with utter gratitude.

A small part of Dean’s brain wondered if maybe Sam thought this was some cruel joke and that Dean would just leave him in front of the door. He was really hoping it wasn’t the case, but he was now more than ever determined to prove to Sam that he wasn’t a total ass.

“Well, then welcome to the party, Sam,” Hank smiled broadly at him and let them in finally.

Hank’s apartment was already crowded and the group of friends helped themselves to some beer. Dean could tell from the way Sam sipped the drink from his cup that he wasn’t used to drinking. He was probably gonna get wasted. Dean chuckled at the thought of the uptight, straight-A student Sam embarrassing himself on his first college party. And then he internally smacked himself for that thought and promised himself that he would get Sam out of there, before he could made a fool out of himself if it came down to it.

-xXx-

Sam felt like he got kidnapped by aliens and put into a parallel universe. He was at a house party. Jesus. A VIP-invited only house party with older people as a part of a group with one of the most popular guys in school.

He was really surprised by how well the other people just took him in. They didn’t put him in the spotlight for questioning or making fun, but they didn’t make him feel left out either and that was how it suited him the most. Of course, when they entered, they all went to greet their friends and Sam – who had none – was left alone, feeling a little lost, so he grabbed a beer and sat down on a sofa in the living room.

 That was another unreal situation. He was drinking alcohol. Well, very carefully sipping some beer, but still. If someone had told him he’d do all these things a year, a month, hell a week ago, he’d laugh and then he’d cry, because that was just impossible.

But here he was, sitting on a couch next to Tess and Matt and a girl named Cassidy was trying to talk to him. And by talking to him, he meant flirting. Honest to God  _flirting_. She was obviously drunk enough to not care that he barely even responded to her attempts to strike a conversation.

When she put her hand on his thigh and dragged it toward his crotch, he nearly jumped off the sofa they were sitting on and mumbled something about needing to go to the bathroom. She obviously took that as an invitation, because the second Sam walked through the boy’s restroom’s door, he found himself pressed against it and the girl’s mouth was all over his.

It was weird, it was wrong and it was actually kind of gross. He instinctively pushed her away. She shot him a dirty look, but before Sam could form a decent apology, she was out of the door. Sam sighed and banged the back of his head against the door. Coming here was probably the worst idea ever.

When he walked back into the living room, the girl was already sitting in the lap of – Sam’s heart stopped beating for a few moments – Gary Huffman. The boy raised his eyes and his smile was the most evil thing Sam had ever seen.

“Hey Campbell, I hope you don’t mind me taking care of your girl,” he yelled at Sam, so everyone could hear it. Sure enough, heads had already started turning in their direction.

Sam looked around, but none of the faces was familiar to him. He wished Dean hadn’t just left him there in the middle of a room full of strangers and Gary, but he couldn’t expect his roommate to babysit him all the time.

What if Dean was the one to invite Gary in the first place? Cold wave of horror washed over him. It would actually made sense; he’d gotten Sam to trust him, lured him out to a party and then left him alone with Gary to be humiliated even more than he already was. His heart sank at that thought and he searched the room one more time, just in case Dean magically appeared somewhere and saved him again. But neither Dean, nor any of his friends were around anymore and Sam started to be really scared now.

“She didn’t seem very satisfied,” Gary’s sly voice returned him into the present. “Do you even know how to satisfy a girl?”

Cassidy giggled and pressed further into Gary’s chest. Some of the people surrounding them were laughing as well.

Sam sat down awkwardly on the other end of the sofa. Gary ran his hand up and down Cassidy’s arm, all the while he had his eyes firmly set on Sam. Sam guessed he thought he was actually hurting him by hitting on “Sam’s” girl, so he just shrugged. He didn’t know what to say, really, and the weight of the unwanted attention he was getting was making him uncomfortable.

“Oh, Sam, you’re not a  _virgin_ , are you?” Gary laughed.

“Of course not,” Sam lied. He could feel his ears burn and he was sure he was as red as a tomato.

“Prove it, then,” Gary smirked.

“What?” Sam gaped numbly.

Gary grabbed Cassidy’s neck and crushed their mouths together. After a while, he pulled back and nudged her in Sam’s direction.

“Go ahead, sweetheart,” he encouraged. “Tell us who the better kisser is.”

Sam’s eyes widened, when he realized what Gary’s plan was. There was no way to back out of this, everyone stared and Cassidy kept coming closer and closer...

Sam closed his eyes and opened his mouth, when he felt her lips on his. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he just mirrored her actions. Her tongue plundered his mouth, she tasted like beer and something that was probably Gary and Sam felt a bile rise up to his throat. He couldn’t hear anything over the blood pounding in his ears, which was probably a good thing.

When Cassidy finally pulled away, Sam didn’t dare to look away from her face.

“So?” Gary asked. From the tone of his voice, it was obvious that he was sure who’d win.

“Well this was definitely better than our first kiss,” the girl giggled and dropped back on the couch. “But I’d say Gary’s the one.”

All of the people that were paying attention laughed and clapped as Gary kissed Cassidy again. He made sure to look at Sam while he did.

“Yo, Sam!” a guy he’d never seen before addressed him. “Where’d you get that black eye?”

“Yeah, Sam, where’d you get it?” Gary smirked, not giving Sam any chance to answer – not that he would know what to say anyway. “Did you trip over your gigantic feet again?”

Laughter.

“I swear this guy keeps falling down in the most unpredictable moments. Guess it must be hard control your body, when you’re this tall.”

More laughter.

Sam unclenched one of his fists – unaware of clenching them in the first place – and fished out his cell phone. He found Dean’s number and hovered over it. There was an almost non-existent chance that Dean would help him for the third time.

“Hey, Sam, don’t be so shy,” he heard Gary’s voice and then someone was forcing another cup into his hand. “Drink up.”

So he did, what else he was supposed to do. It wasn’t a beer; it was something much stronger. The alcohol burned his throat and his eyes watered, but he managed not to pull any face. For a terrible few seconds he was almost certain he wouldn’t be able to hold the liquor down.

“Refill!” someone shouted. “Come on, boy; show us what you’ve got!”

Before he was forced to drink another cup of that disgusting liquid, he sent a SOS text to Dean. Sure, there was a chance that this was what Dean had planned all along and Sam had just made a complete fool out of himself, but so far, Dean had not given him a reason not to trust him.

It wasn’t until the text was sent that he realized, that while Dean had given him his number, Sam never got the chance to give him  _his_.

-xXx-

At first, Dean wasn’t comfortable with leaving Sam on his own. He went to greet his friends and when he turned around, Sam was gone. He found him in Hank’s living room with a girl practically all over his lap.

“That’s my boy,” he said to no one with a broad smile and left Sam in peace.

The freshman was obviously capable of taking care of himself when given the nudge in the right direction.

He turned around and noticed the guy that had been bothering his roommate by the lunch the other day. He frowned and searched for Hank.

“Hey, dude, what’s  _he_  doing here?” he pointed his beer in the guy’s direction, once he’d found the host of the party.

“Gary Huffman? Our fathers do some business together, we’ve met before,” Hank shrugged. “Seemed rude not to invite him. Why, you got a problem with that?”

“I don’t like him,” Dean admitted. Trust all the rich people to know each other.

“Then don’t talk to him. There’s plenty of other people here, dude,” Hank smirked.

Dean knew he had a point, but he still wanted to check on Sam, just to make sure he was okay. He was turning into a goddamn mother hen.  His friends fortunately caught up to him and dragged him away, before he could act on that and very possibly embarrass himself.

They decided to play beer-pong. He and Matt against Jim and Ben. Once again, he found himself missing Ash. Ash was a pro in this game, he’d handed Jim and Ben their asses on a platter countless of times. But thanks to that, they got the best training and now that Ash was gone, they were simply invincible.

Matt’s game was on, but Dean’s seemed a bit off. When they lost another set, Matt mock complained that Dean’s head was in the clouds the whole time, but Dean just laughed it off.

The truth was, Dean couldn’t help but think about Sam. Was he okay? Was he still with the girl? What if he wanted to take her back to their room? They didn’t even establish a signal for the room being ‘occupied’. Was he making new friends?

He’d heard laughter from the living room. He didn’t even know if Sam was still there, he might’ve been in the bathroom with his girl, or on their way back to their room. Or maybe it was the freshman – however unlikely that was – telling some joke that made the whole room laugh.

He heard the sound of a ping-pong ball falling into yet another of their cups and it was his turn to drink. He felt his back pocket vibrate and checked his phone. There was a text from an unknown number.

_Help me, please_

He didn’t hesitate for a second; he threw some mumbled excuse to his friends over his shoulder and didn’t look back, even though they were yelling at him, demanding an explanation of his sudden departure.

He was in the living room in a matter of seconds.

The fucking bastard Gary was pouring Sam a cup from some undefined bottle, but it was definitely something stronger than beer.

“Come on, big boy,” Gary laughed. “Show us what you’re made of.”

Everyone around them cheered. Dean’s stomach clenched in an unpleasant way. He hated this Gary kid with a passion.

As Sam was raising his cup to his mouth, he looked up and spotted him. His eyes were watery and glassy – how many of those shots did they make him drink? – and for a few seconds there was hope in his eyes, but then his eyes widened in a question.

_Are you here to help or to laugh?_

Dean really hated that Sam still thought he’d just stab him in the back like this. He smiled at the freshman and walked over, grabbed the cup from Sam’s hands and plopped down on the couch next to him.

“Hey, stop torturing my roommate, would you?” he laughed and sipped from the cup. Tequila.

He casually threw his arm around Sam’s shoulders and he could’ve sworn the freshman pressed closer to his side. He squeezed his shoulder for reassurance.

“Isn’t he a little young to be your roommate?” some girl asked.

“Might be,” Dean shrugged. “But believe me; I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Not even for Hank,” he smirked.

Sam raised his eyes and blinked up at him in surprise. Gary frowned and took a step back with his bottle. Obviously, his free shots weren’t meant for Dean. But in this room, Dean was much more than Gary, so the bastard took the hint and let go of teasing Sam for now.

“Did he tell you how he got the black eye?”

“He tripped and fell,” a guy named Brady supplied the information.

Sam tensed against Dean.

“I never said that!” he barked out.

It was the first thing the kid said since Dean came and the slur of his words was giving away just how much drunk he was.

“Sam here probably just tried to protect my reputation, but since we’re among friends, I’ll tell you. But it doesn’t leave this room, understood?”

Everybody nodded enthusiastically and solemnly swore that they wouldn’t tell. Dean smirked. Ginny and Jenny, the school’s most informed gossip girls were here, so he was sure the whole university would know this story by tomorrow.

“So, I’m walking from this party one night. Well, not exactly the party, more like the  _after_  party at one girl’s room, if you catch my drift?” he winked and looked around. Everyone was hooked to his story. Including Gary and – which was funny – Sam.

“So it’s true, you let the girls take you to  _their_  room,” Jenny asked. She was going to be a great tabloid interviewer one day.

“Well, it was Sam’s turn to take the girl to ours, so what was I supposed to do, say no?” Dean snorted.

Jenny’s mouth formed into an “O” and everyone’s stare flickered to Sam, who was blushing heavily.

“Anyway,” Dean continued to get the attention back on himself. “We had a couple of shots and I was...a little intoxicated,” he made a stop for laughter. God, he could do this for a living. “And out of nowhere, this dude runs past me and nudges my shoulder. He was a big, scary guy and I still think he was too old to be on the Campus, but that’s not the point.”

The girls had already their eyebrows arched so high, it almost disappeared in their hairlines.

“Obviously, he had something to drink as well and he wanted to start a fight. So he yells at me that I shoved him or whatever and he’s really fucking  _huge_ , so I start walking as fast as I can to our room. But the dude’s following me!”

Jenny, Ginny and a few others – not all of them girls – positively gasped.

“Even when I reached the dorm, he was still following me and yelling some shit about breaking my face and putting me back in my place. I would have fought him off, of course,” he saw the smirk on some guy’s faces. “But as I said, I was too drunk to even open my door, let alone fight. So I reach the door and bang at Sam, praying to God that he hears me.”

Everyone was gaping at them and even when they looked at Sam, the way they looked at him had changed. Dean was a little proud of himself, because he wouldn’t forgive himself if Sam or Sam’s reputation got hurt because of this party. It was his idea that Sam would come after all.

“When Sam walked out, I thought he was going to punch me for waking him after some good sex.”

Now the guys outright laughed and someone even slapped Sam’s back saying “I know that feel, bro”.

“But when he heard the guy, he just shoved me inside and punched  _him_  instead.”

Everyone was staring at Sam in awe now.

“The guy got a hit, alright. But you should’ve seen him, when he limped out. I swear I was never happier that I’m Sam’s friend than then.”

He searched Gary’s face in the crowd and narrowed his eyes at him.

“We’ve got each other’s backs.”

Gary cocked his head to one side slightly, but that was the only indication that he got the message. Whatever, if he tried anything else with Sam, he would have to deal with Dean. And dealing with Dean meant dealing with  _a lot_  of people. Rich father or not.

He answered some questions and let the conversation flow into different topic, not as interesting, and slowly people started to go back to whatever they were doing before and stopped paying attention to them.

When he turned his head to Sam, the younger boy was still staring at him with awe in his soft hazel eyes.

“So tell me,” Dean chuckled. “Just how much did you drink?”

“You saved me again,” Sam whispered. “You’re my hero.”

“Oh,  _that_  much,” Dean rolled his eyes. He refused to acknowledge the warmth that spread through him, when he heard those words. “Think you can handle the walk back?”

“You wanna go already?” Sam asked. “You haven’t even found a girl yet,” he slurred and looked around, probably searching for said girl.

“No girl tonight,” Dean said and pulled Sam up with him. “But we’re leaving. You’ve had enough.”

“I’m sorry,” Sam lowered his gaze. “I’ll walk alone, you can stay.” He made a few steps before losing his balance. Luckily, Dean caught him, before he could break anything.

“Like hell you are, just wait here,” Dean commanded and left him standing by the door, so that he could say goodbye to his friends.

They raised their eyebrows at him, but when he’d said it was about Sam, they didn’t push it.

“Okay, let’s go.”

He wrapped his arm around Sam’s waist and let the kid lean against him, as they walked. It wasn’t that bad, Sam was pretty capable of walking, he just needed Dean to keep him going in the right direction.

Sam stumbled and they almost fell down a few times. The freshman always started apologizing and Dean always had to assure him that he wasn’t mad, before the kid shut up.

“Okay, Sam, that’s enough,” he finally snapped, when they reached their door and Sam dropped his key, which resulted in another string of apologies. “It was your first party; I was  _counting_ on you getting smashed. So stop saying you’re sorry, because it’s not a bother to me, okay?”

The kid shut his mouth and let Dean manhandle him in their room and onto his bed.

“Just one more?” he asked quietly, when he sat down on his mattress.

“One more what?” Dean asked.

“One more sorry,” Sam smiled sadly.

Dean sighed exasperatedly, but nodded and sat down next to Sam.

“I’m sorry you got stuck with me as a roommate,” he bowed his head. “You know, the story you told today, I really wish I was that Sam, I do. I wish you could have fun with me and I had your back and you wouldn’t have to babysit me all the time,” he tumbled over his words a few times, but the message got through to Dean.

“Okay, one last time,” Dean said and forced Sam to look at him. “I am your  _friend_. You might not believe it, but when I first came here, I was a lot like you.”

The disbelieving snort from Sam wasn’t really unexpected.

“But I had my roommate take care of me, so that’s what I’m doing right now. I’m taking care of you, and once you’re a big-ass lawyer, maybe you’ll return the favour.”

He considered the smile this drew out of Sam a win.

“So,” he bumped his friend’s shoulder. “I saw you with that girl. Good job, man,” he grinned.

“Yeah, well, what can I say, I’m a magnet for the ladies,” Sam laughed and in its own drunken way it was adorable. “I got my first kiss today,” he added.

“First? Really?”

“Well, first  _real_ one, yeah. But she was a girl. Therefore, not my type,” Sam admitted.

Then his head snapped up, when he realized what he’d just said. His eyes were huge and boring into Dean, waiting for a verdict.

“So, you mean...” Dean started carefully, taken aback by this confession as well. “You are...”

“Gay? Yeah,” Sam chewed on his bottom lip. “That a problem?”

Dean shook his head.

“And you said you’ve never...”

“Don’t say you’re surprised,” Sam looked away and the sound he made sounded suspiciously like a sniff.

“Okay, then,” Dean smiled and put his hand on Sam’s chin.

Sam only had the time to look up, before Dean pressed his lips against Sam’s.

Dean was Sam’s first kiss.

Some sort of responsibility rushed through him as he let his lips slide back and forth over Sam’s. He was as gentle as possible, but firm and adamant. Not that Sam was backing away or complaining. Dean was carefully deepening the kiss, working Sam’s mouth open inch by inch.

He tried to make it the kind of first kiss he would’ve wanted and if he was completely honest with himself, even though he hated thinking back on those times, he actually had.

But this wasn’t about him; this was about Sam. Dean pushed his tongue past Sam’s teeth.

Sam tasted like alcohol and not much else and it was obvious that the kid had no idea what he was doing. But at least he didn’t slobber all over Dean’s mouth. Dean slowly coaxed him into relaxing with his tongue.

His hand disappeared in Sam’s long bangs, which were much softer than Dean would have thought. Not that he’d thought about them that way. But they just didn’t  _look_  this soft. He felt Sam’s hand tentatively rest on his shoulder and then slowly creep its way on the back of Dean’s neck.

They kissed for a long time. Dean had the time to make it past the taste of alcohol and get to something that must have been pure  _Sam_. It was a good taste, but then, not many people tasted outright badly. He liked the smell of Sam’s shampoo.

Sam got bolder and pushed Dean’s tongue back to his mouth, followed by his own. Dean let him and had to admit that the kid – however inexperienced – was a quick learner. Just a little bit of practise and...

Dean pulled away then. Sam was staring at him with huge, glassy and now dazed eyes and his kiss-swollen lips were shining with spit. He was gorgeous and Dean had to stand up, before he did anything stupid.

“Now you’ve been kissed,” he tossed a wink over his shoulder and disappeared in the bathroom.

In the shower, he jerked off to the images of Sam’s lean body writhing under him, his mouth stretched around his cock and taking anything Dean had to give...

When he came down from his post-orgasmic haze, he realized, he very much wanted to be Sam’s first...everything, when it came to sex and sexual stuff. He knew there was some sort of kick in being someone’s first, but he’d never felt it until now.

It gave you a power over said person. And Dean knew what happened, when someone misused this power first hand. He shook his head to get rid of the memories of his first and only boyfriend, but the longer he was in the shower, the fiercer they returned.

He ended up almost running from the bathroom. That was in the past now, he thought as he closed the door. He was over it. He was fine. He was his own man now and he didn’t need to dwell on his past mistakes.

He walked over to Sam’s bed, where his roommate was soundly asleep. Dean dragged his blanket from under him, opened the button of his jeans – ignoring the interested twitch his dick gave at that – and covered him up. He caressed Sam’s peaceful face.

He’d make sure no one hurt this boy like he’d been hurt. Dean was going to take that responsibility and he wouldn’t let Sam down. He’d enjoy showing his roommate just what the world of gay sex had to offer. It would be beneficial for both sides.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, the season 9 has started, how awesome is that?  
> A traditional gigantic thanks for Tracey who does the hard work and I keep making it harder and harder.

Sam woke up with a pounding headache. His mouth felt like something had crawled in and died in there during the night. When he opened his eyes, he groaned when the light hit him full force. Had the sun always shone this brightly?

When he tried opening his eyes for a second time, he covered them with his hand and peered through his fingers at the clock.

 _Crap!_  His first class was starting in like twenty minutes! He quickly shot up from the bed, but the world started spinning around and he had to sit back down. That didn’t help the spinning though and he started to feel nauseous. He made it to the toilet bowl barely in time.

When he finished retching, he stood up shakily and rinsed his mouth. He looked in the mirror. He was pale, his eyes were red and beads of sweat were shining on his forehead. Just why did people drink exactly if it did  _this_  to them the morning after. Now he understood why Dean never woke up early, no matter if he had class or not.

Shit, the class!

He stumbled back into the room and searched his wardrobe for something to wear. His head was still spinning and at one point, he had to stop moving completely just to keep from throwing up again, even though he was sure he had nothing else to give. That was when he realized he could smell himself. He was still in his yesterday’s clothes. God, he needed a shower. He was  _never_  gonna make it in time!

“What’s the matter, Sam?” he heard Dean’s voice.

He quickly turned around to find his roommate’s sleep-crumpled face peeking at him from under his blanket. His head very distinctively didn’t thank him for the sudden movement. Dean put a hand to his mouth.

“Don’t like your first hangover?” the senior yelled loudly.

“Oh for Christ’s sakes,” Sam whined and screwed his eyes shut, trying to will the headache Dean’s yelling had caused to subside. “Having fun?” he huffed.

“You have no idea,” Dean grinned.

“I really hate you for making me go to that party!” Sam frowned. “Now I’m gonna be late for class and-“

“Dude, it’s Saturday, chill,” Dean rolled his eyes.

Sam blinked. That was right. Why didn’t he remember that? He was never one to lose his track of time. Come to think of that, why didn’t he remember the other half of last night at all?

“Go back to bed,” Dean commanded. “Your body’s gonna thank you later, trust me.”

Sam sat back down on his bed and shook off his clothes. He wanted to ask Dean why he didn’t force him out of his clothes before they went to sleep, but the senior was already back in the land of the dreaming.

Sam lay down and tried to make some sense from the mess in his head. Just when the fog finally started to clear, the sleep pulled him under.

\---

The second round of rousing went much slower and smoother than the first. Sam opened one eye, figured out it was safe to open the other as well and stretched his body. Had the yawn been a bit bigger, his mouth would have been torn off. He felt like some giant truck hit him really hard, but it was still generally better than how he’d felt a few hours earlier.

Dean wasn’t in the room, but there was a glass of water, a pill of aspirin and a note on Sam’s nightstand.

_Went out for lunch, figured you wouldn’t want to eat anyway._

_Enjoy your first time,_

_D._

Sam chuckled. Trust Dean to make something as horrible as a hangover sound like a first kiss.

Wait a moment.

Holy Hell!

The memories of Dean’s lips on his and Dean’s tongue in his mouth overflowed him. Just how the heck did  _that_  happen?

Sam recalled talking about first kisses and then he’d told Dean –  _oh no_  – that he was gay. But Dean’s reaction absolutely didn’t make any sense. He wasn’t gay by any chance, not if the string of girls was anything to go by.

And was it a  _good_  kiss. Sam wished his memories were complete. He recalled the kiss and the feelings it stirred in him, but still every second of it that he couldn’t remember was a wasted one. He wanted a round two.

But how was that gonna happen now? And why did Dean do it in the first place?

As if on cue, the door opened and his roommate flashed him a broad smile when he walked in.

“Sleeping beauty is up,” he laughed. “Feeling any better?”

“You  _kissed_  me!” Sam replied, still unable to wrap his head around that.

“That I did,” Dean smiled coyly. “I’m not surprised you remember that, I’m a fabulous kisser,” he grinned smugly and plopped down on his bed.

Sam blushed heavily; he was not one to argue with that.

“B-but how?” Sam asked incredulously. “I mean...the girls! You like girls!”

“Yes, I do, but I don’t discriminate. I like to pick the best from both species,” Dean kept on grinning.

“Oh,” Sam deflated. “I didn’t have a clue,” he complained. “Shouldn’t being gay come with some sort of gaydar?”

Dean outright laughed at that.

“Please,” he scoffed. “Do I look gay to you?”

Sam shook his head. Really, nothing about Dean even remotely suggested that he would be interested in the same sex. He never even talked about guys that way, let alone brought one here. It was always girls.

And Sam was fine with that, really. When he thought Dean was straight, his mind just never even went  _there_. But now, how was he supposed to resist his roommate’s charm? And how the hell was he supposed to forget about the kiss? He wanted, no _needed_  Dean to kiss him one more time.

“Not all guys are that obvious,” Dean winked. “You’re gonna have to figure them out, before you hit on them.”

Okay, so it probably wasn’t going to be Dean who’d kiss him next, he could live with that. What he couldn’t live with, though, was that he now had to actually go and flirt with someone and if that wasn’t something impossible, Sam’s last name wasn’t Campbell.

“I have to work on this paper for a bit,” Dean’s voice broke his musing. “But we’re going to grab some snack later. Wanna join?”

“Sure, hopefully I’ll be able to stomach the food by then,” Sam grinned sheepishly.

“Right,” Dean chuckled. “And what do you know? Maybe you’ll find someone that’ll catch your eye,” he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Sam looked away and busied himself with going through his notes to find an assignment to work on. He really didn’t want to think about stuttering to get some guy’s attention and then being laughed at by both the guy and the group of friends.

“Hey,” Dean spoke softly as if sensing his worry. “Don’t worry. I’ll teach you anything you need to know.”

Sam looked at his roommate surprised. The senior’s smile was genuine, but the mischievous spark in his emerald eyes held a promise.

\---

Fortunately, he didn’t have to flirt with anyone on that lunch. He still wasn’t really able to eat much and Dean’s friends made fun of his hangover, but it was a good kind of joking. Then they moved on to the topic of the party. They were mostly talking about people Sam didn’t know.

It seemed that someone managed to puke all over Hank’s carpet and the host had been so pissed that he’d made the poor guy clean it once he sobered up a bit. Also, this person was apparently no longer welcome at Hank’s parties. Sam could’ve easily pictured himself in this guy’s position and once again found himself utterly grateful for Dean’s rescue. It had led to different embarrassments, but at least  _those_  were more private and the whole senior year wasn’t talking about them over food.

“Oh, and Tess and Matt spent the whole evening together again, but they’re ‘not a couple’,” Julie said, making air quotes with her hands.

The not-a-couple, who was conveniently sitting next to each other rolled their eyes.

“Would you guys cut the crap?” Tess sighed exasperatedly. “Not a couple, never going to happen, now shut up.” Matt was glaring at them every bit as angrily as Tess.

Sam’s eyes kept darting between the two of them. They didn’t  _look_  like a couple. Sure, as far as he could tell, they were always near each other, when he’d been out with the group, but there was no hand-holding, no kissing, no flirting or teasing, nothing.

“Tess and Matt were meant to be,” Dean grinned at Sam. “They just don’t know it yet.” And then he burst in laughter, when Tess threw some of his fries at him.

Not too long after that, they got kicked out of the diner for throwing a food-fight.

\---

The rest of the day went by pretty fast, Sam spent most of it hunched over his midterm papers and taking naps, because having a hangover was obviously very exhausting.

When he’d woken up on Sunday at his regular hour, he was feeling okay again. He grabbed a bunch of books he’d borrowed from the library and went to return them. Some of them were really overdue and he earned himself a dirty look from the old librarian, but he still walked out of there with an armful of freshly borrowed books and a huge smile. Yeah, he might be a nerd, but he loved books.

He was too engrossed in thinking that he hadn’t realized someone was walking in the opposite direction, until they collided and his books were scattered all over the ground. His first reflex was to drop on his knees and gather them, before whoever pushed him could ruin them.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he heard a female voice and someone dropped next to him and helped him with the books. “You know what they say about texting while driving? Well, texting while walking should be illegal as well. I’m really sorry.”

Sam hauled his books back up and smiled at the girl in front of him. She was one of his classmates.

“Oh, Sam, is that you?” she smiled, when she looked up at him.

“Uh, yeah?” he smiled sheepishly, because he didn’t know her name. And that wasn’t something usual in Sam’s life.

“My name’s Jessica,” she blushed softly and stuck out her hand.

“I’d very much like to shake your hand,” Sam said apologetically. “But my hands are kinda full.”

“Oh. Yeah, haha, of course,” the girl’s cheeks coloured an even deeper shade of pink. “You need a hand with that?” she pointed at the pile of books in his arms.

“Uh, I can manage, thanks. I wouldn’t want to keep you from wherever you were walking while texting,” he smirked. It amazed him how easy he found it to talk to her, even though she was just a girl.

“It’s not a bother, really,” she smiled and took half of his books. “It’s the least I can do after I ran into you.”

They talked all the way to his room and Sam was pleasantly surprised by how much they had in common. She was also a shy and not out-going person, hence why she was probably one of the last people in his class whose name he didn’t know; she got here thanks to a scholarship as well, even though just for the accommodation, but still and most importantly, she loved books.

“So, uhm,” Jessica scratched her neck and averted her eyes, when they reached Sam’s room. “Do you have time now? I kinda have nothing to do for a couple hours, so maybe we could grab a coffee and talk some more?” she forced those words out in one single stream and Sam blinked at her for a moment, unable to process it so quickly.

“Okay, nevermind,” she blushed and handed him the books she’d been carrying.

“No, no wait,” Sam said quickly, when he realized she must have mistook his silence for an answer. “Just let me put these away. We can go,” he smiled.

“Really?” she beamed at him.

“Yeah, there’s not many people I could talk to about the classic literature without being looked at like a complete dork.”

She chuckled at that and Sam went inside to put his books away, leaving her outside to wait for a few minutes.

“Hey, Sam,” Dean greeted him from the bed, where he was reading some book with headphones with his ears, one of them was hanging loose, because Dean took it out, when Sam walked in.

“Hey,” Sam greeted back.

“Are you busy this evening?” Dean asked.

“Uh, no, shouldn’t be, why?” Sam frowned. He definitely  _wasn’t_  going to any party anytime soon.

“Wanna go to dinner with me?” Dean smiled coyly. Sam didn’t like that look one bit.

“What’s the catch?” he asked carefully.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Dean’s face was all fake-innocence, now. “I’d just thought that you’d want to broaden your experience in the field of love,” he winked.

“W-what?” Sam said dumbfounded.

“I think we should teach you how to flirt. You’re gonna need it if you ever want to date.”

Sam felt the blood drain from his face.

“Look, thanks for the offer, but I don’t really feel like embarrassing myself in front of some stranger in the middle of a diner or wherever it was you wanted to take me, so...” he trailed off, hoping that Dean would let go of that topic.

Even though he knew he wouldn’t.

“Who do you take me for?” Dean seemed genuinely offended now. “You’re not gonna be flirting with a stranger. You’re gonna be flirting with  _me_ ,” he pointed at his chest and grinned.

Sam almost choked on his own saliva, but fortunately, a knock on the door gave him the welcome diversion. He almost smacked himself on the head when he realized, he’d almost forgotten about the girl in front of his door.

“Sorry,” he said, looking down sheepishly. “Let’s go now.”

“It’s a date, then,” he heard Dean call after him, right before he closed the door.

\---

The coffee with Jessica was surprisingly fun. They switched between the topics of books and school mostly.  Unlike Sam, who figured he’d find out what exactly he wanted to do after college during his years at said university, Jess had her whole life planned out. She wanted to be a lawyer focusing on the cases of abused women and children.

She said there was a girl, back in her fifth grade, who was in no way sticking out of the crowd. She wasn’t the prom queen, but she had her friends (Jessica included), she was generally a sweet and generous girl, if a bit closed off.

As they grew older, though, she started missing classes, she withdrew herself and slowly lost most of her friends. Jessica focused on her studying; thinking that her friend had gone down a wrong path in her life, but that it was her decision. It wasn’t until high school that she found out in the local paper that the girl had killed herself due to being physically and sexually abused by her stepfather for years.

Sam thought she felt a little responsible for not trying to help her friend, while she had the chance, but he was not going to discourage her from her course in life. If anyone seemed capable of making a change, it was Jess.

At some point during talking about classes, Jess mentioned having troubles with the legislative jurisdiction among all the cities and states and Sam naturally offered to tutor her. When she happily accepted, he grew a little worried that maybe that was all this had been about. Even though she would have gone a great lengths just to get him to tutor her.

But instead of excusing herself or losing her interest, as he’d expected her to, she seemed that much more thrilled to talk. The time went by pretty fast and he hadn’t realized he’d forgotten his ‘date’ with Dean, until the senior appeared at their table.

“Sam, what are you doing here,” he exclaimed. “We had plans, remember?”

Frankly, Sam expected Jess to start swooning or fanning over Dean or something, or maybe blush and stutter something shyly, but instead she frowned and sat back on her chair a bit.

“Um, Jess you probably know my roommate, Dean. Dean, this is Jess, we’ve just met today,” he introduced his two friends to each other. “And I’m sorry, I forgot about the time. Plus it’s not like we actually  _agreed_  on a specific time.”

“Oh, I see how a fine looking lady like that would keep you occupied,” Dean said, focusing on Jess and offering her his hand. “Dean Winchester.”

“Jessica Moore,” she answered rather coldly and when Dean took her hand to his lips and kissed the top of it, she quickly pulled back as though he’d burnt her and glared at him.

Sam was honestly taken aback by the sudden change in her behaviour. Okay, Dean might have interrupted them, but he was being nice towards her. He had no idea what might have triggered her sudden hostility.

Dean on the other hand continued smiling. It didn’t even seem forced, if anything, he looked fairly amused.

“Well if your lovely friend will allow,” he said with a wink aimed at Jess who crossed arms over her chest. “We were supposed to have that dinner, remember?” Dean turned his gaze back to Sam.

Jess pressed her lips into a thin line, but said nothing, waiting for Sam to decide.

“I’m really sorry, Jess, but I kind of promised Dean to have dinner with him and talking to you was so much fun that I’d completely forgotten...” Sam looked at her sheepishly. “Sorry?”

Her mouth twitched at that and she shrugged.

“Well what can I do,” she said standing up and gathered her things. “But I’ll see you later, right?” she asked Sam.

“Sure,” he smiled at her and stood up as well, throwing some bills at their table.

“I definitely wouldn’t mind seeing you later, if you know what I mean,” Dean said slyly, dragging his gaze up and down her body.

“Dream on, you jerk,” she spat out and walked away.

\---

“I’m really sorry about Jess,” Sam said as they sat down in the Campus diner. “She’d been really nice, I don’t know what’s gotten into her.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, I liked her,” Dean answered, but Sam didn’t believe him. “Though I didn’t think you’d start practising your dating skills beforehand,” he smirked.

“What are you talking about?” Sam frowned in confusion.

“Are you really that blind?” Dean raised his eyebrow at him. “That girl has got the hots for you.”

Sam snorted, which resulting in sputtering the coffee he’d ordered all over their table.

“Dude, I just met her today. She was just being nice, cause we’re in the same class and she needs tutoring,” he explained, while wiping the table clean with a napkin.

“She asked you to tutor her?” Dean laughed. “Sam, that’s the textbook example of hitting on you! If the whole snarling at me, because I stole you away and because I openly flirted with her in front of you wasn’t enough for you.”

“You’re making this up,” Sam frowned, because that was just impossible. Girls didn’t fall in love with him. Neither did boys, for that matter.

“Am I? I bet you a fifty that I’m right,” he offered his hand for shaking. “And you, my dear friend, have got a major problem, because unless you forgot to tell me something, you’re not exactly batting for her team. You’re gonna have to figure out a way to reject her without breaking her heart.”

Sam didn’t shake his hand.

“I’m not betting on that! And why do you care?”

“She’s a nice person,” Dean replied and pulled his hand back with a smug grin.

“How would you know? She wasn’t overly nice to  _you_ ,” Sam said pointedly.

“She isn’t using you to get to me,” Dean shrugged. “That qualifies as ‘nice’ in my book.”

“Not everyone in this school is into you, you know,” Sam muttered, but he had to admit, it was nice to think there was someone who liked him for  _him._

“Okay, you’re getting an F from today’s flirting lesson,” Dean said mock-offended.

The waitress brought their food and set the plate with a bacon cheeseburger in front of Dean and the bowl of Caesar salad in front of Sam.

Sam was thankful for the distraction, because he could feel his ears burn hot with embarrassment again. He had kind of hoped Dean had forgotten about the original purpose of their ‘date’.

“Okay, so let’s say you got me drunk enough to agree to go out on a date with you,” Dean said, when the waitress walked away again.

“Well thank you very much,” Sam mumbled grumpily, but Dean ignored him.

“Here we are, having a dinner. What do you do?”

“You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?” Sam asked instead. “The whole ‘how to pick up a guy guide’ thing.”

“Of course I am,” Dean nodded. “Now that I can bring over guys without the fear of your reaction, I want you to go out too. But I can’t let you out there unprepared,” he smirked.

“Well that is really nice of you, but do we really have to do  _this_?” Sam waved his hand between them.

“What, am I not good enough for you?” Dean pouted.

Sam just rolled his eyes, but surrendered.

“Okay, so we don’t know each other, right? We’ve just met at a party. And you were drunk,” he added.

“Well I wasn’t  _that_  drunk,” Dean laughed softly. “I remembered the date. And decided to go. So it’s safe to assume that I liked you.”

“So, uh. Hi?” Sam raised his eyes and scratched the back of his neck nervously.

It was stupid to be nervous, because this was  _Dean_  and not really a date, but still. Sam only functioned on the passed/failed basis and he wasn’t used to failing.

Dean laughed so hard that some of the other guests looked their way. Sam was never more grateful that they couldn’t tell the senior was laughing at him.

“Wow,” Dean said finally, when he remembered to breathe again, wiping the tears out of his eyes. “This is gonna take a lot of work.”

Sam lowered his eyes. He didn’t quite enjoy being mocked and that coming from one of the only real friends he had, it felt even worse.

“But it’s gonna be fun,” Dean winked at him. “Just be natural. Talk about anything. It’ll work itself out.”

“Since when are  _you_  such an expert at dating?” Sam huffed.

“I used to date,” Dean shrugged. “Still do, sometimes. Some people take effort to get into bed,” he grinned.

Sam laughed at that, but it occurred to him that he didn’t know anything about Dean’s love life. During the weeks living in one room with him, he’d learned a lot more than he ever wanted about the senior’s sex life, or at least about the female part of it, but there was never a girl- or a boyfriend, no going out with someone, nothing of that kind. And Sam seriously doubted it was because of lack of trying of the others.

He took Dean’s advice and started talking about the food. They quickly moved from the topic of their favourite food to their favourite almost anything and if Dean wasn’t lying or still playing someone else, they actually had quite a lot in common. Except for the plans for their future, obviously.

At one point, a cloud that had been blocking the sun must have moved or something, because the rays of the setting sun shone through the blinds of the diner’s window and fell on Dean’s head. He’d been in the middle of talking about his praxis in a local paper’s office last year. His already blonde hair seemed golden all of a sudden and the light reflected in his eyes, making them seem almost magical. Dean should get a copyright on the colour, because there wasn’t a shade of green in the world that came even close. The freckles were almost invisible in the light. And as Dean was talking, his full lips were moving, shaping the words and it was all Sam could do not to shut him up with a kiss, because this  _wasn’t_  a date. Not really.

“Saaaaaam,” Dean said loud and long, snapping his fingers in front of Sam’s eyes. “Did you fall asleep on me? Am I that boring?”

“What?” Sam said numbly, shaking his head. Did he really just tune Dean out just so he could drool over his face in the evening sun?

“Nothing,” Dean smiled, but looked down, chewing on his bottom lip.

Sam hadn’t known Dean for too long, but he’d known him long enough to start noticing signals of his non-verbal communication. Plus he’d been really paying attention to the older boy.

That was why he knew that Dean might be smiling and shrugging and saying ‘Nothing’, but in combination with looking down it means ‘Something’. And when the bottom lip is also involved, it means ‘Something important’.

He quickly rewound the latest development of their conversation in his head. Dean’d been talking about his plans for the future and his praxis. His eyes lit up the way they did when he’d been truly enthusiastic about something. And Sam gave him the impression that it wasn’t interesting enough. That was rude, at the very least.

“No, no, you weren’t boring me, really,” he said quickly, covering Dean’s hand with his without a second thought. “I just zoned out, wondering if maybe the universe is trying to make up for High school by giving me someone as amazing as you for a roommate. Seriously, no one in your position would do what you’re doing for me. And I don’t know if I’ve ever said thanks. So thank you. I appreciate it, all of it.

The light must have been still playing with his vision, because he could’ve sworn he’d seen Dean blush. And that just wasn’t possible.

“That right there,” Dean nodded to their hands, “earned you a solid C.”

“Thank you, professor,” Sam laughed, but made no move to draw his hand back. “Does that mean the lesson is over?”

“Yes, for today,” Dean grinned and carefully untangled his hand from Sam’s. The other boy tried not to be disappointed by it.

“Can I get you anything else, boys?” the waitress asked as she cleared their plates.

“No, thanks, we’re leaving actually,” Dean smiled at her and she went to retrieve the bill. “By the way, you’re paying,” he told Sam matter-of-factly.

“I thought this wasn’t a date,” Sam raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“It wasn’t, but nobody tutors for free,” Dean grinned.

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes, but paid the bill anyway. The waitress’s gaze flicked between them for a few moments and then she hurried to her co-worker behind the counter. Sam could’ve sworn that when they walked by to get to the door, he could hear the girls cooing.

“So, is this the part where I walk you home?” Sam asked lightly. His hand was itching to grab Dean’s, so he stuffed his hands to the pocket of his jeans. He had to keep reminding himself that this wasn’t a date.

Dean laughed, but said nothing and just started walking in their direction.

When they reached the door to their room, Sam held it open for Dean, who rolled his eyes, but walked inside anyway.

“I thought I said the lesson was over,” he turned to Sam. “But since you obviously wanna do this properly,” he took a step closer. “I didn’t get my goodbye kiss,” he blinked up innocently.

“W-what?” Sam could hear his heart started pumping faster. Did Dean really just say he wanted another kiss?

“Come on, Sam. Kiss me,” Dean grinned.

Sam took a tentative step closer. Dean was within his arm-reach now. He took another half step. Dean’s grin turned into an encouraging smile, but other than inkling his head; he’d made no move to initiate the kiss.

Sam took a deep breath that did nothing to calm him down. He could feel his hands sweating and he closed his eyes, but then he realized he didn’t know where to aim, so he opened them. Dean was looking at him with an amused expression.

“Sam, it’s just a kiss. You didn’t do too badly, when it was your first and you were drunk. I’m sure it’ll be fine. And even if it wasn’t, it won’t matter.”

“Yeah,” Sam breathed out, to convince himself. “Yeah, okay.”

And with that, he leaned in.

It was kind of awkward. He bumped Dean’s cheek with his nose, he didn’t know how to give Dean a sign to open up his mouth and the older boy made no effort to do it himself. And he had no idea whatsoever as to what to do with his hands, so he let them hang loose and that was  _really_ awkward. After a minute of lips sliding against each other he pulled away slightly, just enough to look into Dean’s eyes.

Dean started opening his mouth to speak and from the amused glint in his eyes and the way the left corner of his mouth twitched Sam knew, he’d make this into a joke. And that was not what Sam wanted. He wanted to hear Dean say he did a good job. That he learned fast. He wanted Dean to  _like_  the kiss.

Dean’s eyes only had a chance to widen in surprise, before Sam pressed his lips against Dean’s once more. This time it was more forceful and Sam managed to make Dean back up two steps, which was enough to press him against the wall.

Sam scanned his memory frantically to figure out the right way to do this, but the details were washed away with the alcohol, so he reacted on instinct.

He put his hands on Dean’s hips, moulding their bodies together and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. Dean wrapped his arms around his neck and ran his fingers through his hair. The soft massaging of his skull felt good. Dean’s lips were soft and pliant under his and he responded to Sam’s tries to deepen the kiss in kind, but still let the taller one of them be in control.

Tentatively, Sam decided to push his luck and buried his tongue in the wet heat of Dean’s mouth. The older boy tasted after the coke he’d had with the dinner and something uniquely his. Sam wondered briefly what did  _he_  taste like and if Dean liked the way he tasted, but then Dean shifted his hips and brushed against Sam’s crotch and all coherent thoughts flew right out of Sam’s mind.

His lungs were sending S.O.S signals to his brain, because they were in a serious need of oxygen, but Sam ignored it as long as he could, because once he pulled away to take a breath, it would be it. And he didn’t want this to be over just yet.

When he finally broke off the kiss and took in the sight of Dean, he was pleasantly surprised to find the senior panting as hard as he did. The thought that he’d just kiss his roommate breathless occurred to him, but he didn’t voice it.

Dean was looking just gorgeous with his kiss swollen lips and slightly rumpled clothes. And Sam was the one to do it. He felt proud of himself.

“I take it back,” Dean sighed, when he regained his composure. “Today was definitely a B plus,” he grinned.

“B plus, huh?” Sam huffed out a laugh. “You liked it, admit it.”

“Oh, I  _loved_  it. Especially the finish,” he winked. “But you did say ‘Hi’ back in the diner,” he laughed and Sam had to laugh along when he remembered the moment. Who would have thought the day would end here, with Dean backed up against a wall and in Sam’s arms? “I couldn’t give you a higher note even if you’d give me the best blowjob of my life right now,” Dean added.

Sam swallowed against the lump in his throat that suddenly threatened to choke him. He knew that Dean meant what he said as nothing more but a joke, but Sam still grew a little uneasy. Was that what Dean had planned for their next lesson? Did he expect Sam to go down on him? Sam started feeling nauseous at that thought, but what scared him the most that he was almost sure he knew the answer to the question ‘Should it come down to it, would Sam be able to tell Dean no?’. And it wasn’t yes.

Dean seemed to notice something was off and he narrowed his slightly darkened eyes at Sam.

“Would you want that, Sam?” he growled with a voice dropped down an octave. “Would you want to end the date on your knees, convincing the guy you’re worth the effort?”

He moved his hands from Sam’s hair to the younger guy’s shoulders and used them to switch their position, so that it was Sam with his back to the wall now.

“Do you even know how to do it?”

“I,uh, I know the theory,” Sam choked out.

All the alarms were going off in Sam’s head. No, he didn’t want to do this, not yet. It was all too fast too soon. But what if he said that to Dean? Would that mean the end of their friendship? He was sure he must have looked just as terrified as he felt. He felt his lower lip start to tremble and he could completely relate now to the poor deer caught in headlights.

He felt Dean’s hand on his cheek and tried to focus on the older boy’s face. Dean was looking at him with a soft, almost fond look in his eyes.

“Shhh,” he hushed Sam while stroking his cheek with his thumb. “It’s okay, Sam. Take a breath. Let me take care of you.”

Sam did as asked and closed his eyes when Dean leaned in to kiss him. He expected another full on the mouth kiss, but he got just a peck on the lips instead and then Dean’s mouth was at his ear.

“You don’t have to do anything,” he heard his friend whisper. “Don’t  _ever_  do anything you don’t want. If anyone tries to force you, they’re not worth it. Remember that,” and with that he pulled away a little.

Sam didn’t dare to open his eyes just yet.

“Dude, seriously, chill,” he heard Dean chuckle. “I can hear your heart beating over here.”

Sam’s face had only a short time to colour in embarrassment and then Dean’s mouth was at his once again.

The kiss had the desired effect on Sam. He felt his heartbeat even out and he even put his hands on Dean’s face. This time it was Dean who licked into Sam’s mouth and sucked on his lips.

The senior pulled away and rested his forehead against Sam’s.

“You know, there are two ways to go about a blowjob,” Dean continued in a hushed whisper, as though the major breakdown Sam just almost had didn’t happen. “You can either be the one on your knees,” he said, sliding his hands down Sam’s chest and stomach and stopping at the fly of his jeans. “Or you can be the one with the pants down,” he said and then suddenly he was out of the line of Sam’s vision.

Sam looked down when he felt the zipper of his pants being pulled down. The senior was working his jeans down to his ankles. Sam’s breath started coming out in harsh pants, but this time it was for far different reasons than a panic attack.

Dean ran his hands up his thighs and then hooked the fingers in the waistband of Sam’s boxers. The freshman was never more grateful that he’d put on a regular black instead of the funny ones with animals on it that he’d gotten from his mom on Christmas.

Dean pulled the boxers down and Sam’s dick sprung free, already hard. Sam had no idea when that happened.

“Whoa,” Dean said. “Little Sam’s not so little,” he chuckled.

The warm puff of breath against the sensitive skin of his cock sent shivers down Sam’s spine.

“Pay close attention, class,” Dean murmured against the skin of his thighs as he nuzzled it. “This is probably the only lesson you’ll actually use in life.”

Sam wanted to laugh at that, but Dean chose that exact moment to close his lips around the head of his cock, so instead Sam let out a guttural sound. His head connected hard with the wall and his eyes rolled back into his head as Dean started sucking.

“Oh my god,” Sam breathed out and moaned again.

“Shshsh,” Dean whispered around the mouthful of Sam’s cock and the taller boy’s knees didn’t give out only thanks to some miracle.

He felt Dean’s tongue press flat on the underside of his dick as he moved up and down. It was the best feeling in the world. The searing heat was setting his whole body aflame and he could feel the orgasm being sucked out of his body, literally. He knew he wouldn’t last long.

He looked down at his friend, on his knees, pretty pink lips stretched around his cock and cheeks hollowed. The big green eyes blinked up at him and that was all Sam could withstand. He threw his head back and cried out as he felt the spasm shake his whole body. Even though he could feel his balls draw up and shoot their entire load out, the wet heat of Dean’s mouth never left his cock.  _Jesus Christ he’s swallowing!_  went through his mind and then his vision whitened with the strength of the second orgasm’s wave.

This time his knees did give out. He could feel himself sliding down the wall and when his head stopped spinning, he opened his eyes again.

He was looking right into Dean Winchester’s cheery face.

“You doing okay, there?”

All Sam could do was nod.

“Dude, that good?” Dean laughed. “You really are a boost for one’s self confidence, you know that?”

“I, uh,” Sam hoarsed out, cleared his throat and tried again. “Thank you. That was...wow.”

“Don’t make me blush,” Dean laughed and stood up. He held out his hand and helped Sam up as well. “You should probably take a shower. You look like you’ve been run over by a truck,” Dean chuckled.

“Um, uh yeah, I’ll do that,” Sam stuttered and disappeared in the bathroom. “Smooth,” he glared at his own reflection.

He really looked funny. Dishevelled hair, standing in all directions, pupils blown wide like he’d just had a joint and rumpled clothes, the button of his jeans still undone. He poured some cold water on his face, but it did nothing to clear the fog in his brain.

Later in the shower, he realized that the weird high-on feeling wasn’t sleepiness or leftover adrenalin from the panic or nervousness, but that it was the blissed out moment after his first orgasm induced by someone else.

Sam couldn’t wait for the next lesson.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, dearies! Guess what? Yes, the new F&S chapter is up! Exciting, I know! Sit back and enjoy the show. And leave a review!  
> Thank you Tracy, for your help with this chapter.

Dean realized he was awake. He didn’t like that one bit. His head was still flooded with images from a particularly pleasant dream, though whenever he tried to focus on them, they dissipated from his memory. So he gave up and sat up in his bed, but groaned loudly to let whatever woke him up know how displeased he was.

As it turned out, it was his roommate who was gathering himself up from the floor, the things that were originally on his desk scattered all around him. That picture made absolutely no sense to still sleepy Dean.

“Sam?” he mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Shit, did I wake you up? I’m sorry. I tripped and fell,” Sam winced.

Dean got out of his bed and crouched next to Sam.

“You okay?” he frowned.

“Yeah, but my desk isn’t,” Sam sighed.

“Really,” Dean rolled his eyes. “You fall down and all you care about is whether the  _papers_  got hurt?”

“Aww, you are worried about me,” Sam pinched his cheek. “That’s cute.”

“You did  _not_  just call me cute,” Dean growled.

“I totally did,” Sam grinned.

“I’m too tired for this shit,” Dean stood up, leaving Sam to deal with his papers and went to use the bathroom.

The flirting had become something natural for them, whenever they were alone. Dean didn’t even think about it. It didn’t mean they were an item; they were just that comfortable around each other. And Dean told himself it was good for Sam’s dating skills.

Just when he rinsed the toothpaste out of his mouth, strong long arms circled around his torso and he found himself pressed against Sam’s broad shirtless chest. The freshman didn’t quite hug him, though; he just put the paste on his toothbrush and began to brush his teeth.

Yeah, the touching was something natural for them as well. Even though they didn’t take it any further with the sexual stuff, apart from one mutual handjob, they just couldn’t keep their hands to themselves so to speak.

Dean turned around and reached on the shelf behind Sam for his shaving cream and razor. He lost himself for a moment in the hazel depths of Sam’s eyes and thank god for the toothbrush in his friend’s mouth or he would have kissed him.

Oddly enough, kissing didn’t become natural to them at all. And that was quite a shame if you asked Dean, because the kid was on his way to become a good kisser, excellent even.

As Dean put the foam on his face, he ‘accidentally’ smeared some on Sam’s face and laughed on the scowl that appeared on the freshman’s face.

“Dude,” Sam exclaimed. “I just washed my face!”

He made a move to wash the cream away from his chin, but Dean’s hand stopped him.

“I think you need a shave, Sam,” he said seriously.

Sam just laughed and tried to push Dean out of the way, but the older boy was persistent.

“You’re serious about this,” the taller rolled his eyes, when Dean started putting the cream on his face with firm strokes. “I’m gonna be late for class!” he complained.

“Well, the sooner you stop squirming, the faster I’ll be able to do this,” Dean grinned.

He grabbed his own razor and ever so gently started to scrape the foam off his friend’s face, trying to be extra careful when he reached the skin between his mouth and nose.

He would have to be blind not to notice the way Sam’s eyes darkened and his breath started coming out faster and harsher. He leaned in closer very, very slowly, so that Sam had no idea he was doing it until he was already too close.

“Maybe I should have warned you,” Dean whispered into Sam’s ear. “It’s the same razor I use on my balls.”

The younger guy gulped audibly and his pupils widened. Dean grinned, pleased with the power he held over his roommate.

“The fact that it just turned you on tells me things about you, Sam,” the senior chuckled.

“It didn’t,” Sam looked away sheepishly, blushing adorably in a strong contrast to the white foam that Dean’d been slowly shaving off him.

“It didn’t, huh?” Dean slid his free hand across Sam’s stiff groin, causing the younger man to whimper.

“Shh,” he soothed, when his friend started opening his mouth, probably to defend himself. “’S okay,” he smiled and finished last stroke with the razor.

He soaked a cloth with Sam’s aftershave and cleaned his now hairless face with it. Then he dried him off with a towel, his eyes never leaving Sam’s. The younger man watched him with something close to awe. His lips were slightly parted and all Dean had to do was lean in and kiss them. He was positive the freshman would have let him.

But kissing was just...to intimate, even for the two of them and Dean didn’t want to give Sam any wrong impressions about where they stood. God knew it might have been too late as it was.

He brushed the other boy’s chin with his nose and breathed in deeply.

“Mmm, smells good,” he hummed approvingly. “There,” he patted Sam’s shoulder. “You’re good to go.”

Sam swallowed and blinked a couple of times.

“I, arrgh, I will, uhm,” he tried to speak as he backed away from Dean. “I’ll go to class now,” and he quickly disappeared from the bathroom.

Dean stayed inside the whole time the freshman was putting his clothes on and when he finally heard the slam of the door, he freed himself from the boxers that were trapping his flush and swollen cock. He had no idea when that happened or why he didn’t feel it happening, but he needed a date with his right hand right. The fuck. Now.

-xXx-

Sam was desperately searching his head for images that would help him subside the hard-on he was sporting in his pants. Fortunately, he remembered that he was just about to have a class with Elephant and that thought alone was enough to make his cock go soft.

He spotted Jess waving at him from across the room the moment he walked in. She motioned for him to come over.

“I saved you a seat,” she beamed at him, when he did.

“That’s so nice of you, thanks,” Sam couldn’t help but smile back. No one had ever saved a seat for him before.

“Us smart ones should stick together, right?” she winked at him and smacked his arm playfully.

Sam laughed at that, but didn’t argue.

The lesson went by incredibly slowly and Elephant was being his usual asshole-self, but at least his focus wasn’t aimed at Sam this time. Some poor guy in the back row drew the short straw this time.

When Elephant finally decided he’d terrorized them enough for today and left, Jess tapped Sam’s shoulder to get his attention.

“Are you free now?”

“Yeah, I have a two hours window between classes,” Sam answered.

“Would you want to, uhm,” she coughed and her hair fell into her face. “Maybe sit down for a coffee?”

“You mean for the tutoring?” Sam asked.

“Err, yeah. Yes, for the tutoring. Would you mind?” she smiled.

“No, not at all,” he smiled back.

When they entered the student’s café, Sam’s eyes fell on Matt and Tess, sitting by a table for two. Yeah, not-a-couple Sam’s ass.

“No comments, Sasquatch,” Tess glared at him, when she’d noticed him staring.

Sasquatch was a nickname the group of Dean’s friends started to use, because he was taller than them, even though they were all four years older. Sam had only been called things like  _nerd_ and  _Samantha,_ so he was more than okay with it.

He grinned at the two friends and turned around to Jess, surprised to find her frowning and burning holes into the side of Tess’s face with her eyes.

Sam tried to figure out what had triggered Jess’s mood this time. He briefly wondered if maybe she was some crazy person who thought she had a monopole on Sam’s time, but then again when a couple of girls from his class asked Sam about something school-related earlier, she hadn’t had that look on her face. In fact, she was nice to them and helped with the explaining.

“That’s Tess and Matt,” he motioned towards their table. “My friends who are,” he put his hand to his mouth and shouted “definitely not on a date.”

Matt threw a biscuit that he got with his coffee at him. Sam dodged it easily and laughed.

“Friends?” Jess seemed surprised, but the hostile look on her features was gone.

She raised her hand and waved at them shyly. That earned her a wave back from Matt and a questioningly raised eyebrow aimed at Sam from Tess. Maybe he should tune down the dating jokes or he was going to become a punch line to one.

“Yeah, surprising, I know, but I actually have a few,” the corner of Sam’s mouth tugged upwards. Cracking that joke would probably never get old for him.

“N-no, that’s not-, did you think-, oh god, I didn’t-,” the more Jess stuttered, the heavier she blushed.

“Hey, I was just joking,” Sam took a pity on her.

They ordered their coffees and Jess insisted on paying for them this time, since he paid for the both of them the day they met. The girl behind the counter shot him a dirty look when she accepted the change from Jess.

They sat down and talked for a bit and Sam noticed that Jess was avoiding the subject of tutoring altogether, like maybe she was embarrassed. But he enjoyed talking to her, so he decided not to push it.

When she’d excused herself to go to the bathroom, his thoughts went to his roommate, more specifically, this morning.

He knew they weren’t exactly  _dating_ , but they were definitely doing  _something_  and this  _something_  was doing things to Sam. Like the fluttering in his stomach, when Dean brushed his nose against his chin. Or the way his cock was going from flaccid to rock-hard in a record time, whenever Dean touched him. It was maddening.

Sure, Dean still went to parties and he still came back late and Sam wasn’t that naive to think he hadn’t fooled with anyone in the bathrooms –he’d seen him come out followed by a giggly girl himself after all – but he never brought them back to their room anymore and that had to mean something, right?

Except it probably didn’t mean anything at all.

This was frustrating as hell if Sam should be honest. Maybe he just got too used to Dean’s touches and now the senior hadn’t touched him in  _days_ , only teasing. And if Sam knew how to do it, he’d pick up someone else to take care of his needs.

Yeah, as if.

Sam realized that he was a complete mess. His emotions were all over the place and he didn’t know anymore what or how he felt with Dean and the little ‘tutoring’ they had going. Maybe they should stop? Sam was certain that if he asked, Dean would have just laid off. Which was probably the main reason he wasn’t going to ask. He sighed deeply. Wasn’t it better when nobody was interested enough in him to mess with his head like this?

By the time Jess returned and sat back to her chair, Sam came to the realization that if he wanted to figure this out, he had to find out where he and Dean stood first.

-xXx-

Dean knew exactly where he stood with Sam.

He was his guidance, a teacher and he was responsible that Sam got everything right, before he was let out into the world full of sharks wanting to take a bite at him – because honestly, who wouldn’t want a piece of that – and that was all there was. No feelings, no attachments, no harm done.

At least that was what he was telling himself as he was adjusting his hair in front of the mirror. He was getting ready for a birthday party for a couple of his classmates.

The problem with being Sam’s sex teacher was that the kid was incredibly hot. Someone might ask, why that was a problem. Well, the problem was that Dean wanted to actually have sex with the kid. Like literally fuck his brains out and preferably not just once.

But Sam wasn’t quite ready yet, in fact, he wasn’t even remotely there. And the last thing Dean was willing to do, was to push him into something he didn’t really want. He could probably break Sam to say yes, but he wouldn’t. Despite what people might say, Dean was actually a nice guy deep inside. The people who knew him well, knew that the heartbreaker, cocky and self-assured Dean was just an image. But not even they knew, what made him hide behind that mask.

He knew what it was like to be used and treated like garbage, but still clinging to used-to-be’s and might-have-been’s and hoping that the person you gave your heart and body up for was going to miraculously change back into the one you’d fallen for, even though you suspected that person was never real to begin with.

He spent too long on the emotional rollercoaster that was his first and only relationship with another guy. He’d had his share of girlfriends before him, but after everything his ex-boyfriend put him through, he guarded carefully the bits and pieces of his heart he still had left. He knew he never fully recovered from the break up. Well, not exactly a break up, more like a run away. And just like said ex-boyfriend always said, Dean didn’t make a good boyfriend material. Oh yeah, the bastard loved stomping at Dean’s self-esteem saying shit like that. And Dean carried with himself only every single one of them.

He shook his head to clear his mind. He hated that after all these years,  _he_  was still able to get to him like that. He was more than happy to never have to see  _him_  again.

That was another reason he wanted to help Sam. He truly cared about that kid. He could see himself in him, insecure, naive and shy. The perfect prey. There were tons of guys out there that could and would make a number on the boy, given the chance. And Dean didn’t want them to have that chance. A shrink might say that Dean was trying to save himself by saving Sam. And so what if that was true? That didn’t make his intentions any less pure.

And he definitely didn’t want to be the guy to hurt Sam either. He knew there was a thin line between sex and feelings, especially for people like Sam, so finding a guy for a one-night-stand might probably serve for setting the boundaries straight, as well. Dean never lied about what their whole ordeal was about, but a reminder couldn’t hurt. Plus his dick had been really aching to be buried in something tight and hot.

It was absolutely not cheating, because he and Sam were nothing more than roommates with benefits. And very small benefits, at least so far, if you asked Dean. There was something warm and endearing in the slow speed they took things with Sam, but a guy has his needs.

He still left a note on Sam’s nightstand, though, just to clear his conscience. The weird feeling he had about this in his gut changed only slightly after that.

He wasn’t thinking about Sam when he’d left that room and met with Ben and Jim to enter the party. He still wasn’t thinking about him as he noticed the guy checking him out. And he most definitely wasn’t thinking about him, when he let the guy pull him in for a kiss in the shadows of the corner of the room.

-xXx-

Sam returned early that evening from his tutoring session with Jessica. They did eventually get to the tutoring part. Sam thought Jess was being too hard on herself, because as far as he could tell, she was comprehending the stuff just fine, but she insisted she had to get better. And who was Sam to deny her that.

His eyes fell on the note on his nightstand. For some reason, Dean’s habit of leaving notes around the room never ceased to make Sam smile. This time was no different.

_Going to a party._

_You might wanna consider leaving the room tonight._

_Don’t wait up ;)_

_-D._

The smile faltered and disappeared from Sam’s face. But really, what was he expecting? An invitation to a romantic dinner? At least Dean was decent enough to give him a warning.

He sat down on his bed heavily and threw away the crumpled note. He was almost certain the slight ache in his chest was something comparable to a broken heart and that was a terrifying realization. It was never supposed to be about love with Dean and obviously, it never was, not for the senior at least.

But Sam couldn’t really get mad at his roommate, because it wasn’t his fault that Sam had latched onto the first boy that had shown him any kind of affection. Dean had never lied about this; he’d never said they were exclusive or that they were even _anything_. And Sam knew that they weren’t. So if his chest felt a little achy right now, it was his own goddamn fault.

His first reaction was to flee the room and not come back until tomorrow afternoon, but then he decided against it. To his own surprise, it wasn’t so much that he had nowhere to go, but he wanted to show his friend that this changed nothing between them. It was probably stupid to think that Dean did this to test him – he probably just wanted to get laid, which was something Sam couldn’t give him – but he still wanted to prove that he understood the conditions of their non-relationship and that he was fine with them.

That the reality was something completely different was none of his roommate’s concern.

\---

Sam tried to distract himself with studying, but it worked only partially. He even went so far that he started texting with Jess. When she picked up on his bad mood, though, he’d quickly cut it off before she started asking questions, telling her he had to go to sleep.

Sleeping didn’t really work for him either, not that it was very surprising. There was a fleeting chance that he could sleep through whatever Dean was going to be doing, but that never happened before, so why should it happen now.

It was already dark outside and Dean could come through that door any minute now, so Sam devoted the time he had left trying to getting himself ready.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t that hard, once he accepted that his roommate was entitled to have his needs met. Plus, this part Sam was fairly used to. And whoever was going to come through that door with Dean would be gone by tomorrow morning and it would be just the two of them again. Not that there actually  _was_  any Sam-and-Dean. But hey, a guy can dream, right?

There was a fumbling with the handle and then the door opened. Sam was facing the wall and pretending to be peacefully asleep, just like all those times before.

The door slammed and he heard Dean hush the other person between chuckles. Sam’s eyes shot open when he realized that there were  _two_  male voices. Dean brought back a guy! Well, that was a first. Maybe Sam was right and this really was another lesson after all.

Sam really had zero experiences when it came to sex between two men. He tried watching gay porn once, but he had to turn it off. It left him horrified and glad he didn’t have a boyfriend at that time.

While he was musing, the two men made their way to Dean’s bed and the mattress squeaked under the weight. There were grunts and groans and the distinct sound of kissing.

Sam really tried to detach himself from the situation, just get through it sometimes, but his highly unhelpful mind kept supplying him with pictures of Dean’s hands on his skin. It even got to the point, when he could  _feel_  it.

“Jesus, Winchester, your  _mouth_ ,” the guy panted and fell back on the pillows.

The smacking sound of sucking was unmistakable. Sam’s mind went back to the time when Dean was on his knees, his full, pink lips wrapped around Sam’s cock. The said organ was aching so badly that Sam had to rub against the mattress to find at least some relief.

As it turned out, the guy was a talker.

“Holy fuck, Dean, that’s so –  _yes –_ God, had I known sooner what a magic your pretty little mouth is, I would have –  _Jesus_ ,” he panted.

Sam felt like it was  _him_  who was getting a head. His body was on fire, the desire coursing through his veins like a sickness that had to be rubbed out. Except, he couldn’t do anything as obvious if he didn’t want to draw attention upon himself.

He felt a moan bubble up from the inside of his chest, so he bit down on his bottom lip to prevent it from coming out. What came out was a quiet keening sound and for a second, Sam stopped breathing, hoping the other two men in the room didn’t hear anything.

“What was that,” Guy asked.

“What was what?” asked Dean, his voice a little hoarse.

“I swear I heard someone,” Guy whispered.

Sam wondered if he would become invisible if he’d wish for it hard enough.

“Was probably just a cat,” Dean murmured. “You wanna get on with the program or you’d rather go out and chase ghosts?” he chuckled.

“Stupid question,” Guy mumbled and then there was a sound of rustling sheets and the nightstand’s shelf being opened.

Sam quietly sneaked a hand into his pants and squeezed the base of his cock hard to prevent himself from hardening any further, because he wasn’t sure how much of this torture he was able to take anymore. At one point, he found himself seriously considering throwing Guy out of Dean’s bed and getting fucked himself. Hell, right now he would have probably even gone for a threesome.

He heard the sound of a lube being squirmed and then it was Dean who spoke.

“Look at you,” he said in a low, husky tone. “Taking my fingers like a champ. You’re no stranger to this, are you?”

 _Holyfuckingshit_ , Dean’s voice was doing  _things_  to Sam. It was making him want to throw the covers back and yell at the top of his lungs and pump his own cock while having sex with Dean, all at once. It was better, when Guy did the talking. At least then, Sam only had to deal with images.

Guy gave a sharp cry and Sam heard the wrapper of a condom being torn off.

“That’s right, let it out,” he kept talking. “The spot right there?” Another broken cry came out of Guy’s mouth. “After I’m through with you, you’re gonna beg me to let you come.”

“Jesus.”

For a moment, Sam was terrified that he’d spoken aloud, but fortunately, it was the guy that voiced the word on his mind.

Sam tilted his head a little and stuffed the corner of his blanket into his mouth. He wasn’t going to risk it.

“You ready?” Dean asked.

 _God yes, yes I’m ready, do it, do_ something _!_  Sam’s mind screamed.

“Yes.”

When he heard the slam of skin on skin, as Dean hit home, it was too late to realize that he really wasn’t.

God bless the loudness of Guy’s moans, because Sam was positive he couldn’t keep all the sounds inside, even though his jaw ached from biting into the comforter too hard.

He decided to rely on the fact that they were both too caught up in what they were doing to notice and started stroking his already leaking cock.

“Oh no, you don’t,” he heard the sound of a hand being slapped away. “You’re gonna have to ask nicely,” Dean said.

Sam could completely relate to the whine Guy let out.

“Come on, darling, you want to come, yes?” Dean continued in the lust-filled voice of his and Sam was too far gone to notice that he was obeying his orders as if it was  _Sam_  they were directed at. “Ask nicely,” Dean’s voice dropped a notch lower. “Beg me for it.”

 _Please, oh my God, please,_  Sam was screaming on the inside so loud he didn’t even hear Guy doing the same on the outside.

“Alright. Come,” was all Dean said and Sam’s vision turned red.

That should have been his warning, because all the other times Dean had brought him to completion ended with him seeing white. So when his breathing and heartbeat finally stopped having a dubstep party and settled down enough for him to at least think, he found out he didn’t in fact cream his boxers.

His cock was flushed and begging for attention and Sam was just  _this close_  to the edge, but unlike Guy, he didn’t have Dean’s helping hand to send him over it, so he had to wait for him to leave and for Dean to fall asleep to be able to take care of his situation in the bathroom.

“Mother of all sex gods,” he heard Guy pant.

“Yeah, I know,” he could picture Dean’s smug grin very well.

“Sorry,” Guy muttered. “I’m moving, I swear. I guess you fucked my brains out,” he choked out a laugh.

“Take your time,” Dean laughed back. “I’ll take a shower meanwhile.”

Sam closed his eyes and tried to breathe through it. He was kind of hoping Guy would leave soon, so that he could jerk off before Dean came back from his shower, but the bloody idiot was obviously too fucked out to move fast. Sam was sure Dean was that good, but he wasn’t in a state when he’d be capable of sympathy.

It took Dean only ten seconds to come out of the bathroom, after the door closed behind Guy for good.

-xXx-

Tonight was one of the best in his life, Dean decided. And it had nothing, or very little at least, to do with the guy he’d brought to spend the night with.

He was more than a little tipsy when he’d agreed to take Toby - or whatever the guy’s name was – here, but in the end, he was glad he had.

He hadn’t even realized it until they stood outside the door, but he’d been kind of worried about Sam’s reaction to this. He half-expected him to be out somewhere and to his own surprise, Dean didn’t fancy that idea very much.

So when he’d opened the door, the first thing he did was check the freshman’s bed. The second thing he did was crowd the guy that came here with him against the door, so that he wouldn’t be aware of his roommate’s presence. Somehow, he figured ProbablyToby wouldn’t be thrilled.

Now that he knew –much to his relief – that he didn’t have to worry about the freshman getting in trouble or being mad, he just wanted to get this over with. Seriously, he didn’t need hours of passionate lovemaking; he just needed his itch to be scratched. And if anyone had told him, he’d ever think like this a few months back, he’d probably laugh his ass off.

When the guy made himself comfortable on Dean’s bed and the senior slowly made his way between his legs, it felt almost like an apology. The guy was good-looking and so far not an asshole, and it wasn’t his fault that to Dean he was nothing more than a means to reach a temporary relief.

When he’d heard the weak mewl coming from the other bed, he froze the same way his companion did, but instead of the terror the guy obviously felt, he felt a grin spread over his face.

So not only Sam was awake and alert for this, he clearly was interested. Dean decided to make it a little bit of a show for him. Plus, if he did his job well, the boost his reputation would receive after the guy went bragging about the awesome sex he’d had with Dean Winchester couldn’t hurt.

He focused on Sam more than on the guy spread out under him, but the other didn’t seem to notice. He was probably too caught up in this to even think about it, because Dean was really doing his best to make him scream. He just wasn’t sure for whose benefit it was anymore.

He was watching his roommate carefully, looking for any movement. He could see him squirm a little, but nothing that would give him away and Dean was surprised by how long he was able to withstand it. Dean himself was only this close to orgasm.

When he saw Sam’s hand sneak down into his boxers, he yelled “Oh no, you don’t” before he remembered that it wasn’t  _Sam_ he was having sex with. Luckily, the odds were in his favour, because Let’scallhimToby’s hand found its way around his cock as well. It made him pay more attention to his sex-buddy, though.

He came shortly after the guy and he saw Sam’s body tense and then go slack, so he figured the freshman had just come as well.

Presently, he was lying in his bed, waiting for Sam to get up. He was sure his friend would, because there was no way the neat and tidy Sam Campbell was going to fall asleep with spunk in his boxers.

He figured the freshman wouldn’t move until Dean was asleep, though, so that was what he’d been doing ever since he’d returned from his shower – faking sleep.

Only when the younger boy actually move did Dean realize that he had no clue what to do about it. Calling Sam on creaming his pants like a fourteen-year-old equalled admitting that he’d been paying attention.

His roommate seemed to have a bit of a problem getting up from the bed and when he walked by Dean’s bed, the senior saw exactly why. That was quite a tent he was sporting.

As quietly as possible, Dean got out of his bed and pulled Sam into his chest, right before the taller could disappear in the bathroom.

The freshman jumped in his arms. His muscles relaxed almost immediately, but his heartbeat didn’t.

“Shh,” Dean whispered into his ear. He kept one arm around his friend’s chest, while the other slowly crept its way down Sam’s abdomen. “Enjoyed the little show, did we? Maybe you  _do_  have a listening kink after all,” Dean kept speaking in a hushed tone, making sure his lips brushed against the shell of Sam’s ear.

Sam’s breaths were coming out ragged and his eyes fell closed.

“Dean,” he drew his name out and it sounded half like a whine and half like a plea.

“Hey,” Dean spoke softly while he slowly circled Sam’s lower abdomen, his fingers brushing the hem of his boxers, but not quite pushing in. “Told you I’d take care of you. All you gotta do is,” he was fairly certain his grin was evil now. “Ask.”

Sam’s eyes shot open and the sound he made felt like he was being tortured and not pleasured. Dean knew the guy was blushing, even though he couldn’t see it in the darkness of the room.

“D-Dean, I...please,” he whispered weakly. “Let me come...make me, I, please,” he squeezed his eyes shut and looked so mortified that Dean took pity on him and wrapped his fingers around Sam’s flushed dick.

The freshman’s whole body strained and his lips parted as he was breathing unevenly.

“Feels good, right?” Dean kept whispering into his ear and Sam nodded. “I bet you were thinking about what it would be like if I did all those things to you and not him. Well one day, you’re gonna find out,” he promised.

Sam came with a broken cry on his lips. His whole body slumped against Dean and he held the taller boy through it, because he was worried the freshman wasn’t able to keep upright on his own.

When Sam came back to himself, he opened his eyes and looked right into Dean’s. The older boy had a chance to see all the unguarded emotions there, mostly adoration and gratitude. For what, he had no idea, although the orgasm was most likely.

He pulled his hand out of Sam’s boxers and wiped it clean with the fabric.

“Go wash yourself,” he nudged his roommate in the direction of the bathroom and gave him a slap on the ass.

Sam didn’t say anything and disappeared in the bathroom. Dean lay back down on his bed and he was out of it, before the freshman came out.

\---

They didn’t talk about it the next day. Dean did notice the freshman was skittish around him, though. He responded to their spoken flirting just fine, but whenever Dean tried to touch, he would all but run away.

Dean decided he had to figure out the reason behind all this.

Jim and Ben invited him to a bar to celebrate the midterms being successfully over, so Dean thought it might be a good idea to take Sam. Maybe the freshman would loosen up a little and maybe say what had been bugging him. Maybe he wasn’t comfortable around Dean anymore? That would suck, but at least they could talk it out.

To his surprise, when he opened the door, Sam was sprawled on his bed and reading something. He was usually still in class around this time, but knowing the guy, he was probably studying ahead in case his lesson was dismissed.

“Hey honey, I’m home,” he grinned at his roommate.

Sam just grunted an affirmative noise, too engrossed in whatever textbook he was reading to even raise his eyes.

Dean used his lack of concentration and slipped behind him on the bed, leaning his chin on Sam’s shoulder.

“What are you reading?”

Predictably, the freshman nearly jumped out of his skin on the contact.

“Um, the teacher dismissed class and told us to read the next chapter in our textbook, so that’s what I’m doing,” he said, showing the textbook to Dean.

“Is it fun?” Dean purred into his ear. The shiver that went through the other’s body didn’t go unnoticed.

“It’s boring, actually,” Sam huffed with an eye-roll.

“Well then,” Dean said, taking the book from Sam and closing it, but not before he bent a corner of the page Sam was on. “I know about something fun we could do,” he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Yeah, uh, I’m sure you do,” Sam stood up quickly and headed for the bathroom. “Sorry, nature calls,” he grimaced apologetically.

Dean frowned. This was getting ridiculous. He got up from Sam’s bed and waited for him by the door. When the freshman walked out, Dean leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest.

“What is going on, Sam?” Dean asked, still frowning.

“What?” the taller boy’s eyes widened in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’ve been treating me like I had leper or something the whole day,” Dean pushed himself from the wall and took a step towards his roommate.

To his credit, the freshman didn’t even flinch.

“I have?” Sam asked innocently, although his face looked rather guilty. “I’m sorry then, as far as I’m concerned, we’re fine, really,” he smiled at the older boy, but the other didn’t smile back.

“Look, if you’re not okay with this anymore,” he waved a hand between them. “We can stop. It’s okay. You just have to say something, man. Do you want to stop?”

“No!” Sam said quickly and then blushed softly.

“No?” Dean asked with much less hostility and much more concern. “What’s the problem then?” he entered Sam’s personal space and tucked a stray of hair behind Sam’s ear, brushing his cheek softly in the process.

Sam sighed and leaned a little to the touch.

“There’s,” Sam swallowed. “There’s no problem, really...”

That was when Dean saw it. Sam’s slightly parted lips, the way his eyelids seemed heavy, but his pupils were dilating and the hazel ring around them darkened. Flush spread over Sam’s neck. His whole body was reacting to Dean’s close presence.

Dean spent so much time worrying that his roommate might not want him anymore that it hadn’t even occurred to him that the real reason could be that he wanted him  _too much_.

“Oh, I see,” he grinned smugly and dragged his hand down Sam’s chest agonizingly slowly. “You can’t stop thinking about it, huh? Can’t stop wondering what it would be like if it was  _you_  underneath me last night, can you?” He was slowly reaching Sam’s groin area. “How would it feel like, having my fingers buried deep inside you, fucking you open and getting you ready for my cock,” he purred into Sam’s ear.

His hand palmed the hard bulge in Sam’s jeans. The freshman whimpered. Dean took a better look at his face. The kid looked so wrecked, almost like he was about to cry. Dean closed his eyes and let the desire wash over him. Sam was just so freaking sensitive to every kind of stimulation! Even hearing Dean’s voice was enough to get him hard.

When he felt his own cock harden, he gently took Sam’s hand and placed it on the hard member in his pants. Sam’s eyes, even with all the dark desire and pure need in them, were so trusting, Dean wasn’t sure if he deserved it.

“See?” he smiled at the freshman. “Nothing wrong with getting turned on. Hell, I’d be upset if I  _wasn’t_  turning you on anymore,” he smirked. “I wish I could take care of it for you, but we’re going out.”

“What?” Sam blinked at him. “Dean, I don’t really feel like partying...”

“It’s not a party. Just a couple of friends hanging out in a bar.” When Sam opened his mouth to protest, he added. “I wasn’t asking. We’re going. Now go do your business in the bathroom and get dressed,” he smirked.

Sam huffed and rolled his eyes, but obeyed.

“Hey, maybe you could text Jess if she wants to come,” Dean yelled after him. “Is she still hagged or did you tell her already?”

Sam grumbled under his nose something about there not being the right time for it yet.

Dean just laughed and pulled out his hair-gel to get his hair ready for the evening.

\---

The evening was going great. Most of his classmates were there and he didn’t even feel too guilty about leaving Sam on his own for most of the night, because he had Jess and there were a couple more people by their table and he seemed content.

Dean still made it a point to stop by and check on him, just in case.

He was just ordering another drink, when he felt someone stand behind him.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean’s heart stopped. He was grateful he hadn’t got the shot glass into his hand yet, because he was sure he would have dropped.

He thought he would never hear that voice again. He  _prayed_  he wouldn’t.

He felt the blood drain from his face as he slowly turned around; looking into the both loved and hated smirking face of his ex-boyfriend.

“Missed me?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dearest readers,  
> did you almost think I’d forgotten about you or this story? Hell no! I’ve just been really busy, college and stuff and I’m really sorry that this update took so long. It’s probably only gonna get worse, though. But my dear friend and beta Tracey is a proof that I’m working on the story tirelessly. I also pass her my gratitude for helping me pull through my little block.  
> My thanks go to all of you who’ve commented on this story, nothing ever makes my day more than seeing the alert that someone posted a review. I’m always happy to read those and your positive feedback only makes it that much better.  
> Keep reviewing!

Sam was glad Dean had made him go out. It seemed the senior knew what was good for him even better than Sam himself. He was sipping some cocktail that Dean laughed at, when he passed by, saying it couldn’t be any gayer, but Sam liked it so he’d just shrugged it off.

“Sam,” Jess addressed him with a shy smile, pink cheeks and down-casted gaze. “I’m glad you invited me here. Thank you,” she raised her eyes.

“Not at all,” Sam smiled back. “I’m glad you decided to come and keep my boring ass company.”

“You’re not boring,” she argued. “I like spending time with you,” she said and if possible, turned even more pink. “Do you think, maybe,” she was obviously trying to look straight at him, but her eyes kept glancing sideways. Sam frowned. “Maybe we could call this a date?” she finally looked up hopefully.

Oh.

_Oh._

Dean was never going to let him live this one down.

“Uhm, no, sorry Jess,” he mumbled. “You’re not really my type,” he shrugged apologetically.

The colour drained from Jess’s face and she just sat there for a few moments, obviously fighting back tears.

Sam’s brain caught up with him and he wanted to smack himself. Jess had no way of knowing why  _exactly_  she wasn’t his type and the way he’d been acting with her...yeah, he could see why that might have mislead her to thinking he was interested in her like  _that._  And apparently, he was an asshole if what he’d just said to her was anything to go by.

But to his defence, he didn’t have much practise with people being interested in him at all, let alone having to refuse them.

He opened his mouth to explain, but by then, Jess was already at the door out, wiping angrily at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Jess, wait!” Sam ran after her and stopped her right before she could get out.

She looked at him with red-rimmed eyes and face flushed with embarrassment.

“That’s not how I meant to say that. Sorry.”

She kept piercing him with an angry glare, her lips pressed into a thin line.

“When I said you weren’t my type, I meant you are a girl,” he hoped she wouldn’t make him spell it out, but her confused blinking told him, he didn’t have a choice. “I’m  _gay_ ,” he whispered, hoping that nobody would overhear them.

Her mouth formed into a silent ‘O’, but she didn’t seem angry anymore, just taken aback. Sam hoped she wouldn’t be some crazy religious or generally hating person. He’d hate to lose his best friend.

“Um, is that okay?” he asked uncertainly, tugging at her arm and leading her back to their table. “Here, sit and let me buy you a drink as an apology, please?”

She did sit and nod, but she still hadn’t spoken. Then her eyes finally focused on Sam’s face and she opened her mouth.

“Y-you...” she tried to say, but didn’t get any further than that. She burst out laughing.

Sam watched her incredulously, but the laughing didn’t stop for a while, even tears sprung from Jess’s eyes. Then he frowned, because he began to think she might be laughing  _at_  him.

She seemed to notice that and quickly raised her hand in a conciliatory gesture.

“Sorry,” she hiccupped between laughs. “It’s just...I finally have a crush on a nice, decent and lovely guy and he turns out to be gay. It’s like I’m in a soap opera,” she laughed again. “And,” she pointed at him. “The first person to have a crush on  _you_ is a girl. How is that not funny?”

Sam had to chuckle at that. He felt lighter with relief that she hadn’t rejected him.There was still doubt gnawing at him, but when he asked Jess if she really was okay with him being gay, she all but squeaked and clapped her hands, assuring him that having a gay best friend was every girl’s dream.

She admitted she might need a couple of days to get over her crush completely, but she promised she would.

“Hey, I’ve got a plan,” she announced happily. “Whenever you like a guy and you’re not sure which way he swings, I’ll try to hit on him for you. If he goes along, he’s mine; if he doesn’t, he’s yours. It’s a win win!” she smiled brightly. It reached her eyes, sparkling brightly now, fortunately with something else than tears and Sam didn’t have the heart to say no.

“You know, there are guys who’d go with you just as well as with me,” he said. His eyes automatically searched the crowd for Dean. The older guy was standing with his back towards them, talking to someone at the bar.

“Dean Winchester,” Jess said thoughtfully and Sam stared at her in surprise, when he noticed her eyes flick Dean’s direction and then narrow at him.

“Yeah, he’s one of those guys,” Sam said slowly, hoping that was what she meant.

“You’re into him,” she said, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Sam sputtered the drink he’d been sipping and coughed.

“What the hell are you talking about,” he said, even as he could feel the blush spreading over his cheeks.

“Oh, you’ve got it bad,” Jess grinned. “Head over heels!”

“Shut up, that’s not true,” Sam snapped, keeping his voice down and hoping she would do the same.

“You’re a goner, boy,” she laughed.

“Shut. Up.”

“Does he know?” she nodded Dean’s way, still grinning, but her eyes grew softer.

“No,” Sam’s eyes widened when he’d realized, what he’d just admitted. “Because that’s not what this is. We’re roommates. Friends, maybe. That’s it. Now stop it.”

She was still grinning evilly, but raised her hands in mock surrender and let the topic drop.

When Sam went to fetch another round of drinks for them, he casually looked around and realized he couldn’t find Dean. Not that he was looking  _specifically_  for him, he just happened to not be in sight and Sam happened to notice.

He left the drinks with Jess and some girls from sophomore year she was talking to and searched the bar properly. He wasn’t sure why, he would most likely end up walking in on Dean making out with some guy and that wasn’t a picture he wanted in his brain.

He tried not to put too much thought into it, when he couldn’t find Dean anywhere, but the good mood of the evening was ruined for him and he decided to go back into his room. Hopefully, that was not where Dean took his latest conquest, as well.

He stopped in the restroom on his way, when he heard an unfamiliar voice.

“Come on, you know you want it, just like the old days.”

For a moment, he considered just slowly backing out of there, but then a person stepped into his view. It was Dean.

That stopped Sam dead in his tracks. He was ready to bolt out there right then, but just as he was turning around, something made him reconsider that.

Dean seemed uncomfortable in the position, backed up against a wall and for some reason, even scared. That definitely didn’t sit right with Sam, so instead of leaving the two men to their business, he stepped up.

“Everything’s okay in there?” he said, looking at Dean. He wasn’t sure where he’d got the guts to do this, but he was relying on Dean taking his side if necessary.

“Mind your own damn business,” the other guy said.

Sam had finally the chance to look at him properly. He was slightly shorter than Dean, with short, curly dark hair and pale blue eyes. His stubbled jaw was firmly set and he seemed as hostile as his voice sounded. He wasn’t unattractive, but he definitely wasn’t nice.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Dean said quietly, brushing past him, not meeting his eyes.

“What the fuck is your problem?” the other guy growled at him.

“Nothing,” Sam said quickly and walked out. “If he wanted to stay, he would have,” he threw over his shoulder and then hurried the hell out of there.

Dean was nowhere in sight and Sam figured that this time he probably  _really_ went back to their room.

He saw Jess yawn and when he asked her if she wanted to call it a night, she agreed more than a little happily. So he walked her to her dorm room and then went back to theirs.

Dean was in his bed, faking sleep. Sam wasn’t buying it, but he got the hint.

His quiet “Goodnight, Dean” was answered with an even quieter “Night, Sam” and then the room fell silent.

\---

The week after their hang out in the bar started off crazy.

First, when he walked into the café they’d been meeting – because apparently, Sam had become a part of their group now – there was no one there yet, except for Julie and Tess.

They were both unusually quiet. Tess was staring into space and Julie casted worried glances sideways at her. Just as Sam was about to ask what was wrong, the bell on the cafe’s door chimed and Ben, Jim and Matt strolled in.

Well, Ben and Jim strolled, Matt stopped, looking at their table. His face flushed and he mumbled something to the other two, before he all but sprinted out of the café.

“Well, that was weird,” Ben commented with a raised eyebrow, as they joined the girls and Sam at the table.

Tess let out a choking nose and then ran towards the bathroom.

“That was even weirder,” Jim nodded in the direction she disappeared. “What happened?” he asked the other two people who might have known the answer.

Sam shrugged, so they turned their attention to Julie who sighed deeply.

“It’s something about Matt...” she trailed off, probably hoping against hope that would be enough for them.

Ben and Jim exchanged a meaningful look and then looked at her with raised eyebrows, urging her to go on.

“They, uh, had a thing yesterday,” Julie said, clearly uncomfortable with unravelling Tess’s story. “And when they woke up, Matt asked Tess if it was okay if they just stayed friends. Well, you can see how okay she is with that,” she finished with a curt nod in Tess’s direction.

“Explains why Matt hightailed out of here so fast, when he saw you,” Jim said. “We’re gonna have to have a word with him.”

“You don’t know anything,” Julie hissed quickly. Then she glanced towards the restrooms. “I better go check on her,” she stood up and disappeared in the ladies room.

“Well, and where’s Dean?” Ben asked Sam.

“No idea,” Sam shrugged. “I thought he would come in with you.”

“Today’s weird,” Ben grimaced.

Sam couldn’t help but agree. When he woke up that morning, Dean was already gone from their room. Sam figured he had gone to meet up with his buddies sooner, or maybe he had some business to errand. It wasn’t all that uncommon that they didn’t always meet everybody in the café, hell Sam himself had morning classes twice a week, but Dean wasn’t one to skip on it without explanation.

“Maybe he had something better to do?” he offered.

“Or someone,” Jim added and they both laughed.

Sam laughed along, but it was so fake he was surprised that the others couldn’t tell.

\---

The crisis between Matt and Tess caused the friends to abandon their usual morning meetings, because one would never come close if the other was in the café. Tess grew from sad and weepy to angry and cranky and Matt was too proud to talk about it. At least that was what Jim and Ben said; Sam wasn’t in a position to talk to either of them about their personal issues.

The next couple of days he was swamped with homework and in his free time, he had to fend off Jess’s attempts to get him to ‘meet someone new’. He said he wasn’t looking for a boyfriend now, but he resolutely denied her accusations that he was just waiting for Dean.

Speaking of the senior, he’d been unusually quiet these past few days. He’d been waking up early – which alone was enough to raise suspicion – and going to bed late – nothing suspicious about that. He never brought anyone back, but he always smelled of cheap bars, diners, and someone else’s cologne.

He seemed to grow paler, thinner and more tired every day and Sam couldn’t help but worry if everything was alright.

He was also pretty obviously avoiding Sam.

Sam tried to strike up conversation a few times and Dean never outright rejected him, but it wasn’t the easy friendly banter as before. Sam stopped trying, but the less time they spent talking, the more time he spent wondering what was wrong.

He kept going back to the night in the bar, when he interrupted Dean and some stranger in the bathroom. Maybe he read the situation wrong. Maybe Dean took the men there on his own will and wanted to have his way with him and Sam just strolled in and interfered.

Maybe he was more  _hoping_ that Dean didn’t want to be there than actually  _seeing_  it in his face. And Dean had probably figured Sam’s feelings thanks to that little escapade and that was why he was avoiding him now.

“Hey man, is everything alright?” Sam tried digging the truth out of Dean once, when the other boy just sat on his bed with his textbook spread in front of him, seemingly zoned out.

Dean almost jumped out of his skin, startled by Sam’s hand on his shoulder.

“Wh-what? Yes, yes of course. I’m fine. Why?” he blinked and squirmed uncomfortably because of Sam’s close proximity.

Sam took a step back, trying hard to ignore the sharp stab of hurt.

“Dude, seriously, you look like death. You know you can talk to me, right? We’re friends,” Sam intentionally emphasized the word  _friends_  to assure Dean that it’s all he ever wanted to be. However untrue that may be.

He also wasn’t lying, when he’d said Dean looked terrible. He did. There were dark circles under his eyes as though he hadn’t slept in days – which he probably hadn’t, not properly at least – his cheeks and chin were angry red from the constant shaving, because Dean was now shaving  _at least_  once a day and over all, he looked sick.

When he focused his eyes on Sam, the younger boy had the chance to notice that the light was gone from them. There was no sparkle, no mischief, no joy. Just a blank look. It scared Sam a bit.

“Nothing’s wrong, really,” he gave Sam a smile that did nothing to improve his looks. “No need to worry.”

Sam let the topic drop. Whatever was bothering his roommate, he obviously didn’t want to share and Sam wasn’t going to impose himself on Dean.

But that didn’t mean that he could just turn the  _worry_  button off. He started observing Dean from distance and he didn’t like what he saw.

Dean was acting strange. He kept getting weird texts and phone calls that always made his face fall and usually not too long after that he walked out of their room, dressed for a party, but Sam knew for a fact that he didn’t go out with his buddies as much anymore. In fact, he’d only been out with them once this week. Even Sam went out with Ben, Jim and the rest of them three nights, how fucked up was that?

\---

“Hey, I might know something,” Jess said one day, the moment Sam sat down on the chair next to her. “You’re not gonna like it, though.”

Sam shared his concern with Jess one day, when she’d noticed he wasn’t paying attention to anything she said for the third time, too caught up in his own head and she’d promised to try help finding out anything helpful as to what Dean’s problem was.

That was why Sam instantly knew that she knew something about Dean and he was also sure he indeed wouldn’t like it.

“What is it?” he asked.

“There’s a rumour that he’s been seen with the same guy on different nights in different places,” she bit her bottom lip and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry Sam, but I think Dean’s got a boyfriend.”

Sam really tried to brace himself for the information. He was expecting anything from Dean’s health issues to possible drug use, but this kind of knocked his breath out of him.

“But hey, not a word from Jenny and Ginny about this yet, so until then, it’s just a plain rumour, right?” Jess tried to smile at him reassuringly, but he couldn’t find it in himself to even pretend to smile back.

Sam shouldn’t be surprised, really. Dean was a drop dead gorgeous, funny and smart young man; it was only a matter of time before he found himself a girl- or a boyfriend. And it would be stupid to think that Sam even remotely stood a chance, because he was nothing like his older friend.

Still, the sudden change of attitude wasn’t really implying Dean ignoring Sam because of the bliss of a new relationship. Something wasn’t right here. Sam felt bad for trying to work around Dean and find intel somewhere else, but it was the senior’s own damn fault for not sharing with Sam.

Sam blinked at Jess, when his best friend shook his shoulder.

“Wake up, class is over,” she smirked at him.

“Hey Jess,” he said when they were walking out of the lecture hall. “It’s not the boyfriend thing.”

She gave him somewhat sympathetic look, like she thought he was just deluding himself.

“He’s not happy,” Sam explained.

The look didn’t quite disappear from her features, but she nodded and said. “I’ll keep looking.”

\---

Dean returned drunk late that night.

His stumbling and fumbling would have woken Sam up, had he actually slept and not worried where Dean was and who was he with.

Sam got up from his bed to help Dean get to his own bed, because the senior seemed incapable of doing so himself.

“Christ, Dean, you reek like the seediest place in California. What the hell were you doing?”

“Oops,” the shorter man whispered, while being manhandled to the bed. “We woke up Sam,” he slurred and then broke into giggles.

“Who’s ‘we’?” Sam frowned.

“Me and the other Dean,” Dean pointed at his chest as though that made perfect sense.

“What?” Sam frowned deeper.

“Never mind,” Dean dismissed it with a wave.

Then he curled his fingers in Sam’s sleeping t-shirt and pulled him closer.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmured and nuzzled Sam’s neck.

“You’re drunk, Dean,” Sam said, not really sure if he was trying to reason with Dean or himself. He missed him too, after all.

“Oh, shut up,” Dean whined and turned them around, throwing Sam on his bed. It was a hell of a move for someone this drunk if you asked Sam.

Dean collapsed into his lap and slanted his mouth over Sam’s. For a few breaths, Sam just closed his eyes and let himself be kissed and touched, just like he’d been craving for over a week. The bitter taste of alcohol on Dean’s tongue soon returned him into reality and he pushed the older boy away from him.

“No, Dean, not like this. I don’t want to do this,” he said, admiring himself for the strength this took out of him and walked back to his own bed.

Dean wasn’t able to hold his balance with the way he was intoxicated, so the shove Sam gave him sent him right on his ass. As Sam walked by him, he tried to grab his ankles.

“No, Sam, wait,” he almost made Sam fall down, but the taller boy managed to pry himself free. “S-Sam, please.”

The sound in Dean’s voice made Sam stop and turn around. He was determined to ignore Dean’s drunken attempts to get him into his bed, because he didn’t think he could stand being ignored the next morning and pretend nothing happened. But there was a sense of desperation in Dean’s voice, like he was calling out for help and  _that_ Sam couldn’t ignore.

Dean was sitting on the floor, looking up at Sam with huge watery eyes and Sam felt awful. Like he’d just killed a puppy and the ghost of that puppy came back and asked him  _why_. Dean looked like a little boy, so lost and confused and when he opened his mouth, as if to say something, Sam hoped that maybe he would finally tell him what was going on. But then Dean closed his mouth again and looked away.

“Okay,” he whispered, gathering himself up and climbing into his bed. “Okay,” he repeated and curled up on himself, on the further edge of his bed.

Sam stood very still, not daring to breathe, let alone move. Dean’s breaths were shallow and laboured, but he couldn’t tell if he was crying or just snoring that way, because of being drunk.

He walked towards his roommate’s bed and set on the edge of the mattress. He felt guilty, even though he wasn’t quite sure what he’d done.

“Dean...” he said softly and put his hand on the other boy’s shoulder, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb, because he couldn’t think of anything else to do.

The sound Dean let out was positively a sob. Sam quickly pressed himself to Dean’s back and wrapped one of his arms around the shorter boy’s waist.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you away like that, I just-“

“I don’t want to be alone,” Dean interrupted him, turned around in Sam’s arms and pressed his face into the crook of Sam’s neck.

“Hey, you’re not,” Sam tried to be as reassuring as he could. Dean was finally opening up, but it didn’t make much sense to him. “You’re not alone, okay?”

“No one ever chooses  _me_ ,” Dean murmured against Sam’s skin.

The younger boy was almost ashamed of the shivers that it sent through his body. He asked Dean what he meant by that, but his friend was already snoring softly, peacefully asleep.

-xXx-

Dean woke up first in the morning and he freaked out.

He shot out of his bed, untangling himself from Sam and probably waking his friend up in the process, so he quickly escaped to the bathroom.

There in the shower, under the unforgiving, yet merciful, steady stream of hot water he fought against tears – as every morning for the past two weeks.

Every time he woke up, he always had a few moments of the content feeling right before reality came back crashing in. It got harder every time.

Mark was back.

Mark had somehow found him and now he was back, ruining Dean’s life just like all those years ago. And Dean was too weak to do anything about it.

He just let the heartless son a of a bitch stroll back into his life with a lazy smile and “I got a job as a janitor here, how awesome is that?”

When he realized there was no way to escape, Dean felt like throwing up. The feeling never really left.

He tried, in the beginning, he really did. The first two or three times he always went out with Mark with the sole intention to tell him to fuck off and leave him alone. But that bastard knew exactly what to say and how to act to steal Dean’s carefully prepared words and make him into...this.

God, Dean was  _disgusted_  with himself. He couldn’t even look in the mirror. He was breaking, he knew that and he also knew that his friends started noticing the change, but he couldn’t say anything. He didn’t want them to know about Mark, about how weak he used to be, how weak he still was.

All it took was one word from Mark, one stupid remark on his clothes or food and Dean found himself slipping in the old rhythm of shaving constantly, because Mark hated it when it scratched and always having a deodorant with him, so that he couldn’t accuse him of stinking.

It wasn’t so much that he  _cared_  whether Mark liked him or not, or craved his approval. But those words still hurt. Because, if you heard something being repeated enough, eventually you started believing it.

Dean never wanted his friends to find this out about him, because he was sure they wouldn’t want to have anything in common with him anymore.

Dean Winchester was  _someone_  in this place. He couldn’t risk it. It was the only thing he had left.

He felt terrible about it, but he was actually grateful that he caught Matt running from their morning café with tears in his eyes the other day. Turned out he spent a drunken night with Tess – what a surprise – and when he asked her if she wanted to stay friends to find out what page she was on, she readily agreed. It devastated Matt and Dean really didn’t want to be as glad it happened to his friend as he was, but at least it gave his friends some sort of a distraction.

He grabbed his shampoo and tried to rub the smell of Sam out of his hair. It was Wednesday, which meant Mark had a morning shift. But there was still a chance he could meet him in one of the corridors and Mark would smell Sam on him, he was sure of that.

Dean didn’t want Mark to know anything about Sam. He wanted Sam to be safe. Jealous Mark was not a guy anyone should want to mess with.

He took his sweet time towelling, trying to delay the inevitable talk with Sam about what the hell happened last night for as long as possible.

Did he really need to get so drunk? He was used to hangovers, but that didn’t make them any more pleasant each time he had one.

He didn’t want to go out, he didn’t want to leave the bathroom, because  _out there_  was the place where Mark had a power over him. Where he could summon Dean just by texting him  _I want to see you_  and Dean would come like an obedient dog.

Even though he tried to drink himself into oblivion, the scene from last night was burned into his brain just as clearly as though it happened a few minutes ago.

_“Hey, Deanie, look who I found,” Mark smiled as Dean walked in the bar._

_He had his arm wrapped around some boy’s waist. The boy must have been at least two years younger than Dean and he seemed vaguely familiar. Dean had probably had sex with him some time in the past. He was now smiling shyly and blinking up at Dean._

_“This is Trevor,” Mark purred. “He said he would like something different. I told him we could teach him stuff. What do you say, babe? Can we take Trevor here over to your place and show him how it’s done?” he said with a hint of mockery in his voice._

_Dean saw red._

_“Fuck you, Mark!” he yelled, not caring about the heads that turned their way. “You came here, telling me a buttload of bullshit about how you’ve changed and how you realized what a jerk you’ve been and shit like that and then you do_ this? _Fuck you, I never want to see you again!” Dean yelled._

_He felt freer, his chest felt lighter, when he left the bar. Left Mark with the boy behind. It didn’t bother him as much, he knew most of the guys their age were better looking, Mark told him that often enough. What was amazing was that he didn’t care._

_That feeling lasted right until Mark ran after him and stopped him with a steady flow of apologies._

_“I should have asked you, god I’m such an idiot, I’m so sorry, Dean.”_

_“Hey, you’re the only one, you know that, right? He meant nothing. I just met him today. I’ll never see him again.”_

_“Come here, babe, come on. Don’t be like that. It wasn’t what it looked like.”_

_Dean didn’t even try to count how many times he’d heard exactly that. And then he was being pulled around the corner, where the light didn’t shine and then Mark was on his knees and he was getting an apology blowjob._

_He just threw his head back and let Mark do whatever he wanted. When he came, he felt like crying._

_“Go to sleep, Deanie,” Mark smiled, when he got back up and zipped his pants. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”_

_And then he went back to the bar. To Trevor._

_Dean found a nearest pub and drank and drank until they made him leave._

Dean drank a bit of water to fight down the sudden wave of nausea. Of course, he had to get drunk and then make a complete fool of himself. He didn’t want to drag Sam into this. He didn’t want him to  _know_.

But last night he got weak; he launched himself at Sam like the weakling he was and now Sam probably saw right through him and hated him. He did push him away, after all. He shoved him and Dean fell and he’d probably lost his friend. The only person that seemed to like him for him.

When he finally built up the courage to open the door, he found the room empty.

There was no stopping the tears this time.

-xXx-

Sam was furious, with both Dean and himself.

He should have stuck to the original plan of going to sleep in his own bed and ignoring Dean. And he sure as hell shouldn’t have been surprised when he was woken up by Dean’s hurried retreat in the bathroom this morning.

He was still mad when he entered the classroom, so when Jess jokingly remarked that he ‘looked like the embodied god of revenge’, he told her to kindly shut up and mind her own business – in not so nice words.

She looked hurt and sat a few chairs away from him and later Sam was horrified, when he remembered he didn’t even care at that time.

When the lesson was over, she came to him though, and carefully asked him if this was about Dean.

Sam apologized for being an ass to her and she just waved it off, saying that it was just one of those days.

“He’s a mess, Jess,” Sam sighed. “There’s something wrong, I know it, but he won’t let me in, he won’t let me help!”

“Maybe you should stop trying, you know?” she suggested.

“I can’t just give up on him, Jess,” Sam frowned.

“Oh no, that was not what I meant. You let him know that he you were there for him, maybe you just need to let him come to you on his own terms.”

“He seemed scared,” Sam said thoughtfully. “I just...I wish I knew what to do!”

“Hey,” Jess squeezed his shoulder. “It’s gonna be okay,” she smiled at him reassuringly.

“Thanks Jess,” Sam smiled back, but he wasn’t so sure if he believed it too.

\---

When they met in their room later that afternoon, it was uncomfortably silent. Sam tried to work on his paper for History, but his mind was too occupied with  _not_  watching (but hearing, sensing and anticipating) Dean’s every move. Dean was reading a book, which was as good a sign of avoidance as any.

“Sam?” Sam’s head snapped up at the sound of the senior’s voice. “We’re going out with the guys tonight. Some ploy against Matt and Tess I think,” he chuckled. “Wanna come with?”

Sam almost howled. Figured, the one time that Dean decided to be Sam’s friend again is when Sam really didn’t have the time for that.

“Sorry, this paper’s due tomorrow,” Sam said apologetically.  _And I completely forgot about it, because I was too busy worrying about you,_  he didn’t add.

“Oh,” Dean’s face fell a little, but then his phone rang.

When Dean looked at the caller’s ID, his face lost its colour and he took a deep breath, before picking up.

“Hello?” he said and closed himself in the bathroom.

“Today? But I already-,“ Sam heard, so if Dean was trying to hide this phone call from him, it didn’t work. Sam didn’t even feel bad for eavesdropping.

“With my friends.”

“No! No, I don’t-“

A weary sigh. “Okay.”

“Yeah, see you there. Me too, bye.”

Then there was silence for a little while until Dean spoke again.

“Hey Jim, it’s me. Look, I’m really sorry, but I can’t come today. Some flu or whatever, I’ve been puking my guts out for an hour now.”

That peeked Sam’s interest even more. Was he lying to Jim, because of his mysterious boyfriend? Seriously, why not just introduce him? There was more to this, Sam was sure.

“No, Sam’s got some paper due tomorrow, so he’s not coming either.”

Then there was a chuckle, when Jim probably called Sam a hopeless nerd. “I know, right? But hey, he’s the smartest one of us, maybe we should pay him some respect,” he laughed and honestly, Sam didn’t know how to feel about that.

“I hope I’ll be fine by tomorrow, probably just something I ate. Yeah, you too. And fix them. Bye,” and with that, Dean ended the call.

Shortly after that, he walked out of the bathroom, pretending like nothing ever happened. But Sam noticed that he was very deliberately not looking at him.

They pretended to be completely absorbed in their papers and books for about two hours, then Dean got up and started getting ready for going out.

When he was almost out of the door, Sam gave him one last chance to be honest with him.

“Where are you going?” he raised his head.

“Told you, we’re going out with the others,” Dean shrugged.

“I thought you said you were sick.”

Sam let the words sink in. At first, Dean’s forehead wrinkled with confusion and then it slowly cleared as his brain processed what Sam was implying. And Sam was keeping his gaze locked on Dean, letting him know that he  _knew_  and that he wasn’t gonna let Dean back out on this one again.

Dean’s eyes widened in horror, his mouth fell open, then closed, then opened again and finally closed. Just when it seemed that he would start crying any second, he all but ran out of the door with a loud slam.

\---

Later that night, but not as late as usually, Dean stumbled back to the room. But he wasn’t drunk; he was more like...limping.

Sam shot from his bed, not even bothering to fake sleeping, but Dean probably didn’t even notice him, he just went straight for the bathroom.

There was a distinct sound of vomiting and Sam had a sinking feeling that maybe he misjudged Dean, maybe his roommate actually was sick.

The coughing and retching stopped and then even the flushing toilet went quiet, but the bathroom wasn’t silent.

There was a soft noise that Sam knew too well.

Dean was crying.

-xXx-

Dean was desperate. He was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet bowl and crying, because he reached the end of his rope and he didn’t know what to do anymore.

Mark forced him to give him a blow-job. Well, forced was probably a strong word, because he didn’t hold him down and open his mouth against Dean’s will. He was never  _violent_  with him, not when it came to sex at least. This was worse.

Mark said some bullshit about how Dean owed him a favour, since Mark went down on him the night before and Dean just sank to his knees like the little obedient whore he was. Slut, that was what he called him.

 _“You like feeding yourself on my cock, don’t you?”_ he could still hear Mark’s voice.  _“Such a pretty little slut, go on, swallow what I give you.”_

And Dean did. He was used to swallowing, but this time it was worse. He felt sick and he was afraid he’d throw up and Mark would be angry. Because then things  _could_ get violent.

He was so focused on keeping the come down in his stomach that Marks sudden launch caught him completely unprepared. Before he could even blink, he was smashed into the nearest fence. His head connected with the metal just as hard as his back and he was probably going to have bruises later, because he could feel it even now.

When he realized that Mark wasn’t actually attacking him, but going for some kind of quick and rough against-the-fence sex, he pushed him away and walked away as quickly as possible, answering Mark’s angry shouts with quiet apologies. Surprisingly, Mark just let him go.

He could feel the bile rising in his throat and started running.

When he finally got into his bathroom and threw up, he actually laughed at his situation, until the laughing subsided into tears.

With a painful groan, he pushed himself up and opened the door. He just wanted to get to his bed and sleep, preferably never wake up again.

As he opened the door, he was faced with what he wanted to see the least at this moment. Sam’s concerned face.

“Dean,” the freshman said and took a step towards him. Dean instinctively took a step back.

“Leave me alone, Sam,” he hoped it didn’t sound as panicky as he felt.

“Cut the crap, Dean,” Sam hissed angrily.

Why was he angry? Did Dean do something? He probably woke him up. That must be it; he woke Sam up and the taller boy was pissed. Great, just what Dean needed.

“Sorry, it won’t happen again,” he mumbled and tried to brush past his roommate.

Sam would have none of it, though. He pushed Dean against the wall and got right into his face. Dean hissed painfully as his bruised back was being abused again.

Sam’s eyes softened and he let go of Dean.

“Shit, sorry, are you hurt?” he asked and before Dean could do anything about it, he pushed his shirt up. “Holy crap,” he gasped. The bruising was probably worse than Dean thought.

“Who did this to you? What is going on, Dean?” Sam demanded.

The panic and exhaustion welled up in Dean and came out as anger.

“Why do you care? It’s none of your damn business. What’s this really about, huh? You’re wondering why I don’t touch you anymore, is that it? You miss it? Do you want to know if we’ll start doing that again? Why the fuck won’t you leave me alone?!” he screamed, and even as those words were leaving his mouth, all he wanted to do was fall on his knees in front of Sam and beg him for forgiveness, say that he didn’t mean any of those shit he was saying.

Scratch that, apparently, he’d just fallen on his knees in front of Sam. He felt dizzy. Was he getting sick on top of everything else?

Sam crouched with him and raised his arm up. Dean flinched and covered his face, because he expected a punch or a slap.

Hurt flickered across Sam’s features and then Dean was being pulled into a hug. Dean felt like the lowest shit possible and he wanted to tell Sam that he should leave him alone. That he wasn’t worth the trouble. That he was sorry.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Sam murmured into his hair as he started rocking them gently. “We’ll figure this out. You’re not alone in this. Let me help.”

All Dean could do was hold on tight and cry. He was too tired to do anything else.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My fellow readers,  
> I’d like to humbly apologize for not publishing this chapter sooner, but trust me, this is as soon as I could. Because I’m stupid and I started studying two colleges at once – Economics and Law, no less – so now I’m pretty much dying under the homework and amount of studying. And exam period is nearly here, so I’m afraid, you’re going to have to wait just as long, if not longer for the next chapter. But let it be known:  
>  **I HAVE NOT ABANDONED THIS STORY!!** And I’m not planning to. Promise.  
>  As usually, thanks a million to Tracey and lots of love and happiness to the New Year to all of you!  
> This is my late Christmas present for you, also, today is my birthday, so all your reviews will be a present for me.  
> Love you all! ~Claire 

 

Sam was holding Dean close, listening to his quiet sobs and sharp intakes of breath and he felt more than a little scared. But not for himself. He was worried about the bundle of nerves in his arms that was his roommate.

Someone did a number on the boy and Sam wanted nothing more than to find them and break their faces, really.

"Hey, Dean," he said after a while, when Dean finally seemed to have calmed down enough to ease the grip he had on Sam's shoulders. "Gonna tell me what happened?"

To his surprise, Dean nodded. He expected the senior to put up a fight, even though he was determined not to back down this time.

"I will, I'll tell you everything you want," Dean said in a hoarse voice. "But tomorrow, please?" he raised his eyes, puffed from all the crying.

Sam opened his mouth to argue, but Dean added. "I'm just tired...so tired." And his eyes really were drooping in a way that Sam thought he couldn't fake.

"Okay, big guy," Sam said and hauled his friend to his feet. Dean swayed slightly, but they managed to walk to his bed without a single accident.

Dean dropped down on the bed with a heavy thump.

"Want me to stay?" Sam asked, though he wasn't sure for whose benefit he was offering that.

"You would?" Dean perked up. "That would be nice," he smiled sleepily and if Sam had any doubts about his feelings for the older guy, this smile would be his undoing.

"Okay, move," he crawled under the sheets.

Dean didn't make a move to create more space for him, though. The opposite, actually, he waited for Sam to get in the bed and then wrapped himself around him like a giant octopus.

Sam sighed and mumbled something about personal space, but he wasn't fooling anyone. Dean blinked up at him with a smile on his face.

"Thank you, Sam...for everything," he sighed and put his head on Sam's chest.

Sam stroked his cheek for a moment and then with a great effort bent his neck enough to press a kiss on Dean's forehead. Dean reacted with twining their fingers together and soon enough his breath evened out and he fell asleep. Sam followed him not too long after that.

\---

Sam was woken up by a pounding on the door, but he paid it little attention. It was still dark, so whoever was at the door and whatever they wanted could wait.

Then he heard voices and one of them was familiar enough to get his brain's attention, which got him alert enough to realize that he wasn't in his bed. Then he remembered that he wasn't supposed to be in this bed alone.

"No, Mark, you can't come in, my roommate's asleep," he heard Dean say.

"Are you sleeping with him?" another, obviously drunk voice yelled.

"Shh, Mark, you'll wake him up," Dean pleaded with a hint of desperation in his voice.

Sam frowned. Something wasn't right with this picture.

"Good, I'll beat his face for screwing my boyfriend," the other guy said, not the tiniest bit quieter. "Come on, bitch, if you can give it up for him, you can do it for me as well."

Was this the mysterious boyfriend Dean was hiding? But why was he letting him treat him like that?

"That's not true, I didn't-"

"Liar!" Mark hissed and Sam's eyes shot open at the sound of skin slapping against skin.

Dean was holding his face and staggering back from a guy that Sam recognized as the one he'd met in the restroom a couple days ago. And did he just _hit_ Dean?

That had Sam getting out of the bed. Neither of the other two noticed him until Mark tried to grab Dean's shirt.

"Not here, Mark, please," Dean begged desperately.

"Get out," Sam stepped in front of Dean before Mark's hands could reach him.

"You again," Mark hissed hatefully while Dean just stared at him in disbelief. "What are you, his bodyguard?"

"His friend, actually," Sam took a step closer.

Where he got this newfound courage, he had no idea, but when he remembered what the bastard in front of him managed to reduce Dean to, he knew he would go through with this, no matter what.

"You seriously wanna get into a fight with me?" Mark growled and took a stance that was probably supposed to be threatening, but he was shorter and swaying terribly from being so drunk.

"Just get out and don't come back," Sam retorted. "I don't wanna see you around Dean again."

"Oh, don't tell me you're in love with him," Mark laughed cruelly. "Trust me, there's nothing to love besides his pretty face and the cock-sucking mouth," he snorted, not even looking at Dean.

Sam felt sick. Why did Dean ever even _looked_ at the guy?

"Did he sleep with you to get you to stand up for him?" Mark continued, oblivious to the disgust he was stirring in Sam. "Did he suck your cock, too? One could get addicted to that, I would know. Maybe we could share him, whaddaya say?" he grinned at Sam.

"What?" Sam exclaimed incredulously.

"Oh don't worry, he won't protest, isn't that right, Deanie?" he finally addressed the man in question. "Because he's _weak_ ," Mark spit the word out like it was venom.

Dean visibly flinched at Mark's last word. His hands were trembling when he raised his watery eyes up at Sam, with an obvious question in them. How could he think Sam would even _contemplate_ anything like that?

Mark smirked and stepped forward to Dean. Sam lost his patience.

"I said, get the fuck out!" he yelled, pushing at the son of a bitch's chest.

The other guy couldn't hold his balance, so he fell down and knocked his head against the doorframe.

"Son of a-," he rubbed at the sour spot as Sam hauled him up by the collar of his shirt and threw him out of the door.

"I don't want to see you around me, this room and _especially_ Dean ever. Again. Am I making myself clear?" he growled.

Mark only managed to yell "This is not over!" before the door slammed on his face.

Sam turned to face a shell shocked Dean. He gave him a reassuring smile and opened his mouth to say something assuring, when there was a bang on the door.

Dean jumped and the fear was back in his eyes.

Sam opened the door and hissed right into Mark's face. "Are you sure you wanna wake everyone up?" he asked. "I don't know if you're even allowed at the campus, but I'm pretty sure you have no business being _here_ at this time of night. So get the fuck out before I report you."

When he slammed the door this time, they remained quiet, thank god.

Dean was watching Sam with huge eyes and a slightly opened mouth.

"Come here," Sam opened his arms, because Dean seemed ready to faint any minute.

The older boy practically collapsed into Sam's arms.

"I'm sorry, sorry he woke you up," he whispered against Sam's chest. "I told him to be quiet, I tried..."

Sam tried to shush him, to tell him that it was fine, but Dean wasn't even hearing him. He kept saying _thank you_ and _sorry,_ so Sam did the only thing he could think of – he kissed him.

It was just a soft press of lips against lips, barely anything sexual about that, but somehow it got out of hand. The kiss deepened and Dean kissed him a little desperately and before Sam knew it, he was pulling Dean's shirt over his head and throwing it away.

He was just about to press his body against Dean's again, when the senior pulled away. He stared at Sam for a while with a hurt expression on his face, just standing there and panting. But before Sam mustered up enough wit to ask him what was wrong, Dean sunk down to his knees.

"Want me to get you off, is that it?" he growled, grabbing at the waistband of Sam's pants. "Don't worry, I'll suck you off real good," he promised.

Sam's whole body, and especially his cock, screamed _yes,_ but the realisation of what this meant slammed into Sam and he sunk to his knees, facing Dean. "No," he said, adjusting his pants. He put his hand on Dean's cheek. "No, that's not what I want."

The senior was just glaring at him with his lips pressed into one thin line.

"He's wrong," Sam continued insistently, looking straight at Dean. "You're not some slut he can do whatever he wants with. And it's not why I like you either. You're an amazing guy, Dean, you deserve to be treated as such."

Dean's face crumpled and Sam pulled him in.

"He's gone, it's okay," he assured while rubbing soothing circles into his friends back. "You know, for a tough senior, you sure cry a lot," Sam said jokingly.

That drew a chuckle out of Dean.

"Come on, Dean, talk to me. He said he was your boyfriend?"

Dean pulled away while wiping his eyes and cheeks.

"He was," he nodded. "Years ago, back in high school."

They got up and in Dean's bed and Dean started telling his story about how he met Mark when they were still going to high school. How Mark charmed him right away, even though at first it was purely platonic.

All it took was one drunken night and Mark's reassurance the morning after when Dean freaked out and they started dating. The other kids in their high school were surprisingly cool with it and Sam felt really bad for the twinge of jealousy he felt upon hearing that. _His_ classmates were never cool with him and they never even knew he was gay.

Since Dean was a gay-virgin, he asked Mark to take things slowly and the other boy readily agreed. From what Dean was saying, he gathered that Mark was really nice, charming and sweet at first. It lasted for months, almost a year, but then summer holidays came and Dean went away on a camp. When he came back, he wanted to surprise his boyfriend, so he arrived to his house - to find him in a bed with another guy.

Everything went downhill from there.

At least, that was how Sam saw it and Dean probably did too, now, but back then, Mark spent so much energy apologizing and begging Dean for forgiveness, that Dean had thought it was just a minor setback; a mistake Mark would never make again. Oh, how wrong he was.

The asshole actually managed to somehow make Dean believe it was _his_ fault for not putting out sooner. What the hell, seriously. Dean himself admitted that he now couldn’t understand how he could have bought all the bullshit Mark had been feeding him, but that he was sixteen, naive and completely smitten by Mark, so he’d been just eating from his hand and he forgave him.

It didn’t take Mark long to realize the kind of power he had over Dean. He started cheating on him on regular basis.

At first, he had the audacity to try to be quiet about it, then he just didn’t care anymore. He was rude to Dean, always pointing out his wrongs and completely ignoring his rights and - probably deliberately – ruining the other boy’s self-confidence in the process.

Sam’s heart clenched in his chest as he listened to Dean, telling him how he was desperately trying to prove himself to Mark, only to be shot down over and over again.

“Why’d you never leave him?” Sam asked and pressed a kiss against the top of Dean’s head.

“I tried,” Dean sighed. “But he always managed to sweet talk me into giving him another chance.”

He actually looked very ashamed of himself and Sam momentarily wished he’d knocked Mark’s head against the doorframe a little harder.

Dean carried on with his story. He told Sam that things had gotten progressively worse, Mark started being mean to him even in front of their friends and in private, he’d even gotten physical. He’d never beaten Dean bloody, it didn’t even happen very often, but he wasn’t afraid to slap or shove Dean to get him to do his bidding.

On day Dean accidentally overheard a conversation in the bathroom and realized, that people were already talking about him, what a weak wuss he was and nobody called him other than ‘Mark’s bitch’ behind his back

He came home crying that day, and because his mother got home early from work, it became the day he came out to her, as well.

“I was really scared about what she’d say, because both her and my stepdad are religious and they were used to see me having girlfriends,” Dean admitted. “To be honest, I still don’t know if she’d reacted differently, had I been in a bit normal state.”

Again, Sam felt a cold pinch of envy that he wasn’t quite proud of, but this time it was purely Sam’s fault, because he hadn’t come out to his parents yet. He told himself it was because he waited until he had a decent boyfriend to introduce to them, but the truth was, he was just afraid of their reaction, just as Dean had been.

“Mom was kinda great about the whole thing,” Dean continued. “She said she wouldn’t let me stay in a school where I got bullied, even though that wasn’t really the case, but I didn’t argue, and she let me stay home for two weeks, until she managed to get me transferred into a different school.”

As Sam was listening, he regretted not telling his parents about his problems at school as well.

“Things went well after that, until Mark found me again,” Dean said grimly.

Sam tightened his hold on his roommate, wanting to offer as much comfort as he could.

“I swear, he was _crying_ when he saw me. Honest to god’s tears and everything. He tried to make me believe how he didn’t know what happened to me and that he was scared and that my parents wouldn’t tell him anything and shit like that. And I found myself believing him again, but then I remembered the kids in the bathroom calling me Mark’s bitch and I ran,” he laughed self-deprecatingly, but Sam saw nothing wrong with that. “I was a coward, I admit that, but at least I was determined not to let him mess with my head anymore.”

Dean told him about how Mark had followed him, his flow of apologies slowly turning into string of curses and how his stepfather saved him.

“You know, I think mom never told Bobby – that’s my stepdad – about me, but she must have told him something, because suddenly, there he was, with a shotgun aimed straight on Mark’s face.”

“A shotgun?” Sam blinked.

“Yeah, it was a decoration, I don’t know if it ever worked, but it was definitely not loaded. Mark didn’t know that, though,” Dean grinned. “Bobby yelled at him that if he ever saw him around again, he’d just blow his damn face off,” Dean laughed. “You should’ve seen his face!”

Any other time, Sam would be probably concerned that Dean found the idea of killing someone with a shotgun so amusing, but after meeting Mark, he couldn’t but laugh along.

“Bobby looked at me and asked “That the boy giving you trouble?” I said yes and he nodded and we never spoke about it again.”

Dean stopped laughing and sighed heavily.

“I got away, you know? I applied for college, got accepted, left the town and became...well...this,” he gestured at his chest. “I was supposed to never see him again,” he finished quietly.

“Hey,” Sam said reassuringly, squeezing Dean’s shoulder. “And you never will. If he shows his face again, I’ll punch him.”

“Thanks Sam,” Dean smiled weakly. “But you can’t fight my own battles.”

Sam watched Dean settle in his bed, getting ready to sleep and he realized that he _wanted_ be the one to fight Dean’s battles. He wanted Dean and wanted Dean to want him. And if he ever got a chance to say it, it was now.

But before he got the chance to say anything, Dean yawned and spoke up first.

“He’s the reason, I’m like this, you know?” Dean muttered. “I just don’t trust people anymore.”

“But you know, you’re gonna have to open up to someone one day,” Sam countered.

“No, I’m really not.”

“But maybe if you met someone who-“

“Not interested,” Dean cut Sam off.

Something squeezed Sam’s heart in his chest and suddenly Dean was too close and Sam had to get away.

“Not gonna stay?” Dean asked, his eyes already closed.

“Nah, wanna get as much sleep as I can and you’re a kicker,” Sam threw over his shoulder as he made his way to his bed.

“’M sorry,” Dean mumbled and then he was out like a light. After all the drama, Sam really didn’t blame him.

 _I’m sorry too,_ Sam thought sadly, as he slipped under the covers and drifted off to sleep.

-xXx-

Dean didn’t wake up until the afternoon – thank god for late classes – and for the first time in way too long, he didn’t wish he hadn’t woken up at all.

He expected to feel ashamed of what happened with Mark and then with Sam and scared of what the fallout would be when he saw Mark later that day.

But he wasn’t.

Instead, his chest felt somewhat lighter. It was good; knowing that he had someone to share his burden with and for some reason it was even better that this someone was Sam. He chose not to investigate why that might be.

A little bit of the pain from yesterday returned, though, the moment he tried to move. His back hurt like a bitch. He groaned loudly and immediately turned to look if he woke Sam up only to find his roommate’s bed empty and made up. Well, of course, his friend was a crazy morning person.

Somehow, Dean managed to make himself look presentable and get ready for his classes, even though each and every move hurt like hell.

In his writing class he found out he forgot about yet another homework and got another one to do on top of all the ones he hadn’t handed in yet. In literature, he got a list of books to read for his finals and he almost fainted right there. Just what good were all those boring books going to bring him?

Even though he hadn’t missed any classes in the past few weeks, he was so off his game that it actually felt like he had. Thanks to Sam – and he should definitely take his roommate out for a drink for that – he was back, though and it felt awesome. At least it felt awesome, until the first homework.

He actually allowed himself to forget about the whole Mark thing, at least as much as you could forget about something that was making your back muscles hurt whenever you took a step.

Which was why he was surprised when he found himself dragged behind the corner of one of the dorm buildings and pushed up against a wall that was pressing uncomfortably against his bruises.

“You fucking idiot,” his ex-boyfriend was steaming with anger. “Did you think that you’d just send your little bodyguard on me and that would be it? That I would just go away?” He said and stepped into Dean’s personal space.

Dean instinctively pressed his body further into the wall, which his back definitely didn’t thank him for.

“Mark, what are you-,” he started, but was cut off.

“Save it, bitch! I don’t care about your excuses. You’re gonna pay for this,” he hissed and pointed at a nicely coloured bruise on the side of his head.

“But I didn’t even touch you!” Dean pushed Mark away.

He wished Sam would just magically pop out of thin air and save him again – and how stupid was that, Dean was freaking four years older. He should be able to stand up for himself for God’s sakes!

“Is everything okay here?” some guy asked as he approached them and Dean felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment; he never wanted _anyone_ to see him with Mark, especially not like _this_.

Both Mark and Dean turned towards the stranger and Dean’s eyes widened when he recognized him. That was the guy that was giving Sam trouble! What was his name, Gareth or something?

The boy seemed to have recognized Dean as well, because he turned to him with concern in his eyes and asked. “Are you okay, Dean?”

Before Dean even opened his mouth, Mark stood between him and the other guy and hissed.

“Peachy, now go mind your own fucking business.”

“I don’t remember asking _you_ anything,” the guy turned his eyes on Mark and the concern was fully replaced by ice-cold anger. Dean could actually see Mark getting smaller under the gaze.

“Did you sleep with everyone to get them to be your bodyguards or what?” Mark spat over his shoulder at Dean.

“You,” the other dude growled, getting Mark’s attention back to himself. “Mr. Janitor,” he chuckled and it was obvious what he thought of Mark’s status. “Don’t you have a hallway to clean?”

“This is not over,” Mark hissed at Dean as he started to leave.

“Oh yes, it is, unless you want me to get you fired. The director wouldn’t like to hear that the son of his biggest sponsor has been bothered by some janitor, would he?”

Mark shot Dean one more hateful glare and then he was gone.

“I’m not sure if you remember me,” the guy said with a polite smile when he turned back to Dean. “I’m Gary, the guy that used to bother your little boyfriend.”

“Sam?” Dean blinked and shook his head. “But he isn’t- We’re not-“

“Sure,” Gary smirked. “But it was his name that popped into your mind when I said ‘boyfriend’.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him and Gary raised his arms in a placating gesture.

“I swear I’m not giving him trouble anymore.”

Dean’s face must have looked just as confused as he felt, because Gary said.

“You must be wondering what I’m doing.”

Dean nodded.

“Well, I must admit, I’ve just shamelessly used you to score a few points with a girl,” Gary grinned sheepishly, almost like he really was sorry. “But hey, I won’t tell a soul about this. And if that asshole gives you trouble, I can help you,” Gary said.

Dean was still thinking about a good reply to that, when another voice – female one this time – yelled.

“What the hell are you doing?”

It was Jess. Dean blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t imagining things. But she wasn’t yelling at him, her anger was aimed at Gary.

“What is wrong with you?” she kept shouting at Gary. “Why can’t you just leave Sam and everyone around him alone?”

“I wasn’t doing anything to him!” Gary said defensively.

“You’re _always_ doing something,” Jess narrowed his eyes at him.

When Dean realized that right in front of him, Sam’s best friend and his archenemy – both not supposed to like him very much – were fighting about his honour; he burst out laughing. This was too weird for his brain to process it any other way.

It earned him two confused frowns and Jess looked on top of that as though she thought that Dean was probably suffering with a minor mental breakdown. She was very possibly right.

“Jess,” Dean said, when he finally stopped laughing. “It’s really nice of you to stand up for me like this, thank you, but Gary was in fact helping me with...something.”

Jess looked at him with disbelief and then her gaze shifted towards Gary.

“He was?” she asked suspiciously.

“I’m actually a nice guy!” Gary protested. “I wasn’t,” he added quickly when Jess opened her mouth to protest. “But I’m trying. I swear.”

Dean was still chuckling when he said goodbye to both his saviours and went back to his room. After Mark’s assault, his back was killing him and he needed to lie down.

Maybe he’d convince Sam to put some cream on his back.

-xXx-

“What?” Sam sputtered his coffee.

He was sitting in a cafe with Jess and she was telling him about her weird encounter with Gary and Dean. After what Gary had told her after Dean left, it seemed his ex-tormentor (hopefully) was the one to save Dean from Mark this time. Not that Jess knew who Mark was to Dean, but he fit the description. Sam felt a weird twinge of jealousy at that. He certainly didn’t wish his friend any harm, but he wished it had been _him_ doing the saving. Not Gary.

And that wasn’t all.

“Are you asking for my permission to date Gary?” Sam exclaimed incredulously.

Jess blushed heavily.

“Well, I wouldn’t call it _dating_ , just a coffee. And I promise not to tell him anything about you! I told him right away that if he was doing this to get to you then he was barking up the wrong tree.”

“But Jess...it’s _Gary_!”

“I know, I know, but he’s the first guy to ask me out and after you, I could really use the confidence boost. Please?” she batted her eyelashes at him.

“Jess, I-,”

“Pretty, pretty please?”

“I don’t get to dictate you who you can go out with,” Sam sighed heavily. “But if this turns out badly...”

“You have all the rights to say ‘I told you so’,” Jess promised and smiled brightly. “I gotta tell my friends about this. Thank you, Sam,” she stood up and kissed Sam’s cheek. “See you later!”

Sam chuckled and shook his head. Truth be told, Gary had left him alone ever since his first party and Sam didn’t want to stand in the way of his best friend’s happiness.

He was just pondering over whether he had the guts to walk up to Gary and ask him what his intentions about Jess were, when two shadows blocked the sun. When he raised his head, Ben and Jim were towering over him. Sam gulped and put down his cup of coffee slowly. He’d met and seen both Dean’s friends quite often, even when Dean wasn’t around, and not once had they looked as hostile as they did now.

“Hey Sam,” Ben said. “Mind if we join you?”

Even as he said it, they were already sitting across of Sam, who found himself backing away in his chair as much as he could.

“Hey guys. What’s up?”

“We want to talk to you. About Dean,” Jim said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Um...what about him?” 

“Something’s off about him,” Ben replied. “And we think you might know what that is. Or you might be the reason.”

“Or both,” Jim added.

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” Sam said, completely baffled.

“Come on. Ever since he introduced you to us, he was all Sam this and Sam that and suddenly he won’t talk about you, or about anything else for that matter, he pulls away and he doesn’t even go out with us anymore!” Ben said and Sam couldn’t help the blush that spread over his cheeks at his words. Did Dean really talk about him so often? “Something happened between you two. Did you break his heart?” Ben narrowed his eyes at him.

“What? No!” Sam exclaimed defensively. If anything, it was exactly the other way round.

“You live in one room with him. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed anything,” Jim growled.

“Okay,” Sam nodded. “Um...Mark found him here,” he said carefully, trying to gauge from their reaction whether or not Dean told them something about Mark, because he didn’t want to be the one to spill Dean’s deepest secrets.

“Really?” Ben’s eyes widened. “What was Mark doing here?”

“Who’s Mark?” Jim looked at his friend confusedly. “Dean never told us anything about any Mark.”

“He never told _you_ ,” Ben gave Jim a pointed look. Then he focused back on Sam. “So, you were saying?”

Sam gave Dean’s buddies a short version of his story with Mark, mostly focusing just on the present. Ben’s questions made him think that Dean told him only the vaguest details of his relationship with Mark. Jim remained quiet, looking kind of hurt that Dean would have trusted Ben with something like this, but not him.

“I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want us to know,” Ben sighed, when Sam was done. “It’s not like we’re going to judge him or even stop talking to him. Anyway, thanks Sam,” he patted the freshman’s shoulder and got up.

Sam finished his coffee and got up as well; he still had a class to go to. And a certain roommate to think about.

-xXx-

The next day, when Dean was walking to his class, he kept looking out for Mark, even as he silently cursed his own paranoia. Apparently, though, he wasn’t looking good enough, because he nearly jumped out of his skin as a hand fell onto his shoulder.

“There you are, Chester,” said the voice that hand belonged to and Dean couldn’t hide his relief when he found out it was Ben. Jim was trailing behind. “We need to talk.”

“That sounds serious,” Dean chuckled.

“It is,” Ben deadpanned. “When were you gonna tell us about Mark?”

Dean froze. How was this possible? How on earth could they-

“Did Sam tell you that?” he asked quietly.

“Don’t blame the kid. I kinda tricked him into telling me, besides, that’s not the point. The point is, you’re in trouble. You’re our friend. This talk is long overdue, so spill.”

Dean couldn’t believe it. Sam was the last person on the campus he would have expected a betrayal from. Ben explained to him, though, that he made the freshman think that Ben had already known about Mark and that was how he got the details out of him.

Then he scolded Dean for thinking such nonsense like that he would lose his friends because his ex was an ass or any stupid shit like that. He actually managed to make Dean feel guilty for not trusting his friends enough.

But most importantly, this ‘talk’ with Ben and Jim left him feeling grateful and kind of safe and taken care for. Not that he planned to call his friends the second he saw Mark, but it was good to know someone had his back.

And it wouldn’t be Jim and Ben if they didn’t use this as a reason for a party.

As Dean was walking back to his room, he couldn’t help but think about the other thing Ben said. About Sam and how the kid was ‘perfect for him’. Except Dean was sure Sam wanted no relationship from him, not now that he knew who Dean Winchester really was.

Plus, Dean didn’t want a relationship either. Right?

-xXx-

Sam was sitting on his bed, working on his homework, when Dean returned from his classes.

“I trusted you to keep a secret, you know?” Dean said the second the door closed.

“What?” Sam blinked up at him.

“What I told you about Mark the other night, it was between you and me,” Dean narrowed his eyes. “And guess what? I just ran into Ben and Jim and guess what? They knew everything. From _you_.”

Shit, Sam thought. Ben lied to him, then.

“Dean, I swear, I thought Ben knew!” he said quickly. “I would never tell them otherwise, you have to believe me, please,” he stood up and took a step towards his roommate.

Dean looked at him silently for a long while and then smirked.

“I know. He told me.”

“Asshole!” Sam smacked his arm, but he instantly felt relieved.

“But you should learn how to keep the secrets I tell you if I’m ever supposed to trust you again,” Dean said. “So, as a lesson, you’re not invited to the party Ben and Jim are throwing.”

“Oh, what a terrible punishment,” Sam laughed. He had homework to do, anyway.

As he watched Dean get ready for the party, it hit him that Dean was very likely to hook up with someone there. Any other day, he would have just ignored the pinch in his chest and let Dean do whatever he wanted, but now he couldn’t stop about what Ben said. About how Dean was always talking about him and obviously very fond of him. And about the way Dean’s lips tasted and his skin felt under Sam’s hands. And suddenly, he didn’t want to share that with anyone. And he wouldn’t.

“Give me a week,” he said, just as Dean was putting a gel into his hair.

“Excuse me?” Dean – or rather his reflection – blinked at him. “A week for what?”

“To prove you that relationships can be good. And that you should want one.”

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but Sam wouldn’t let him.

“I know that after Mark you don’t believe in love. And I understand that. He was an asshole, he hurt you and you have every right to feel the way you feel. But I’m not Mark. Give me a chance to prove that to you, please. If it doesn’t work, then after the week is over we get back to what we were and never speak of it again.”

There was a pregnant pause before Dean spoke again. Actually, he opened his mouth quite quickly, already shaking his head no, but then he turned around and – stopped. He just stopped and stared at Sam for what seemed like hours.

“Okay,” he said softly, nodding. He himself seemed just as surprised by that answer as Sam.

“Really?” he asked with disbelief.

“Yeah,” Dean said, sounding more convinced this time. “You have a week to convince me that dating is what I really want.”

“Dating _me_ ,” Sam clarified before his brain could filter that and felt his ears burn with embarrassment.

“Dating _you_ ,” Dean agreed with a small smirk playing on his lips.

Sam was so happy he wanted to hug him, but Dean started walking to the door.

“Wait,” Sam blinked. “You’re still going to the party?”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded and Sam could feel his heart sink. Did Dean just play a cruel joke on him or what? “Or does dating you mean no parties? Because then I already know I wouldn’t like it,” Dean added.

“No, of course it doesn’t, but I-“

“Relax,” Dean winked and leaned in to kiss Sam’s cheek. “I’ll come back to you, boyfriend,” he said with a grin and then closed the door after himself.

Sam was singing _Love is all around_ when he took a shower before he went to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my dearest readers.
> 
> It has been far too long, I know that and I’m so very sorry! In the past month, I had to work on my exams on both school and that had been exhausting. I literally had an exam every other day. My results aren’t glamorous, but I managed to pass them all on first try except for one, which I passed on second try, so I’m pretty proud of myself.
> 
> Then I kind of lost myself in the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi. We’re not a big country, but we had a lot of medal hopes and I had to watch and cheer, I hope you understand.
> 
> This chapter was a pain to write, I tell you that. I was battling a horrible writer’s block, like you’ve never seen, plus the next semester started and I had to go to work too, and well... I really wanted to just get over it and quickly scramble some filler chapter for you to not wait so long, but well, the chapter wanted to be more than that, so it proved rather challenging to write and I had to take breaks and I had to be careful with forcing myself to write, as not to hurt the story.
> 
> Long story short, I’m lazy, time is not on my side, this chapter was a bitch and the show’s hiatus and wincest withdrawal did not motivate me the slightest.  
> I promise I’ll try to do better with the next chapters.
> 
> As always, thanks a million to Tracey who hasn’t given up on me yet. 

Sam kept tossing and turning in his bed, but he couldn’t seem to find a position comfortable enough for sleep to pull him under. It wasn’t the mattress or the pillow that made him uncomfortable, though. It was the fact that he was dating Dean now. Okay, so maybe just for a week and not very officially, but dating nonetheless.

And now Dean wasn’t here and Sam wasn’t sure whether he was more nervous about that or about the fact that he’d be coming back soon. Hopefully.

If Sam should be honest, he didn’t think this whole thing through. He didn’t think about it even a little, before he said it, but now he was in this probationary relationship with Dean and he was so nervous about screwing it up that he was sure he’d screw up just because he was so worried.

Their trial week began tomorrow, on Thursday. What a weird day to start. Maybe they should postpone it to Monday...

The door opened and Dean walked in. Sam’s brain kind of short-circuited and he froze, faking sleep, but keeping one of his eyes open to watch his roommate. Boyfriend, friend, whatever.

Dean didn’t seem too drunk when he walked up to his bed and he was alone, which was a plus. Not that Sam really expected anything else, but it still didn’t hurt to be right.

Sam watched as Dean shrugged off his jacket, took off his shirt and then rolled up the simple white tee that he wore underneath and over his head. The room was dark, but thanks to the faint light that was coming from the window, he could still see the muscles on Dean’s stomach and chest and his mouth watered up at the gorgeous sight.

That was, until a white fabric covered his face and he couldn’t see a damn thing. He could hear Dean’s laughter, though.

“I know you’re watching me,” he said as Sam took his T-shirt off his face.

Sam was now more than ever grateful for the darkness of the room, because he could feel his cheeks burning red.

“Creep,” Dean laughed.

“Asshole,” Sam shot back and threw Dean’s T-shirt back at him.

Still laughing, Dean pulled his jeans down slowly, almost like he was teasing Sam on purpose. Then he bent down, giving Sam a full on view on his perfectly shaped ass in his black boxer briefs.

“Like what you see?” Dean grinned over his shoulder as he was getting back up.

 _Of course_  Sam liked what he saw, but that didn’t justify Dean’s smug smirk. He grabbed the nearest object on the floor – which turned out to be his shoe – and threw it in Dean’s direction.

“I take it as yes,” Dean grinned and dodged the shoe easily.

Then he walked into the bathroom to take a shower and brush his teeth, making a show of swaying his hips.

Sam groaned and ostentatiously turned his back to Dean, faking annoyance, but in fact, he was just trying not to get turned on.

When he heard the water running, he took the time to think.

He really didn’t want to screw this up. He had to come up with a plan and fast. Tomorrow was Thursday, nothing special about that. But on Friday, they would go on their first date. Admittedly, it would be a non-official, trial date on probation, but a date nonetheless, so it had to be special. Sam had to make a good first impression, make Dean see that he could be a good boyfriend. Good enough for Dean to agree to keep being his boyfriend when the week was over.

The problem was; Sam had  _zero_  experience about how to be a boyfriend in general, let alone a good one.

He went over his options, and honestly, it wasn’t much. He could take Dean out for a dinner, but that was kind of cheesy. They could go to a party together, but that was nothing special, plus Sam guessed that since their ‘relationship’ wasn’t real, that Dean wouldn’t want them to ‘be together’ in public.

By the time Dean emerged from the bathroom, Sam had figured out nothing. He was actually contemplating pretending they never agreed on anything and hoping the whole thing would just go away.

“So, Tess and Matt are together,” Dean said offhandedly.

“Oh, um,” Sam cleared his throat, unsure whether Dean was hinting at their own situation or not. “That’s...great, I guess. They’ll be good together.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Dean said and fixed him with a funny look.

“So um...” Sam scratched the back of his neck, feeling extremely uncomfortable. “How was the party?”

“It was good,” Dean shrugged and got into his bed.

“Okay,” Sam nodded. “So, um...it’s late. So goodnight, I guess.”

Dean sighed heavily.

“Sam...I don’t want things to get weird between us,” he said. “I liked our friendship as it was and I don’t want to lose it.”

“You won’t,” Sam assured him quickly. “I’m sorry, I just...it’s not something I’m used to. I’ll get it right, just give me time, okay?”

“You have a week,” Dean chuckled. “And chill. I think you’ll do good, just be yourself, okay?”

“Right,” Sam nodded, smiling.

“Good night, you big dork,” Dean said and closed his eyes.

“Night, jerk,” Sam stuck his tongue out.

Shortly after that, two rhythms of soft snoring were the only thing that could be heard from their room.

\---

When Sam told Jess about his trial week as Dean’s boyfriend, she squealed, covered her mouth with her hand and then flung into Sam’s arms and hugged him tightly, all in just a few seconds. It left Sam a little breathless and a lot confused.

“Oh my god, Sam, that is  _so_  amazing!” she clapped her hands happily.

“I don’t know, Jess,” Sam sighed. “I mean yes, it sounds amazing and everything, but after the week is over? And if he says no, what am I gonna do then?”

“Sam,” Jess smiled softly and put her hand over his. “He’s  _not_  gonna say no, not to you.”

“What you mean by that?”

“Well, let’s say that I just think that this ‘trial week’ thing,” she said, making air quotes with her fingers. “Is an excuse to get together with you and still maintain a reputation,” she winked.

“You think so?” Sam blushed a little, pleasant warmth spreading over his chest.

He couldn’t help it, but it seemed like both his and Dean’s friends wanted to see them together. It felt nice to have that kind of support, plus it meant that there  _had_  to be something between him and his roommate and that it wasn’t just one sided.

\---

Friday arrived way too quickly, if you asked Sam.

God bless Jess, who kept providing Sam with ideas as to where they should go for their first date and then any date onward.

She insisted they went to a nicer restaurant to have dinner together for their first date, but Sam dismissed that thought, saying it was too cheesy. He wanted to  _impress_  Dean. Sweep him off his feet.

And then Jess found out about the motorcar races from Gary and managed to get two tickets off his boyfriend for half the usual price. If anyone had told him in the beginning of this year that Gary Huffman would be helping him with his first date with Dean Winchester, he would’ve probably laughed them off. But that was exactly what happened.

So that was how Sam found himself in his room, right after he got the tickets from Jess, with a pile of clothes on his bed and freaking out over what to wear.

The door opened and Dean walked in, probably from his last class, throwing his bag on his bed.

“Whoa, did something explode in your closet?” he raised his eyebrow at the mess on Sam’s side of the room.

“Huh?” Sam raised his eyes and blinked. “Oh, that. No, that’s...I’m trying to decide what to wear.”

“Why, you going somewhere?”

“Uhm,” Sam swallowed. “I-I thought...since it’s Friday night...and we, you know, so that we, maybe...could go out?”

“Is that your way of asking me out?” Dean looked at him with amusement.

“Well...” Sam felt his cheeks start blushing. “I thought...I thought I didn’t have to,” he admitted. “That I already did.”

“Well,” Dean said, taking a few steps closer. “You did ask me to be your boyfriend for the week. But yesterday, you barely even spoke to me. How was I supposed to know you were planning anything for tonight? What if I got other plans?”

Sam felt his heart drop and he could slap himself for being so stupid. Dean was right, Sam screwed up before they even started.

“You do?” he asked.

“No,” Dean shook his head and chuckled. A huge weight lifted off Sam’s chest. “But next time, talk to  _me_  if you want  _us_  to go out, okay?”

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry, I-“

“Shh,” Dean smiled. “You’re so adorable when you’re nervous.”

Sam blushed even harder.

“So...where are we going?”

“Tickets,” Sam blurted out. Judging by the confused look on Dean’s face, the information required a few more details. “I, um, got us tickets. For the motorcars race just a few miles from here. A bus goes there. You wanna go?” he asked.

“You...” Dean gaped at him and then his eyes lit up like a little kid’s on Christmas. “You got us tickets for the races? Oh my god, you’re so amazing,” Dean hugged him tight and kissed his cheek.

Sam smiled, happy that he finally did something right.

“And you’re seriously trying to find the right outfit?” Dean asked incredulously. “Just change into anything, and let’s go!” he exclaimed with excitement and jogged over to his own closet to get dressed into something more comfortable.

Sam blinked at his friend’s back and then decided to wear black jeans and a navy blue T-shirt. Dean got dressed into black T-shirt and blue jeans.

“Oh, hell,” Dean laughed when he turned around. “We’ve already started matching our outfits.”

But before Sam could answer, Dean tugged at his hand.

“Come on, let’s go, what are you waiting for?”

And so they left. Ran was more like it. They were almost out of breath when they arrived, but Dean kept holding Sam’s hand the whole way, except for when they were on the bus, so it was worth it.

They managed to find two decent seats and watched the races. Sam had only the vaguest interest in motorcar racing and it got boring for him pretty quickly, but Dean was excited about everything happening on the speedway and almost contagiously so, so Sam found himself cheering and booing and he just hoped Dean wouldn’t ask him too many questions, because frankly, he had no idea what was going on, except that a few guys were trying to outdrive the others.

The other part of the evening was that they could try and have a race of their own. Sam had no idea that was a part of the program, but Dean seemed as though it was the main reason he even agreed to go, so Sam said nothing and pretended it was his main reason, too.

Naturally, the motorcars for the visitors were much slower, safer and the race only lasted one circuit. But the closer in the queue they got, the less Sam liked the whole idea. He didn’t let it show, though; he didn’t want to look like a complete wuss.

When it was their turn, they and four other people got their helmets and sat into their vehicles. The driving was supposed to be simple, one pedal for gas, one for break and a steering wheel. Yeah, no biggie.

Except Sam had never driven a car in his life and judging by everyone else’s excited faces, he was the only one to be nervous about the drive. Dean gave him thumbs up before he shut the door and Sam managed to smile at him and then he was alone with his fear inside the motorcar. Maybe he was getting claustrophobic on top of everything else.

The green light went on and they stepped on the gas pedals. Sam had known it was going to be a race, but still, he didn’t expect everyone to start off so fast. Didn’t they know it could be dangerous?

Dean was somewhere in the front, fighting for the first position, while Sam was bravely following the second last car, trying to keep up.  At one point, the kid in front of him hit the tires, which caused him to stop. Only thanks to that Sam ended up fifth and not last.

Dean crossed the finish line second and he got out, grinning from ear to ear.

“Good race,” he shook his hand with the girl’s that won their round.

She grinned back at him and Sam frowned a little. The organisers ushered them away from the ring so that another round could take their places and Dean and the winning girl spent a little too much talking and laughing for Sam’s liking.

But it was all forgotten the moment Dean and the girl said goodbye and Dean pulled him aside to kiss him. It had been so long since the last time Sam felt the soft pads of Dean’s lips pressed against his and it was gone just as suddenly as it happened.

“That’s your consolation prize,” Dean announced when they pulled away. “If I’d known you would have been fifth, I would’ve waited for you,” he grinned smugly.

Sam put on an annoyed face. “Well, I would’ve beat your ass down, if it weren’t for the stupid kid that crashed right in front of me...”

“Yeah, right,” Dean laughed, but he looked like he didn’t believe a word Sam was saying. “Let’s get back, champion,” he said and took Sam’s hand again. Sam might as well have been in heaven.

Sam was still grinning happily when they got to their dorm room. It wasn’t that late and a feeling of anticipation was buzzing underneath his skin, accompanied by some nervousness.

It’d been a while since they’d gotten physical, what with Dean being so preoccupied with Mark and all, and even then, they never went very far. But now that they were ‘boyfriends’, Dean might’ve expected something that Sam wasn’t sure he was willing to give him. On the other hand, he’d missed Dean’s touches and kisses and he wanted  _something_. It was frustrating.

That was why it was more than a little disappointing, when Dean just threw his jacket on the bed and threw over his shoulder an announcement that he was going to take a shower.

Sam felt a little dejected and he thought of where had he gone wrong, but then the idea hit him that maybe Dean just wanted _him_  to take the initiative for once. Maybe one of the ways to prove to Dean that he was worth keeping was to show him that Sam was capable of taking the first step. The only question was – was he really?

Sam slowly dressed down, all the while unsure what he’d do once he was just in his underwear. He had two options. Either he’d sneak into Dean’s shower, which would end up in a hot make out session or with a completely pissed off Dean and a ruined evening, or he could just go into his bed, wish Dean a bit awkward goodnight and try again tomorrow.

Finally, he decided to go for it. Knowing Dean – and he could only  _hope_ he knew him enough to judge the situation correctly – the senior wouldn’t try anything, because he didn’t want to push. The thing was, sometimes Sam needed a little pushing.

He took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. Dean’s back was turned and he probably didn’t notice him coming in, because he didn’t even look.

 _Okay, here goes nothing_ , Sam thought as he pulled his boxers down and slipped behind the shower curtain.

“Sam, what are you-,” was all Dean managed to say before Sam’s mouth on his cut him off.

He tensed up and didn’t kiss back and for a moment Sam was sure this would end the worst possible way. But when Dean’s hands touched Sam’s body, they were pulling him in, not pushing him away. Dean’s lips parted and his tongue sneaked out to ask for entrance into Sam’s mouth, which the taller boy gladly granted.

Their wet, naked bodies pressed against each other and Sam could feel Dean’s arousal pressing against his leg just as strongly as he could feel his own cock swell and harden.

Eventually, their need to breathe overcame their desire and they pulled away, both panting.

“What brought this on?” Dean asked and put his hand on Sam’s cheek.

“I...I don’t know,” Sam admitted. “It’s been a while and I just...I wanted...” he shrugged helplessly.

“You don’t have to do this, though, alright?” Dean said. “I don’t expect anything from you.”

“Well, that’s kind of why I did it, too,” Sam smiled sheepishly. “I guess boyfriends do these kinda things.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Dean chuckled and pulled him in for a soft kiss. “So tell me, boyfriend, what do you want?” he whispered against Sam’s lips.

“I-I...” Sam stuttered. “I really don’t know,” he sighed then.

Instead of pulling away or smirking, as Sam anticipated, Dean just nodded and kissed Sam again. As their tongues were battling for dominance, Dean slowly guided Sam’s hand to his groin and wrapped Sam’s fingers around his throbbing cock. Then he proceeded to do the same with his fingers and Sam’s dick.

Sam was getting off on both being able to bring Dean so close so quickly and the contact itself.

As Dean started slowly moving his hand up and down his shaft, Sam felt his knees buckle, but Dean was there, turning them around and pressing him against the tiles. He mouthed his was along Sam’s jaw to his ear.

“So hot,” he murmured. “So fucking hot, Sam.”

Sam’s only answer was a loud moan and he started stroking Dean in the same rhythm the older boy was stroking him.

“Missed this,” Dean continued speaking and Sam was amazed, because he himself was past coherent speaking.

Dean kissed his mouth again and they added to the pace. Soon, Sam could feel the heat coil down in his abdomen and judging by Dean’s laboured breath against the shell of Sam’s ear and his erratic movements, he was close too.

“Dean, fuck, Dean, I’m gonna-“ Sam tried to warn his friend, but Dean only added a few squeezes to the head of his cock and Sam was a goner.

As he reached his orgasm and shot his load all over Dean’s hand to be washed away by the still running water, he stopped moving his own hand for a moment, losing himself in the perfect feeling of complete bliss.

He was brought back to Earth by Dean’s dissatisfied grunt and he started pumping his hand on Dean’s dick even faster, as if to make up for those moments he forgot about his roommate’s needs.

They didn’t even bother kissing anymore, they just kept their mouths close, opened as they panted for breath, until Dean’s eyes rolled back into his head and Sam felt the sticky heat of his release between his fingers, before the water washed that away, as well.

When they were clean, Dean grabbed his face and kissed him, hot and forceful, pressing his back against the tiles and Sam let him.

“You’re so freaking gorgeous,” Dean murmured between the kisses.

Sam smiled and blushed. He didn’t even try to not feel too pleased about this.

“Come on, we should get out before the water runs cold,” he said and pushed at Dean’s chest.

They dried off, sneaking glances at each other and occasional kisses and stumbled out of the bathroom, giggling like teenage girls.

They dressed into their sleeping clothes and then both of them climbed into Sam’s bed. Sam had to admit it was a surprise, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to complain.

They twined their legs together and Dean wrapped his arms around Sam’s shoulders as Sam laid his head on Dean’s chest.

“Hey, Sam,” Dean whispered into the silence, causing the younger of them to look up at him. “Thanks for today. It was great,” Dean said and kissed Sam’s lips. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Dean,” Sam answered and snuggled closer.

They both fell asleep with smiles on their faces.

\---

The ringing of his cell phone woke Sam up. It was Jess. Dean just grumbled something in protest, turned around and kept on sleeping. Sam couldn’t blame him, he was an early bird, but it was Sunday morning and even he had his limits.

He took the phone to the bathroom and closed the door behind himself as not to disrupt his friend’s sleep.

Jess was both extremely helpful and unhelpful. She bugged Sam for details of his first date with Dean and kept squealing about every single thing Sam said, even though he actually left out the good stuff.

Just when he was about to tell her that he was glad for her support, but that it was entirely too early for him to be awake, Jess remembered the reason she actually called. She overheard someone talking about a performance of some students’ band in a local club and she thought Sam should totally take Dean there.

Sam figured, why not. Even if Dean didn’t like the music, there was going to be beer and people and Dean should like it just fine. Again, it wasn’t really Sam’s thing, but he’d take it if it meant Dean would like him better after that.

He thanked Jess and went back to his bed, but he was too awake and his mind too reeling to fall back to sleep.

It took Dean two more hours to wake up. He got out of the bed and into the bathroom without saying a word, but Sam figured that was his friend’s usual waking process. Now that he thought about it, they didn’t wake up together very often.

The morning went by kind of quietly. It wasn’t awkward, but when Dean returned from the bathroom, he went to his own bed. There was no flirting, no touching, nothing that would make them seem like boyfriends. It was making Sam a little insecure, since they were alone in their room and had nothing to hide from.

“What do you wanna do today?” Sam asked eventually, thinking that since he was making plans for both yesterday and tomorrow, it was completely okay to leave today in Dean’s hands.

“Dunno,” Dean gave a non-committal shrug. “Maybe go out with the guys?”

“Oh, alright,” Sam said and obviously failed to keep the disappointment from his voice, because Dean raised his eyes and cocked an eyebrow at him.

“You’re welcome to join us, of course,” he said.

“Yeah, thanks,” Sam said dully.

“That is, unless you have other plans?” Dean inquired.

“Well, no, I was just hoping...I don’t know...in something maybe a little more...private?” Sam looked at Dean shyly.

“Have you been planning our evenings without telling me again, Sam?” Dean said, amusement clearly lacing his words.

“Uhm,” Sam blushed. “I’m sorry, I just-“

“Chill,” Dean raised his hand to stop Sam and put him out of his misery. “How about we have a late lunch with the others and then we can have all evening to ourselves?” he suggested.

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Sam smiled.

“And then,” Dean’s grin turned more feral. “We’ll have all night. You know, to get to know each other better,” he winked and got up. “I’ll call up Ben and Jim,” he said.

Sam just nodded, unable to speak with his throat suddenly dry.

Not that he didn’t want to have a night with Dean just to himself, he  _did_  and oh, how much, but...there was a but.

Sam was a virgin and even though he wasn’t waiting until marriage or anything, he still wanted his first time to count for something, and well...with Dean, it would count only as another notch in Dean’s belt. Sam didn’t want that. Plus, he wasn’t sure if he was ready, which was a pretty good sign that he wasn’t.

At the same time, though, he didn’t want Dean to laugh at him or give up on him because of that. Not that he thought Dean was that kind of a guy, but...he was sure the senior had expectations. Sam was starting to regret putting himself into this position.

Dean turned around and announced that he would go out with his friends in an hour and asked Sam to come. Sam agreed.

There was nothing special about the hang out with their friends, except that Matt and Tess were holding hands, giving each other dopey looks and blushed. Dean didn’t hold Sam’s hand, but that was nothing unexpected.

Yet, the freshman couldn’t relax. Actually, the longer they were sitting in their favourite diner and the closer the time they would leave was, the more unsettled Sam felt. He was only half listening to what his friends were saying and his laugh was more and more forced.

His mind kept taking him to what would come later, once he and Dean were alone in their room. He didn’t want to seem as prudent and boring to Dean, but at the same time, it was the senior who said they would take it at Sam’s pace. And Sam just wasn’t ready for...hell, he wasn’t even sure how far he wanted to go. He guessed he would find the line when he got there, but just the idea of stopping Dean mid-sex to tell him he didn’t want to go any further was terrifying, to say the least.

Despite Sam’s wishes that the time would stop, the friends said goodnight to each other and went to their dorm rooms. Or, in Matt and Tess’s case, on a romantic walk.

“What’s with you?” Dean asked as he was opening their door. “You’ve been quiet all evening.”

“Nothing,” Sam lied. “I’m fine. Just thinking, I guess.”

“Thinking about what?”

“Things,” Sam shrugged awkwardly, which only earned him a weird look from Dean.

The younger boy found himself half-relieved, half-disappointed, when Dean didn’t throw himself at him the second the door was closed. Instead, he went to the bathroom to take a leak.

Sam shrugged his jacket and shoes off and sat on the bed, waiting.

When Dean walked out of the bathroom, he did about the same thing.

They stared at each other for a moment, and Sam could feel the awkwardness smothering him, until he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Listen, Dean-“

“Listen, Sam-“

The boys started talking at the same time and they both stopped and laughed.

“You first,” Dean said.

“No, you first,” Sam insisted, feeling embarrassed.

“Okay,” Dean chuckled. “Look, Sam, we don’t  _have_  to do anything just because I said so, ok? I know that we’re supposed to be ‘boyfriends’,” he said, using his fingers as air quotes. “But I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. I figured what we did so far was okay?” he asked carefully.

“Yes, yeah, don’t worry,” Sam assured him. “And I want to do...something. I swear. I just...I...gosh, this is gonna sound so corny, but...I want my first time to be with...you know...a real boyfriend?” Sam said. “I’ll be happy if it’s gonna be you, just...not yet, okay?”

“Sure,” Dean nodded and smiled. Sam smiled back, grateful that it went over so smoothly and well and a bit ashamed of himself that he ever thought anything less of Dean.

“But...” Dean got up and took a step closer to Sam. “That doesn’t mean we can’t have fun at all, right?” he said with a feral grin as he put his legs on each side of Sam’s lap.

Sam gulped and stared at him, only able to mumble “Uh...n-no. No, that surely doesn’t.”

Dean laughed softly at his nervousness and then kissed him.

Sam put his hands on Dean's hips, kissing him back.

Kissing Dean was heaven. Even though Sam didn't have much experience for comparison, he still thought there wouldn't be a more terrific kisser than his roommate in his life. Dean's lips were full and so soft, it felt like kissing petals of a rose.

Dean always put just enough pressure and moved his lips on Sam's just so, and it made Sam part his lips wider, but it wasn't sloppy, heated or full of teeth, it was perfect, for lack of a different word.

Sam's brain was unable to think anything else, so it took him a while to notice that Dean started sucking and nibbling on his lips, but wasn't taking it any further. Sam made an impatient noise and thrust his tongue forward and into Dean's mouth. Dean let him map the inside of his cheeks, sucking on Sam's tongue and sliding his own against it.

When Sam pulled him closer and tried to pull his shirt up, Dean finally pulled away and chuckled a little breathlessly.

"What happened to going slow?"

"Fuck slow," Sam growled and pulled the other boy down with him onto the mattress.

Dean laughed and helped Sam pull his shirt over his head and then threw it on the floor. Then they got rid of Sam's. For a moment they stared at each other's half-naked bodies and then, as though a switch was flipped, they all but attacked each other's mouth, Sam clawing at Dean's back and Dean pulling Sam's hair back, baring his neck to suck and bite on the flesh.

The room filled with grunts and low moans as the two of them made out on the bed; hands sliding across skin, bodies glistening with sweat. Sam's brain was clouded with heavy fog of lust and he didn't even notice when did their pants go off, but he certainly wasn't going to complain.

Dean was lying on top of Sam, between his legs and Sam was writhing under him in pleasure. Every inch of his skin that was somehow touching Dean's - and that was a lot of skin - was sparkling with pleasure. His hard cock was straining in his boxers and when the senior rubbed his own erection against his groin, Sam was momentarily afraid he'd lose it just like that. Just from kissing and touching Dean.

The older boy made a trail of kisses down Sam's chest and stomach to the happy trail of soft hair leading down to the thin fabric of his underwear. He looked up with his fingers hooked in the boxers' waistband and when Sam nodded his permission, he pulled them down to Sam's knees.

Sam knew where his temporary boyfriend was going with this, but when the scorching heat of Dean's mouth closed around his cock, he still gasped for breath and his hips tried to arch high off the bed. Fortunately, the other guy seemed to have anticipated that, because he had his hands on Sam’s hips, pressing against the lift and not allowing them to move.

The heat was getting too much for Sam and he knew that if Dean kept up the good work, he’d be painting his throat with his release soon and he didn’t want this to end so early. But Dean wasn’t letting up, in fact, the harder it got for Sam to keep his orgasm under control, the more intense Dean’s sucking got.

“Dean, Dean wait,” Sam pushed at his roommate’s shoulders to get him to stop.

“Dean let go of Sam’s cock and blinked up, looking surprised at being interrupted like that.

“Don’t wanna come, not just yet,” Sam panted.

Dean smirked.

“Okay, hot stuff,” he said. “What you want me to do, then?”

“Um, maybe...” Sam bit his bottom lip and blushed. “Maybe you could let me try?”

“Try what?” Dean asked.

Sam rolled his eyes. Was Dean trying to make him  _say it_  or what?

“You know what,” he muttered and gestured towards his groin.

“Oh...  _oh,_ ” Dean’s eyes brightened with understanding. “You want to suck me off!”

Sam’s ears burned at  _it_  being said so bluntly but...yeah. That was kinda what he wanted.

“I mean...” Sam started nervously. “I’ve never really...you know. I’ll probably suck at it. No pun intended! Oh Jesus...” Sam growled and hid his face in his hands in embarrassment.

Dean chuckled and pulled Sam’s hands away.

“You’re adorable,” he said and then nodded. “Okay. Let’s try it.”

They changed their positions after Dean got rid of his own underwear, so that now the senior was on his back on the bed and the taller boy was kneeling between his legs.

Sam took the base of Dean’s cock in his hand and licked his lips.

“Um...you want me to talk you through it or something?” Dean asked.

“No, just...” Sam cleared his throat. “Just tell me if I do something wrong.”

Having Dean’s dick in his mouth wasn’t all that unpleasant. Sure, he was thick which meant that Sam had to open his mouth _really_  wide, but the slightly salty taste of the head was a far better experience than he’d expected.

Also, the sounds Dean was making as Sam started sucking were music to the freshman’s ears. Dean was groaning and breathing hard through his nose above him and Sam felt encouraged to try and take more of Dean in his mouth.

Everything went fine, Sam was slowly willing his throat to relax and was mentally congratulating himself for every inch he managed to get in his mouth, even though it wasn’t a lot. It  _was_  his first time after all.

Dean's cock was hot and throbbing in Sam's mouth, slick with the saliva dribbling down Sam’s chin, which had to be really off putting, so he was trying to keep his chin hidden from Dean’s line of sight. Not that Dean was paying much attention.

After some time of going like that, Sam’s jaw began to feel sore, so he tried to change the position to ease up the strain. That was when Dean’s groan turned rather painful and he pulled Sam’s hair hard to get him off his dick.

“Less teeth, Sam!” he hissed. “Less teeth!”

“Oh, yeah, right,” Sam hoarsed and slowly eased his mouth down to his previous position. He just had to suffer through it.

To bring Dean to his orgasm faster, he started swallowing around the shaft. The reaction was almost instant, Dean pulled his head free right before he came. Sam was grateful he did, he didn’t feel like swallowing his friend’s come just yet, plus this way he got to see Dean’s face when he let go. What  _Sam_  made him lose it. It was a gorgeous sight.

“C’mere,” Dean mumbled when he came down from his orgasm and reached his arms for Sam weakly. “Rut against me. Come on,” he whispered into Sam’s ear once the younger boy settled in his arms.

“That sounds...really awkward,” Sam protested. Not that he didn’t need to come, his cock was painfully hard and he really needed the release, he just didn’t think it would come from that.

“Stop thinking so much and just let go, will you?” Dean said.

Sam never got the chance to reply, because Dean kissed him and wouldn’t let go even if Sam tried to pull away to speak. When Sam didn’t start rutting his groin against Dean’s leg right away, Dean manhandled him into the best position for it and then just held him there.

As Dean was caressing his back and squeezing his ass, it got easier and easier for Sam to just ‘let go’ as Dean had told him to. Soon he found himself rubbing his naked cock against Dean’s thigh, making a lot similar noises as Dean was when Sam was giving him a blowjob.

Sam was thrusting shallowly into Dean’s hip, chasing his own release and surprisingly, it didn’t feel half as embarrassing as it probably should have. What was embarrassing, though, was when he finally came and realized he’d just smeared his come all over Dean’s hip and the side of his thigh.

“Err...let me...let me take care of that,” he stuttered, his face flushed with shame, as he ran into the bathroom to get a towel to clean them up. Dean chuckled, but let him do it and then return back to the bathroom to wash the towel and hang it up to dry.

When he returned, Dean didn’t give him much chance to think about his next step. He pulled him down onto the bed with him and buried his nose into Sam’s hair.

“Not bad for a first time,” he murmured. “Not bad at all.”

Sam blushed and hid his face in Dean’s chest.

“You say the sweetest things,” he retorted, closing his eyes.

It was the second night in a row the boys slept in each other’s arms and with smiles on their faces. That had to be a record of some sort.

\---

The next day, on Sunday night, Sam took Dean out to see the college band concert.

It wasn’t bad, but it  _so_  wasn’t a cup of Sam’s tea. Dean on the other hand seemed thrilled. To be honest, parties with lots of booze and people were exactly Dean’s kind of a thing.

But to give him roommate some credit, there were a lot of girls trying to get his attention, but Dean either ignored them or brushed them off. He tried to be there with Sam and the freshman tried to seem like he was enjoying himself in return, but the band was really awful in Sam’s opinion and Dean couldn’t ignore all his friends forever.

Dean excused himself to the restroom and promised to bring them another round of beers when he got back. After a while of waiting, Sam got sick of the smell and the noise and decided Dean had been gone long enough for it to be reasonable to go and look for him.

He found him quickly; Dean was in the narrow hallway that led to the boy’s and girl’s rooms. The senior was probably on his way back to Sam, judging by the two beers in his hands, but he got stopped. Stopped by a girl that was currently draped all over him, to be exact.

“Hey, Dean-o,” she murmured into his ear in a drunken slur.

“Hey, Mariah,” Dean said and even though he pulled away a bit, his body turned towards her and his smile wasn’t exactly uninviting either.

“It’s been a while since I saw you,” she smiled back. “I was thinking...maybe we could have a second round, hm? What do you say?” she slid his hands over Dean’s body and Sam clenched his fists before he could rip her arms off.

“I’m sorry,” Dean grinned sheepishly. “I’m kinda busy right now.”

“Oh, I see,” she grinned knowingly. “I guess I’ll just have to be faster next time.”

Dean said nothing to correct her, in fact, he didn’t seem to move away and that was bothering Sam.

“So when do you think you’ll be...less busy?” she asked.

“Dunno,” Dean shrugged slightly. “Ask me next week,” he winked at her.

Sam’s heart dropped and he took a step back. When Dean leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, he had seen enough. He turned on his heel and all but ran back into the room.

If that was all he was to Dean...a game, some assignment he had to suffer through during the week and then he was finally free to do what he wanted, then screw him for all Sam cared.

He slammed the door to their room behind him and sat on his bed. Fine, if Dean didn’t want this, they could end this week tonight. Sam didn’t care. At all. Not even a little. Right.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news: I updated the story! OHMYGODYES!!!! - that’s what you’re all saying, isn’t it? Ha! Hopefully it’ll make your day a little better. I don’t know about you, but my semester is ending, which gives me next to no joy at all, so hopefully, if you’re having the same problem, this’ll help.
> 
> I’m sorry for the long delay, but I warned you. And it’s not gonna get better. Between two schools, a job, three times a week dancing and all that, there’s hardly any time to write. I risked missing some deadlines and not finishing this semester just by writing this chapter, guys! So please, be patient. But my promise not to give up on this still stands!
> 
> Now to the bad news: My pet rabbit died last week :’( I’m still not very over it, so hopefully my awesome and irreplaceable beta Tracey will forgive me if I dedicate this chapter to him.
> 
> R.I.P. Kulíšek, you were loved and now you’re greatly missed <3

Dean thought the party was a blast. After all the drama with Mark, he could use the break. It was amazing of Sam to take them here tonight, even though Sam didn’t look that thrilled about it. Dean was flattered that Sam would suffer through something just to ensure that Dean had fun, but that was not what he wanted. Not as a boyfriend and definitely not as a friend.

The band on stage announced their last song and Dean knew that it meant that there would be at least two more, so he decided to bring them some beer and once the group was done, he was going to suggest that they leave.

Getting two cups of beer on his way from the restroom was the easy part. The hard part was to make his way back to Sam, because the narrow hallway was blocked by a drunken girl whose target was obviously Dean.

“Hey, Dean-o,” she said and Dean couldn’t shake off the feeling that he knew her from somewhere. That meant they’d most likely slept together.

Then she scurried close enough so that Dean could smell her perfume and he remembered.

 “Hey, Mariah,” Dean said, pulling away, because she was getting way into his personal space for his liking.

“It’s been a while since I saw you,” she slurred. “I was thinking...maybe we could have a second round, hm? What do you say?” she put his hand on him. Dean’ hands were full and he had no room to shake her off.

“I’m sorry,” Dean grinned sheepishly, hoping she would get the message. “I’m kinda busy right now.”

“Oh, I see,” she grinned knowingly. “I guess I’ll just have to be faster next time.”

Okay, so she didn’t get the right message, but at least she was backing off.

“So when do you think you’ll be...less busy?” she asked.

Yep, that was the million-dollar question. Dean didn’t want to think too hard about his situation with Sam; what it meant and what it didn’t mean, so he just shrugged.

“Dunno, ask me next week,” he winked at her.

She seemed like she was about to say something else, but he pushed past her, apologized and hurried back to his and Sam’s table.

Except when he got there, Sam was nowhere to be seen. Dean frowned. That was weird. If Sam had gone to the restroom, Dean would have met him. The senior looked around to see if his friend wasn’t somewhere in the crowd.

“Hey, Dean, you’re still here?” Jeff, one of his classmates patted his back. “I saw your friend walking out just moments ago, I thought you’d gone with him!”

Sam had already gone? What was going on?

“I was actually just leaving. Here, have a beer, Jeff,” Dean said, putting the cups in the other guy’s hands, then he turned around and went out of the pub.

He looked around, but Sam was nowhere to be seen. Dean hoped everything was okay as he made his way back to their dorm room.

Sam was standing by his bed and didn’t even turn around.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Dean asked.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Sam spat back.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean frowned, stepping forward.

“It seemed like you’d rather be with that girl you met,” Sam said.

So  _that_  was what this was about. Dean frowned. He would’ve expected Sam to put  _at least_  some faith in him. Wasn’t that what relationships were about? And was that how Sam was going to react every time Dean even talked to someone else? Because, honestly, talking was all he did with Mariah.

“Sam...” he started, but then he realized, he had nothing to say. He didn’t do anything wrong! “All I did was tell her that I wasn’t interested,” he frowned.

“That’s not what you said,” Sam chuckled bitterly. “You told her you were free next week!”

Dean opened his mouth to defend himself, but then he realized something. “You heard that?” he asked suspiciously. “Were you following me or something?”

Sam had the decency to at least blush.

“I didn’t mean to, but you were gone for so long and when I went looking for you, I found you and  _her_  together.”

“And did you, even for a second, think that maybe she just came onto me and I was trying to shake her off?” Dean asked, angrily. “I wouldn’t take you for the judgmental type, you really disappoint me, Sam.”

His roommate’s face fell and Dean knew he was an ass. He was just about to say he was sorry, when Sam spoke up.

“Dean, if you don’t want us to be together, if you’re just waiting for the week to be over, then we can call this thing off right now,” he said.

That hurt. Sam really didn’t see him as anything more than a pretty playboy. He wouldn’t even give him the benefit of the doubt.

“You know what? Maybe you’re right. If you can’t trust me, maybe we really shouldn’t be together,” he exclaimed angrily and slammed the bathroom door behind himself.

He couldn’t believe it. Things were good, with him and Sam, at least he thought so. Was it his fault that Mariah chick decided to hit on him tonight? No! He even rejected her for Christ’s sakes!

He took a shower, brushed his teeth and even shaved, even though he never did that in the evening, just to avoid Sam for a little while longer.

When he walked out of the bathroom, the light was off and Sam was in his bed, his back to Dean. He wasn’t asleep and Dean knew it, but he couldn’t be bothered to call him on it. He just climbed into his own bed and eventually fell into a restless sleep.

\---

They didn’t speak to each other the next day. Fortunately, they avoided any morning awkwardness, because Sam got up and in class much earlier than Dean, as usual. But even after the senior was done with school for the day, he just kept wandering around on Campus, with no particular goal, except to stay away from Sam for as long as usual.

“Hey, what’s up, Dean?” Tess said as she slid next to him into a booth in some diner Dean went in for a coffee.

“Not much,” Dean said, looking out of the window.

He didn’t mean to be rude; he just really wanted to be alone. What he needed the least was his freshly in love friend, as much as he loved her.

“Where’s Sam?” she asked.

Dean rolled his eyes.

“Where’s Matt?” he retorted.

“Hey, what’s with you?” she frowned.

Dean didn’t really know himself, so he just sighed.

“Dean Winchester, are you  _moping_?”

“What? That’s ridiculous,” Dean snorted.

“What happened between you and Sam?” Tess asked.

“Why do you think something happened?” Dean raised his eyebrow.

“Because you two have been joined at the hip ever since you’d introduced him to us and now classes are long over, but you’re sitting here, by yourself,” she pointed out.

“Yeah? Well maybe I wanted to be alone without any of my nosy friends interrogating me,” he replied.

Tess stuck her tongue out at him.

“Trust me, I just spend days moping,” she said. “Takes one to know one and you, my dear friend, are moping. So spill, what happened?”

Dean gave up with a sigh and explained to Tess why’d they argue last night and how insulted he felt that Sam was so quick to judge him.

She listened to him ramble, until Dean suddenly stopped talking; realizing that he’d just told Tess about the ‘boyfriend week’ arrangement. She didn’t even blink.

“We all think you’re gonna end up together, eventually,” she shrugged when he asked her about it. “We’d bet on it, but there’s no one to collect the money from, since no one wants to bet against it,” she laughed.

“You’re all idiots,” Dean stated, but he couldn’t help the way the corners of his mouth curled upwards, so he tried to hide it by taking a sip of his coffee.

“No, you two are the idiots,” Tess retorted. “Look, I get why you’re offended and everything, but given your history, you can’t really blame Sam for jumping into that conclusion.”

Dean took a breath to defend himself, but Tess was faster.

“You were right, though, he should have asked you before he accused you of anything. So, the way I see it, if you both could just say you’re sorry and then kiss and make up, everything would be fine. Am I right?”

“I hate you,” Dean sighed as a way of admitting she was right.

She just smiled, knowing full well what Dean meant by that.

“Yeah, feeling’s mutual,” she grinned and got up. “Go back to him and talk this out, Dean. And stop moping,” she said and walked out.

Dean thought about what Tess had said and couldn’t help but agree with her. He still thought he had every right to be upset about what Sam said last night, but maybe, instead of acting like a little child, he should have told Dean how his accusations made him feel, as gay as that sounded.

Right in that moment, Dean’s phone beeped, telling him he got a text. It was from Sam.

_I’m sorry. Can we talk? S._

Dean had never finished a coffee as fast as he did then and hurried back into their room.

-xXx-

Sam sighed and put his phone away. It had been 10 minutes and still no answer. He texted Dean with an apology, hoping they could settle things down between them, but it seemed that his roommate wanted to hold a grudge.

Sam talked to Jess about what happened and she agreed that what Dean did was stupid, but she still thought Sam should have told Dean how he felt instead of yelling it into his face. Sam had to admit she had a point.

He was slowly losing the hope that Dean would accept his apology and that they’d work things out and maybe even got to carry on in their trial week, when the door opened and Dean walked in.

Sam stood up and nearly flung into his friend’s arms, but then he thought that it probably wouldn’t be very appropriate, so he just stood by his bed awkwardly.

Dean didn’t seem to be much better off, because he scratched the back of his head, clearing his throat.

“So, um...I got your text,” the older boy said finally.

“Yeah, I...” Sam started, but didn’t know how to finish. He already said Dean he was sorry in the text. The ball was in Dean’s hands now.

“I’m sorry too,” Dean said, smiling softly. “Sorry I exploded, but...not sorry we fought.”

Sam blinked. What was that supposed to mean?

“So, you, uh,” he asked carefully. “You’re glad things ended the way they did between us?”

“Oh, god no,” Dean said quickly. “No, I wish I knew how not to get all defensive every time someone close to me says something insulting, but I’m glad that I know what you think about me now.”

Sam winced a little. This was so not going the way he hoped it would.

“Dean’s, that’s not-“

“Let me finish,” Dean interrupted him. “Look, I can’t blame you for thinking what you thought, seeing me with the chick, but I wish you’d asked me about it first, before you outright called me a cheater. Because, you know, if we’re supposed to be together, and I thought we were, then you’re gonna have to trust me a little more than that.”

Sam sighed. Dean was right, of course he was right.

“I really am sorry,” Sam sighed. “I was...I got scared, you know, seeing you with her. The first thing that popped into my head was ‘Is she better than me? Is he going to choose her over me?’ and it had nothing to do with me not trusting you. It was me not believing in myself.”

Dean’s face softened a little and he took a step closer.

“So we’re okay?” he asked.

“We’re okay,” Sam smiled and walked up to his friend to wrap his arms around him.

He felt Dean’s arms tighten around him as well and he could feel a huge weight lifting off his chest. They were okay. And all was right in the world.

“How about we learn from this and move on?” Dean suggested. “I’d very much like to continue in our trial boyfriends plan, if that’s okay with you.”

Sam’s cheeks started to hurt from grinning so wide.

“Yeah, I’d like that too,” he nodded.

“But if we’re gonna continue, I’m gonna need a few changes,” Dean said.

“Like what?” Sam blinked. Had he been doing something wrong?

“I’m gonna need you to be yourself, Sam,” Dean sighed. “Because the first few days? They were awesome, and fun and I thank you for them, but let’s be honest. That’s not you.”

Sam looked down, biting his bottom lip.

“You’re right, it’s just...I’m afraid that my idea of a good time would bore you,” he admitted.

“Well, you still have to try me,” Dean smiled softly and put his hand under Sam’s chin, tilting his face back up. “Better we try and find out whether we enjoy the time spent together now, than build a relationship on lies, no?”

Sam nodded. Yet again, Dean was right.

“You know, for someone that doesn’t do relationships, you seem to know a lot about them,” he said.

“Yeah,” Dean chuckled. “Part of the reason I avoid them.”

Sam’s face must have given something away, because Dean quickly added.

“Hey, but I’m willing to give it a chance with you! Just be real, okay? And we’ll see what happens.”

Sam wrapped his arms around Dean again and laid his head down on his shoulder.

“I just really wish you’d say yes when this week is over...”

“I know,” Dean said, kissing the top of Sam’s head and for some reason, that answer did nothing to reassure Sam.

\---

Just how serious Dean was going to get Sam found out the next day, when he returned from class. He caught his roommate in the middle of pushing Sam’s bed towards his own.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked suspiciously.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Dean raised his eyebrow. “I’m moving you in with me.”

“Dean,” Sam snorted. “We already live together.”

“Hey,” Dean feigned being offended. “Don’t go rainin’ on my parade. Give me a hand, instead, will you? Why should I do all the hard work,” he stuck his tongue out.

Sam chuckled, rolling his eyes, but he put his bag down and went to help the senior pushing the bed up against Dean’s.

“There, that’s better,” Dean grinned when they were done.

“Why is it my bed that had to move, anyway?” Sam narrowed his eyes at Dean, who only blinked at him innocently and Sam would have  _almost_  believed him that he had no idea what Sam was talking about. “Why not yours?” he clarified.

“Well, I  _am_  the older one,” Dean said.

“So?” Sam raised his eyebrow, not convinced by that reason. “What if I didn’t like the idea?”

“Yeah, as if,” Dean stuck his tongue out.

“No, really, what does your side of the room had that mine doesn’t?” Sam insisted.

“Well...” Dean stalled, looking around, most likely searching for the answer. “Mine has the bathroom!” he announced victoriously.

Sam just laughed; he couldn’t argue with that.

“So what’s next?” he asked. “We’re getting matching sheets?”

“Your turn,” Dean shrugged and fell down on their beds, taking up most of the space. “On second thoughts,” he drew out lazily, stretching on the mattresses. “Maybe I’ll just confiscate both the beds. You’re gonna have to find a sleeping bag.”

“Oh, really?” Sam grinned and crawled on top of Dean.

He put his hands on the sliver of skin that peaked from under Dean’s t-shirt and ran his hands up, caressing the soft skin and hard muscles. He waited for Dean to sigh contently and relax into the mattress, before he began to tickle him ruthlessly.

Dean let out a shriek that Sam knew his friend would deny if he tried calling him on it and tried to wiggle away, but Sam had his position secured and didn’t give Dean even an inch of relief.

Only when the older boy was reduced to a wreck of sobbing laughter and tears on his red cheeks did Sam stop torturing him.

“Okay, alright, you win!” Dean said, squirming away from Sam. “You can have your bed back.”

“How mighty of you,” Sam chuckled and lay on the bed next to Dean.

He would be content just lying there and watching the ceiling, knowing his almost boyfriend was by his side and that things were okay between them, but Dean had apparently other plans.

“Wanna go out for a dinner?” the senior asked. “Just you and me?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Sam turned to him, grinning.

“Maybe,” Dean said, purposefully not looking at Sam.

“Well, it sounds nice,” Sam shrugged.

Dean finally looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s a yes, you idiot,” Sam chuckled. It earned him a hit with a pillow over his face.

Another hit quickly followed the first and before Sam knew it, they were having a real pillow fight.

Sam laughed more than actually attacked, plus Dean was fierce and merciless and wouldn’t give Sam the smallest break.

\---

One pillow fight and a make out session later, also after some fussing over what they should wear that took them at least an hour; they were sitting in a restaurant. It was on the Campus ground, but it wasn’t just any diner. The place was quite nice, and not as cheap as the rest, so people usually came here for dates or celebrations. Sam was determined not to let Dean pay for this.

They were having a good meal, Sam had pasta with chicken meat and cream sauce and Dean had a steak with baked potatoes.

Dean wanted to know what made Sam want to be a lawyer, so that was what they talked about.

Sam wasn’t sure he wanted to be a lawyer per say, he just knew that he was smart enough to make it and as a Texan gay, he knew a lot about human rights and their violations. But he didn’t think his future consisted of defending clients and trying to put people behind bars. He was hoping the school would help him discover his options and that by the time he graduated; he’d have a pretty clear idea about what to do next.

The whole time Sam talked, Dean didn’t interrupt him, didn’t offer solutions or try to force his own opinion on Sam, and the freshman could love him for that. At the same time, the older boy didn’t seem bored or regretting that he’d asked in the first place, which surprised Sam a little. Sam was a rambler, and he knew it, so he was quite used to people telling him to shut up. He was lucky to have met Jess, because she was a rambler herself, so she had an understanding for Sam’s need to talk his heart out sometimes.

And then there was Dean, who was looking smoking hot in his black slacks and white shirt, with his golden hair, white perfect teeth lined with the prettiest lips and don’t even get Sam started on Dean’s eyes. But aside from Dean’s physical perfection, he was also sitting across of him, listening to him ramble and not looking the least bit annoyed. It might not seem like much to someone, but for a guy as socially impaired as Sam was, this was Heaven and more.

When Dean went into the restroom, Sam used the chance to pay for them both. The evening was perfect, almost unbelievably so. That was why Sam really shouldn’t have been surprised when he turned around and bumped into Ginny and Jenny, the school’s biggest gossipers.

“Well, hello there, Sam,” Ginny chimed and Sam wondered where the hell she knew his name from. Probably because he was Dean’s roommate. “Are you on a date?” she looked around to see who he was here with.

“Uh, I...”

“Come on, Sam,” Jenny grinned. “People here come  _only_  for dates. You didn’t come here  _alone_ , did you?” she looked at him incredulously.

Sam could feel his cheeks grow warm. He really wanted to shut them both up, shut  _everyone_  up, and tell the truth, that he was here with Dean freaking Winchester himself and that they were on a date. That Dean pushed their beds together earlier and that they were making out regularly, Sam just wanted to shove this into everyone’s faces.

But he couldn’t. No one knew about their secret arrangement, except for their closest friends and to the outer world, they were nothing but roommates. He was sure Dean wouldn’t appreciate it if Sam told Ginny and Jenny of all people, just for some inner satisfaction.

“Sam, you  _did_ bring a date here, right?” Ginny asked him like she was talking to someone mentally challenged.

“I, uh...” Sam cleared his throat awkwardly.

Right in that moment, a strong arm wrapped around his waist. He smelled Dean’s cologne and heard his friend’s voice next to his ear.

“Of course he did,” Dean said and kissed Sam’s cheek.

The younger boy looked down, blushing, but he didn’t even try to stop the satisfied grin from spreading over his face.

“Wow,” Jenny blinked. “Dean Winchester.”

It wasn’t said as a question, but there was clear confusion behind it.

“Now, ladies, if you’d excuse us...” Dean brushed past them with a charming smile, pulling Sam with him.

Sam would bet all the money he had that they were staring after them long after they’d left.

Once they were in the streets, Dean let go of him and Sam really tried not to be disappointed by that, but it didn’t really work.

“Thanks for saving me back there,” he said.

“No problem,” Dean shrugged. “Besides, it wasn’t really a lie, was it?” he nudged Sam’s side, grinning and Sam had to grin back.

“Look, I’ve been thinking...” Sam started.

“Did it hurt?” Dean smirked.

“That joke’s getting old really fast,” Sam rolled his eyes.

Dean just stuck his tongue out.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Sam continued, glaring at Dean a little. “You said you wanted me to be myself, right? To take you places that I like too?”

“Yeah, I did,” Dean nodded.

“Well...” Sam took a deep breath. He knew that what he had in mind was silly and totally out of Dean’s style, but he figured he owed the senior to at least try. “Would you visit the gallery with me tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Dean smiled and Sam felt a huge weight lift off his chest. “What are we going to see?”

The local gallery in a near town was showing an exhibition of Sam’s mother’s favourite artist. Sam liked him as well. He painted moods. Well, not moods, he painted people and landscapes and all sorts of things, but his aim was to evoke a  _feeling_ in people. And it worked with Sam. He wasn’t one to aimlessly wonder around a building filled with pictures that didn’t mean anything to him, even though he’d love to see Mona Lisa one day, but this certain artist was...different.

“Wow, maybe you should change your major to advertisement,” Dean chuckled, when Sam finished his monologue about the awesomeness of Chuck Shurley. “I swear you could sell shoes to a snake with that enthusiasm.”

“Shut up,” Sam laughed and elbowed Dean’s ribs.

“Ow! Bastard,” Dean grinned, grabbed Sam in a headlock and ruffled his hair.

They teased each other all the way back to their dorm room.

Technically, Sam  _knew_ that their beds were both on Dean’s side of the room now, but the sight when Dean opened the door still required some getting used to.

“Dibs on the first shower,” Dean called out, even as he was halfway in the bathroom.

Sam guessed that meant they were having separate showers tonight. Just as well, he was so full from their dinner he was glad he made it the one stock of stairs they had to climb to their floor without puking. He definitely wouldn’t have managed a shower sex, or anything.

Dean came out of the bathroom smelling freshly of his shower gel and he immediately collapsed on his bed, not even bothering to put anything on.

“Don’t fall asleep until I get back,” Sam warned him as he got into the shower himself.

It was definitely not creepy that he used the same towel Dean had to dry himself off. It was saving laundry, that’s what it was. It wasn’t weird, because Sam didn’t smell it. It took him all his will power, but he managed not to sniff Dean’s used towel.

Yep, Sam was in trouble.

When he came back to their room, Dean wasn’t asleep yet, which he proved by opening his eyes and looking Sam’s way, but he was halfway there. Sam put his sleeping clothes on and laid down. Dean’s arms immediately sneaked around him and pulled him closer.

“This is nice,” Dean murmured.

“Yeah, it sure is,” Sam smiled and twined his hands together with Dean’s.

“Goodnight, Sammy, sweet dreams,” the older boy said, kissing the back of Sam’s head.

Sam turned in Dean’s arms and raised his eyebrow. “ _Sammy_? Where did that come from?”

“Well, as my boyfriend, I should give you a pet name, right?” Dean shrugged. “Don’t you like it?”

“No, it’s...it’s nice, actually,” Sam admitted, blushing just a little. “So what’s  _your_  pet name going to be?”

“Don’t even go there,” Dean warned him.

“Baby? Honey? Sweetheart?” Sam grinned.

“I’m warning you...”

“Sugar? Cutiepie?”

“Okay, that’s it. I’m moving your bed back to its place tomorrow.”

“You wouldn’t, darling,” Sam cooed.

“I hate you,” Dean growled and let go of Sam. Then he turned his back on the freshman.

“Aww, don’t be like that, sweetcheeks,” Sam poked his side.

“Shut. Up,” Dean huffed.

“Make me,” Sam grinned.

Dean turned back to Sam, contemplating him for a minute and then he pulled him in for a deep kiss.

It was a slow slide of parted lips, barely any tongue, but it was still breathtaking. But then again, nearly anything Dean did took Sam’s breath away.

“Okay, point taken. I’ll just have to call you Dean,” Sam sighed when they finally parted.

“Good,” Dean smirked. “Now sleep, you big dork.”

Sam closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Dean. The idea with their beds was really awesome. After the Sunday’s fiasco and the fight they had, Sam finally felt like they were back on the right track with Dean. After all, Dean said he would be able to convince anyone to buy anything, right? Maybe he’d convince him to say yes. He only had two days left.

-xXx-

On Wednesday morning – or well, almost noon – when Dean woke up, Sam was still in his arms. As pleasant as that was, it was wrong, because Sam was supposed to be in school.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” he said softly, shaking the younger boy’s shoulder. “You’re gonna freak when you see the time.”

“Whassgodhmpf-wha?” Sam mumbled as he roused from his slumber. It was adorable.

“It’s way past eleven, Sammy,” Dean chuckled, the nickname he gave Sam yesterday rolling off his tongue easily and naturally. He liked it. “And you’re still in bed.”

“I didn’t tell you?” Sam mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “I got a day off.”

“How come?”

“No idea,” Sam shrugged. “We just got a message from the dean that all freshmen have a day off today. They got probably sick of us or something.”

“Cool. I’ll take a day off, too then,” Dean said.

Sam’s smile widened and Dean wished he’d really said that because he wanted to spend the day with Sam and not because he was jealous of Sam’s free time. He  _did_  want to spend the day with Sam, it just wasn’t why he’d said it.

“Wait,” Sam frowned. “Don’t  _you_  have classes?”

“Sam, please,” Dean waved him off. “I’m a senior. Nobody cares how many classes I’ve missed as long as I pass the finals.”

It wasn’t entirely the truth, but Sam didn’t have to know that. The dean still watched their missed hours without excuse, but they were allowed to skip more classes than in previous years.

“We should visit the Gallery you wanted to see,” Dean suggested. “There’ll be much less people than in the afternoon.”

“Well, why not,” Sam shrugged. “Hopefully, our little date won’t get you kicked out of school.”

“Well, if it does, make sure you move your bed back before the new guy moves in,” Dean said, rolling out of the bed.

“Are you jealous, snuggles?” Sam looked at him with amusement, raising his eyebrow.

Dean rolled his eyes. This pet-name thing started to seem like a really bad idea.

To his own surprise, though, Dean had to admit that yes, he would be jealous. But then again, he’d always been possessive and a little vain.

\---

As expected, the Gallery visit was more Sam’s thing. Not that Dean disliked it, not at all, but he was fine just walking around the exhibition hall, taking a look at each and every painting and then he could leave.

But not Sam. Sam was the kind that stood in front of each frame and  _watched_ it. He spent minutes inspecting every work and Dean would be lying if he said he wasn’t bored. He already knew from, Sam what the exposition was about, but he guessed he didn’t have the right eye for it. The paintings were nice, but it didn’t leave him with any bigger impression than that.

He didn’t want to ruin Sam’s visit though, so whenever Sam looked at him, he gave his friend a reassuring smile. That was what relationships were about, right? Compromises.

Except, Dean wasn’t really sure he liked it. He liked being with Sam, sure, it was fun and Sam seemed to understand him and like him despite Dean’s obvious flaws and Dean liked him too, but...commitment really wasn’t Dean’s thing.

Admittedly, it had a lot of to do with Mark and his past, but that was not all. Dean had tasted freedom and he  _liked_  it. He didn’t have to worry about anyone, he didn’t have to appease anyone, he was his own man and that suited him.

And while Sam was sweet and caring and really kind, he was also possessive and jealous – if the scene after Dean met Mariah was anything to go by – and Dean just wasn’t sure if he was ready to give his freedom up to for anyone. Then again, he thought as he watched his roommate stop by yet another frame, if he was going to get into a relationship, it would be with Sam. No one in this school had intrigued him as much as the tall, brown-haired freshman.

Finally, after what felt like many hours later, even Sam was finished with the exposition and both of them agreed they were hungry. Dean managed to convince Sam to have their lunch in McDonald’s, despite Sam’s protests and obvious distaste to fast food. Dean’s winning argument was that they had salads there and that he really, really,  _really_  wanted a chickenburger, but frankly, he was just lazy and McDonald’s was close. Sam ended up eating half Dean’s menu .

It wasn’t even late in the afternoon when they walked out.

“See? Skipping school has its perks,” Dean grinned at Sam.

“You’re the one skipping school,” Sam reminded him.

“Well, now you have a reason too. Skipping school’s awesome.”

“You’re a bad influence,” Sam chuckled.

Dean just stuck his tongue out.

They were on their way to catch a train back to the campus. Dean had thought about taking Sam’s hand but he wasn’t sure how accepting the people in California were, so he decided against it. He heard Californians were cool about it, but he didn’t want to bring him or Sam into unnecessary trouble.

As they were walking, they passed a billboard, inviting people to an amusement park. It was on their way, they would just have to go a few stops further.

“Sam, look!” Dean stopped, pointing at the billboard. “Can we go there? We have to go there! Please!”

He expected a little more excited reaction from Sam than a bit lip and “I’d rather not.”

“But why not? Come on, it’s gonna be fun!”

“Are there gonna be clowns?”

Dean just blinked at him dumbly and then burst out laughing. “Clowns?! Are you scared of clowns?”

Judging by the way Sam bowed his head and looked away, it wasn’t the best reaction.

“Sorry,” Dean put his hand on Sam’s shoulder, not laughing anymore. “I never met anyone scared of clowns, I didn’t know that was even a thing. I promise, we’ll look out for anyone with balloons and run away when we see some big shoes. And if some clown finds his way to you anyway, I’ll fight him off. Promise.”

That made Sam smile.

“Okay,” he agreed. “But one encounter with a clown and we’re leaving. Deal?”

“Deal,” Dean grinned.

Sam was going to be a great lawyer one day, he thought.

\---

The park turned out to be really small, just a few carousels and a lot of attractions for children, but that didn’t stop Dean from being excited. Fortunately, the only clowns around were painted on the stalls, so eventually, even Sam let himself go.

Since the park was small, it didn’t have a lot of attractions for people their age, but they still had plenty of fun. They loved the rollercoaster the most.

Dean caught Sam looking at the shooting stand, so they went there and by some miracle, Dean managed to win a small teddy bear for Sam. It was blue, holding a red heart that said  _I wuv hugs_ and Dean thought it was hideous, but he kept it to himself. He didn’t say that winning it was just a pure coincidence either. He like the way Sam looked at him with admiration in his sparkling, hazel eyes too much for that.

They were just looking to buy something to eat, when the fair’s photographer stopped them.

“You look like a lovely couple,” he said with a broad smile. “Mind if I take a picture?”

Dean exchanged a look with Sam to make sure it was okay.

“Sure, why not,” he said then and put his arms around Sam, standing behind him.

It was a little ridiculous, even though he put his chin on Sam’s shoulder, because Sam was good four inches taller than him. But hell would freeze over before Dean would be the ‘little spoon’.

Sam spread his legs a bit, so that he would appear to be shorter.

“Better?” he asked, not hiding his amusement.

“If you’d like, I can take the photo just from waist upwards,” the photographer said, giving them a funny look.

“Thanks,” Sam said. “He’s got a height complex,” he said, giving Dean a pointed look.

Dean glared at him, but didn’t comment on it. He didn’t have a height complex. That was ridiculous. Yeah.

Sam stuck his tongue out at him and laughed and Dean stared at his face just a little bit longer than necessary.

Sam was gorgeous.

Sure, Dean knew his roommate was easy on the eyes, but he never took the time to actually  _look_  until now. And he had to admit that Sam was really freaking gorgeous. From his absolutely adorable dimples right down to the cute little mole on his cheek. He liked Sam’s long, shaggy hair that only he seemed to pull off, but what got to him the most were Sam’s eyes.

People told him that he had really pretty eyes, but Sam’s were just...spectacular. They were this soft shade of hazel with golden sunflowers around the pupils. Real sunflowers, like God painted them there himself. If Dean were a believer, that is.

And right now, Sam’s eyes were sparking with happiness and then they shone even more because the flashlight went off.

“What the hell, man?” Dean frowned. They weren’t even looking into the camera.

“I like to capture moments, not poses,” the photographer said with a cryptic smile. “If you’d like, I can take another one, but you’ll still pick this one, trust me.”

Dean didn’t trust him, though, so they ended up taking another picture and Dean had to control his face muscles a lot to keep from scowling.

The guy parted with them, smiling and reminded them not to forget to buy the photo in the ticket office on their way out.

Dean was a little bummed out about the photo, he really wanted his photo with Sam to be good, so he ended up buying a hot dog and pouring a generous amount of mustard over it. Sam got himself a corndog.

They only stayed in the park for a short while after that. Sam must have picked up on Dean’s mood, but even though he asked if anything was wrong, Dean denied it. He really didn’t feel like admitting that he was annoyed because his photo might turn out badly. He wasn’t a teenage girl on Instagram, after all.

Dean was contemplating “forgetting” about the photo and just not picking it up at all, but Sam remembered, so they went to get it.

The photographer was right.

Their second photo turned out okay, if a little unnatural, but the first one, was...

“Wow,” Sam breathed out when he saw it.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, more than a little surprised himself.

The photographer really took the picture just down to their waists, so it looked like Sam actually  _was_ smaller. His head was turned sideways and a little upwards and he was looking at Dean, smiling. Dean was smiling back. His smile wasn’t bashful and rosy-cheeked like Sam’s, his was...dreamy. He was looking at Sam like the younger boy was the best thing that ever happened to him.

The Russian wheel behind them, covered in colourful lights only made the photo seem that much more magical.

If Dean didn’t know who he was looking at, he’d say the couple on the photo was definitely in love.

Sam must have seen it too, because he looked up at Dean with a soft smile, almost expectantly. Dean just smiled back and quickly looked away, before things could get awkward.

They paid for the photo, buying only one copy of it, since they lived in the same place and headed back into their dormitory.

Back in their room, they argued for a while about the best place for their photo. Dean thought they would put it on the window or on the board above Dean’s desk. Sam wanted to put it on the mirror on Dean’s closet door.

“Seriously, the mirror? So you could look at yourself while you’re looking at yourself?” Dean chuckled.

“Shut up, you idiot,” Sam retorted. “So I could look at  _us_.”

Dean just rolled his eyes, but Sam ended up winning the fight and the photo did end up on the mirror, in the upper right corner.

“It’s a really good picture,” Sam said, taking his shirt off.

“Yeah, it is,” Dean said, changing into his sleeping clothes as well.

He slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind himself, hoping Sam would get the hint that he wanted to brush his teeth alone.

This was when things started to get awkward, at least for Dean. He wasn’t ready for commitment, for feelings. And Sam just...well, he seemed really sure that what they had was almost a sealed deal and Dean didn’t like that. He didn’t want to be a jerk and push Sam away or ruin his mood by saying something nasty, but he could really use some space right now. Hopefully, Sam would grant him that.

Sam was already in bed when Dean walked out. Dean slipped under the covers as well.

“Goodnight,” Sam whispered, rolling over to face him.

“Night,” Dean said and kissed Sam’s lips softly.

He didn’t think Sam could read his mind, but he was kind of relieved when his roommate left it at that and just snuggled closer and closed his eyes.

Dean knew, though, what was really going on with him. Sam was getting too close; he was nagging at the wall built around Dean’s heart and threatened to take it down. Dean’s natural instinct was to back off, make some room for himself and push Sam away. But knowing his friend, it would crush him and Dean didn’t want to be the one to crush Sam.

Dammit, being in a relationship sure is difficult, even when it’s just a fake one, Dean thought, right before he fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm still alive! And so is this story! I gotta apologize in advance, this chapter sucks. It's short, it's not beta-ed and it's kinda been written over two nights, so yeah. I think it shows and I'm extremely sorry for that, but that does not mean I don't respect you enough! No, it means the exact opposite. I've just finished with my finals (all done, phew) and I'm leaving for summer camp tomorrow. But some of you have been asking for a new chapter and I know all of you have been waiting and it just felt unfair to keep you waiting that long. I promise that when I get back, I'll write a proper one and that the waiting time between chapters will decrease rapidly.
> 
> In the meantime, enjoy at least this, and let me know what you think of the story so far in the reviews!

Sam was looking at the photo he and Dean made together yesterday, when they went into the.Lunapark. He liked it a lot. Dean, though, that was a different story.

At first, the photo was in the upper corner of their mirror, but that lasted only until morning.

Wednesdays meant an early lesson for Sam, so he was the only one waking up, but that was nothing new. What  _was_  new was that Dean only texted him one worded replies and when Sam gave up trying to get him to talk, because he felt lame, Dean never even tried to reach out, even when his class had long since ended.

When he got back into his room, he met Dean in the door. His roommate was just leaving. Sam asked where he was going and frowned, when the only response he got was a “meeting the guys” thrown over Dean’s shoulder as he walked away.

Sam was going to let it pass, though, until he saw that the photo wasn’t on the mirror. He really wished it didn’t hurt as much as it did. He was actually going to check the trash bin Dean kept under his table to see if Dean had thrown it away, when he noticed it was lying on Dean’s desk.

So now Sam was looking at it and thinking, where had things gone wrong. They had a great time yesterday, right? Was it the gallery? Was it too boring for Dean? Sam sighed and absent-mindedly dragged his finger over the photo gently.

Sam’s day was pretty much ruined already. He only had today and tomorrow to make Dean fall for him so to speak and this didn’t look good at all.

He would’ve just stayed in the room and feel sorry for himself if it weren’t for Jess who invited him out for a coffee.

It was refreshing, actually. Sam got to complain about Dean’s weird behaviour and in return, he listened to Jess about her and Gary’s recent crisis.

They were finally past complaining and talked like normal friends, when the door of the diner opened and Dean’s group of friends – including Dean himself – walked in.

Sam bit his bottom lip, unsure whether he should even let them know he was there as well, but Ben noticed him and made the decision for him.

“Hey, Sam-man!” he greeted him loudly and the whole group moved towards them. “We were wondering why you weren’t attached to Dean’s hip as usual,” he grinned.

Sam’s involuntarily landed on Dean, who was smiling and didn’t look uncomfortable with the situation, but he wasn’t looking at Sam either.

“But as I see, you are on a date,” Ben smiled. “Your loss, Dean-o,” he turned to his friend. Dean laughed, but he still didn’t look at Sam. “It’d be cool if we could join you guys, but we wouldn’t want to disrupt your afternoon with such a lovely lady,” Ben smiled at Jess.

Sam opened his mouth to answer, but Jess beat him to it.

“Lovely lady doesn’t mind,” she smiled and moved her chair so that the others could sit around their table.

“Mind if I sit next to you?” Ben smiled at Jess.

“Oh not at all,” she grinned.

“Jess,” Sam scolded her. “You’re taken!”

“Hey, I just like to keep my options open,” she protested.

“I like her,” Ben grinned.

“She’s a girl. Of course you like her,” Jim rolled his eyes and everyone else laughed at that.

Dean was sitting next to Sam, but Sam wasn’t sure whether it was because he wanted it, or because the others just assumed he’d sit there and left the place for him.

Overall, it was a nice afternoon. Dean’s friends had become Sam’s a while ago and as it seemed, they were adopting Jess as well. The only thing ruining Sam’s mood was Dean and his weird behaviour.

For example, Dean didn’t really address him the whole time. When he wanted salt or a napkin, he asked someone else and he avoided all ‘Sam’n’Dean’ comments, brushing them off with a wave of his hand.

On the other hand, he didn’t shut Sam out completely and he definitely didn’t make him feel cut off. As the topic changed to the motorcars, Dean quite enthusiastically told everyone how Sam took him to the races and while he didn’t talk to him directly, he made sure to mention him and Sam actually felt included in the conversation. Dean even mentioned the Lunapark they went to the day before. He didn’t talk about the Gallery, but Sam wasn’t surprised by that. He still thought taking Dean there might have been a mistake.

“Oh, guys, I forgot to tell you,” Jim exclaimed. “There’s a party tomorrow on our floor. The guys got the ok from dean himself and it’s gonna be  _huge_. We gotta go, guys, you all have to come.”

Everybody but Sam and Jess rolled their eyes.

“You and your huge parties, man,” Ben shook his head.

“No, but seriously guys. Semestr’s almost over. There won’t be that many chances for us to party together anymore, come on,” Jim said with a pleading tone.

“Well, I guess we could come,” Matt said, looking at Tess questioningly.

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “None of us has anything else to do, right?”

“Fine, we’re going to the party,” Ben sighed. “You two, too, though,” he said, pointing at Sam and Jess.

“Do I have a choice here?” Sam asked.

“No,” Ben shook his head.

“Well, then I guess I’m going.”

Ben looked at Jess expectantly.

“Uhh...well, I guess I could ask Gary...” she said hesitantly.

“Great, that’s settled then,” Ben rubbed his hands with a satisfied grin.

The rest of the afternoon passed quite quickly and people started getting up and leaving. First Matt and Tess, then Julie and Ben and Jim whom Julie managed to convince to walk her back to her room and suddenly there were just Sam, Dean and Jess left by the table.

“So, um, I guess we get going as well?” Dean cleared his throat a bit awkwardly.

Sam had to actually blink in surprise and stay completely still for a second, because after whole day of being kind of ignored, it was really weird to hear Dean actually speak directly to him.

“I guess we are,” Jess answered, looking at Sam funnily.

“Alright, just let me go to the bathroom,” Dean said, got up and walked away.

“You okay?” Jess looked at Sam pointedly.

“Yeah,” Sam frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, you just gaped at Dean like a fish when Dean asked you a question.”

“No, I didn’t,” Sam protested. “Anyway, I take it you and Gary are good again?” he changed the topic quickly.

“Huh?” Jess blinked. “How’d you know?”

“You’ve been staring at your cell’s screen for the past few hours,” Sam smirked.

Jess laughed at that. “Sorry. Yeah, I think we’re okay,” she smiled.

Right then Dean returned and they left the diner. To Sam it was a no-brainer that he’d walk Jess back to her room, but he didn’t know how to ask Dean to join them. He didn’t even know  _if_  he wanted him to join, because then the walk back could get pretty awkward.

Fortunately, though,  Jess took the initiative on that one.

“You guys gonna walk me back?” she asked.

“Well, we can’t let Ben’s lovely lady walk the streets alone,” Dean grinned at her. “Even if it’s just a few hundred feet and the streets are at Campus.”

“I guess not,” Jess laughed and so they went to her dorm.

They said goodbye to Jess and walked back.

As Sam suspected, they went in an awkward silence. It was really unusual for Sam to be alone with Dean and wish he  _weren’t_.

“So, uh,” he decided to break the silence finally. “How was your day?”

“Pretty good,” Dean shrugged. “Had to go to classes, but other than that, fine, I guess.”

“That’s good,” Sam said, stuffing his hands in his pockets, not really knowing what more there was to say.

“How was yours?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, mine was okay, too.”

And they continued in silence, which now seemed even more awkward than before.

They got into the room and Dean went immediately for the shower. Sam didn’t even consider joining him this time and when Dean walked out, Sam just slipped in to take his own dose of hot watered relax.

When he walked out, Dean was already in the bed, his eyes closed. Sam sighed and went to his own bed. For the first time he wished his bed had never been moved.

\---

On Thursday morning, Sam woke up first again, even though his classes started 2 hours later than on Wednesdays. Dean slept so deeply, he completely ignored the sound of Sam’s alarm clock, as usual.

Sam got ready quickly and quietly and went to his Roman law lecture.

“Hey, Sam,” Jess greeted him with a smile and a kiss to his cheek, but then she frowned. “Hey, what’s wrong? You look like someone stole your favourite toy. Is it Dean still?”

“Yeah, he’s just...I don’t know,” Sam sighed.

“I’m gonna have to have a word with him,” she said seriously.

“Oh, god, no,” Sam said quickly. “That wouldn’t solve anything. I’ll talk to him when we’re alone, maybe before we go to the party. You are coming, right?” he asked. “You have to, you can’t leave me alone in this, please,” he pleaded.

“Yeah, we’re coming,” Jess nodded.

That was a relief for Sam. At least he’d have someone to talk to and forget about the awkwardness that was between him and Dean.

Jess apparently took it as her responsibility to cheer Sam up and keep him too busy to worry and mope. But it worked. Sam had a pretty nice time, even during classes. Jess’s giggles and Sam’s laughter even got them kicked out of a lecture. It wasn’t a big deal and even though it’d never happened to Sam before, he couldn’t help but laugh about it with Jess the whole way to the canteen where they bought a coffee to go.

The weather outside was nice, so they went to sit on a bench and laugh some more, until their next lesson started. They managed to not get kicked out of that one, but it was an uphill battle with Jess constantly commenting on Elephant’s clothes and rhetoric skills, which were nearly nonexistent.

The day passed by really fast that way and eventually, Sam and Jess had to part their ways. Jess promised to call Sam when she and Gary made their minds up about when they’d go to the party.

The room was empty again when Sam returned to it. It reminded him of the beginning, when Sam was a lone loser and Dean was never there and Sam was kind of scared of him. The paradox was that even though everything had changed since that time, right then it felt like nothing had changed at all.

When it became clear that Dean wasn’t coming anytime soon, and therefore Sam wasn’t going to be able to talk to him, he just started getting ready by himself.

He picked out a clean pair of black jeans and a nice light blue – almost white – shirt. He ran a brush through his hair, but as expected, it was pointless. His hair just did whatever it wanted and didn’t care about no brushes, hair gels or whatever else Sam might have come up with.

He heard some noise, voices and laughter and then the door to their room opened and a laughing Dean followed by Jim and Ben hurried in.

“Oh, hey Sam,” Dean looked mildly surprised about seeing Sam, which was a bit irritating. “I’m just gonna change and we’re heading to the party. Wanna come with us?”

“Yeah,” Sam shrugged, feigning indifference.

Ben and Jim exchanged a funny look; probably they picked up on the awkward atmosphere between the other two friends.

Sam texted Jess that he was heading out and she promised to try and hurry up to get there as soon as possible, but knowing Jess, it would still take her and Gary a while. He was seriously considering just getting drunk to forget about everything and have fun for at least a while. Or maybe he could get  _Dean_  drunk and finally find out what the heck had been going on. How could things turn from amazing to crap overnight, just like that?

The party was the same as all the other parties Sam had been to. There was loud music, drinks were flowing everywhere and smokers were huddled outside, burning their cigarettes, covered in grey smoke, but they didn’t seem to mind.

At first, the group of friends, along with Matt, Tess, Julie and Julie’s new ‘just-a-friend’ whom they picked up on the way, stayed together, but with time, they kind of scattered and soon Sam found himself standing by a wall with a cup in his hands and drinking alone.

“Sam, I’m sorry we didn’t make it here any sooner,” Jess rushed to him and hugged him. “C’mon, let’s have some fun. Can’t let you mope here for the whole time,” she sighed and pulled Sam along to sit on a couch. Gary seemed okay with it and went on to talk to some of his buddies he met there.

“Did you get to talk to Dean?” Jess asked.

“No,” Sam looked at his hands in his lap. “He came into the room at the very last moment with Ben and Jim.”

Jess bit her bottom lip and squeezed Sam’s hand in a gesture of support.

“The thing is, I really have no clue what I’ve done wrong,” Sam sighed. “When we came back from the fair, everything was perfect. I really thought everything was going to work out. And then I wake up to this. I really don’t know what to make of it.”

“Me neither, Sam, but let’s not worry about it.”

“That’s easy for you to say...” Sam grumbled.

“I know,” Jess winced. “But I really think the problem is not you. I think Dean needs to come in terms with some things that changed between him and you and he’s being weird about it. But it sure as hell ain’t your fault.”

“Thanks Jess,” Sam smiled at her sadly. “I appreciate that, but...”

“No buts. Come on, let’s dance.”

“What?” Sam gaped at her dumbfounded.

“Dance, Sam,” she gave him a funny look. “Moving into the music. You know what that is, right?”

“Pff, of course I do,” Sam said defensively as Jess pulled him up to his feet.

“Prove it,” she grinned and pulled him along between all the people that were dancing to the music that was playing.

It was more fun that Sam had ever thought it could be and soon they were in the middle of a circle, doing all kinds of crazy figures and laughing hard when they messed up.

The music changed then into a slow dance and Sam wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. “Wow, that was...really something,” he chuckled breathlessly.

“I’ll have to agree with you on that,” said Gary who probably wanted to take Jess for this slow dance.

“Hey, did you see that? How did we look like?” Jess asked, her eyes shining with mirth.

“Like complete retards,” Gary chuckled. “But I loved it. Everyone loved it.”

Jess laughed and Sam left them be. He walked out of the circle of slow dancing people and went for the bathroom to wash his face and dry his hair a little.

He didn’t even get there, because what he saw made him freeze in his tracks.

He didn’t know how he could have missed it, but Dean was on the dance floor too. He was swaying into the rhythm of the slow music, but he wasn’t alone. Some other guy had his hands on Dean’s waist and his head on Dean’s shoulder as they swayed together, their bodies touching. The guy raised his head to whisper something into Dean’s ear and the senior laughed.

Sam saw both red and blurry, as he got so angry he felt like crying. He turned around and hurried out of the room, the floor and back into their room. He thought he heard Jess call after him, but he didn’t bother to stop. His phone vibrated and he did check it – it was Jess – but he didn’t pick up.

He stumbled into their room and he felt an urge to throw Dean’s stuff out of the window, or at least ruin everything that was his in the room.

What he ended up doing instead was pushing his bed back to where it belonged. He was done. He could understand that back on Sunday, with the girl, that it wasn’t Dean’s fault. He had a really hard time believing it  _now_ , but he could understand that. But this? This was completely consensual. This was Dean _wanting_  to be pressed up against someone else and Sam didn’t care anymore. Dean could do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted, he wasn’t Sam’s boyfriend anymore; he clearly had no intention to be.

When he was done moving the bed, he went to take a shower, brush his teeth, simply do everything as though this was any other evening. Because it was, right? Nothing special about it.

Despite his tries not to think about it, he still stopped at Dean’s desk to look at their photo. It seemed like another life ago. He did want to rip it into pieces and throw it away, but that lasted only like a second. He knew he’d regret that immediately, even though he was done with Dean.

He ended up putting the photo on top of Dean’s pillow. Hopefully, it would make his roommate feel bad. And even though Sam didn’t think that would happen, there was a chance that if Dean brought his new boy toy here, it would ruin their night.

Then he crawled into his bed and went to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm so sorry it took me so long, but despite having holidays, I've been keeping myself incredibly busy. For someone as lazy as I am it's almost torture! I'm leaving in two days for a trip to Bulgaria, but I didn't want to leave you stranded and starving for another portion of your story, so here you go! Chapter 11, yay!
> 
>  **!IMPORTANT QUIESTION!** : How do I get someone to make art for my stories? I mean, is there like a site you can ask or you just gotta know the right people and wait if someone likes your story enough to draw for it? Because I often read that authors thank artists that have been assigned to them, and I wish I knew how to get one of my own. If he/she found my story worthy of his/her talent, that would make me the happiest girl in the world!
> 
> And as always, much thanks to my beta Tracey, she's the best!

Dean finished dancing with Steven, who was really cute, but Dean wasn’t really into him. He kept thinking about Sam. He knew he was pushing his friend away and he was contemplating talking to Sam and trying to explain where all Dean’s coldness came from.

He excused himself to Steven, saying he had to go to the restroom with a polite smile and no intention of coming back.

He didn’t even make it there and he was stopped by a very pissed off looking Ben.

“What the hell, dude?” he hissed.

“Um...what?” Dean blinked, confused.

“What do you think you’re doing? Who was that guy?” Ben demanded.

“Did you turn into my wife when I wasn’t looking?” Dean frowned. “What the heck is your problem?”

“My problem is that your boy just left the party, angry and most likely in tears. And I like him and I know you  _really_  like him and I don’t see why you would screw something like that up.”

“Sam left?” Dean looked around.

“Yeah, after he saw you and your new boy toy.”

“Jesus, stop acting like you’re Mother Theresa yourself,” Dean spat out. He didn’t like the way his friend was patronizing him.

“ _You_  stop acting like an idiot and go after Sam!” Ben retorted.

“Fine, fine,” Dean rolled his eyes. “I’ll go talk to him. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

He acted as though it was a bother, but in fact, he was kind of scared of what he’d find when he got to their room.

He found it dark. And he also found that Sam was sleeping in his bed, that was moved back to its original place.

Dean sighed. Apparently, Sam didn’t take this very lightly. But for what reason? They  _weren’t_  an item, and nothing even happened! This was exactly the reason Dean was reluctant to say yes to Sam. His loss of freedom and this unwanted feeling of guilt when he hadn’t even done anything wrong.

Dean dragged his ass to his own bed, thinking of something to say. He didn’t buy Sam’s sleeping for a second. He noticed the photo, so he sat down on his bed and turned his bedside lamp on to look at it.

“Oh, Sammy,” he sighed. He wasn’t sure what exactly was Sam trying to say by putting the photo on his pillow, but he got the point. What they had was beautiful and Dean ruined it. “Sam,” he repeated louder to let his roommate know he knew he wasn’t asleep.

“What?” Sam growled angrily, turning around. “Oh wow. You’re alone,” he said sarcastically.

“Ha ha, very funny,” Dean said tiredly. “Sam, what the hell’s gotten into you?”

“Seriously,” Sam scoffed. “You really don’t know?”

“I have an idea, but Sam, if that’s really about the guy I danced with, then you’re crazy.  _Nothing_  happened with me and that guy and it was never going to.”

“I still don’t get why you did it. When you knew I was  _there_.”

“I saw you dancing with Jess, so it wasn’t like I left you stranded to have fun with someone else. Besides, I’m not  _bound_  to you or anything. I don’t even know why I’m explaining myself to you,” he said honestly. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He had to remember that.

“So I guess our deal’s off the table, huh? It’s the last day anyway, so if this is your answer...” Sam said looking indifferent, but Dean saw the light of hope in his eyes.

He took a deep breath. He could just give in to the expectations of all their friends and say yes. He liked Sam, he liked him the most out of all the people he’d ever liked this way and he felt comfortable, even safe around him, but... But.

But there was this side of Sam, this jealous, possessive guy that made him feel tight up and who reminded him way too much of things passed for Dean’s comfort.

So yeah, he could say yes and Sam’s face would light up the adorable way it sometimes did when Sam was happy and he’d have a boyfriend. But he wasn’t going to.

“Sam, I’m sorry-“ he started, but Sam didn’t let him finish.

“Save it,” he said harshly. “I don’t care,” and with that he got up and into the bathroom.

Dean sighed heavily and changed into his sleeping clothes. He put the photo on his desk and looked at it one last time. His chest felt a little tight, all of a sudden.

He got under the covers and listened to the sound of the shower where Sam was either fuming with rage or crying. He probably had just lost one of his closest friends and the feeling of freedom didn’t compensate for it the slightest.

\---

When Dean woke up next morning, he was alone in his room, which wouldn’t be anything unusual, but this time it felt weird. He got up, sighing. He looked over to Sam’s empty, made-up bed and something pinched in his chest. This wasn’t how he wanted things to go.

He dragged himself into class. The moment Ben and Jim saw him, they winced sympathetically.

“So...you and Sam didn’t make up, I take it?” Ben asked.

“Shut up,” Dean growled.

“I’m sorry, I-“

“Screw you,” Dean said and sat down.

He didn’t want to talk to anyone and he definitely didn’t need his friend’s pity. He was a big boy and this wasn’t the first time he got hurt. He was going to be okay. Besides, this was what Dean wanted, right? To be single and free to do whatever he wanted without having to explain himself to anyone.

He pretended not to see Ben and Jim exchange a meaningful look and busied himself with going through his notes. Or, well, through the doodles he made while  _pretending_  to take notes.

If anyone asked Dean if he had any regrets and he felt like being honest, he’d have to say yes. But it wasn’t his decision to decline Sam’s boyfriend offer that he wished he could take back. It was the whole week that gave Sam the idea they could be something more than friends with benefits because that was the reason Dean didn’t have a friend anymore.

He should have known, should have told Sam no from the very beginning and not get the freshman his hopes up. He was a virgin for Christ sakes, of course he would expect things to get serious when Dean was the first guy he was intimate with.

God dammit, everything was just so screwed up and complicated that Dean’s head started to hurt from all the thinking.

Ben and Jim tried to talk to him to find out what happened between him and Sam, but Dean only told them that they had a fight and that they weren’t talking at the moment. Then they tried to cheer him up and get his mind off of it, but Dean really wasn’t in the mood for that, so he just mumbled something about being tired and went back to his room.

Sam was actually in the room when Dean got there, but when he saw his roommate walking in, he just shot him a dirty look, grabbed his stuff and walked out.

Dean sighed and sat down on his bed. He looked around the room that now seemed so hostile and cold, even though it was practically his second home and held some of his fondest memories.

His eyes fell on the photo on his desk. He picked it up and traced the outline of his and Sam’s faces with his finger. They really did look in love in that photo, so much it scared Dean. He wasn’t  _in love_  with Sam, was he? He liked his roommate a lot, loved him even, but in love...

The ringing of his phone broke his musings.

“Hey, Ben,” he sighed into the phone. Not that he wasn’t happy to hear his friend, he’d just preferred to be alone.

“Hey, Chester, guess what? There’s this party tonight – nothing big, just a couple of friends from our class and a lot of beer – and you’re coming with us.”

“Ben, I-“

“I wasn’t asking, Dean,” Ben said with a finality to his tone. “We’re picking you up at 9. Get ready.”

“Ben, the last thing I want right now is to be around loud, drunken people,” Dean said honestly.

“So you’d rather spend your evening locked in one room with Sam, getting the silent treatment?”

Dean had to admit Ben had a good point.

“Okay, fine. But just for a while, then I’m going to sleep, deal?”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, Chester,” Ben said cheerfully. “See you then,” he added and hung up.

Dean put his phone away and lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

To say this sucked was the understatement of the year. His friendship with Sam was beyond ruined and Dean felt like a broken-hearted, ditched prom date. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way Sam’s face fell when Dean denied to bring their relationship to a next level and he kept rolling it over in his head, regretting and justifying his decision at the same time. It was maddening.

At 9, when Ben and Jim arrived, Dean was still in the same spot on his bed. He didn’t do his hair, didn’t even change his clothes. He just hoped that Ben was right and that a night out might do him some good.

\---

Dean went to the party thinking he’d drink less than usual, but ended up completely wasted. Ben and Jim dragged him into a game of beer-pong and the next thing he knew, he was outside on a lawn with a joint of weed in his hand that he stole from god knows whom and he was thinking of calling Sam.

He decided to do it, even though he was sure, the other guy was sleeping and definitely not wanting to talk to  _him_.

“Hello?” Sam mumbled sleepily on the other side after the fifth ring.

“Heya, Sammy,” Dean grinned. He was already ten times happier just from hearing Sam’s voice.

“Dean? What the- Why are you calling me?”

“I know you don’t wanna talk to me, but-“

“That’s right, I don’t, so-“ Sam interrupted him.

“Come here, Sammy,” Dean interrupted him right back. “I wanna see you.”

Sam was silent for a moment.

“S’mmy, you there?” Dean slurred and checked the phone’s screen to see if the call was still on.

“Y-yeah, I... Are you drunk?” Sam asked.

“Yep. I don’t think I can come back in our room on my own,” he laughed. For some reason it seemed funny to him.

“Where are you?” Sam sighed, resigned.

Dean didn’t know exactly, but he gave him good enough description for Sam to find him. Besides, he was pretty sure he was the only one sitting outside on the ground.

When he hung up, he felt much better, lighter, as though a huge weight had been lifted off his chest.

He could see Sam from afar and waved at him and yelled until Sam noticed him too.

“What are you doing here, Dean?” he said sternly when he came closer.

“Waiting for you,” Dean smiled innocently.

“Alright, I think you’ve had enough,” Sam rolled his eyes. “C’mon, get up, big guy,” he said taking his hand to pull him up.

Dean tugged and Sam lost his balance, which was how they ended up on the ground in one heap together.

“The hell?” Sam growled angrily, rolling off Dean.

“Sorry,” Dean giggled. “Don’t wanna go just yet. Sit down,” he patted a spot next to him.

Sam rolled his eyes again, but obliged.

“Look what I’ve got?” Dean smiled proudly and held up the rolled weed.

“Is that...is that a joint?” Sam asked.

“Duh,” Dean nodded. “Let’s have it.”

“I don’t know, Dean,” Sam looked around nervously. “I’ve never...it could be dangerous, you know?”

“Oh, come on,” Dean said, already fishing out a lighter. “Let me be the one to pop your cherry,” he said and then laughed to his own lame joke. “I think we both could use the cheering up.”

Sam agreed reluctantly and Dean lit the joint up.

They took turns respectively, inhaling the smoke and letting it affect their heads. Dean didn’t do pot very often, hardly ever actually, so the effect was quite quick.

He felt like flying and he laid back and just watched the night’s sky. He felt Sam lie down next to him.

“Wow...it’s beautiful,” Sam whispered..

Dean burst out laughing. “You’re high!” he announced.

Sam chuckled  as well. “You’re the one to talk.”

“I’m not the one with the A+ scholarship,” Dean pointed out.

Sam suddenly seemed nervous. “You’re right, we should go before somebody sees us and we get into trouble.”

“Chill,” Dean grabbed his hand to stop him from getting up. “Just enjoy the moment.”

Sam obeyed and relaxed again. Their hands remained joined.

“Thanks for coming, Sammy,” Dean turned his head to his roommate.

“Well, you’re welcome,” Sam smiled back. “Not that you’ve given me much choice, but yeah.”

“I’ve missed you,” Dean said honestly, looking into Sam’s eyes. “I’ve been miserable without you.”

Sam’s smile faded and he looked away. “You shouldn’t have let me go, then.”

“Sammy...” Dean squeezed Sam’s hand. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

Sam looked at him with big sad eyes. “So am I, Dean...so am I.”

“Hey,” Dean smiled at him. “We’re high, remember? We’re supposed to be happy.”

“You’re right,” Sam sighed and rested his forehead against Dean’s. “Tell me something happy, then,” he asked softly.

“Hmm...let’s see...oh, I’ll actually pass my finals and graduate from this school,” he grinned. “How awesome is that?”

“Congratulations!” Sam opened his eyes and pulled a little further away. Then he hesitated. “Wait, does that mean...that you’re leaving at the end of the year?”

“Umm...yeah,” Dean nodded. “You’ll get another roommate, a smarter one, maybe,” he smiled. “Definitely not more handsome, though,” he added and Sam burst out laughing. “And you’re not allowed to sleep with him. I’ll be checking that,” he grinned.

“Yeah,” Sam sighed, turning his head back towards the sky. “I’m never making that mistake again.”

“I wasn’t a mistake,” Dean muttered quietly. He didn’t want to be a mistake. Sam was someone he’d always think fondly of and whom he’d remember gladly. He didn’t want Sam to forget about him the first chance he gets. Sam was one of the most important people in his life. He needed to know that he was important too.

Sam turned his on his side and fixed Dean with a long stare. The senior was getting uncomfortable under the scrutiny, when Sam opened his mouth.

“No, you weren’t a mistake.”

And then Dean kissed him.

It was just a gentle press of lips against lips, nothing more at first. Sam’s breath hitched and he pulled away, his face a display of pure surprise.

Dean was expecting either confused questions or angry curses, but instead, Sam just kissed him again, more passionate this time.

“Okay,” Dean grunted when Sam rolled on top of him. “We should definitely get a room  _now._ ”

He was sure people would have understanding for two drunken/high guys in the grass, but for two guys making out publicly like that, not so much.

“Good thing I know a room that’s empty right now, then,” Sam grinned.

Dean let the freshman pull him up on his feet and the hurried to their dorm, hand in hand. They took a few stop to make out on their way, but mostly they were just trying not to trip over their own feet.

“Dude, I feel like the right wall is gonna fall on me,” Sam laughed, clinging to the left side of the hallway.

“I feel like flying,” Dean replied, making funny huge steps like astronauts.

It almost felt like a miracle, but they did make it to their room, eventually.

“Shh,” Sam scolded Dean when the older boy tripped over his shoe and sent their jackets and keys that were hanging by the door on the floor.

“Dude,” Dean laughed when he regained his balance. “This is  _our_  room! Who do you think I’m disturbing!”

“What do you know, maybe I’m sleeping in here,” Sam said with a completely serious face.

Dean laughed so hard at that, tears started falling from his eyes.

“Don’t cry!” Sam hurried to him and started wiping his tears away, even though he was laughing too.

Dean touched Sam’s hands and looked up and then everything stopped.

They were looking into each other’s eyes, pupils blown wide and Dean could see everything, like it was in slow motion. Sam’s surprised blink, the slight blush creeping up his cheeks, making him look four years younger, but four times more attractive and even the slight hitch of his friend’s breath.

Dean leaned in, so they were just a few beats from each other.

“Dean...” Sam whispered.

“Sammy...?” Dean asked for the okay, even as he was backing the freshman against the wall.

Sam pulled him closer by his shirt and crashed their mouths together.

And then the slow motion turned into a fast-forward.

Dean tore Sam’s shirt off in a few seconds and when he was undoing Sam’s jeans, he realized his shirt was off as well.

“Bed...” Sam whispered shakily when they were down to their underwear.

Dean nodded and walked backwards to his bed, still kissing Sam and caressing his body. It’d been just days since he was able to touch it, but it felt like years already.

He pushed his roommate down on the bed and then got into his lap, kissing him hard.

“Dean,” Sam murmured. “Dean, what are we-“

“Shh,” Dean stopped his talking with a finger on Sam’s lips.

He himself didn’t know what this was or where it lead and he didn’t want to think about it. He was happy, thanks to the weed, he felt like everything was right and he didn’t need Sam to worry either.

He kissed his friend again, softly and gently this time, coaxing Sam’s lips open and slipping his tongue in his mouth.

Sam hummed and closed his eyes, but Dean nearly fell off him as he tried to manhandle them down on the bed.

“You shouldn’t have moved the bed,” he growled as he got up and behind Sam.

“Shouldn’t have cheated on me, then,” Sam raised his eyebrow as he watched Dean get down on his back and then put his knees next to Dean’s hips.

“I didn’t!” Dean frowned.

“What was it, then?” Sam asked.

“I was  _dancing_ , Sam!” Dean exclaimed. “This is why we’re not together.”

It was only thanks to the marijuana in Sam’s veins that he just scoffed and leaned down to look closely into Dean’s eyes. Had Dean said it at any other time, he was sure their little private session would be over. Then again, Dean would’ve never said it if he hadn’t been high.

“I’m so not sleeping with you for this,” Sam said.

“We were never gonna sleep together,” Dean said.

“No?” Sam raised his eyebrow, amused.

“No,” Dean shook his head and reached his hand up to tuck a stray of Sam’s hair behind his ear. “You said you wanted your first time to be special, right? I wouldn’t take that away from you.”

Sam’s look softened and he smiled. “Thanks, but...you  _are_  special,” he said.

“Not special enough,” Dean said and kissed Sam’s lips again. “Besides,” he smirked. “There’s plenty of other things we can do.”

As Sam was undressing both their underwear, Dean reached under the bed where he always kept a bottle of lube. Even though it had been a while since he really had to use it.

Sam eyed the bottle curiously, but Dean just smiled and pulled him closer. They kissed deeply and Dean had his arms wrapped around Sam, pushing him flush against his body. Dean’s cock, trapped between their bodies was filling out nicely as Sam’s stomach kept brushing up against it.

Sam himself started to rut against Dean’s thigh to stimulate his own erection, moaning softly.

Dean groaned in return and trailed his hand over Sam’s spine, and then reached for his lube. He slicked his fingers up and ran one over Sam’s asshole.

The younger boy gasped and pulled away, looking at Dean with wide eyes. “I-I thought, we-“

“Don’t worry,” Dean smiled. “Just wanted to try this. To show you something new.”

And with that he proceeded to rub small circles around Sam’s hole, not pushing in, just teasing. Sam eventually relaxed a bit and kissed Dean again.

When Sam’s body finally wasn’t resisting anymore, Dean dared to push one finger in, slowly and carefully. He didn’t even get halfway in and Sam’s inner muscles clenched and didn’t let him any further, but Dean could be patient.

He kept his other hand on Sam’s lower back, pushing him down to get as much pressure on his dick as possible.

Sam’s muscles eventually let him in and he buried his finger up to the hilt in his ass. Sam moaned, his movements became a little frantic and his kisses more sloppy.

Dean worked his finger in and out of Sam with an increasing speed. Sam tried to both get Dean off and chase his own orgasm and it was sending Dean towards the orgasm, fast.

“Dean,” Sam whispered in Dean’s ear with a soft, needy voice and Dean reacted with adding one more finger, as he was sure Sam was stretched enough.

Sam cried out and clenched around Dean, but instead of a setback, it was apparently enough to send him over the edge. When Dean felt the hot wetness of Sam’s come on his thigh, he came as well, painting both their stomachs white.

Then they just laid there, Sam on top of Dean and tried to catch their breaths.

“Wow,” Sam sighed eventually.

“Wow, indeed,” Dean smiled and caressed Sam’s hair with his clean hand, pulling his fingers out of Sam.

“That was...much better than I expected,” Sam admitted, resting his cheek on Dean’s chest.

“Yeah, takes some getting used to, but you’re gonna love it,” Dean grinned.

“Maybe I want to sleep with you, after all,” Sam said, tracing patterns with his finger on Dean’s skin.

“Sammy, you’re high,” Dean pointed out. “You’d never forgive me if I took advantage of that. And I wouldn’t forgive me, either.”

Sam smiled up at him. “You’re a good guy, Dean.”

Dean felt suddenly incredibly guilty, looking into Sam’s warm, hazel eyes.

“C’mon, Sasquatch,” he said, pushing Sam off. “We gotta take a shower.”

Sam made a weak sound of protest, but rolled off eventually and screwed his face in disgust when he looked down at himself.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said. “Be right back.”

When Sam was taking his shower, Dean checked his bed if the sheets survived their fun and he could sleep in it. It seemed that all the evidence of their orgasm was now stuck to their bodies.

The effect of the weed was slowly leaving his system and now he was getting super sleepy. And hungry. But he was more sleepy than hungry, so food could wait.

He sat down on the mattress and thought about him and Sam. Did he change his mind about Sam’s offer? The answer was, sadly, no. He just hoped Sam would understand that in the morning. Dean really hated it when they weren’t friends anymore and if Sam wasn’t up for the whole ‘with benefits’ part, then so be it, Dean just wanted his friend back.

Sam came out of the bathroom, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“Dude, you totally broke me,” he complained.

Dean just smiled and walked into the bathroom himself, too tired to explain to Sam that it was actually the after effects of the pot they smoked.

He took a shower, trying not to fall asleep in it. He wondered whether they fixed what was broken between him and Sam or whether things would be even worse than they were before. He really hoped Sam would understand this wasn’t him saying yes, this was him reaching out and trying to close the gap between them, because it was wrong. Dean without Sam, it just...wasn’t working anymore.

Dean dried himself up and went back to their room. Sam was already asleep in his own bed, a peaceful smile on his lips.

Dean smiled and adjusted Sam’s blanket, then he kissed his forehead and caressed his hair. “Goodnight, Sammy,” he whispered and returned to his own bed.

He was asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

-xXx-

Sam woke up feeling weird, as though a car ran over him while he was sleeping. He had the hardest time getting out of bed, even though he wasn’t sick, not like a hangover. He didn’t feel like throwing up, he just felt weird. He wanted to get back to bed, but at the same time, he couldn’t fall asleep anymore.

He remembered everything from last night. It was a little cloudy and he wasn’t sure what was he thinking at that time, but he remembered what happened and he couldn’t say that he was sorry.

He looked at his senior friend’s sleeping body on the other bed and smiled. This was so much better than when they weren’t even talking. Sam had been so freaking mad, but now...now he wasn’t.

As he brushed his teeth, he noticed a hickey on his neck and smirked a little to himself. He wondered what this meant for him and Dean. Was Dean changing his mind? Were they getting together now?

He was gonna wait for his roommate to wake up, but Jess texted him, wanting to meet up for a breakfast and coffee. As he was getting dressed, Dean slowly raised his head up. Sam had to stop what he was doing to just look at him for a moment. Even like this, with sleep-wrinkled face, half closed eyes and hair sticking in all directions, Dean was adorable.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” he smiled at him softly.

“Mhmm,” Dean whined in protest.

“I’m fine, thanks for asking,” Sam chuckled. “Going out with Jess. You gonna be okay?”

“’M fine,” Dean growled and turned his back to Sam, hugging his pillow.

Sam rolled his eyes, but he was used to Dean not being a morning person. Not even when it wasn’t that early in the morning anymore.

When he put his shoes on and closed the door, Dean was already snoring softly again.

\---

Jess was beyond excited when Sam told her about what happened and she had news of her own. Gary told her he loved her last night and she was freaking out about it. Sam spent most of the time they spent over breakfast trying to calm her down. She didn’t say it back and wasn’t sure if Gary hated her now or what. Sam had to roll his eyes on the inside. Girls, he’d never understand them.

They got back around to the topic of Sam and Dean as they were slowly making their way back to Jess’s dorm.

“Did you guys talk this morning?” Jess asked.

“No, not yet. He was still asleep when I was leaving,” Sam said.

“You should. I mean, you were  _high_ , god knows what was going through his head...”

“I know that, but Jess, you should’ve seen him last night. It just felt like...like he was letting go of his walls and letting me see the truth,” Sam sighed.

“Well, everybody knows you two are meant for each other,” Jess smiled. “The question is, does he?”

They talked some more and then Jess kissed Sam’s cheek and took a deep breath. Sam wasn’t the only one with a serious talk ahead of him. Sam gave her an encouraging smile and then turned around to return to his own room.

Dean was already awake when he got there, all dressed up and he was just fixing his hair in the mirror. When he spotted Sam, he smiled at him.

“Hey, man, you sure got up early. How’re you feeling?” he asked.

“I’m...weird, but fine, I guess,” Sam shrugged. “You?”

“Nothing I’m not used to already,” Dean smirked.

“You going somewhere?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, getting breakfast with the guys,” Dean nodded. “Wanna come with?”

Well, being invited to go out with Dean together was a good sign that Dean might not regret what happened last night.

“I actually just had breakfast,” Sam said, checking Dean’s reaction to see whether his friend would be relieved or disappointed to hear that.

Dean’s face remained neutral, though.

“You could always come with us and just have a drink. I’m sure they’d like to see you,” he said.

“Okay, then I’m coming with,” Sam shrugged.

“Good,” Dean smiled and finished getting ready. “Let’s go then.”

“Sam, hey!” Tess and Julie hugged the freshman when they got to their diner. “It’s been a while!”

“It’s been like two days,” Matt rolled his eyes, but he too stood up to shake Sam’s hand. “Good to see you, buddy.”

Sam was glad the other guys seemed so happy to see him. He could see the curious look Ben was giving Dean and he also saw the way Dean just smiled and ignored it. He wasn’t sure what to think about that.

Sam ordered a cappuccino while the others had their breakfast. Everybody talked over each other and laughed at each other’s jokes and Sam was happy to realize he was part of the group and everybody counted with him now.

The people he talked with tried to discreetly get out of him some information about him and Dean and what their current status was, but Sam honestly didn’t know, so he couldn’t give them anything. And apparently, they weren’t getting any info out of Dean either.

Dean was really mysterious about that and Sam wondered if he even had any clue as to what was going on with them. But Sam definitely wasn’t going to push it in front of everyone, he knew Dean way too well for that. He decided to wait until they were alone to even bring it up.

Suddenly, it hit Sam that next year; there would be none of the guys he was just sitting with, they would all have graduated by then.

“Sam?” Julie touched his shoulder. “Are you alright? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“I just realized you all are leaving this year,” Sam blinked.

“No! Don’t even say that, shut up!” Everyone groaned.

“We don’t wanna leave,” Tess explained. “I’m seriously thinking of failing the finals just to stay one more year.”

“What a plan,” Matt chuckled which earned him a punch from his girlfriend.

“Hey, let’s not talk about  _that_ , okay?” Ben decided. “It’s far, far away. Let’s focus on now.”

Sam was actually curious about his friend’s future plans, but he decided to leave his questions for later. They seemed stressed about it enough as it was.

\---

“Dean?” Sam asked carefully, when they were back in their room. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” Dean said, plopping down on his bed. “What about?”

“Last night,” Sam chewed on his bottom lip.

Dean sighed heavily and dragged his body back up into a sitting position and that alone wasn’t a good sign.

“Did it...mean something?” Sam asked, clutching the ham of his shirt between his fingers. “To you?”

“Of course it did, Sammy,” Dean said. “I really hated it when we didn’t talk and last night...it was good, but...”

“But?” Sam asked, his heart sinking.

“But it doesn’t change anything,” Dean looked at Sam. “I like you, Sam, you’ll always have a special spot in my heart, but we’re friends. If you don’t wanna repeat last night, that’s okay with me, even though I find you really hot and I wouldn’t mind some fooling around every now and then.”

Sam felt like he should have expected this, but it still hurt. He felt so completely dumb and used and deceived, all wrapped into one.

“Wow, I...” he cleared his throat, that was tightening under the disappointment. “I guess I was hoping you’d changed your mind. Last night, you called me.  _You_ called  _me_  and you seemed so happy to see me and-“

“Sam, but I  _was_ happy to see you! “ Dean said. “It just didn’t feel right when we weren’t even talking. Please, don’t stop talking to me again,” he pleaded.

Sam really didn’t know what to think. Why did these things always happen to him? He’d fallen so friggin’ hard for Dean and all it did for him was some sexual experience and a broken heart.

“I won’t,” he said dully. “I just...I need some time alone. I think I’ll go see Jess,” he mumbled and quickly walked out of the room, closing the door behind himself without looking at Dean.

-xXx-

A few days later, Dean was lying in his bed, waiting for Sam to get back from a party. It was absolutely ironic that Sam was the one out there and Dean the one in his bed, but it was a party to celebrate the end of the semester, which wasn’t anything to celebrate, not for seniors at least. And Dean could use the sleep, his finals were coming up rapidly fast and he spent his days mostly just learning.

Things with Sam had been tense, but at least they were talking, even though it was really awkward. Whenever they met in the bathroom door, one just in a towel around his waist, Sam would turn red, look away and mumble some half-assed apologies. As though they hadn’t already seen each other naked.

Needless to say, nothing physical happened between them since the night they got high and nearly slept together. Dean didn’t really mind that, he just wished he and Sam had been on the same page when it happened. He probably wouldn’t have started anything, had he been sober.

Dean actually gave up his hunting for girls, telling himself it was for the sake of having time to study, but in fact, nobody just interested him enough to invest his time in trying to win them over.

Sam was never a party animal and Dean never asked if he was looking for somebody new. He didn’t want to know the answer.

He was slowly reconciling himself with the fact that he probably wouldn’t be able to fall asleep until Sam got back, when the door opened.

Dean breathed out with relief and a grin flashed across his face as Sam stumbled in. He really didn’t know how to drink. Dean’s grin froze on his face and turned sour, though, when he realized that  _Sam wasn’t alone!_

At first, Dean just stared at the two dark figures making out by the wall, in denial and disbelief. Sam wouldn’t do that, would he? How dare he? Dean’s blood started boiling in his veins. How did he freaking dare to bring someone over when he  _knew_ that Dean was there, trying to get a decent sleep? Just like that, out of the blue? Sure, Dean used to do that too, but that was back when things were different and he  _did_  give Sam a fair warning beforehand. It wasn’t his fault Sam stayed in the room.

He heard the other guy grunt and Sam moan and he didn’t want to hear any more. He was the freaking senior in here and he wouldn’t stand for a freshman to treat him like he wasn’t even there.

He got up and pulled Sam away from the other dude by the collar of his shirt. Sam started protesting, but he ignored him.

“Get out,” he told the other guy coldly.

“Huh, what?” the guy blinked. He was probably even more drunk than Sam.

“I said. Get. The fuck. Out,” Dean opened the door and the poor guy stumbled backwards, trying to get away from Dean’s wrath.

“No, wait-“ Sam tried to stop him, but it was too late and the door was closed. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he hissed at Dean, pushing him away, but only making himself stumble.

“No, what the fuck is wrong with  _you_?” Dean growled. “Since when do you bring random guys over when I’m  _still in the damn room?_ ”

“You’re such a hypocrite, Dean,” Sam yelled. “Besides, it’s none of your business, what I do. You don’t want me, remember? Why do you have such a problem when somebody else does?”

Dean absolutely denied that Sam might be right about this.

“Screw you, Sam! I’m not doing this to spite you, I’m doing it  _for_  you! You’ll thank me in the morning.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Sam shouted angrily. “I think I know best what’s good for me, thank you very much!”

“Really, Sam? Do you know what this guy wanted? To  _sleep_ with you! Do you even know his name?” Dean shouted back.

“I-I...” Sam hesitated. “He...”

“What happened to your first time being special, Sam? Was this really something you wanted? I don’t think so!” Dean exclaimed.

“Yeah, because waiting for your first time to be special worked out so well for you!” Sam shot back.

And then there was silence.

Dean felt like someone just poured a bucket of ice cold water over him. He couldn’t believe Sam just did that. Sam wasn’t someone who would use a sensitive piece of information to hurt someone intentionally. But that was exactly what happened. And it knocked the breath out of Dean’s lungs. It hurt so bad he felt like falling apart and crying right there, but he wouldn’t give Sam the satisfaction.

He raised his eyes to his roommate’s face and it was obvious that Sam knew how badly he’d screwed up. His cheeks were still red from all the shouting, but the colour was slowly draining from his face and he just stood there with his mouth opened, as though he couldn’t believe what he’d just said.

To be fair, Dean had a hard time believing it too.

When Sam brought the guy over, he was just mad, pissed at Sam was behaving this way, but now he couldn’t even stand being in the same room with the freshman.

“Dean...” Sam said softly, but Dean didn’t care to hear it.

“No,” he stopped him with a wave of his hand. “Don’t bother.”

He walked through the door and closed it just in time, so that Sam couldn’t see the tears that started falling down his face.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> I don't think you're interested in my apologies anymore, but please know that I am very much aware of how overdue this chapter is and I am very, very, very sorry for that. I can just hope that you'll forgive me after reading it, but that's the only spoiler you're gonna get ;)
> 
> I am sorry, but it's been tough to get the time and when I did, things happened in my dearest beta Tracey's life that stopped the progress for a moment, so please, all your good thoughts should be going to her. She got slapped by the nature, so to speak.
> 
> Enough babbling, let's move onto the real stuff! 

Sam stared at the door that Dean had shut in his face, unable to move for a good five minutes. He couldn’t believe he’d just said to Dean what he had. He wasn’t that kind of a guy; he didn’t use people’s weaknesses against them, what the hell?

If he had been drunk before, he was completely sober now. He still had the taste of the other guy in his mouth and frankly, it was a little disgusting. Besides, Dean was right. Sam wanted his first time to be special, and despite giving the guy pretty clear signs of the exact opposite, he definitely wasn’t going to sleep with him.

He groaned with frustration and punched the door. Now he was left with a mess in his brain, probably a ruined reputation and a missing, pissed off roommate. He had to find Dean and try to mend this as well as he could.

When he walked out of the room, though, it was empty, since it was the middle of the night, and most definitely Dean-less. Sam really just wanted to run after his friend, but he had no idea which way he might have gone. Also, his bladder just received all the drinks Sam had to pour in himself in order to pick up a similarly drunken guy and Sam really needed to pee.

The restroom was right there, so he went inside instead of returning into his own room. It was empty, or so he thought, until he heard the soft sound of someone sobbing as he was washing his hands.

He walked over to the only closed stall and listened. He felt a bit like a creep, but he wasn’t mistaken; there really was someone crying in there. And Sam had a pretty good idea as to who it might be.

“Dean?” he asked, knocking on the stall softly.

“O-occupied,” the guy in the stall said, and despite the sobs and the roughness, Sam was able to make out Dean’s voice.

“Dean, it’s me,” he insisted.

“I know,” the voice said, hiccupping slightly. “Leave me alone.”

“No can do,” Sam said. “I came here to tell you I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care,” Dean growled.

“Don’t you think I should apologize?” Sam asked.

“I don’t want  _anything_  from you anymore. Now get the hell out!” Dean was angry now.

“Dean, please-“

“No!” Dean yelled. “Save your excuses, what’s done is done. I don’t want to talk to you. Ever.”

Sam closed his eyes and sighed. He deserved this, but he wasn’t giving up.

He made sure his footsteps were loud as he made his way towards the door, opened it and let it fall closed. And then he waited.

Sure enough, after a while there was some shuffling and rustling to be heard from Dean’s stall and then the door opened. He hadn’t noticed Sam at first, but when he did, his face was a mask of pure anger.

“You must be shitting me,” he growled. “What part of get the fuck out did you not get?!”

“I need you to listen to me,” Sam tried to reason with him. “I need you to hear that I really am sorry.”

“I’m sick of people I care about telling me they’re sorry they hurt me!” Dean exclaimed. “It’s always the same old song! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, it’s never going to happen again! I’m done letting people treat me like trash!”

Sam gasped when he realized Dean had just compared him to his ex-boyfriend.

“I’m nothing like Mark, Dean,” he said quietly. “And to think you compare me to him...well, that’s just insulting!”

“But you did exactly what he does,” Dean wiped at his eyes angrily. “You used something I shared with you in private to hurt me and now you’re trying to apologize your way back in, just so you could stab me in the back all over again!”

“That’s not fucking true!” Sam yelled. “Listen to me goddammit!”

Dean took a huge, heavy breath and resigned.

“Fine. You’ve got one minute.”

“Okay. I am terribly sorry for what I’ve said, but I was drunk and I didn’t really mean it.”

Dean’s face was closed off and he was already opening his mouth, but Sam kept talking, knowing that the ‘I was drunk’ excuse was not going to help his case very much.

“I was hurt, okay? You hurt me,” Sam blurted out. “And I was just drowning my sorrows in alcohol and this guy was convenient...and then you seemed jealous and I was confused, because you said you didn’t want me and then...I just wanted to hurt you back. As childish as that sounds, I wanted you to feel my pain,” Sam finished. “There. Now you to know.”

Dean looked confused and taken aback, but at least he didn’t seem furious anymore.

“I...I hurt you?” he asked then, hesitantly.

“Yeah,” Sam sighed. As if, it hadn’t been obvious. “But that’s okay, I shouldn’t have let you. You were always honest with me as to what we were; I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean said and much to Sam’s surprise, it sounded genuine. “I am sorry you got hurt. But you’re right, I was being honest with you the entire time and I didn’t deserve you throwing  _that_  into my face like this.”

“No, no you didn’t,” Sam shook his head.

“Then why did you?” Dean sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

“I just told you, Dean,” Sam sighed. “I was trying to get back at you. It was stupid and I’m sorry for it, okay? If I could, I’d take it all back. Can we go back to our room now? Anyone could walk in here.”

That worked, because Dean would’ve hated to be seen in this state by anyone, so he just nodded and walked out of the restroom.

They went into their room and Sam closed the door. He wanted to say something, to break the uneasy silence between them, but he was at a loss.

Eventually, Dean broke the silence for him.

“I’m really sorry you got hurt, Sammy,” he mumbled again, getting under his covers.

“It’s not on you,” Sam argued. “I should’ve put a stop to this before it was too late for me.”

“I was serious about the week, though, you know?”

“What?” Sam blinked, not quite following.

“When you asked me to give you a week and I said yes, I meant it. I wasn’t just yanking your chain,” Dean said, looking at him from his bed.

Sam swallowed against a lump in his throat.

“So...I guess I just didn’t convince you then, huh?”

“It wasn’t that...” Dean sighed, lying down and looking at the ceiling. “I think...I think I just got scared and then, when you went all crazy about Steven, I just... I had my way out.”

Sam looked at his roommate. He knew that outburst he had about the guy he saw Dean dancing with was the reason why things between them turned to crap, but Dean made it sound like it was bound to happen one way or another.

“So you’re saying...” he started, but Dean finished the sentence for him.

“...that if it wasn’t Steven, I probably would’ve find somebody else or something to drive you mad and use it to end the week,” Dean admitted, his face guarded and he was avoiding Sam’s eyes.

“So I never actually stood a chance,” Sam frowned.

“I’m not the right guy for you, Sammy,” Dean sighed.

“Pardon me, but that’s really not for you to decide,” Sam replied, slightly angry.

“Please, let’s not fight anymore,” Dean said tiredly. “I just...I want us back to being friends. Can we do that?”

“I...” Sam hesitated. He wasn’t sure he wanted to do that, or if he was even able to just put everything they have and could’ve had behind. And he was still a little angry.

“I just want my friend back,” Dean said softly, looking at him with those huge, beautiful, green eyes of his and Sam could feel his resolve and anger dissolving and slipping away.

“Yeah. We can do that,” he sighed heavily and plopped down on his own bed. He wasn’t sure if he was able to do what he’d just promised, but for Dean’s sake, he decided to keep his mouth shut.

“Thank you,” Dean smiled at him and closed his eyes. “Goodnight, Sammy,” he murmured.

“Night, Dean,” Sam said and closed his eyes as well.

He could tell by the soft snoring coming from the other bed that Dean fell asleep rather quickly, but Sam wasn’t so lucky.

He hated that they were in this situation again. It felt like they were constantly going back and forth, from friends to something more, then they fought and they weren’t talking until they decided to be friends again. And Sam couldn’t help but feel that they could break the cycle and just be together, be more than either of them ever thought they could be, but something was holding Dean back. Something not even Sam could do anything about.

It had taken him way too long to fall asleep.

\---

After that fateful night, things had gotten cautiously good between Sam and Dean. They had been spending time with their friends and they hadn’t been avoiding each other, but whenever they found themselves alone, a ridiculously awkward silence fell upon them and each of their tries to break it made it even more obvious that things were not as they used to be and that they still had a lot to work on.

“Okay guys, I think we’re gonna go,” Matt and Tess got up from their breakfast. Julie had already gone and Jim and Ben started getting up from their chairs as well.

“We gotta go too. Class’s starting soon. We’ll see you guys later?” Ben asked.

“Oh, so you’re leaving too?” Sam turned to Dean.

“No, Dean doesn’t have this class with us,” Jim said quickly before Dean could even say anything.

“Huh,” Sam frowned slightly, but Dean didn’t protest, just nodded in agreement to what Jim said.

“We’re not paying your bills, though,” Dean told his friends.

“Meanie,” Tess stuck his tongue at them, but they all pulled out some bank notes and left them on the table before they left.

Sam watched them all leave with a growing suspicion. Their friends tried to leave him and Dean alone every chance they got. It was adorable, at first, but it was starting to get annoying. Mostly because Sam was positive that Dean didn’t want to be alone with him anymore than with anyone else and being left alone with Dean like this always made Sam feel like he was  _expected_ to work some magic and the next time they see each other with their friends, Dean and him should come hand in hand, trading the same dopey looks Matt and Tess always were.

Needless to say, Sam wasn’t capable of such magic tricks, otherwise he’d already used them.

“So,” Dean said after clearing his throat awkwardly.

“So,” Sam replied just as awkwardly. He didn’t mean to make Dean’s life difficult, but he’d been dancing around the senior for the better part of the week, ever since the night that they fought and made up again and he was getting tired of it. Dean wanted them to be friends, fine. But he could put some effort into it.

“Alone at last...again,” Dean chuckled and Sam had to fight a cringe. “So, um...” Dean scratched the back of his head, still trying to keep the conversation going, even though Sam obviously wasn’t helping. “When does your class start today?”

“I still got over an hour,” Sam replied, checking his phone. “You?”

“Same. Wanna go back to the room?” Dean asked, finishing his toast.

“Well, yeah, unless you had something else in mind?” Sam asked.

“I was thinking about taking a walk,” Dean shrugged. “But you don’t have to come.”

“Do you want me to come?” Sam asked. He’d honestly love to spend some time with Dean if it meant they’d steer clear from the awkwardness for once.

“I want you to do whatever you want, Sam,” Dean looked at him.

“Well, that’s not really an answer, is it?” Sam looked back at him.

Dean pushed his now empty plate aside. “You should know whether you wanna come or not Sam, it’s not my call to make,” he frowned and started looking for his wallet.

Sam, who already put his pay on the table wouldn’t budge, though. He just wanted to know whether he was wanted around or not!

“Well,  _do you_?” he demanded.

“Do I  _what_?” Dean shot back.

“Want me to come,” Sam clarified.

“You know what? I did,” Dean sighed, getting out of the booth. “But now I really don’t care.” And with that he walked out, obviously pissed.

Sam groaned and got up as well. He said goodbye to the waitress that had been waiting their tables and walked out, looking for Dean.

This wasn’t how he wanted it to go. He just needed Dean to assure him that it was okay to stick around. He couldn’t tell anymore when Dean wanted to be alone and when his ‘I don’t care’ meant something else. Even now, he wasn’t sure what to make of Dean’s outburst. Whether it was Dean creating conflict to have an excuse to get away from Sam or if he was legitimately upset because he thought, Sam didn’t want to come.

Much to Sam’s surprise, Dean was waiting outside the diner, leaning against the wall.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, looking ahead. “I’d like it if you joined me. But you don’t have to.”

Sam blinked. Even after absorbing the shock of seeing Dean waiting for him, instead of just his friend’s retreating back, hearing Dean admit something like that was definitely unusual, even when they were on their best speaking terms. Which certainly wasn’t the case now. It was all the more surprising to hear Dean say things like ‘I’m sorry’.

“I...I’d like to,” Sam said and watched Dean perk up a little bit and smile at him.

“Really?” the senior asked.

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. “I do like spending time with you, you know? It’s just...” Sam sighed. He might as well finish talking since he started it. “Lately, it’s been so...”

“Awkward?” Dean finished for him.

“Yeah,” Sam laughed softly.

“Why do you think that is?” Dean asked, pushing up off the wall and he started walking away.

“Since when are we talking about this stuff?” Sam asked, amused. He wondered where this change in Dean’s behaviour came from.

“Since I wanted us to be friends again. For real. This...it’s awesome that we don’t fight, but it’s not really what we used to have now, is it?” Dean gave him a sideways glance.

“No, you’re right,” Sam sighed. “I just...I guess it’s hard being friends when we never really were ‘just friends’ to begin with, you know?”

“But we were,” Dean said, surprised. “Even when we were...you know, fooling around, I always thought of you as a friend. I wouldn’t have introduced you to the others if I hadn’t.”

Sam bit on his bottom lip. He wasn’t sure he wanted to have this conversation.

“Yeah...I know I was a friend to you,” he said carefully. “But it wasn’t the same for me.”

It was out there now. Sam just prayed that he didn’t just ruin any chance of them ever becoming friends for real. Again.

Dean slowed his step down and eventually came to a complete stop. In his face Sam could read the process of realization.

“So...you mean you...” Dean started, obviously struggling to find the right words.

“I’ve liked you, since the very beginning,” Sam nodded. “Sorry,” he winced sheepishly.

“What?” Dean blinked. “Don’t be sorry, I just...I didn’t know. Why didn’t I know?” he looked at Sam as though the freshman had all the answers.

“Well, what did you think?” Sam scoffed. “I thought I made it pretty clear that what I want from you is not just friendship.”

“Well yeah, but I thought...I thought you felt sorry for me, or something. I didn’t know it was  _always_  there,” Dean explained. He looked perplexed.

“Look, it’s in the past now, alright?” Sam smiled at the older boy, not wanting to make him feel bad about the whole thing. “Let’s just...try and be friends from now on.”

They walked quietly for a bit. Dean was obviously mulling over something in his head and Sam hoped against hope that it had nothing to do with their conversation. He was afraid the fragile founding of their friendship that they seemed to have just created could get ruined if Dean asked a simple question: Do you still like me?

Because the answer was yes.

Sam liked  _everything_  about Dean. That was the problem. He still laughed at all of his jokes, because they simply sounded funny to Sam. He still got goosebumps whenever they accidentally touched and he always missed Dean’s touch as soon as the senior pulled away with an apologetic smile.

Sam’s breath still hitched when the morning sun fell upon Dean’s face and shone in his gorgeous, green eyes and he was just so  _beautiful_  without even trying. And Dean was still on his mind when Sam was giving his aching cock some relief in the shower, trying not to make a sound because he wouldn’t be able to look into his roommate’s eyes if he’d known Dean knew what was going on behind the closed door of their bathroom.

All the feelings Sam had always felt for Dean...they were still there. They didn’t just go away because Sam – or Dean - wanted them to.

But Dean made it pretty clear that he just wanted them to be friends and Sam thought that it was better than nothing, so he bit his tongue and never spoke a word about it.

His friend still looked a bit taken aback and bummed about the whole deal, so Sam decided for a change of topic.

“Where are we going, anyway?”

“Well, there’s a spot right outside the campus that I’ve been wanting to show you,” Dean said, his face visibly brightening. The topic change obviously worked. “It has flowers and birds and butterflies...it’s girly enough for you,” he grinned.

“Yeah? Then how come you’re the one who knows about it?” Sam rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at the other guy.

“I don’t know,” Dean shrugged innocently. “I guess some higher power wanted me to show you.”

“You’re an idiot,” Sam laughed.

“Right back at ya,” Dean grinned at him.

If this was what it was like to be Dean’s friend, then it wasn’t going to be as hard as Sam had thought. Sure, it still hurt some, knowing what had been and what could have been, but maybe it was best to let bygones be bygones and move on. It would be a shame to lose a friend like Dean.

Sam was still more than a little scared of the day Dean brought someone back to their room; or worse – introduced someone as his date, but he’d cross that bridge when he got to it. Besides, ever since that night when Sam nearly screwed it all completely up, neither Sam nor Dean had even gone to any parties, let alone tried picking anyone up. And Sam was glad. It made it easier to pretend that nothing was wrong.

They were reaching the edge of the campus and they were basically alone on the streets, because whoever wasn’t in class and wasn’t sleeping was in one of the buildings closer to the centre.

Suddenly, a familiar figure came out of the shadows. Both boys halted their steps and froze. Sam could feel his blood begin to boil on Dean’s behalf. The guy in front of them was Mark, Dean’s ex.

-xXx-

Dean wasn't paying enough attention because he was too lost in his mind. He kept going back to what Sam said about liking him.

He felt a bit like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. He, Dean Winchester, who always prided himself in always being able to tell when someone wanted him, mostly because he thought  _everyone_  wanted him, completely missed that his closest friend was falling for him.

He briefly wondered if there was any chance that Sam still liked him, but immediately chased that thought away. It was dangerous to go down that road.

And besides, Dean was glad that they were friends. Since that night Dean completely unfairly kicked Sam's companion out of their room, things have been tense between them. Even though they talked things out, they never found the easiness between them again. Dean figured it was because Sam didn't understand Dean's outburst and was afraid he'd set him off again and he really couldn't blame the freshman.

But the older boy didn't want his friend to be careful around him. He just wanted back the fun they had before. But now he had to wonder if he was the only one having fun out of the two of them. Maybe Sam had always been...expecting something. And maybe now, that Dean made it clear there was nothing to expect, Sam would lose interest in spending time with him altogether. That thought scared Dean.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Dean had always been worried that Sam was only with him because Dean was hot and willing. And truth be told, Dean wasn’t opposed to getting physical with Sam, he just didn’t want to commit. Commitment hadn’t exactly worked out for Dean in the past

Before he had a chance to explore his own thoughts and feelings about the matter any deeper, the way had been blocked by someone.

A very angry and very familiar someone, in fact.

Dean looked up and his heart started beating like crazy. There, in front of him, stood the exact reason why he’d been scared of commitments.

"Mark," he breathed out and took a small step back.

"Dean," Mark sneered, taking a step forward, obviously pleased with the senior's reaction.

Even though Dean couldn't quite see him at the moment, he could feel Sam taking a stand right next to his side and he felt infinitely grateful.

"Can't you take a step without your bodyguard now?" Mark growled, glaring daggers at Sam.

"I-I-" Dean hesitated. He didn't even realize it was most likely a rhetorical question.

He could feel the colour drain from his face. What was  _he_  doing here? Everything was going so well...Mark was going to ruin _it all_.

Sam and Mark were trading some rather nasty comments about each other and they were both using Dean's name a lot, but the senior wasn't listening. His whole body was itching with the flight instinct.

"Sam," he held the taller boy back when the two men seemed just about ready to jump at each other throats. "Let's just...go."

"Oh no, you ain't going anywhere," Mark growled and grabbed Dean's shoulder.

Dean flinched and Sam's face grew visibly angry. He reached his arm out and Dean flinched away from him too.

"Dean..." Sam said softly, his voice filled with sympathy. Dean couldn't bring himself to look; he didn't want to see the pity in Sam's eyes.

"Send your prince Charming here away, you and I have to talk," Mark barked at him.

Dean didn't know what to. He simply froze. His brain was still processing the fact that Mark was even here.

"I'm losing my patience here, Dean," Mark said.

The tone of his voice was one that used to make Dean's knees shake and would always make him want to do Mark's every bidding in hopes to lessen the punishment that was to come for making him so angry in the first place.

But this time...this time it was different. This time there was Sam looking at him with soft eyes that willed Dean not to give in. And Dean couldn't let him down, not again.

"Sammy, it's okay,” he quietened his friend's mean responds to Mark's taunts. “Leave him alone."

"B-but Dean-," Sam blinked, surprised. He obviously thought Dean was siding with Mark.

Dean gave him a sad smile. He couldn't blame the guy for expecting Dean to fail and disappoint him. Lately, he gave Sam no reason to think otherwise.

"And you," he turned to Mark with a resolve to tell the guy to go to hell, even though the finger he was using to point at his ex-boyfriend's face, was more than a little shaky. "I think Sam told you to get away and never come back. What are you doing here?"

"Did you really think I'd listen to  _him_?" Mark's mouth twisted with obvious distaste at the mention of Sam.

"Well, maybe you should have, because-"

"Dean," Mark didn't let him finish and took Dean's face in his hands. "I know that we didn't part at the best of terms," he said with a much friendlier tone and ignored the scoff from Sam. In fact, he blocked Sam from Dean's view and ignored the freshman altogether. "But, baby, if you just let me back into your life, everything will be different this time around," Mark promised with his honey-like voice and kept looking with his pale blue eyes into Dean's.

Dean could feel his resolve crack. It would be so easy to just say yes. Maybe Mark really has changed; maybe what he was saying was true this time. They have been apart for so long; maybe Mark has finally realized what he's been missing and what he'd done wrong?

And then Mark kissed him.

It was soft and gentle and it was everything Dean remembered from the time  _before_. He could remember what it was like to love somebody, to really care for someone and he nearly lost himself in the kiss. It was familiar. It wasn't scary.

"D-Dean?" he heard Sam's voice and there was a little hitch in it that brought him back. He remembered the night he told Sam about Mark, what Mark did to him and how he made him feel. He remembered the bruises on his back and how empty and broken he felt during the days Mark was back in his life. No, his ex-boyfriend didn't know how to change. He just knew how to change Dean's perception of him, so that Dean would forgive him anything.

"No," he pushed Mark away. "Stop, leave me alone."

Mark stared at him, more surprised than angry. At first.

"You had your chance with me, and not just one," Dean told Mark. He stood proud and tall, even though his heart was beating like crazy. "And you blew them. Every single one. But this ends here,” Dean huffed out a breath. “Go away and never come back.”

“You piece of-“ Mark’s face turned into a pure example of wrath and Dean had to muster all of his courage and strength to be able to hold his ground.

“See? You  _never_  change! I don’t want you in my life ever again, so pack your shit and get. The hell. Out,” he repeated louder.

“You’re making a huge mistake, Dean,” Mark growled. “You’re never gonna find someone like me again. One day you’ll realize it’s  _me_  you need in your life and it will be way too late!” he threatened.

“Yeah, I sure hope I don’t,” Dean scoffed. “I don’t wanna see your face, ever. Do you hear me? We are done!”

Mark was obviously pissed, but with Sam there, he didn’t try anything else. He just turned around and fumed away.

When he was out of the picture, Dean slumped and lost his footing as his knees buckled. Sam was there to hold him upright. Dean panted and shook but laughed.

“He’s gone,” he whispered quietly, as though saying it too loud might jinx it. “I did it!”

“You really did,” Sam smiled at him. “I don’t think he’ll be back after the ass-whooping you just gave him.”

Dean was grinning like a mad man. He was remotely aware of his fingers clutching Sam’s shoulders and his head being a bit dizzy, but he’d never been this proud of himself in his life. He just stood up for himself. Nothing had ever felt this good.

“Do you still wanna go to that place you wanted to show me or...?” Sam asked.

“No,” Dean shook his head. “This took up way too much time, we should get back if we don’t wanna be late.”

“Okay,” Sam looked a little disappointed.

“Hey,” Dean squeezed his younger friend’s shoulder. “I’m gonna show you, promise. I just don’t want Mark to ruin it for us.”

“Okay,” Sam smiled and they set out back to their respective classrooms.

Dean kept looking around, a little skittish. He kept expecting Mark to come with vengeance and retaliation, as he always did. Until Sam had enough and stopped Dean in his steps.

“He’s gone,” he said insistently, leaning down to be with Dean on the same eye level. “He’s not coming back and if he plans to get back at you somehow, it’ll take him more than a couple minutes. Plus, you’ll always have me and your friends to have your back. So just calm down and enjoy your victory,” he smiled.

Dean smiled back; he could just kiss Sam right then! But before he could do that, the freshman pulled away.

“Sam?” Dean spoke up softly. “Thank you. I could have never done this without you,” he admitted. He was utterly grateful for Sam’s support.

“Don’t mention it,” the freshman winked.

He kept holding Dean’s hand until they got into a too public area, then he let go. Dean found himself missing it. But before he had even a chance to figure out what it all meant, they had to part their ways because Dean’s classroom was on the other side of the building to Sam’s.

\---

The next couple of weeks were insane. Despite Dean trying to pretend it would never come; the finals eventually arrived and Dean spent most of his days buried in books and trying to learn within a week all the stuff he was supposed to know from the past four years. He could’ve sworn, some of the things he was supposed to know, he’d never heard of until then.

Sam was trying to be helpful at first, but his own finals caught up to him and even though to Dean it was incomparable to what Dean was going through, Sam took his grades and studying in general very seriously.

So they were both holed up in their room and trying to study, with Dean occasionally freaking out because he could never pass all those tests. To emphasize how bad things were, his friends didn’t even call to complain they never see him anymore, because they were dealing with the exact same crap.

Dean even got sick due to all the stress. He caught a cold or something and he felt like dying.

“How am I ever gonna finish this book if I keep sneezing every five seconds!” he complained.

“Christ, Dean,” Sam rolled his eyes. “Stop being such a princess about it! You got a cold, here, drink the tea I got you, get under the covers and shut up. I gotta study too.”

Dean pouted, but accepted the tea and said nothing more. Sam was sweet that he volunteered to get Dean a tea and some meds as well, but he had absolutely zero understanding for the suffering Dean went through.

The senior rolled over to his side and decided to take a short nap. Maybe it’d help him feel better and then he could focus on more studying.

He ended up sleeping through the entire day.

He yelled at Sam for not waking him up earlier, which resulted in them fighting and then Sam left the room for the rest of the evening.

Dean groaned. Sam was calling  _him_ insufferable, but it wasn’t Dean’s fault that the universe was against him and wanted him to fail his finals! The least Sam could have done was to help and wake him up.

He ignored Sam when the freshman returned from wherever he spent the evening, but much to Dean’s dismay, Sam didn’t seem to mind.

Wordlessly, Sam stopped by his bed to leave something on the nightstand and then went back to his bed.

When Dean’s pride allowed him to turn around, he peeked over his shoulder to see what it was.

It was a piece of pie.

A wave of utter gratitude washed over Dean and suddenly, he wasn’t grumpy anymore.

\---

Dean couldn’t remember anymore what it was like to actually live and not spend every waking hour studying. Then it was one test after another and Dean nearly chewed his fingers off as he waited for each and every result.

It was excruciating, exhausting and Dean started having nightmares about failing so hard they didn’t even allow him to try again and just straight up kicked him out and he ended up working at the Burger King, where everyone hated him and the customers were throwing fries on his head.

It was one of the worst times of his life.

And then, it was over. He passed. He finished college, he was done. It seemed almost surreal.

The first day after his last test Dean spent sleeping.

The second day he woke up in panic, because he slept a whole day through and didn’t study! His devil of a roommate Sam spent a good hour laughing before he let Dean know that he didn’t study the previous day, because there was nothing to study.

Dean slowly started remembering that there was a time when he used to have friends and go out to have fun with them.

For the first time in weeks, when he got into the bathroom, he checked his reflection in the mirror. He actually yelled when he saw a stranger there instead of his own face.

“Dean, are you okay?” Sam hurried to his aid.

“Why didn’t you tell me I look like Cousin Itt from The Addam’s family?” Dean accused him.

“It’s really not that bad,” Sam laughed. “Just use a razor and you’ll get back to your handsome self in no time.”

Dean whined and pushed Sam out of the door. He needed to be alone for this.

The razor was ruined when he was done, but he won that fight.

To Dean’s defence, when he finally got out to meet his friends, they didn’t look much better.

“Was the sun always this annoying?” Tess squinted and used her hand as a shield against the sunlight.

“No, you just forgot your sunglasses,” Julie retorted.

Being roommates, Tess and Julie went from one crisis to another as best friends during the exam period. Tess and Matt avoided a couple crisis by simply not seeing each other. They didn’t even realize they were missing each other until halfway through the tests.

Jim had it probably the worst, because he actually failed a test and had to retake it. Dean was grateful that he didn’t have to live through that experience.

At the end of the day, though, they all passed. They were all finished with university now and their entire future lay in front of them. It was scary.

“We should celebrate,” Ben decided. “We passed all the freaking tests; we deserve to get drunk without consequences. We made a promise!”

“That’s true,” Dean nodded. “We were sitting in the diner at the end of first year’s midterms and we agreed that we’d beat this thing and then we’d get so drunk that they’d regret letting us pass.”

“I wonder how Ash is doing,” Tess sighed nostalgically.

During their first year, Ash was one of them. He was one of them until the middle of their third year, actually, when he decided it would be a great idea to get himself kicked out.

“He’s Ash,” Dean chuckled. “I’m sure he’s doing fine. It’s the people that have to live with him I’m worried about.”

“True,” Julie laughed. “I’m sure Ash will be okay. What about us, though? Are we gonna find a job? Where? Are we gonna keep seeing each other? What’s gonna happen to us?”

“Whoa, woman, stop,” Ben exclaimed. “We’re not talking about  _that_  now! We’re planning a party!”

“But I was just-“ Julie said defensively.

“No, Ben’s right,” Jim took his friend’s side. “No talking about future until we’ve properly celebrated graduating.

“It scares me that we already don’t know,” Matt said. “But when and where’s the next big party?”

\---

It was Hank Deacon’s party that they decided to go to in the end. Hank’s parties were still the best and they deserved nothing less after the hell they had to go through.

Dean convinced Sam to come with them, even though Sam seemed kind of nervous about it. Dean wondered if it had anything to do with how Sam’s first party at Hank’s turned out, but the freshman denied it and then refused to talk about it.

They were having fun, playing beer pong and getting drunk slowly but surely. Dean’s head was buzzing pleasantly and he yelled loudly with each ball that landed in his and Sam’s opponent’s cup.

Sam seemed to have relaxed a bit as well and Dean liked to see him happy.

It didn’t take long for the girls to take interest in them. There was a whole bunch of hot, tipsy girls and they flirted with all of them, except for Matt, whom Tess kept on a pretty short leash when it came to flirting with drunken girls for obvious reasons.

There was a cute brunette obviously interested in Sam, but the guy didn’t seem to appreciate her attention. Knowing what he did about Sam’s sexuality, Dean really couldn’t blame him. As the good friend he was, he decided to help Sam out by taking it upon himself to take care of the girl.

Sam didn’t seem to have as much fun anymore. Dean tried to enlighten his friend’s mood by some lame jokes and even offered introducing him to some guys that he happened to know would be willing to go with Sam if he asked, but Sam seemed more pissed off than thankful and excused himself to the restroom.

“I guess our next round has to wait,” Dean shrugged apologetically at the two guys that he and Sam just beat.

Dean was actually glad Sam refused his offer. Something was really bothering him about the idea of Sam with another guy.

He decided to try to forget Sam and pay attention to the petite brunette on his arm instead. He didn’t understand why Sam wasn’t having fun. He wasn’t the one whose one part of his life was about to be over. If he didn’t feel like partying, he should’ve just said so, now he was just bringing the mood down.

He was still thinking of Sam, even as he was making out with the girl.

“Uhh...Ronnie,” he mumbled apologetically, pushing the girl away.

“It’s Ruby,” she frowned.

“Right, Ruby, sorry. Look, I uh...I can’t do this.”

“What?” she hissed angrily.

“I’m really sorry, I just...my mind isn’t fully in the game and...and you deserve better,” Dean blurted out the first thing that came to his mind; he didn’t need her to cause a scene.

“Are you still in love with your ex?” she sighed.

“What?” Dean blinked. “I mean, yeah. Exactly. Thanks for understanding.”

She groaned and got up, grumbling something about ‘this always happening to her’ as she walked away.

Dean let out a relieved breath and went to look for another girl he could spend the evening and maybe even the night with. This Ruby chick simply wasn’t what he needed.

Dean tried with a pretty blond and a black-haired, tanned green-eyed girl, but he had to ditch them both. Something was off and they just weren’t doing it for him.

“Whoa, that’s the third girl I see you leaving tonight,” Ben ambushed him from behind. “Are you sick or something?”

“Mind your own business,” Dean growled. He himself had no idea what was going on.

“No need to get grumpy with me,” Ben rolled his eyes. “But you know, maybe they’re not what you’re looking for,” he said and it sounded as though he was hinting on something. “Maybe what you’re looking for-“

“You know what? I think you’re right,” Dean interrupted him.

“What? But you don’t even-“Ben frowned.

“I won’t go into details with you, but thanks for caring, I appreciate it. Now, if you’ll excuse me...” Dean sneaked into the dark and quiet part of the house. He had no intention of discussing his sex-life with one of his best friends, but the truth was that maybe the girls weren’t doing it for Dean, because it wasn’t  _girls_  he was looking for.

He caught the eye of a tall, tanned stranger immediately and they were making out behind the curtains in no time. The guy seemed vaguely familiar to Dean, which meant he probably already slept with him before. It made things easier.

Dean kissed the other like his life depended on it, trying to chase away the feeling that something still wasn’t quite right. Everything was supposed to be perfect, the guy was taller than him, his body was firm and his kissing wasn’t too wet or sloppy, even if it was a bit too daring and if you asked Dean, he used his teeth a little too much.

But if he’d get on his toes like so and suck the tender spot behind the other’s ear, he would start to writhe and if he fondled his ass like this...

“Sam...” Dean moaned quietly.

The body underneath his hands went rigid.

“Uh...my name is Jeff,” the other guy said.

The voice was wrong. And he didn’t even smell right. When Dean opened his eyes and saw that he was with a complete stranger, he actually flinched away.

“Hey, are you alright?” Jeff frowned and reached his hand towards Dean, who took a quick step back.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m good, I just...I can’t,” he rubbed a hand over his face. “Sorry. I gotta go,” and without waiting for an answer, he all but ran into the main room.

He needed a drink, so he quickly headed to the bar and poured himself a double shot of whiskey.

Why Sam? He could have just about anyone in this freaking party and he had to want  _Sam_?! Even after the freshman made it clear that nothing was going to happen between them, unless Dean committed. Was that the reason? Did Dean’s traitorous body want Sam and nobody else simply because Sam wasn’t available?

Dean sighed and poured himself another shot. He looked around the room.

There were couples making out, as well as two guys fighting on the rug. Dean was sure one of the girls playing tongue battle with a dude on the sofa was the blonde he had a shot with earlier. The thought that he might have been the guy on the sofa with her disgusted him suddenly.

He spotted Tess and Matt by the window. They appeared to be fighting, Tess was trying to punch Matt’s shoulder and Matt was holding Tess far enough away from him so that she couldn’t touch him. But they were laughing. Matt ended up pulling Tess into a hug and whispered something into her ear. She blushed and then kissed him.

Dean sighed and looked away, feeling like he was invading their privacy or something.

He noticed Jess and her boyfriend Gary dancing, even though the music wasn’t slow, there wasn’t a dance floor and they were the only one doing it.

Dean felt a twinge of loneliness and threw back his drink.

He remembered the photo of him and Sam they took at the fair they went to during their ‘boyfriends week’. They looked so in love it was actually disgusting. Dean was holding Sam on that photo in a similar way Matt was holding Tess, and Sam was looking at him with the same dopey eyes Jess was giving Gary.

As he was setting down his glass, suddenly it hit him. This was what he wanted! A real relationship, someone to hold, to dance with and to whisper into their ear and he wanted it to mean something more than just getting into their pants tonight and forgetting them tomorrow!

And he wanted it with Sam.

He realized then that it had been a while since he last saw the freshman. He had to find him, now!

He only made a few steps and he nearly knocked down Julie who was coming from around the corner.

“What the hell?” she frowned as she looked at the drink that ended up on her dress due to her collision with Dean.

“Oh, crap, Jules, I’m so sorry,” Dean winced sheepishly and searched his pockets for a tissue.

“Forget it, I was gonna go back to the room anyway...and why were you in such a hurry? I’d expect you to be the first one disappearing with somebody else,” she asked, raising her eyebrow.

“Yeah, about that...” Dean chuckled nervously, but he had no idea where to look for Sam and she might know something. “You wouldn’t happen to know where-“

“Where’s Sam?” she asked, looking amused.

“Uh, yeah,” Dean frowned. “How’d you-“

“He left already, a while ago,” she said.

“Left?” Dean’s eyes widened and he felt his heart squeeze in his chest. He didn’t see Sam even talking to someone else, but leaving party this early could only mean one thing-

“He was alone,” Julie added, as though she could read his mind.

Okay, so apparently leaving party this early could mean more than just one thing now. Dean’s heart started beating regularly again.

“Why are you acting so strange about it?” Dean asked her.

“Does it really matter? Go,” she moved out of the way.

“No, really, you’ve been-“

“Go,” Julie didn’t let him finish, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not going until you-“

“Christ, Dean, why do you have to be so stubborn?” she growled and forcefully pushed him out of the door. “Go! Hurry!” she called after him before she closed the door.

Needless to say, Dean was completely and utterly confused as to what just happened. But he’d have to get to the bottom of it later. He had to get to Sam, ASAP. So many things could happen to him on the way to the dorm...so many people he could meet...

If it was too late for Dean to get a chance on a relationship with Sam, it would’ve been completely and entirely on Dean, but he didn’t have to take any chances by being too slow, so he ran.

He ran through the door of their room and nearly got a heart attack when he saw Sam’s bed empty.

Fortunately for Dean’s heart, though, Sam appeared in the bathroom door a second later. He was in his pyjamas, so he was probably just getting ready to go to sleep.

They both stared at each other for a minute.

“You’re alone,” they said in unison. It came out more relieved from Dean and surprised from Sam.

“What’s going on, Dean, are you okay?” Sam’s face filled with concern and he took a step closer.

Dean was speechless. All the way here, he knew that he would have to explain to Sam that he changed his mind and ask him for another chance, but he just figured the words would come to him once they were needed. They didn’t. And Dean had no idea what to say.

“I-I-“ he tried, but it didn’t work.

“Dean?” Sam stepped even closer and Dean let instinct take over.

He pulled Sam in and kissed him.

Sam must have been in shock, because he didn’t even resist and when Dean turned them around and pressed Sam against the door, he actually kissed back.

Finally, everything was as it was supposed to be. Sam was the exact right height, his body was lean and firm just so and he kissed right. It felt like coming home.

Eventually, Sam’s senses were bound to kick in and he broke the kiss off.

“Dean, what the hell are you doing?” he whispered.

Dean took in the picture of Sam’s flushed cheeks, rustled hair and puffed lips.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathed out.

“Um...thank you,” Sam blushed and that made him even more adorable. “But what are you doing?”

“I want you, Sammy,” Dean said as an explanation.

“Dean,” Sam sighed. “I told you already, I can’t do that anymore...”

Apparently, Julie was the only one who could read his mind.

“No, I meant I want it, what you want. I want to be with you. A relationship or whatever you wanna call it, I want it and I want it with you.”

Sam just stared at him with his mouth hung open.

“Sammy?” Dean asked unsurely when the silence was taking a bit too long. Did Sam change his mind as well? Did he not want Dean anymore?

“I-I...are you serious?” Sam blinked.

“Yes,” Dean nodded. “I’m sorry it took me this long, but...I know what I want now. And it’s you. All of you,” he smiled hopefully.

“Dean...” Sam’s face broke in the hugest smile Dean had ever seen. His roommate’s happiness was contagious. “I can’t believe...I...I don’t know what to say!”

“Just kiss me,” Dean smiled.

And Sam did.

God, Dean missed kissing Sam so much! The way Sam’s tongue darted out hesitantly, then pulled back and then finally plunged in Dean’s mouth was adorable. And Sam tasted like Heaven. Dean couldn’t get enough, even though he was sure he tasted like Hell thanks to all the alcohol he’d drank.

They kissed for a long while, Sam letting Dean take the lead and Dean making the most of it. When he felt like he’d mapped out every inch of Sam’s mouth, he moved to his roommate’s neck. The freshman responded to every sensitive spot Dean remembered with a soft moan and Dean felt the blood rush south in a record time.

“Sammy...the things you do to me...” he slurred into the taller boy’s ear.

“Dean, wait, wait!” Sam clutched at his shoulders.

“What is it?” Dean pulled away just enough to look into Sam’s eyes.

“You can’t change your mind about this, not again,” Sam looked back at him, completely vulnerable. “I can’t...I can’t give in to this only to find out you weren’t serious.”

“I won’t change my mind, I promise, Sam,” Dean put a hand on Sam’s cheek and smiled softly when the other leaned into the touch. “I’m sorry I was an asshole. But that ends now. I said I wanna be with you and I meant it. Just give me a chance, please.”

Sam looked like he was going to cry.

“You’re drunk,” he protested.

“Yes,” Dean could hardly deny that. “But I’m still myself. I can walk and talk and think and I  _know_  that I won’t just change my mind about this. Finally I know what I want and what I want is you. Be mine, Sammy. Say yes.”

“I’ve wanted you to say these words for so long, but I never thought...” his voice broke and Dean pulled him into a hug.

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” he murmured and he really meant those words. “I’m sorry I hurt you, I really am. I never knew what I was doing to you. But I wanna make it all up to you, if you let me. I’m going to be the best damn boyfriend ever, but to do it right, I’m going to need you,” he said softly, caressing Sam’s hair.

“Fuck yes, that was never the question,” Sam growled and launched himself at Dean, taking control completely.

It surprised Dean just how strong Sam really was. He was stronger than Dean himself when Dean wasn’t fighting back. It turned him on.

They ended up on Sam’s bed and Sam was getting rid of Dean’s clothing persistently. When Sam pulled his own pyjama top over his head and he finally put his hands on the skin of Sam’s hips, Dean finally felt like something that was missing for a long time just slipped back to its rightful place.

He also realized where this was going.

“Wait, Sammy, stop,” he grabbed Sam’s hands and stopped them from pulling Dean’s boxers down.

“No, you said you wouldn’t change your mind!” Sam accused him with fearful eyes. To emphasize his point he dug his fingers into Dean’s hands, refusing to let him go.

“No, nothing like that, don’t worry,” Dean said softly. “But this...I don’t think that this is special, you know? And it’s  _not_  the reason I wanna be with you. It can wait.  _I_  can wait,” he tried to explain.

It was really strange, actually. Sam wouldn’t be the first virgin – boy or girl – Dean would deflower and while he was always careful and tried to give the other party the best experience he could, he’d never cared for their  _feelings_  as much.

But with Sam, it was different. Dean wanted Sam to have everything he wanted, any way he wanted it. He didn’t want to spoil what could very well be a start of something beautiful with Sam having doubts about the true intentions behind Dean’s change of heart.

“Screw waiting, I’ve waited long enough,” Sam scoffed and pushed Dean down into the pillows. “And as long as it’s with you and you’re still going to want this in the morning, it’s special enough for me.”

Dean felt a pleasant warmth spread over his chest upon hearing that. “Are you sure?”

“Completely,” Sam nodded and crawled over him. “I just...” he bit on his bottom lip. “I got nothing to use.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Dean smirked and rolled them over, so that he was on top. “I’m always ready. Just hang on a second,” he got up and hurried to his nightstand for a condom and a bottle of lube.

He was back in no time and kissed Sam again. The freshman kissed back readily. They had a lot of wasted time to make up for and they wasted no time getting rid of their clothes.

Sam was acting brave, until they were completely naked and Dean was slicking his fingers with the cool liquid of the lube.

“Dean...” Sam whispered softly and Dean could see the hesitation written all over his face.

“Shh...” he leaned down to kiss him on his lips. “I’m going to be very careful, gentle and slow. Promise. Unless you want to stop, which is okay,” he looked at his friend – or rather, boyfriend.

It would probably cause his dick to explode, but Dean would stop if Sam asked him to. Hell, Dean would probably jump off a bridge if Sam asked him, looking at him with those gorgeous hazel eyes of his.

“No...” Sam shook his head. “No stopping.”

“As you wish,” Dean kissed him again and then slowly kissed his way down Sam’s chest, making sure to stop at each of his nipples, along Sam’s sternum to his belly button and then he sucked a hickey right under Sam’s left hipbone.

“Mine,” he growled an explanation when Sam let out a surprised noise.

“Possessive, are we?” Sam looked down at him.

“You have no idea,” Dean returned the look. He wasn’t even kidding, there was no way he’d share Sam with anyone, ever.

Sam’s eyes darkened – a clear sign that Dean’s possessiveness was turning him on. Dean stored that away for future use and focused on getting Sam relaxed. He couldn’t simply thrust his fingers inside him when Sam was this tense.

So Dean sucked the head of Sam’s cock in his mouth. As expected, the younger boy arched off the bed and moaned, but Dean only sucked hard enough for Sam to lose his mind and forget about his worries. Not enough to actually get him off, though.

When Sam was writhing and begging him to stop unless he wanted him to come, Dean tested the waters by brushing one of his lubed fingers over Sam’s hole.

Sam tensed up and even softened slightly in his mouth, so Dean licked the vein on the underside of Sam’s cock from the base to the tip and then paid attention to the slit of Sam’s cock, gathering the salty drops of precome there and smearing them all over the head before licking them off.

Sam was beside himself, just as Dean hoped he would be. This time, when he touched his hole, he didn’t even react. Dean slipped one of his fingers inside Sam.

Sam’s body immediately clenched around him and he let out a meek sound. One would think they’d never done this before, even though Dean knew they had. But he could be patient. Sam had waited for him for months, Dean could definitely hold on a minute or two.

He let Sam’s cock slip out of his mouth and just peppered his groin with soft kisses.

“Don’t be nervous, Sammy,” he murmured. “You can’t go wrong. I’ll take care of everything. Just let me in.”

Sam just lay there, taking deep breaths, but whatever he was thinking of seemed to be working, because soon, Dean could actually move his finger inside Sam and after some stretching, he added another one.

Sam hissed at the burn and Dean withdrew his fingers to apply more lube. When he re-inserted his fingers in Sam’s hole, Sam shivered.

“It’s cold!” he complained.

“Tough luck,” Dean laughed and moved as close to Sam’s face as the length of his arm would let him. He used his other hand to pull Sam up by his neck and kissed him deeply.

Sam kissed him back, clutching at his shoulders and Dean found himself being turned on by the sheer faith Sam had in him. He wanted nothing but to give Sam the best and more.

As he distracted the younger boy by kissing him, he scissored his fingers until he was sure Sam could fit three of them. He pulled away as he pushed all three of his fingers in, letting Sam breathe.

“Fuck, Dean,” Sam grunted. “’S good, it’s just...it’s so much!”

“You think you can handle it?” Dean asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah, just need a moment to get used to it,” Sam hissed.

“Take all the time you want, baby,” Dean murmured and licked over Sam’s nipple to help him relax.

Sam’s spine arched and he moaned and Dean knew he would be ready in no time. It pleased him that he was able to anticipate Sam’s reactions and respond to them. It just showed that they really were meant for each other.

“Talk to me,” Sam asked after a moment, when the clenching around Dean’s fingers sustained, but he still wasn’t loose enough for Dean’s cock.

“What?” Dean breathed out.

“Talk to me,” Sam repeated. “Your voice...it turns me on, okay?” Sam huffed and Dean looked up to see him red with embarrassment.

Oh, so little Sammy had a kink...good to know.

“You like my voice, huh?” Dean smirked a little, dropping his voice a notch and talking in the husky tone he always used for seduction. “You like it when I talk dirty to you while having my fingers up your ass?” he murmured.

Sam closed his eyes and let out a sound that Dean took as a confirmation.

As far as Dean was concerned, the freshman had nothing to be embarrassed about. Everybody had a kink and this one was harmless and it was actually boosting Dean’s confidence a bit.

“Oh, I can talk alright. I can talk about how freaking horny it makes me, having you all naked and spread out, ready for the taking...I don’t think you realize how hot you are, baby,” Dean kept going and Sam’s cock twitched between their bodies. “You make me crazy, I can’t wait to finally know what it feels like, to fuck you, to own you completely...”

“Dean...” Sam moaned softly.

“I had no idea, Sammy,” Dean kept going. “I kept looking, searching for something and I didn’t know that all I needed was right here. You’re the best thing that could’ve happened to me, Sammy. You should know that,” he whispered hotly against Sam’s lips.

The pressure on Dean’s fingers was gone. Sam was ready.

“Let me show you,” Dean smiled as Sam’s eyes shot open in surprise when he withdrew his hand.

Dean was standing on his knees over Sam and he was rolling the condom on his fully erect cock.

“See this? I’m gonna fuck you with this cock so good you won’t even know your name,” Dean promised and started lubing the rubber up. “After tonight, you’ll finally know what it feels like when your boyfriend claims your whole body and –“

Sam moaned so hard that Dean got actually scared he was hurting.

“What is it?” he leaned over Sam’s face, coaxing his eyes to open.

“Say it again,” Sam panted, his pupil full-blown and his forehead sweaty.

“You’ll finally know what it feels like when your boyfriend claims – oh,” Dean’s frown of confusion dissolved into a knowing smile when Sam’s eyes rolled back upon hearing the word ‘boyfriend’.

“Say it again when you fuck me,” Sam commanded, trying to catch his breath.

Who was Dean to deny him anything.

He lined his cock up with Sam’s stretched opening and let Sam hook his ankles behind Dean’s back. He slid inside Sam in one firm stroke until he was fully sheathed inside his boyfriend. He leaned down and kissed Sam’s neck when his boyfriend cried out. He held Sam’s hands and pinned them above Sam’s head, twinning their fingers together.

“This is it, Sammy,” he whispered hotly in Sam’s ear. “Your boyfriend’s fucking you now. I hope it’s as special as you hoped it would be, because that’s the best I can do.”

“It’s perfect,” Sam laughed breathlessly. “C’mon, move.”

Dean started out slow, only moving an inch or two in and out, but soon Sam’s body let him move more and faster.

Physically, it felt like any other fuck, really. Sam’s body was warm on the outside and hot on the inside and he didn’t move much, Dean did all the work, but he expected nothing else from this and it still felt good.

But he felt oddly connected to Sam on a spiritual level, which is something he’d laugh at any other day. But today he felt the connection. The more pleasure Sam was getting out of this, the more satisfied Dean felt himself. The moans and cries of pleasure were music to Dean’s ears and even though Sam was crushing his hands, Dean loved every second of it.

Dean picked up the speed a little, thrusting in and out of Sam a little more forcefully now. Sam was making the sweetest sounds.

Far too soon he felt Sam clench around him hard and his boyfriend’s head fell back. He screamed Dean’s name and came all over Dean’s stomach without Dean even touching him.

Dean knew Sam’s first time was gonna be over soon, but he still hoped for something longer than this. He’d take what he got, though.

“Sorry,” Sam chewed on his bottom lip, he looked mortified.

“Don’t be,” Dean laughed and kissed both Sam’s cheeks. “It means I did good,” he grinned. “Gonna let me finish?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Sam nodded and Dean kissed him.

It was convenient, because staring into someone’s eyes after they’ve already came and you know they’re just waiting for you to finish was extremely awkward and embarrassing.

But also kissing Sam, smelling him and just feeling him all around himself helped Dean reach his own orgasm much faster than he normally would have and he bit down on Sam’s shoulder as he came inside the condom.

“Ouch,” Sam protested in a good manner and held Dean close, even after the senior pulled out.

“Sorry,” Dean smiled. “Just wanted to leave a mark.”

“To let everyone know I’m yours?” Sam asked.

“Something like that,” Dean shrugged. He did warn Sam he was possessive and he wasn’t kidding.

“You’re sweet,” Sam snickered.

“Dude, I just gave you an orgasm, you can’t call me sweet!” Dean protested.

“Fine, fine, sorry,” Sam rolled his eyes.

Just as he was about to pull covers over them, Dean stopped him and got up.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked with wide eyes, paranoia written all over his face.

“To throw away the condom,” Dean sighed. He really wished Sam would trust him a little more, but he decided a fight wasn’t worth ruining the mood. He’d just have to prove to Sam that he was here to stay.

He tied the condom up and threw it away, then washed Sam’s dried come off his stomach. After that, he returned to Sam’s bed and climbed into the younger boy’s waiting arms.

“Was it good?” Dean asked quietly. “Was it how you imagined it?”

“It was better,” Sam smiled and kissed the top of Dean’s head. “Sorry it was over so quickly, I just...”

“Sammy, it’s fine, really. We’re gonna have plenty of time to make it last longer,” he winked.

“Promise?” Sam asked softly.

“Promise,” Dean nodded and kissed Sam to seal it.

They kissed, until their heads dropped, exhausted and they fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, me again! I intended to add this chapter as a short epilogue right after I posted the last one, but guess what? Short never really worked out for me. But then exams hit and the progress was really, really slow. But I really hope you’ll like what I did to the story and how I ended up winding things up. Definitely let me know what you think in the reviews!

“Do you think I can wear this?” Sam asked Dean, standing in front of the mirror and trying a some of his shirts.

“Jesus, Sam,” Dean whined, obviously impatient. “They’re my  _parents_  not the president! Whatever you wear will be fine!”

“Can you at least  _try_  and be helpful?” Sam spat back. “I wanna see  _you_  before you meet my parents,” he growled.

Dean’s parents were coming for the big ceremony that was their son’s graduation and Sam was to be introduced to them for the first time. He wanted to make an impression, a good one. And Dean had absolutely zero understanding for that.

“Look, if the shirt is really that important for you, I can lend you one of my again?” Dean suggested.

“You know I like wearing your stuff, but somehow I don’t think your mother would appreciate it, if her son’s boyfriend was wearing clothes she probably bought him.”

“Sweet mother of God, you’re insufferable!” Dean gave up. “I’m going to see if they arrived; you put something on and come whenever you’re ready,” he said and walked out of their room.

Sam sighed and turned back to the mirror. That was actually the problem – Sam  _wasn’t_ ready. He was terrified. He had no idea what Dean’s parents would say or think and he really wanted them to like him. Because if they didn’t, then they might change Dean’s mind about him and Sam couldn’t lose Dean like that, not again.

Not only that every parent wanted the best partner for their child, but Sam was a  _guy_. A boy. And as okay as Dean might seem about it, there was no guarantee that Dean’s parents – especially his stepdad – were going to be as chill about the whole deal.

Sam looked at the shirts on his bed again. There were only a couple left, as he excluded those he thought would make him look like he was trying too hard, too cheesy and wanna be sexy ones were gone too.

He was choosing between a white one and a few ones with a various shades of blue, but he was worried it was going to make him seem boring and plain. There was also a black one in play, but with that one, Sam wasn’t sure if it didn’t make him look like he was attending a funeral. Meeting your boyfriend’s parents was so complicated!

He was just about to go with the plain white shirt when the door opened and Dean came back in.

“Dude, are you seriously still shirtless?” he asked incredulously. “My parents are here!”

“What?” Sam felt the colour drain from his face. “I’m not ready yet!”

“Well, I can see that!” Dean replied with wide eyes. “I should’ve just told my parents my boyfriend is a girl,” he growled, rolling his eyes and walked over to Sam.

“Dean-“ Sam started; he didn’t appreciate Dean’s tone. Why couldn’t Dean understand that this was important to him?

“Close your eyes,” Dean commanded, walking over to Sam’s closet.

“But-“

“Close. Your. Eyes.” It was obvious that Dean was losing patience. Or maybe he was just as nervous about Sam meeting his parents as Sam was. Either way, he wasn’t helping Sam at all.

Dean didn’t move, though, until Sam complied and after a while of rustling, Sam felt Dean come back to his side.

“Raise your arms,” he said and helped Sam get into a shirt. “Okay, you’re good,” he said finally and Sam opened his eyes.

The shirt Dean picked out for him wasn’t bad, but...

“It has stripes, Dean!” Sam whined, checking himself in the mirror.

“So what?” Dean asked, exasperated.

“I don’t want to look like a zebra when I meet your parents!” Sam exclaimed.

“Sam, stop it, you’re acting like a baby.”

“And it’s grey!” Sam continued. “How’s your mom supposed to like me if she thinks I can’t even do my own laundry!”

“Sam, would you shut up?” Dean exclaimed, frustrated. “This is not a test you have to pass, just stop freaking out!”

“You only have one chance to make a good first impression!” Sam argued.

“Yeah? Well, keeping them waiting while you’re choosing what shirt to wear is not going to score you any points, believe me!” Dean retorted.

“Dean...” Sam grasped his arm tightly. He was panicking.

It must have shown on his face, because Dean’s expression softened and he pulled Sam into a hug.

“It’s going to be okay. They just want to meet you, put a name to your face. They’re not going to judge whether I can keep seeing you or not,” he murmured.

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure, yeah,” Dean pressed a kiss into Sam’s hair.

“I’m going to need more than that, Dean.”

“Okay, really pretty sure,” Dean sighed and pulled away. Before Sam had any chance to protest, he pushed him out of the door.

“Let’s go, you look great, but they’ve been waiting long enough. Come on!” he urged Sam to hurry, which was the last thing Sam wanted to do.

Dean had to basically drag Sam down the halls and out of their dorm building. Sam briefly hoped that maybe Dean’s parents decided to take a tour around the place and Dean wouldn’t be able to find them until he had to leave to prepare for the graduation ceremony, but his hopes were immediately crushed as Dean waved over at someone and tugged Sam in that direction.

“Mom, Bobby, this is him,” he announced when they finally stood in front of a couple that must have been Dean’s parents. “This is Sam.”

“Um...nice to meet you, Mrs. Winchester,” Sam smiled nervously and offered his hand to Dean’s mother. She was a nice looking lady with long hair slightly laced with silver stripes and wrinkles around her eyes and mouth, but her eyes were full of life and posture gave out that she was strong and confident.

“It’s Harvelle, actually,” she smiled and shook it. “But call me Ellen. Nice to finally meet you.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Sam stuttered, kind of disheartened that he made a mistake in the first sentence he ever said to Dean’s mom already. “You’re Mr. Harvelle, then, I guess?” he turned to Dean’s stepdad and held his hand out for him as well.

“Singer, Bobby Singer,” the man Dean called Bobby said in a gruff voice and squeezed Sam’s hand shortly, but nearly painfully. He was an older looking guy with greyish hair, a worn out jacket and a baseball cap on his head.

Sam looked at Dean for help, because he was losing his footing rather quickly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t have the time to explain to Sam the mess that are our names,” he smiled apologetically. “Basically, I have my dad’s, mom uses hers and Bobby’s got his own.”

“Okay,” Sam nodded, but avoided any direct eye-contact with Dean’s parents.

“So, Sam,” Ellen started. “Dean tells us you’re a law student?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Sam nodded.

“Oh, don’t call me madam, it makes me feel old,” Ellen waved her hand dismissively.

“Sorry,” Sam mumbled and bore his eyes into the ground.

“So you’re planning to be a lawyer, then?” Bobby asked him.

Sam opened his mouth to answer, but Dean jumped in to save him.

“Give Sammy a rest, alright?” he said.

“But we were just –“ his mother protested.

“Yeah, but we actually need to run to get me ready for the ceremony. So I guess I’ll see you guys from the podium?” he flashed a grin at them.

“But we only just got here!” Ellen frowned. “Dean, honey, we haven’t seen you in  _months_!”

“And after the long way home, you’re going to be more than happy to send me away again,” Dean retorted. “Believe me.”

Ellen opened her mouth to protest, but Bobby put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

“Let the boys run, we’ll find us good seats and see if they have something to drink. I’m thirsty.”

“Alright,” Ellen sighed, giving in. “It was nice meeting you, Sam.”

“It was nice to meet you too, Mrs. Harvelle,” Sam said. “And Mr. Singer,” he turned to Dean’s stepfather as well.

“Ellen and Booby,” Ellen corrected him.

“Ellen and Booby, right,” Sam nodded, even though he didn’t feel comfortable calling Dean’s parents by their first names just yet.

“See you later,” Dean said and nudged Sam to get him to leave.

They walked around the corner to the main building of the university. There was an auditorium used for all kinds of celebratory events, such as graduation.

“See? That didn’t even hurt,” Dean grinned at Sam they walked towards their destination.

“Speak for yourself,” Sam mumbled. “I screwed up everything I could.”

“Bullshit,” Dean rolled his eyes. “They liked you. I just didn’t want them to interview you cause you looked ready to faint any moment.”

“You’re really not helping,” Sam growled angrily. “It’s important to me, okay? Sorry that I care.”

“Oh man, you’re cranky like a girl on PMS,” Dean rolled his eyes again. “Not everything I say is meant to insult you, alright? Chill. It’s me who’s graduating, remember?”

“But it’s  _me_  who’s just made an ass of myself in front of your parents!” Sam cried out.

Dean grabbed his face and kissed him.

Even after all this time he spent kissing Dean, it still took Sam’s breath away. They kissed until Sam’s tension dissipated and when Dean pulled away, Sam just stared at him with wide eyes and his lips slightly parted.

“Better?” Dean asked him.

All Sam could do was nod.

“You sure?” Dean chuckled. “You look like a deer caught in the headlights of a really big truck.”

“What?” Sam blinked. He was still lost in the depths of Dean’s eyes, trying to escape his panic attack.

“Nevermind,” Dean said, more concerned this time. “You sure you’re okay? You look  _terrified_.”

“No, I’m good, I’m good,” Sam nodded and straightened his spine, trying to get his shit back together.

“Sammy-“

“Seriously, I’m fine. I was just really nervous. But today’s about you, so let’s find out all the info you need for today,” Sam said.

Dean didn’t seem very convinced, but he let go of the topic and along with most of the other seniors, they waited for the dean to arrive and tell them the organisation stuff, like where they’d get their gowns and when are they supposed to be at the podium.

Dean told Sam earlier that it was okay if he didn’t want to stick around, because he was correctly assuming it was going to be boring, but Sam really didn’t mind. He was proud of Dean and ever since they became officially a couple, he was using every chance he got to show their relationship off.

He suspected Dean figured that out, but he didn’t say anything and just told Sam to tag along, then.

Dean’s friends were there as well, greeting them as soon as they arrived.

The day Sam and Dean told them that they were officially together, Ben yelled “I should’ve made that bet!” and Jim laughed “And who’d bet against you?” and Julie rolled her eyes, saying it was about time. Only Matt and Tess congratulated them.

Sam couldn’t help but feel a little smug about the fact that all their friends seemed to know they belonged together much sooner than his thick-skulled boyfriend, but Dean refused to admit it.

\---

Two hours or so later, Dean’s parents along with everyone else’s were seated in the front rows in the Stanford University auditorium and Sam with a bunch of supportive or curious students were in the back, waiting for the graduation to start.

As unbelievable as that was, the school actually managed to find a colour of the gown that Dean looked bad in. Sam had been seriously doubting up till now that there was such a possibility.

The gowns the graduates were forced to wear were this ugly shade of blue and while  _normal_  blue was just fine on Dean, even though it somewhat clashed with his eyes – and no, Sam was not an exemplary stereotypical gay – but these gowns have been probably washed way too many times and its original shade was now kind of greyish. It was hideous and Sam actually burst out laughing when he saw how bad Dean looked in it. He decided to keep it to himself, though.

The squared hats pulled on their heads made the boys look all bald and they even managed to make someone like Dean, who didn’t have any extra fat in his body, look a little chubby. It was almost as though the school was competing in the worst senior photo of the year or something. Sam decided not to cut his hair at least until he graduated; he never wanted to look like this in the gown, even though he probably would.

The university’s orchestra started playing the college’s anthem and everybody quieted down. The principal said a few words about being proud of the school, its students, yadda yadda and then a girl from the journalism major had a speech. It was quite funny and charming and thankfully, not too long.

And then the students started being called on the podium, one by one. The principal shook his hand with each of them and they were given their earned diplomas. Each student stopped briefly on the podium, holding their diploma up and grinning into the camera of their proud parents.

With the name Winchester, Dean had been called when there were only three of the seniors left. He ran up on the podium and shook his hand with the principal enthusiastically. His smile was bright; he was happy and proud of his achievement as Sam’s chest was swelling with pride as well.

He noticed Ellen wiping her eyes and Bobby with a digital camera, taking a picture of Dean, before their son had to leave the stage.

Sam himself rose from his seat to clap and cheer along with his classmates, but his cheers were louder and his smile brighter and that was enough for Dean to find him in the crowd. He winked at Sam and the freshman’s heart swelled with love and adoration.

He fought his way through the crowd to join Dean and his excited parents. Dean shot him a ‘Save me!’ look before waving Sam over and the younger just grinned at him, but hugged him and told him how proud he was.

Dean’s parents wanted to take his son on a celebratory dinner and even though Dean insisted Sam comes too, the freshman excused himself. It was a family moment and he was still embarrassed from his first encounter with Dean’s mom and stepdad.

“I’ll see you on the party, then, right?” Dean asked him before they left.

“There’s a party?” Sam blinked.

“Well, duh,” Dean raised his eyebrow. “The seniors’ last goodbye?”

“Oh. Right. Sure, see you there,” Sam said a bit dully. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed; he’d hoped he and Dean would spend the night together, having their own private goodbye. Sam hasn’t even started preparing himself for saying goodbye to Dean and now it seemed that the senior wasn’t even going to let him.

He returned to their room, alone. Sighing, he sat on his bed and looked around.

Most of Dean’s possession was already packed in the bags at the foot of Dean’s bed. He only left some of his clothes on top and there were the basic hygiene tools, but otherwise, everything was in the bags. The room had never felt so empty.

Sam sighed again, because that was pretty much all he could do. Dean was leaving first thing in the morning and until then, Sam didn’t really have the time to stop and let that sink in, but now it hit him with full force.

His boyfriend, the one guy that took care of him, made him feel loved and made him love in return, was going home tomorrow and for all Sam knew, that might be it for their relationship.

Panic flared through him and he found it hard to breath for a moment. He quickly got up, needing to move, to do something, but there was nothing to be done. He hated that Dean was so much older than him, hated that he had to leave while Sam had to stay. Well, not during the holidays, obviously, but why would Sam even want to come back when there would be a complete stranger waiting for him in his room instead of his boyfriend’s warm and loving arms?

Jess texted him, telling him she and Gary were setting out for the party and asking whether Sam wanted them to pick him up. Sam replied that he’d come later, but he had no intention of going. Dean could go to his party if he wanted, but Sam had no reason to celebrate.

He just wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep the whole summer away, but that would solve nothing. Dean would still be gone when he woke up. It was really hard on Sam already and Dean hadn’t even moved out of the room yet. What was Sam going to do once Dean was truly gone; the boy had no idea.

“I thought I was gonna find you in here,” Sam heard Dean’s voice as soon as the door to their room opened.

Sam looked up in surprise.

“You’re back already?”

“Yeah, the dinner was nice and all, but I’ve missed my boyfriend,” Dean smiled at him and Sam felt himself falling for the senior all over again.

“Where are your parents now?” Sam asked, rising up from his bed.

“They went to their hotel; they’re gonna pick me up tomorrow at nine,” Dean said.

“You’re not going to the party?” Sam asked, a bit of hope that their evening would be spent together after all flickering in his eyes.

“I am, but I came here to pick you up,” Dean replied and Sam’s hope was crushed.

“I don’t wanna go, Dean,” Sam shook his head.

“Why not?” Dean’s eyes widened and he seemed almost disappointed.

“Because you’re freaking  _leaving_  tomorrow!” Sam cried out. “How do you expect me to go partying and have fun; how can _you_  have fun, knowing that?”

“Sam, what are you-“

“Let me finish!” Sam interrupted him. “I wanted us to have this last night together, I wanted us to say goodbye properly and spend the last moments with each other, but apparently, you’d rather be out and getting drunk!”

“But Sam-“

“This is our  _last night_ , don’t you get it!” Sam was on the verge of tears, and he was shaking with the anger and panic that their situation stirred in him. “What if I never see you again after tomorrow? I just...I needed to be with you, alone. To say goodbye. Won’t you give us at least that?”

“Sam, calm down right this second,” Dean said softly but firmly and stepped forward.

“I don’t-“

“I said. Calm. Down,” Dean repeated slowly and took Sam’s face in his hands. “Can you listen to me now?”

Sam just nodded, unable to tear his eyes from Dean.

“Good. Sammy, we  _are_  going to have our last night here together, don’t worry about that. But my friends are coming to the party and I wanna say goodbye to them as well, got it?”

Sam nodded. That sounded reasonable.

“Think you can stop freaking out now?” Dean raised his eyebrows.

“But what about us?” Sam asked with a hint of desperation in his voice. “What’s going to happen to us when you leave?”

“Alright, Sammy, come here,” Dean sighed and walked away, then sat down on his bed and patted the spot next to himself. That couldn’t be good.

Sam’s legs were just as heavy as his heart as they carried him over to Dean where he sat down and waited for the inevitable.

“This was supposed to be a surprise, but I guess I gotta tell you now, otherwise you’ll drop dead any second,” Dean said.

“What?” Sam blinked. His brain was too numb to process whatever Dean was saying.

“I’m not leaving you, Sammy,” Dean smiled at him. “I mean, I am going home, but...but I’ll be back.”

“What?” Sam didn’t understand, but his heart was beating fast with hope. “But...you passed the year, didn’t you? I saw you graduate!”

“Sam,” Dean rolled his eyes a little impatiently. “Stay with me. You’re supposed to be the smart one, dammit.”

“Well then tell me what you mean!”

“I...I found a job, here in Stanford,” Dean took a deep breath and smiled brightly at him. “I’ll be an intern at the Stanford Daily.”

“You...what? Really?” Sam’s face brightened up and he launched himself at Dean, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend so tightly, Dean had trouble breathing. “You’re a genius! I knew it, I knew you were gonna work something out!”

“Well, I’m glad I made you happy,” Dean grunted, trying to get Sam to loosen up his hold on him.

“Happy?” Sam exclaimed. “Dean, I’m beyond excited! And congratulations; I didn’t even know you were applying for a job.”

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up in case it didn’t work out,” Dean smiled, tucking a stray of Sam’s hair behind his ear. “And it’s not a job, really, it’s more of a dirty work, and bringing coffee, not the real journalistic stuff...”

“Shush,” Sam silenced him happily. “It’s a job. They chose you, because you’re good and you’ll be amazing,” he smiled at Dean. He felt so happy, he was afraid he’d explode!

“You think so?” Dean smiled and averted his eyes shyly and Sam could’ve smacked him for being so oblivious.

“Think so? I know so! Dean, you’ve just managed to turn my day upside down completely!” Sam bounced on the bed. “I’ve dreaded the moment I’d have to say goodbye to you and now I can’t wait for you to go-“

“Wait, what-“

“- and come back to me again and we’ll be still together! I...I love you!”

Dean was just staring at him with mouth hung open and Sam was getting gradually uncomfortable as the silence continued.

“Say something,” Sam whispered desperately, when he couldn’t stand the tension any longer.

“Y-you...” Dean said in a weirdly tight voice, but didn’t finish. He cleared his throat and tried again. “You do?” he asked, but his voice was still strained.

For a millisecond there, Sam was tempted to take it back, just to get back to the good mood he was in just moments ago. But it would have been a lie.

“Yes,” he said softly. “I do.”

Dean gulped and looked a little helpless. Obviously, he wasn’t going to say the words back, not with a clean conscience at least and frankly, Sam wasn’t all that surprised. Considering how hard it was to convince him to even give them a chance...yeah.

“It’s okay,” he put a finger on Dean’s lips, when the senior tried to say something. “I didn’t say it just to hear it back. Truth be told, I didn’t even know I was gonna say it until it was already out there,” he smiled softly.

Dean gave him a grateful look and took his hands in his.

“You’re amazing, Sam,” he smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Let’s go to that party to say goodbye to our friends, and then I’ll show you just how much you mean to me. Because I was never good with words.”

Sam felt his cheeks go red at that and smiled warmly, capturing Dean’s face in his hands and he kissed Dean’s lips gently.

The kiss deepened soon, but before things could get too heated, Dean pulled away, chuckling softly.

“I said  _after_  the party,” he scolded Sam gently.

“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” Sam shrugged, smiling at his boyfriend. He was right to love him.

\---

They arrived at the party hand in hand and for the first time, Sam didn’t feel self-conscious when the heads of the people who arrived before them turned their way. On the contrary, he  _wanted_  to be seen. Because he was Dean’s boyfriend. He was the one who tamed him, so to speak, and Dean was now exclusively his.

So he just jutted his chin and straightened up his spine, letting the jealousy flow right through him and use it to his favour. At least he imagined everyone was jealous. He didn’t actually  _know_.

“Oh, cut it out, you alpha male,” Dean laughed. As always, he saw right through Sam and the freshman winced sheepishly and let his boyfriend tug him along to meet their friends.

It was a rather nostalgic party, Sam had to admit. It wasn’t just Dean who was saying goodbye to his friends, it was Sam too. And not everyone was as fortunate as he and Dean about their future.

Matt and Tess had a plan, a great one. They applied for jobs in Jacksonville, where Matt was from, in Denver – close to Tess’s hometown, and in Portland, because next to the other two; it was the only job they both agreed on that hired more than one applicants.

It was a pretty good plan, except it didn’t count with one thing, but the one thing was ruining everything for them.

They both landed a job, that much has worked out well for them. Matt got the one in Jacksonville, Tess the one in Portland. They couldn’t have been much further apart if they tried to. So now they were faced with a choice and Sam didn’t envy them their position in the slightest.

Julie on the other hand didn’t get any job, simply because she applied for none. She decided to take a long vacation to travel around Europe, get some experience as well as enjoy being free at last and she’d decide what to do when she got back.  _If_ she got back.

Jim surprised everyone when he announced that he was going to stay in the school a while longer, trying to get his PhD degree.

And Ben was very secretive about his future plans, but their friends pried out of him that he was going back home for the time being.

Sam looked at the group of friends and felt a twinge of sadness. They were so tight throughout their whole journey to their graduation and now they were just going to leave tomorrow and most likely never see each other again. He wondered if the same was going to happen to him and his friends after he’s finished with the school.

When Jess and Gary arrived, Sam left Dean to have a heartfelt goodbye and bought Jess a drink. They promised each other they wouldn’t lose touch even after college was over and it made Sam feel a little better.

Dean came to fetch him after some time, telling Sam that the mood was ruined for him by the sadness of leaving his friends and he told him he was going back to their room. But Sam could stay and come later.

Sam could understand that Dean felt like there wasn’t much to celebrate and neither he nor Dean wanted their last night ruined by the foul mood. And there was no way he would spend a minute without Dean when the boy was leaving the next day.

So they said their goodbyes one last time to their friends even though it was still quite early, each of them getting a hug. It was the longest and hardest goodbye Sam ever had to give. Even leaving his parents for college was easier, because he knew he’d see them in summer again.

The walk back was silent and Sam could tell it was getting to Dean that he might never see his closest friends again. He took Dean’s hand and squeezed it gently, letting his boyfriend know he was there for him. The senior gave him a grateful smile and squeezed back.

When the door behind them closed, Sam looked around and took in the room. It felt almost as though it wasn’t theirs. Dean’s stuff was missing from his desk, bed, even the closet, all stuffed into the bags by his now nearly ex-roommate’s bed.

“So this is really it, huh?” he said quietly. “You’re really leaving tomorrow.”

“No, you don’t get to do that,” Dean frowned. “I understand that Julie got all weepy and that even Ben and Jim were sad, because god knows when I’m gonna see them again. But you  _know_  I’m coming back to you.”

“I’ll still miss you!” Sam whined.

“But you’re acting as though I was gone already,” Dean complained. “While I’m very much still here. C’mon, let’s have a nice last night together. Not a sad one,” he said and pulled Sam closer.

“You’re the one who keeps calling it last night,” Sam mumbled.

“Stop it,” Dean warned him with a raised eyebrow.

“But-“

“Sam,” Dean said, giving him a pleading look.

“Okay, fine,” Sam resigned. “I’ll be sad later.”

Dean smiled. “You’ve got nothing to be sad about. I’ll text you every day,” he murmured leaning in and then pressed his lips against Sam’s in a soft kiss.

“You know,” Sam closed his eyes as Dean made his way down his neck. “Texas and Kansas are next to each other. We could see each other.”

“We sure could,” Dean smiled against his neck as he pulled the shirt out of Sam’s pants. “I could meet  _your_  parents, as well.”

Sam gulped. He hadn’t exactly told Dean that he didn’t come out to his own parents yet. But he was determined to and this was just motivating him even more.

“Yeah, you could. Or we could go on vacation, meet each other halfway,” he suggested.

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Dean nodded, pulling Sam’s shirt over his head and throwing it on the floor. “I’ll never get over how gorgeous you look naked,” he murmured, dragging his hands over Sam’s chest and drinking in the sight hungrily.

“I don’t want you to get over it,” Sam smiled shyly under the scrutiny. “I want you to stop and stare like this every time you see me undressed,” he murmured and worked the belt on Dean’s jeans open to get the senior’s shirt out as well, then he started unbuttoning it slowly.

“You’re so amazing, Sammy,” Dean looked at him with slight awe and a lot of lust and arousal. “How did I get so lucky?”

“Well, you nearly didn’t,” Sam smirked a bit, stepping closer into Dean’s personal space. Personal space that was half  _his_ now. “You and your stubborn head almost lost me, remember?”

“No,” Dean lied with an easy smile. “I guess it was such a terrible experience, my brain pushed it out of my memory so that I wouldn’t be scarred for life.”

“Such a smart brain you’ve got,” Sam chuckled and pushed Dean’s shirt down over his shoulders.

They kissed, deeply and thoroughly and Sam still got chills when Dean kissed him like that. So full of love, passion and it left Sam giddy, breathlessly and a little lightheaded when they pulled away for breath.

Sam tugged Dean’s pants down and as the older guy shrugged out of them, he took off his own as well.

Just in their underwear and tangled in each other, they fell on Dean’s bed. Sam was under Dean, letting his hands roam over Dean’s broad back. He loved how he could feel the muscles ripple under the soft skin.

Dean kissed his neck and Sam’s fingers wound up in the senior’s hair.

“Dean...” he moaned softly when he felt Dean’s hands caress his sides.

“I’m here,” Dean murmured and peppered Sam’s chest with soft kisses. “I’m right here, baby.” Then he proceeded to take Sam’s nipple into his mouth and suck at it, drawing more sounds out of Sam.

At first, Sam used to be very self-conscious about how sensitive and vocal he was during sex, but Dean assured him that he loved every bit of it and they’ve had plenty of sex since the first time, so now Sam wasn’t afraid to show just how much he’d enjoyed it anymore.

He melted into the mattress, his hips arching up as Dean moved lower between his legs to nip at Sam’s lower abdomen and remove his boxers. The freshman sighed with relief as his rock-hard cock was freed from the confining fabric of his underwear and strained against his stomach, hot and heavy and begging for attention.

“I love your cock,” Dean smiled, licking his lips. “It’s  _huge_. And gorgeous.”

Sam blushed. He might have gotten a little bolder in bed, but he was still pretty bad with taking compliments. Especially ones so  _blunt_.

“I love how lovely it looks, all red and swollen, just begging me to take it into my mouth, put my hand around it, do _something_  to release the pressure,” Dean purred, brushing his fingertips over the sensitive flash of Sam’s dick way too softly for the freshman’s liking.

“Dean,” Sam whined, nearly sobbing. The older boy’s way of talking dirty had always had that effect on him. And the senior had a way of using that to his advantage.

“What do you want, Sammy?” The senior cooed. “Tell me.”

“Anything,” Sam whispered intently, looking at Dean with lust-heavy eyes. “I just want you.”

“Alright, then, you get me,” Dean smiled and then held the base of Sam’s cock upright and wrapped his lips around the head.

Sam cried out as his already hard cock twitched, surrounded by Dean’s mouth. His hips buckled up, trying to get deeper in the delicious wet heat, but Dean was holding them down with a firm grip, forcing Sam to just lay there and take it at a pace dictated by his boyfriend.

Dean worked wonders on his cock, swirling his tongue around the head, then taking him in a bit deeper only to release Sam’s dick from his mouth completely to suck on his balls. Sam felt like he was tortured, but he liked every second of it.

Suddenly, Dean nudged at Sam’s thighs to get him to bend his knees and then helped him raise his hips up. Sam was only half-aware of his surroundings by now, too lost in the haze of the pleasure Dean created in his head, and he figured they were getting to the actual fucking part.

He nearly shrieked in shock when Dean licked a stripe over his hole.

“You like that, don’t you?” Dean murmured.

“Wow, I didn’t...that was...” Sam stuttered, caught off guard.

But Dean didn’t let him find the right words, as he put his mouth on him again and sucked on the soft flesh around Sam’s opening.

Sam had heard about being eaten out, of course he had, but he never imagined he would actually get to  _experience_ it. And god, it felt  _so good_! It should’ve feel dirty, disgusting even, but all Sam could think about was ‘ _More!_ ’.

Dean’s tongue was probing him in the most private places and each stroke of it against his skin; each suck of Dean’s mouth went straight to his groin.

“Dean, please!” he begged, when he couldn’t take it any longer. His dick was strained and weeping droplets of precome on Sam’s stomach and it felt like it was about to explode.

Dean pulled his nose out of Sam’s ass and grinned at him with mischief in his eyes.

“Please what, darling?” he asked innocently.

“You know what,” Sam whined.

“How could I if you won’t tell me,” Dean retorted, being the little shit he was.

Sam felt his cheeks flush again, but his desperation to move things along overcame his reluctance to talk dirty.

“I want you to fuck me already,” he mumbled, averting his eyes.

Dean moved up and put his hand on Sam’s cheek to get him to look at him.

“Good boy,” he said, grinning proudly and it made Sam smile.

Dean leaned down to kiss him as he slicked his hands with some lube and then pressed two fingers inside Sam. It burned a little, but it felt good.

“Look at you,” Dean murmured into Sam’s ear as he scissored him open. “Taking two fingers like it was just one. Soon, you won’t need no prep at all.”

“That’s not how it works, idiot,” Sam chuckled, but it soon turned into a loud moan as Dean crooked his fingers a bit and hit his prostate.

“And here I thought you couldn’t speak coherently anymore,” Dean chuckled and kissed his neck. “Must be doing something wrong, then.”

“N-no,” Sam groaned. “It’s perfect.  _You’re_  perfect. Keep going.”

“As you wish, your majesty,” Dean snickered, but added in another finger and fucked Sam hard with them.

The freshman dug his fingers into Dean’s shoulders and moaned shamelessly loud, momentarily not even aware that somebody could hear him.

It felt great, the stretch of Dean’s fingers moving inside him, hitting his sweet spot from time to time and Dean’s mouth toying with his nipples at first and then moving lower. All too soon, though, the fingers weren’t enough for Sam anymore.

“I’m ready,” he panted. “C’mon already,” he urged Dean.

“A little impatient, are we?” the senior chuckled, but obediently pulled his fingers out and started slicking his cock to be able to enter Sam smoothly.

“Impatient?” Sam scoffed. “You’re taking ages, man!”

Dean stopped getting himself ready and looked down at Sam with a raised eyebrow. “And insulting me is supposed to move things along?” he asked.

“Aww, don’t be like that,” Sam grinned and tugged at Dean’s elbow until the older boy bent down and then he wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and kissed his lips. “They were some very lovely ages,” he smiled. “But I’d like to get to the next level now. Pretty, pretty please,” he batted his eyelashes at Dean.

“You’re such a dork,” Dean rolled his eyes, smiling and Sam knew he’d won. He still wasn’t quite sure how he did it, but Dean seemed to be completely helpless when Sam asked him nicely for just about anything.

He pecked Sam’s lips again and then wriggled himself out of his arms to grab the base of his cock and position himself in front of Sam’s opening.

“Ready?” he asked and it was actually sweet, because it was  _obvious_  that Sam had been ready an hour ago, but Dean still asked for permission before actually penetrating him.

“Do I look like I’m not ready?” Sam looked at him pointedly.

“You’re such a sassy bitch,” Dean laughed. “I love it,” he assured Sam before the freshman could protest and then he finally pushed in.

Sam cried out in pleasure. It was perfect, Dean’s cock was thick and despite being worked so thoroughly, it still stretched him almost painfully at first. But it was a good kind of pain that had Sam’s toes curling.

Dean didn’t stop pushing until he was balls deep inside Sam and then he stilled, letting Sam breathe through it and adjust to having Dean’s cock up his ass.

Sam loved everything about having sex with Dean. Aside from Dean being really good at it, Sam just couldn’t seem to get enough. Even though they had sex every other night, Dean always managed to come up with something to surprise Sam and the freshman always loved the feeling of Dean connecting with him on the most intimate lever just as much as the first time they’ve done it.

Dean leaned down and kissed him and Sam let a meek sound, almost a whine out into the senior’s mouth. He was in Heaven.

When he felt like he could take more, he slowly moved his hips against Dean’s to let his boyfriend know that it was okay to move.

“Is that okay?” Dean asked as he picked up a slow, steady rhythm, fucking Sam gently. Too gently if you asked Sam.

“You’re going too soft,” he smiled. “Not gonna break.”

Sam knew well that the senior liked it faster and harder, but he was trying to be considerate of Sam. For which the younger of them two was immensely grateful, but he stopped needing to be handled with gloves long ago.

“I don’t wanna hurt you,” Dean almost pouted.

“I know, and I love you for it, but it’s really okay. I want you to go harder,” Sam smiled, caressing Dean’s stubble.

“Well, just remember, you asked for it,” Dean said and then hooked Sam’s knees over his shoulders in order to get deeper. Sam wanted to groan in pleasure, but he was silenced by Dean’s mouth on his and then the senior started pounding in him relentlessly.

The room filled with the sounds of flash slapping against flash and two sets of grunting and moaning.

Sam could feel Dean moving inside him just as well as he felt his boyfriend’s firm stomach brush over his strained cock that got caught between their bodies. Dean was everywhere; Sam could feel him, see him, smell him, hear him, even taste him – all his senses, his own soul was tuned into the boy above him.

“Please...” he begged softly, because his groin felt like it was about to burst.

“Please what, baby?” Dean grunted into his ear, always eager to please, always ready to put Sam first. The freshman had to learn to take the reigns from time to time to give Dean back some of the care he deserved, but right now, he needed Dean’s hand on his cock. ASAP.

“Need you to touch me,” Sam slurred, mind clouded with desire.

“I  _am_  touching you,” Dean laughed lightly. “All over, if you haven’t noticed.”

Sam would’ve punched his shoulder for being a little shit if his body wasn’t currently made of goo.

“You know what I mean,” he protested, instead.

“Tell me,” Dean raised his head to look into Sam’s eyes, his own dark green with lust and sparkling with mischief.

Sam looked at him defiantly at first, but then he realized that Dean held all the aces and Sam didn’t even have a pair of twos, so he gave in.

“I want you to put your hand on my dick and make me come,” he said, looking back at Dean and he felt a blush creep up his neck and cheeks. He just hoped he was flushed enough from the sex to cover it up.

Dean grinned down at him and kissed him again. He dragged his hand down Sam’s chest to his groin, where he wrapped his fingers around Sam’s shaft, causing the younger to moan into the kiss.

Dean’s fingers were warm, gentle and firm as he worked on Sam, bringing him closer and closer to his orgasm, while he was kissing Sam’s neck.

The freshman could feel a heat coil low in his belly and his whole body was tensing.

“Close...” he told Dean with a shaky voice in case his boyfriend hadn’t noticed. He dug his fingers into Dean’s shoulder blades, causing the senior to groan. Sam must have left some scratches, but he’d worry about that later.

“Close too,” Dean grunted into his ear. “Come with me, Sammy. Let go.”

“Oh, God I-“ Sam managed to say and then the first wave hit him and all he could do was just throw his head back, arch his hips and held onto Dean tightly as the heat of the orgasm burst through him and then left him in waves of aftershock.

Dean stopped working on his cock when Sam stopped coming and thrust into him a couple times more, then it was he who tensed and cried out as he came inside Sam.

That was the part Sam always hated later, when he had to wash both their seed out of all possible places, but right then, Sam was as happy as a guy could be. Dean was never much for a foreplay or afterplay kinda guy, but he was trying for Sam, so he was placing sloppy kisses all over Sam’s neck and jaw, making the taller giggle.

When the seed he spurted on his own stomach became cold and clammy, he tried to push Dean away, but the older wouldn’t budge. He kept stealing kisses and held Sam under him.

“C’mon, get out of me,” Sam laughed.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” Dean grinned against the skin on Sam’s neck.

Sam just glared at him half-heartedly and then rolled his eyes.

Dean laughed, but let go of Sam and pulled out before collapsing down on the bed.

“Be right back, gotta wash myself,” Sam said, smiling down at his fucked out boyfriend and he pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Uh huh,” Dean murmured and Sam could tell his eyes were already closing. He sighed and went into the bathroom to take a shower.

He thought Dean would be asleep by the time he returned, so he yelped and nearly jumped out of his skin when two arms wrapped around his waist from behind while he was rubbing the shower gel on his skin.

“Chill, ‘s just me,” Dean chuckled with a low, sleepy voice in his ear. “Were you expecting someone else?”

“I wasn’t expecting anyone. I thought you fell asleep already,” Sam chuckled and leaned back into Dean’s arms.

“I was going to,” Dean admitted. “But then I remembered I’m not gonna see you for quite a while and I didn’t wanna waste the time we had sleeping.”

Sam’s mood dropped instantly. He knew he and Dean weren’t going to say goodbye forever and that summer wasn’t even going to be that long, but still...

“I’ll miss you,” he sighed and turned around to face Dean, putting his arms around Dean’s neck.

“Oh, Sammy,” Dean sighed and it was half scolding and half comforting. “I’m going to miss you too. But it’ll be short, I promise. And we’ll see each other, right? So it’ll be even shorter.”

“I know, I just...I got used to you being around,” Sam looked down, but Dean’s hand cupping his chin made him look back up. “There’s gonna be some stranger living in my room instead of you when I get back. It’s weird to even think about it.”

“Then don’t,” Dean said, as if it was that simple. “Right now, it’s just you and me and the summer ahead of us.”

“But-“

“Don’t,” Dean shook his head.

“You don’t-“

“Sammy,” he raised his eyebrow, until Sam succumbed.

“Alright,” Sam deflated with defeat. “Just you and me and summer.”

Dean smiled and then kissed him and Sam’s conscious mind flew out of the window. He just kissed back, sliding his lips over Dean’s back and forth and all he could focus on was how much he loved the guy that held him in his arms and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

“I love you,” he whispered, when they pulled away for breath and just rested their foreheads against each other.

“I know,” Dean smiled softly. “You’ve said that already.”

“Wanted to tell you again,” Sam shrugged.

Dean didn’t say anything, just picked up the shower gel and lathered Sam up, then carefully washed it away. Instead of protesting that Dean was babying him, Sam just closed his eyes and let the other take care of him.

When they were done with their shower, they stumbled into the bedroom and fell asleep almost as soon as they hit Dean’s bed, wrapped in each other and despite their nearest future, Sam felt as though he couldn’t be any happier.

-xXx-

Dean woke up before Sam the next morning. That must have been the first time that happened. There have been many firsts in Dean’s life nowadays.

He was gently cradling his fingers through Sam’s hair, as his boyfriend was still asleep, his head resting on Dean’s chest.

His boyfriend. That was new as well. Dean had been so sure that after Mark, he would never love someone again. That he could never trust someone with his heart again. Until Sam came along and changed everything Dean had thought he knew about love.

Sam would often tell the people that asked them how they met that Dean saved him. They’d admit that it wasn’t exactly a love at first sight, but Sam insisted Dean saved him. He never elaborated on from what exactly and Dean didn’t ask. He knew better.

Yes, he did help Sam. He helped him a lot and he was aware of that. But it was his roommate who did the saving. Dean couldn’t remember ever feeling happier than now, that he got Sam.

Not only did his Sasquatch of a boyfriend managed to melt the ice around Dean’s heart that was supposed to protect him, but all it did was isolate him. He was the reason Dean stood up to Mark in the first place. The senior was positive that he’d never muster enough courage to do that if it weren’t for Sam. Despite Mark’s threats, they’d never heard of him again.

Sam stirred and blinked his eyes open. He looked absolutely gorgeous like this. Dean figured he might wake up first in the future more often just to see the freshman looking cute like that.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Sam smiled.

“My beautiful boyfriend,” Dean smiled back. Predictably, Sam’s cheeks burned red, which made him look even more adorable.

Sam hid his face in the pillow.

“C’mon, sleeping beauty, we gotta get up,” Dean nudged him.

“Don’t want to,” Sam mumbled.

“Well, too bad,” Dean rolled his eyes and flung his legs over the mattress to get up.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Sam stopped him by wrapping his fingers around Dean’s wrist.

Dean sighed. He didn’t want to leave either, but Sam made it sound as though Dean was never coming back, which wasn’t helping.

“Sam, c’mon. Be a big boy about this. I’m leaving and I’m coming back, nothing to worry about,” he repeated for the hundredth time.

“You make it sound as though you can’t wait to go, though,” Sam pouted, but got up as well.

“I am kinda looking forward to being home again,” Dean shrugged. “I  _will_  miss you, but come on. It won’t really be long till I’m back here for good.”

Sam was remained grumpy, but he got up and they took their turns in the bathroom, while the other put on some clothes. Sam even helped him with his bags.

Dean was actually disappointed when they got to his parents’ car. He’d hoped his step-dad would’ve driven the sweet Chevy Impala that Dean admired so much. It had to be the single most valuable possession Bobby owned and Dean wanted to see Sam’s face when he saw it.

“Where’s Baby?” he asked when they loaded his bags into the truck of his mom’s pick-up, which –admittedly – was more adapt to contain all of Dean’s luggage.

Bobby chuckled when Ellen rolled her eyes. Dean’s mother never really understood the need her husband and son felt to call the car ‘Baby’. She’d scold them when they’d refer to it as a she at first, but then she just gave up.

“Baby?” Sam asked, confused.

“Bobby has the sweetest ride,” Dean explained. “But for whatever reason he’s hiding it from the world.”

“’M not hidin’ anything,” Bobby grumbled. “I just left her at the car shop to fix her up a little bit.”

“Is she alright?” Dean frowned.

“She?” Sam asked with obvious confusion. “Are we still talking about the car or...?”

“Oh, don’t let them get started,” Ellen shook her head. “Just go with it.”

“Just a routine check-up, don’t worry,” Bobby smiled a little. “I figured I should pass her onto you in a good shape.”

Dean was speech less.

“Pass her onto me as in...?” he  _really_ didn’t wanna get his hopes up for nothing.

“She’s your graduation present.”

Dean had never been happier to have Bobby in his life than just then. The time when his step-father threatened his ex with a shotgun came really close, but right now Dean loved him on a lever that he couldn’t even describe.

He’d always gotten along well with Bobby. Sure, at first, he was rather cautious and wasn’t sure what to think about the gruff, bearded man his mother had brought home one day. But when he realized that it was her who was pursuing the relationship more than him, he felt rather bad for the guy and decided to give him a chance. Turned out it wasn’t a wrong choice.

After Dean’s dad had lost his job, he developed a depression tendency and a dangerous  love to alcohol. It was emotionally extremely wracking for everyone involved, but Ellen had to cut John out of both her and her son’s lives. After that experience, Dean figured he should be a bit more protective of her, but Ellen Harvelle could take care of herself, proving that by choosing Bobby, a man who’d never hurt a fly, despite knowing how to give the exact opposite impression.

John eventually figured his life out, straightened up and even found himself a new wife and he reached out to Dean, trying to reconnect with his son. He even made peace with Ellen and met Bobby, approving of his ex-wife’s choice – not that she ever asked for the approval. Dean loved his father despite his flaws, but he never regretted his parents’ divorce. They were both happier now and he was glad for that.

And now, he was thanking Heavens all over again for arranging the meeting between his mother and Bobby. The Chevy Impala that was waiting back in Kansas – that was going to be  _his_  – was more than he could ever wish for.

He launched himself at Bobby and crushed his old ribs in a hug.

“Get off me, idjit,” Bobby growled, even though he put his arms around Dean as well. “Y’know I’m not one to hug it out.”

Dean’s response was to tighten the hug even more, until the old man stopped protesting.

He pulled away and turned to Sam. His boyfriend couldn’t possibly phantom what getting the Impala meant to Dean, but he was still grinning excitedly, probably because he saw how thrilled Dean got over the news.

“Did you hear that, Sammy?” Dean chimed. “I’m getting a car! That means I can drive and visit you even more often in the summer!”

“That’s true!” Sam’s face brightened even more. “I guess I got a graduation present as well!”

Ellen laughed at that and Dean was positive then, that she’d taken a liking to Sam.

“Alright,” she said then. “Time to say goodbye, we gotta go. It’s a long ride and I hate looking for a parking spot when it’s dark.”

Dean looked around the parking lot, looking back at the building of his school. Those four years he’d spent there, he’d been looking forward to getting out. And now that he’d graduated, he realized he’d miss the place.

He spotted Ben with his parents a couple cars away and they nodded at each other, but Dean didn’t walk over to say anything more than had already been said last night. He had all his friends’ numbers and they would stay in touch. Hopefully, they’d see each other again. He was really sad when he’d heard about the problem Tess and Matt were facing, but there wasn’t much he could do. Only cross fingers and wish the best for his friends.

Finally, his gaze fell upon Sam. The freshman – soon to be sophomore – was smiling at him, but his eyes were sad. Dean could understand that, they  _were_  saying goodbye after all, and they both were used to waking up next to each other for the last couple of weeks. Waking up apart would need some getting used to. But they’d be back together soon enough.

Dean pulled Sam close for one last kiss. He could hear his parents moving away and getting into the car. He thrust his tongue inside Sam’s mouth, mapping it out and trying to remember the taste of his boyfriend, the way his tongue and lips felt against Dean’s and the sweet sounds he made when Dean slid his hands over Sam’s ass and gave it a little squeeze.

Even with Sam, Dean felt like everything was said and done and if they lingered too long, the goodbye would be harder and harder. There was just one thing left to say.

“I love you, too,” Dean whispered into Sam’s ear before pulling away.

He smiled when he watched Sam’s mouth form a surprised ‘O’ and then his face lit up so brightly, it could outshine the sun. Then the younger boy flung into his arms and held him in a bone-crushing hug.

The honk of their car made them break apart finally and Dean opened the door.

“I’ll text you when we arrive. And we’ll set up the visits. It’ll be short, you’ll see,” he said to convince them both.

“I know. Have a good ride. Bye,” Sam smiled wryly.

Dean got into the car before he’d change his mind.

“Can we go?” Bobby asked, keeping his eyes trained on the road ahead. His mother on the other hand was watching him with intent eyes.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded and turned around to wave at Sam until he was too far away.

He sighed and turned around. A weird kind of sadness settled in his stomach, as if he was homesick. He felt his pocket vibrate and fished out his phone. There was a text from Sam.

_Miss you already._

_I miss you too._

Dean replied and put the phone away with a smile on his face. He looked out of the window at the trees and lamps and other cars passing by. Yes, he was on a road that took him further away from Sam, fortunately only temporarily, but more importantly, he was entering a new phase of his life and he was going towards a better future. A future that included a job, a new home and on top of everything – Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, this is it.  
> Over one year, 515 days to be exact, 13 chapters and over 87 000 words later, here we are, at the end of the story. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate every comment, bookmark and kudos you’ve given me and I’m very thankful for all your patience with me. I can only hope you’ll find it worthwhile. You can expect more of me in the future, but I dare not say how ‘soon’ :D  
> Last but not least, a mega thank you to my beta Tracey, who made all my stories readable for you guys.  
> It’s been an excellent journey, thank you all.  
> -Lalinka


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